Husband Can't Soothe 6 Week Old - Mom Has No Break - Any Ideas?

Sounds like my daughter did the same thing. We found out that she liked hearing the heart beat. Husband was a good one. She would lay on his chest and was soon sound asleep. Hope that this works for you. It did for us. Good Luck

Sometimes my husband did better than me (unless I was nursing) because of a DVD they have at the Houston libraries called "Happiest Baby on the Block". Lot's of tricks. I recommend you and your husband checking it out.

My husband and I went through a similar experience with our 2nd child. We discovered that for our son the issue was with my scent. He was so use to it that that is what he perferred. So my husband quit wearing his cologne around the baby and then he tried my perfume (lol). It worked though. To work away from that we stopped wearing perfumes and colognes all together and I just made sure all of our clothes smelled the same by using laundry detergent and softner. I don't know if this will work with your little one, but it might be worth a try.

This same thing happened with both my children. The only way I could get a decent night sleep is to do the co-sleeping. My oldest slept with us until she was starting kindergarten, while she was small, the entire night and then we started carrying her to her room once she fell asleep and then eventually got her to go to sleep in her own room. My youngest now 4 still sleeps with us. But I know it's only for a short time. They are both momma girls and I did all the things you are trying, I only wish I had found this site when they were small. There are some great suggestions. My husband, felt horrible that he couldn't soothe them, now they are becoming "Daddy girls". But they still want me when they are sick or hurt. I know this isn't much help, but just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one and for your hubby the baby will grow to love him, just hang in there!

K.-- Interestingly enough, I had that problem with my second baby, not my first. I was bottle-feeding, so I assumed that was why my first baby was content with his daddy as well, but then my second son (who was also bottle-fed) ALWAYS wanted Mommy. He's still that way to this day, and he's fifteen months old. He doesn't even want my mom or my aunt to hold him-- he cries and reaches out for me. He's very excited to see his daddy when he gets home from work, and is happy with Daddy until he sees me-- and then he lurches forward and reaches out for me. Both boys are with me all day long, so I'm wondering if maybe it's just a personality difference that makes my baby so attached. I must admit, I love it, though! :) The only way I've ever been able to work around it is to be out of his sight, because when he sees me, he wants me. My family thinks it's hilarious, because if I leave the room, he'll finally settle down while being held by my mom or sister until he sees me again, and then he pitches an absolute fit until I take him back. :) I don't know how you feel about this, but maybe slowly add some bottle-feedings that your husband can give her? That may also help her with her adjustment to other caregivers. I've also heard that you can't be around when the dad is giving a bottle, because the baby can smell your milk and will prefer you and the boobie! :) Good luck! By the way, I had my boys at 35 and 37, so I know how it feels to be an older mom! I think it might be a little tougher physically, but I feel like I'm way more mature and patient than I was in my twenties, so maybe it's good that it happened later. Enjoy your sweet new baby, and I hope you can get some rest!

My husband made it his job to be the "better" swaddle wrapper. He enjoyed knowing that belonged to him. My son loved being soothed this way as well. Also it made my husband feel important to do the diaper changes and then hand the baby to me for feedings. ALL HOURS! My husband felt he was doing me a favor (and it was) and it let him feel he was providing for our son. It breaks our hearts as Moms to think that someone else can provide anything for our child except us, especially when nursing. Because you provide nurishment for life....But it is important to help others, especially Dad, to feel that they too are important to nurturing this tiny life. Start with little things, set him up for success. If you don't expect baby to "respond" to him than he is being booby trapped (no pun intended). Help them bond and give him confidence in his ability to parent.

Good luck!

Hi K.,
Congratulations you have a baby girl and she is probably a smart one based on what you have told us. I just went through this with my daughter and granddaughter. I arrived when the baby was two weeks old. She was used to only Mommy as Daddy was away. My daughter was exhausted and handed the baby off to me every moment she could so that the baby would get used to a different person holding her. Newborn babies can’t see all that well but they have an acute sense of smell. I made sure that whatever was closest to the baby was something that already smelled like Mommy. Then I would rock her in my arms or hold her up on my chest making sure there was a cloth or blanket that had the “mommy smell” on it. At first our baby girl fussed at me BUT she soon learned that I would always give her back to Mommy when she needed to feed at the breast. My daughter didn’t pump her milk. Over the weeks I was there the baby learned to enjoy our grandma time. In a short time she actually liked being with me when she was already fed. I would sing and rock her to sleep. My daughter commented that I could get her into a deeper sleep than she could. Another tip I will share is that the baby slept with Mommy, but in the morning our little girl liked to greet the dawn. She wasn’t that interested in feeding but liked to listen to the morning unfolding. I would take the baby out of the bed and change her diaper so that her mother could sleep a bit longer. My daughter only got another 30 or 40 minutes more rest but she said it was such a blessing. I would distract the baby for as long as I could and then take her back to Mommy for that first daylight feeding. Then the baby and mom would sleep for about 2 hours more. When they both woke up I would make breakfast for Mommy and me. Our little girl liked being held by her Uncle. She knew the difference between men and women too. It was fun watching respond to the deeper voice and the firmer body. She loved being held by Uncle as long as she was already fed. Uncle had 4 kids of his own so he was relaxed even when she was crying. Your baby just needs to be held by her Daddy more (after she is fed). You will both learn to listen to your baby and she will tell you when she is wet, hungry, in pain (gas bubble) or just tired. God Bless! Relax and have FUN - it does get better. The changes unfold day by day so enjoy each phase.

I have 4 kids. All of them a little older. Believe it or not you will miss this time. I co-slept with each one when they were tiny. I wanted sleep and a happy baby. It does not last forever and we had no problem transitioning them to their own beds. We still co-sleep through fevers and nightmares. Also your baby is very young and you both could enjoy a few days of lying in bed in your pajamas wathcing tv or reading a good book nap when baby naps eat prepared foods. Breast feeding is worth it.

Have fun.

I can tell you one thing that will definately help:
Sleep with your baby!
She won't wake up as often, and you won't have to get out of bed to help her back to sleep.
When you are more rested everything else will be easier.

Don't have any advice as we never figured it out. I nursed so my son only wanted M.. My husband was horrible with him too. Could never sooth him, and after about a minute he would put him in his swing, drove me nuts. As he got older, especially now, guess who he prefers? Daddy. He'll even cry if I take him from his dad. My husband is real great with him now, its not such a guessing game, if he is sad, wants something, needs something, is angry we usually know what it is even if he can't talk. He is 13 months. I was exhausted since I was the only one to get up with him, I learned to nurse while laying down so I could doze, and as tired as I was then I miss it now, they grow fast.

I think this happens to most new Dads. While I was still nursing our children my husband would always get up during night time feedings and bring the baby to me in our bed, he did the changing and put the baby back in the crib. Also most every night he bathed our children to get that one on one time with them. Until it is time to stop nursing it is really hard for Dads to be a huge "need" for this young of an infant, he really has to create that "need" with the baby. His time will really be needed when you're weening and he can feed the bottles every night or most of the bottles if you start on a weekend he is off to help you. If you are going to work I strongly recommend getting your daughter on bottles during the day before you start. It is really hard for some babies and caregivers to take care of an infant that is breastfed 100% right before they start daycare.
Good luck, I hope this helps.
M James
Mommy of 2 (9 and 4)
daycare provider and Pre-school teacher for 10 years

unfortunately my son was like that for a loong time. it got better over the year but it wasn't until after his first bday that they truly bonded and didn't need me around. now he's two and when he gets hurt he still just wants me, but he gets SO excited when dad comes home so now my husband gets to be a "real" dad. just tell him to hang in there! :)

I could have written your post after my 2nd son was born. I remember that my husband used to think our son hated him because whatever my husband did just seemed to upset the baby more. He too nearly broke down in frustration. But all you can do is encourage him and do not let him give up. It will take time and experience on his part, but it will get better. Then around 8 weeks the baby stopped crying so much, gradually, and now he has the sunniest disposition.
On a side note, one hour plus of crying will not harm an infant, so if that's the only way you can get some sleep right now, try not to feel too guilty. (I mean while your husband is with her, not alone in her crib) ;) I remember walking around with my 2nd son while he just cried and cried for 2 hours at a time, daily, and not having any clue what was wrong. Looking back, I think it may have been a texture thing, because as a toddler he would scream like we were murdering him if the seam at the toe of his sock was misaligned in his shoe! And he is still picky about wearing clothes that feel "right".
Let me please add that you are very lucky to have such a husband... not all men would try this hard with such a young baby. Now my children are 5 and 7 and I think part of the reason they are so great is because they have such a great daddy.
Sorry this got so long but I really identified with your post! Hope that helps,
A.

First of all I want to say that your daughter sounds totally normal!!! This is very typical of 6 week olds. And I hate to say it, but the more inept hubby feels, the more she will feel that. SHe will sense his lack of confidence. This is something that I still have a hard time with, but I'm going to say it to you just like everyone says it to me: babies cry. It's their way of communicating. It does not mean he is doing something wrong, so let him know that! So it sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job.

It is also very normal for a 6 week old to still be getting up that often to feed at night, especially a breastfed infant. Don't let anyone tell you she is old enough to sleep through the night. That is hogwash. She still needs nourishment through the night. And comfort! And that's ok, too!

For tips, though, I have to recommend the book The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp (there is a DVD, too, which is sometimes MUCH easier when it comes to time with newborns!). In a nutshell, though, he recommends the 5 S's, 5 ways to turn on the "calming reflex," as he calls it. This man is a genius! The 5 S's are:
1. swadddle (my second child stayed swaddled at night until she was 6 months old because it helped her sleep so well! I just unswaddled her to change diapers!);
2. side/stomach position (for this he means as a calming position, not sleeping. He shows putting babies on their sides in his arms to calm them, and it works so well! I still use this position to help my almost 13 month old to get to sleep!);
3. shushing (a strong, 5 second "shush" in baby's ear can help, as it reminds them of the swooshing sounds of the womb, and that is very comforting);
4. swinging (both in the actual swing, which your baby is old enough for now, I would think, depending on her head control, and you and hubby swinging her back and forth in your arms while supporting her head and neck, with a tiny little jiggle motion to her head between the hands. This is best done after watching him, to see how it is done, and to see how well it works. Again, this reminds them of their movement in the womb);
5. and finally, sucking (this is of course breastfeeding and/or pacifier after breastfeeding is well established). It is perfectly ok for breastfeeding to be a soother at this point.

As a breastfeeding mom, you really are so much for baby. You are more than nourishment; you are comfort, better comfort than anyone. Eventually your daughter will be comforted by others as well, but it's ok if you are the main soother. Definitely nap as she naps!

Dr. Karp also advocates a "4th trimester" for the baby's first 3 or so months. He says that babies are still getting used to life outside the womb, so it really is ok to do whatever works!

I would definitely recommend you and your husband watch this DVD together. If you don't feel like buying it (though it is a wonderful resource!) check your local library for it. The book is wonderful, too (and I would recommend his Happiest Toddler on the Block for later!), but with the DVD you get to watch Dr. Karp demonstrate his techniques.

I would STRONGLY recommend you NOT read the book Babywise. I am not responding to anyone's suggestion (I decided to respond before reading anyone else's responses), but I know it is often recommended. I personally don't believe in "baby training," as these are little humans and not puppies. I think it is an awful book, and has been cited by many breastfeeding advocates as being DETRIMENTAL to the breastfeeding relationship. Don't let anyone tell you your baby needs to be on a strict schedule or be sleeping through the night right now! Follow your baby's cues for a happier family!

I also am not a fan of The Baby Whisperer Tracey Hogg (i think that is her name). She is very on the fence about things, I think in an effort to remain moderate and acceptable to the masses, but her Toddler Whisperer reveals (IMO) that she is NOT very supportive of breastfeeding, in fact saying that toddlers that still breastfeed (and by that she means 1 year olds even) are only doing so because the mom can not allow the baby to grow up. WHAT?!?! I strongly disagree, and feel that if that is the way she feels about breastfeeding then she is by far not an advocate!

All in all, it sounds like you are doing a great job, mama, and dad will too, soon! Dr. Karp can help you, I promise! His methods are by no means "training," but a gentle replication of life in the womb, which is all your baby really knows at this point. Think about it: She has spent 9 whole months (or 10, if you want to think about it that way!) in the most supportive, calming environment known to man, and just 6 little weeks trying to get used to our very loud, very bright, not very comforting world! By attempting to replicate some womb-like atmosphere, you can help her get used to "our world" and soothe her so well. Good luck, mama, and feel free to message me if you ever need to talk or ask questions!

I was sleep deprived with both my boys. I breastfeed for 23& 22 1/2 months. I never got more than 1 1/2 sleep at a time. Try to nap and see if your husband can rock the baby while you nap between 8- 10pm. This seemed to give me energy to make it with my 1st. I tried everything except crying it out. I just couldn't stomach it. When we weaned they started sleeping 4-6 hours at a time, waking for a little water and then going back to sleep. Each child is different, some babies are just easier than others.
:)
A.

You should try wearing your husband's tshirt during the day so it gets your scent, like that when he is holding her, he smells like you. You may want to also try one of those swadling slings for your husband. Just keep trying!

I think is very nice and sweet of your husband to really try! that in itself is a big star for him!

Assure him that with time it will get better and as advice, there is a DVD that you can get at the store A woman's Work in Rice Village (I saw it there just last week but sure you can find it somewhere else) called The Happiest baby on the Block. The advices in that DVD REALLY WORK! and it won't make a difference between mom or dad.

My husband and I saw that DVD in a class, we did everything it says with our first baby and it really worked wonders!

Good luck!
M.

Hi K.,,,
sometimes its just the way a man holds the baby hes nerves and the baby sensnces this he needs to just relax and hold her sercurly and let is love for her come out not the fear or anixty and all will be great
good luck L.

My husband also could not soothe our 2 girls. I think this is common when you breast feed. They didn't want the breastmilk out of the bottle.

But, he gave them "airplane" rides around the room. I did not do this...it became a Daddy thing. He tried to do more silly and play activities with them, this seemed to work. He also read to them(yes even at 6 weeks). Even if he has to read standing up(we had to do this with my youngest), the soothing voice of their Daddy calmed them. They didn't want to hear him sing(and he can sing), but speaking to them was acceptable and calming.

He was able to do diaper changes though. And as they have gotten older they have preferences on what they like each of us to do. At night, during our routine, they prefer Daddy brushing their teeth and Mommy taking them potty.

He will find his nitch. Tell him not to give up.

you mentioned that you only give her a bottle every couple of days. I would suggest pumping a bottle more often and both you and daddy give her bottles . breast feed her some of the time, but not all of the time, so that she will be used to the bottle, even sometimes when mommy feeds her! Have dad give her a bottle every day when he gets home, at her next feeding! And sometime during the day or even in the middle of the night you give her a bottle in stead of the breast. That should make her comfortable with both parents and with the bottle as well as the breast. Best of luck!

Greetings
From a Dad's point of view...

I used to have this problem with my son at that age.

Few things I used to do:
Put him in the bath for some play time.
Wrap him up very tight and put him to sleep between Mom & Dad.
Run the vacuum cleaner.
Put him on the washing machine while it's running.
Put a speaker (PC speaker) under a pillow and play music at a very low volume.

Good luck and I hope you and your husband gets some much needed rest.

Cheers

Hi K.,
I'm stumped at the frequency of feeding time. It just doesn't seem right, maybe she isn't satisfied with the breast milk alone. I would call her Dr office and ask his nurse about this, maybe get some suggestions from her/him.
There could be numerous factors with your husband. my daughter used to cry every time my bestfriend came within range of her, yes when she was this young. It was her perfume. This could be a possibility, his deo, soap, anything that he uses that you don't share.
Good Luck,
M.

Hi K.-

It will definitely get better as your daughter gets older. In the meantime, make sure when your daughter is happy she is spending as much time alone with Daddy as possible to help them bond.

Good Luck!
K.

Hi K.,
Yep it is the hardest job in the world! I had a lot of trouble getting my first baby to sleep. He had a lot of pain in his gut and I did not know it. He cried a lot for a long period and wanted to be fed a lot as it soothed the pain. Co- sleeping is great. The child is always happier when in bed with mommy. Try a wedge to raise up the head as well. Do go to the doctor and tell the doctor everything. If you are not happy then keep trying to find out what it is. Usually after 6-8 weeks they start to settle, but it is going to be quite a while before you are not tired. New borns are very hard work.
Good luck and congratulations.

My son-in-law had the same problem.He was over anxious about caring for his daughter. Have your husband spend time with your daughter when she is awake and content during the day when you are in are close by. Maybe to allow you to take a nap. Your daughter can sense any anxiety that your husband is feeling about her care. In time he will get the hang of taking care of your daughter. It takes time. Remember your daughter is accustomed to the sound of your voice, the smell and taste of your body. You were connected for 9 months. It will take time and lots of patience.
Babies don't come with owners manuals!!! It would be so much easier if they did.
Everything will be fine and sleep does come.
Hope all goes the way you planned.
J.
Mom of 2 + 3 stepkids
Grandmom of 11

I remember when my husband tried to feed our son a bottle full of breastmilk. Uh, my husband was sweating bullets with a cranky infant who refused it. My husband did cry because he wanted so badly to feed him. Well, he finally asked me to feed him. Since the breastmilk was already in the bottle, I tried to give him the bottle, he refused. My oldest son never took a bottle or paci. But my husband felt better seeing the issue was not him.

Is baby and daddy time private or are you there? If you are there, leave. Give them time alone for 2-3 hours. This is long enough that if she gets cranky, he has to tend to her. It is also not so long to interupt her feeding schedule.

If you worry that others cannot soothe your child, then the likelihood is that they wont because you may not be giving them the chance. I say this in retrospect, I had the same issues.

I remember believing that no one could do better for my child than me. And though I am a good mom and an important part of their life, other people are quite competant and gifted in caring for my child(ren).

M.

My husband bonded with both of our children as infants at bath time. I set every thing up for him, the baby tub etc and he would bathe them and talk to them. They loved it, the eye contact and what not. This worked for him b/c bath time was more of a "rowdy", fun time and he does that well.

When mine were teeny tiny and breastfed they wanted Mommy comfort--which can be hard and exhausting at 2 am. But they really bonded with Daddy at play time and to this day they love playing with their Dad. But he didn't have much success with the night time soothing either. And it will get easier as she gets bigger and sleeps through the night. Hang in there!

Try not to worry. Daddy can just keep trying, but I would work more on it during the day. At 2am it is probably much easier for him to become frustrated.

My daughter was like that. When mama is around, that is who she wants. When I am gone, daddy and others are just fine. Your daughter knew you were there that night, and that might have added to the crying with daddy.

Just try to keep encouraging him. He and your daughter have to figure each other out, and it make take a little time.

Hi K.,

Hang in there! There's nothing more frustrating than being exhausted w/ a newborn and feeling like no one else can help. I have been there! Sounds like you have a wonderful husband who is willing to help anyway he can. Mine was the same. My only suggestion is (you could possibly be doing it already) have the same routine everytime she wakes to eat. i.e. change her, swaddle her, feed her.
My husband and I switched off during the night, but I was also pumping breastmilk into the bottle, so the babies were bottle-fed by us both. I have witnessed breastfed babies who refuse to take a bottle. Maybe this is the case with yours. Have you tried bottle feeding her yourself, maybe it isn't your husband but the bottle she isn't wanting. I know feeding a bottle is a far cry from the comfort and contact that breastfeeding gives the infant.
As for the fatigue, sleep whenever the baby does! The housework and everything else will still be there. Maybe that is an area where your husband can help to free you up from feeling guilty about not getting things done. Just my thoughts.
Best of luck and God Bless,

A.

First of all, I think your hubby is awesome for wanting to help you out and he's a champ for hanging in there for an hour and a half!!!

The best thing I learned was to nurse lying down... I didn't totally get the hang of it and feel super comfortable with it until my son was about 6 weeks old and he was a bit chunkier and more in control of his head.

Since your husband did a great job the first night, I think if he continues to take over a feeding, your baby will adjust. Just remember, your baby is probably confused by this new "routine" but she will adjusted.

I somewhat had this same problem as I was going back to work full-time and my husband works from home part of the day to care for our son... at first, it was very difficult for him to feed and soothe but like your husband, he stuck it out. Now, the kid is a total daddy's boy!

Good luck and tell your husband he's awesome!!!

Dear K.,
Babies that little still have issues. It drove me to tears many and occassion! On my side, I had a husband that didn't want to even be involved (until the baby was 2 and fun), so you have something great going for you.
There are a couple things you can try. With my first one, he wouldn't sleep without me holding him...EVER!! Yes, you have been there too. I would nurse him and hold him all day in the same sweaty, milky shirt, then, at night, take it off and use my shirt as a bassinet sheet. While he slept, the scent kept him asleep, even if it was only for a little while longer!
Since daddy DOES want to be involved, what I might suggest is that daddy sleep all night in his work shirt (if that is possible, maybe not if he's a mechanic!) and then while he is at work, you wear daddy's shirt during the day with baby. This will get her used to daddy's smell and maybe she will start to associate his smell to "soothing". Yes, I know it sounds like working with puppies, but it REALLY DOES WORK!! Keep this up for a week or so then try using his/your shirt that you have been wearing each day as a sheet in the crib/bassinet. Hopefully, when dad gets up in the middle of the night, your little sweety will smell what she is used to (comfort!) and settle down with him.
Also, no perfumes or aftershaves if you can help it, or, if he does, share it so you don't both smell so different. Babies don't have great vision at 6 weeks so they do use scent a lot and tend to feel comfort with what they are use to. Also, tell daddy any secrets... Do you sing her a special song durring the day? do you talk to her or tell her stories? I would sing different songs to my son, tell him stories about anything, just the sound of my voice was soothing to him. Have daddy talk to her often as he can and tell her anything, stories, about his day, whatever. This will help her recognize her daddy faster as family and not just some guy who shows up at 3 am. without the REAL milk!

Also, dare I say it, CO-SLEEPING!! I know that to some it is a bad word. I was NOT ALLOWED to co-sleep with my son and paid the price for it for the first year. I had to just learn to deal with it, use the t-shirt tricks and such. With my second one, I CO-SLEPT for the first 3 months. She slept GREAT, I slept GREAT and at 3 months, she transitioned to the crib without any problems and slept a full 8 hours a night, wven while breast feeding! Co-sleeping is a great way to bond with baby for both you and daddy because you are both right there (just keep baby between you two). They also have little hard sided co-sleeper mats for baby so she will be protected at night from rollovers. A lot of people are afraid to co sleep because they "might" roll over on the baby, but you just don't. The first night is kind of akward, but when sleep hits you it's just great! Baby nurses when hungry and you can fall back asleep without fear of dropping her, she can just finish eating and go back to sleep herself! It gives baby a great sense of security and comfort too that she can depend on BOTH of you.

Hang in there sweety, believe it or not, big sleep changes happen around 8 weeks. But, do not get discouraged, as sleep changes with go back and forth throughout her first two years!
8 weeks (finally sleeping longer. Sometimes through the night)
4 months (usually a growth spurt and hungrier than ever)
7 months (teething, solids, growth spurts, sitting, crawling)
9 months (seperation anxiety (yeah), teething)
12 months ( seperation anxiety, active dreaming good or bad)
1.5 years (deciding they don't want naps anymore, NOT!!)
2 years (typical toddler stuff, just name it)
Its a freak of nature, but these are about the times that thing get off track (but get quickly back into the swing of things in a week or so, so expect it!)

Good luck

Being a new mommy & daddy is tough. It's hard to figure out what baby needs. I remember crying myself because my daughter would cry for long periods of time for no reason at all, despite all my best efforts. One thing my husband did was laying on the couch and letting my daughter fall asleep on his chest. She loved this bonding time with her daddy. You could try to encourage your husband to hold her and let her fall asleep like that in the evenings after work. Babies love skin to skin contact, so maybe have him put her on his bare chest with her in a diaper. (more like breast feeding). Also, make sure the room you are using in the middle of the night is very dark. Have him turn out all the lights after feeding/diapering. Try soothing music or singing - any song he knows will do - it doesn't have to be a lullaby - my daughter was fascinated with daddy's singing voice. Tell him to hang in there - it's tough to know why she is crying sometimes. And you need to sleep when she sleeps! Don't feel guilty for taking those naps during the day - they will help you through the night. I know you don't want to think about formula when you are doing so well with breastmilk, but I know my daughter slept longer in the nighttime after I gave her formula at night. I had to pump all the time because she had some latching problems and I used formula at night and she slept 6 hours at a time! She is super healthy, even though I felt bad giving her formula at the time. So, the best advice I can give is to let your husband spend as much time with her as he can - the relationship will come. Good luck! Also, Dr. Sears website has some great advice about "nighttime parenting". askdrsears.com

Get the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD and watch it with your husband. All of Dr. Karp's techniques really worked for our little boy at that age. Once your husband uses some of the "tricks" and they work, he'll be more confident in his abilities!

Good luck!

My husband had a similar problem with our first child and I know plenty of moms who were in the same boat. My hubby also wanted to be helpful and your recount of hubby doing a feeding at night and coming to get you 1 1/2 hours later made me smile as I remember the same. First, remember your child is 6 weeks old, this is really the hardest time as she is going through a growth spurt and I remember neither of mine di much but eat and cry at this point and both wanted mommy. When you get to around 8 weeks it will ease up and when she calms she will become more amenable to her dad.

For advice, I agree with leaving for awhile during the day to let your husband figure out what he cna do to calm the baby. What worked for me did not work for my husband, he needed to find his own way. In general, the first still prefers the mom for the first year (especially if nursing) but as they get more active they will find more to do with Dad. Let him keep active in the "happy" times now. Also, my hubby would ALWAYS burp when he was around post-nursing and in fact HE could get the job done much better than I could. But like I said, around 2 months when they aren't eating as much and are sleeping more they are generally happy and will let others care for them more. Hold in there!

K.,

I think it is truly wonderful that both parents are trying to tag team!!! Babies are wonderful, and so full of mystery! My guess would be that your husband, ( who sounds absolutly wonderful!)is really trying hard, and the baby senses when he is worried or concerned when he is unable to settle her down!! He is trying so hard to give you a little down time, and to bond with her, we can all stress ourselves out over this(myself included!) Little people can be hard to please, and figure out from one minute to the next!

Perhaps try and give them some space where he can be even more hands on, like feeding her and soothing her(I sense he already does a lot!) Shower some praise and thanks for what he does do! I know when I am spoken to with praise and thanks it gives me a boost!

Congratulations to both of you, and you both are doing a really great job! Keep up the great work! You are going to make a wonderful family!

I agree he is a great help to allow you time to sleep and the baby will warm to his brand of comfort in time. You might try hold a piece of his clothing (with his smell) while you are comforting her and have dad hold a piece of your clothing while he is soothing her so she associates both of you with comfort. Also, if she likes bathing have him do this with lots of eye contact and cooing.

Be grateful YOU can soothe her! I couldn't soothe my first daughter at all, and that was REALLY horrible. My second one was like your first, in the she wanted only me. While I felt bad for others at times, and it was exhausting not getting a break, it was wonderful being the all powerful mother.

Just know nothing stays the same. It's always changing. It's perfectly natural for the baby to take a little longer attaching herself to the father. But, maybe next week, he'll be able to soothe her. Don't let him give up!

What helped me alot, and its not for everyone, is I breast fed in bed at night. After the initial four hour break (or whatever we got!) the baby came from the bassinet and spooned and ate on and off all night. And I slept!

Good luck and congrats! I had my first baby at 38 and it makes you really appreciate babies and life and everything!

Best wishes,
K.
mother of two beautiful girls, Miranda and Sabrina (now almost 2 and 4)

K.,

You've already got some great advice. My own experience was that we worked as a team to care for our baby at night. I would nurse the baby and then hand the baby over to him so he could burp and change the baby. Then he would swaddle them and he was great at it! Then he would hold or rock the baby to sleep while we talked quietly. Hearing our voices and being on his chest was very soothing. This bedtime routine worked very well. It also helps the baby to feel secure because it's the same routine each night. If for some reason my hubby wasn't available(out-of-town for work)I would do the same routine without him. Another benefit is that you're not nursing the baby to sleep, which can be a mistake down the road. Good luck to you and your sweet husband; it sounds like he's going to be a terrific dad! And don't worry it gets easier and you will sleep like a normal person again.

J., mom of four super kids(ages: 11, 8, 5, and 2)

It will get better! Sounds like she has colic. I went through that with both of my kids. Have you tried the Mylicon drops for gas? They really were a life saver. When you go back to your Pediatrician mention this to him/her. The drops really work though. The colic stopped at about 9 weeks for my kids. Good luck and I hope you can get some sleep soon!

I found that my hubby wasn't really comfortable with caring for the baby until she was more interactive. Give it a few more weeks with nursing and it will get better. Just get through the first two months and it will get a little easier. Just praise your husband for trying. To them, it looks like a piece of cake when we do it, then they can't do the same thing. Hang in there!

I don't know how much advice I've got for you but I can share in pretty much the exact same predicament my husband and I are in right now. It's quite uncanny how similar our experiences are!!We have an almost 7 week old boy who is going through most of the same issues that you and your family are undertaking right now. I've been the one at home all day feeding, nurturing, and responding to our son. I'm the one with most of the little tricks up my sleeve or just basic awareness of what cry he's crying or what to do to get him to stop. My husband will be staying at home with my son in a few weeks when I go back to work and he is terrified of it because he feels he can't "do what I do" all day. He feeds him and burps him but when it comes to swaddling or soothing or laying him down to sleep he is scared and not too good at it.

Practice makes perfect. Most moms are the ones who, at least at first, are pretty much the sole caretakers of the little ones. We know what works and what doesn't cause we are at home all damn day trying it out!! Plus I think the little ones can sense uncomfortability. If we aren't comfortable with something then they aren't and cannot be soothed as easily. I've gotten my husband now singing, quietly talking, and feeling more comfortable with our son. All the things I do he does so our son recognizes him and his touch more. It's still a little different, and I think it will be for awhile until your daughter can really understand that Dad is just as good as Mom. But for now, I'd make sure he is as vocally interactive with her as possible and tell him to relax. He's doing an awesome job. The more he does the better it'll feel for all of you.

And I think good thoughts for you to get more sleep at night. Hopefully soon we shall both know what it is like to sleep for 6 hours straight!!! Good luck!!

When we had problems soothing our little one (she was in ICU for RSV when she was this age), I was at the end of my ropes too. A very smart nurse told me to get a wet wash rag, put it in the microwave for a minute, wrap another semi-thick towel around it and place it on your belly. Make sure the heat is coming through, but not to where it could burn her. Lay the baby's belly on top of this, making sure she has clothes on. She may need some "heat comfort". Hold her like this for at least 10-15 minutes.

Another thing that helped our crying child, is to sing quietly into her ear. It sounded strange, but when the baby has to strain to hear you, she ends up stopping the crying. Don't worry about having a singing voice or not, because the child can't tell that! :-) best wishes

Have him try to sing to and sway back and forth with her in his arms with his bare chest. My husband used to do this when the babies had bad gas and they loved it. She might like to feel his skin to be closer to him. You should try to go out on a weekend when he's home and let him just deal with her. She will bond better with him when she can't smell your presence. Maybe he could even take her on an outing to a park in her stroller and tell her about what she sees there.

Good luck!
C.

God bless your husband for trying to soothe your baby girl!!!! What a great daddy!

You're really close to her being able to sleep for longer periods - so please have faith that this is going to get better!!!!!

My second daughter had some of the same problems. She was very easy-going as long as Mommy was holding her. For the first four months, she pretty much only slept if she was cuddled up on me. So, I spent a lot of time with her in a sling during the day :).

But, we did find some ways around this so that Daddy could help, which included:

Using a swing or aquarium bouncer to keep her sleeping/entertained.
Daddy learning the 'Happiest Baby on the Block' technique (I got a great demonstration at a free baby calming seminar at Special Addition in Austin)
Taking her outside.
Daddy, Grandma, or someone else just trying to take care of everything else so that I could sleep during her naps for a while.

This really will get better as she gets older. Somewhere in the next two months she will learn to settle herself down to sleep a little bit -- and that really will help. I think 6 weeks is the first peak of sleeplessness, and things really do get better from there.

Hope it works out!

Well this is an old trick my family told me and it worked a little.We got one of my shirts that had my smells all over it and had him wear it and that helped at times.(You can wear one of his shirts that can be used as well).Show him how you nurse the baby so he can hold her the same way. It does take time for all babieds to attach to anyone but mommy,but belief me it will happen and she will get better as she is older.

Also you can try one of those bottles that looks like the booby(onestepahead.com) too.It could be the nipple on the bottle if she is fighting it.They have several different types you just need to look around.
I can say this works but it didnt work long for us.Both of my children did it week at most and then it was just booby all the way.

Dont worry about it though you and your husband will find what works for you, and you are both could parents because you are asking for help and loving her is the best thing.

Keep trying and Good Luck.

I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is...everything sounds exactly normal for a 6 week old. The bad news is that once you thing you've got it all figured out, your baby will switch things up just to keep your life exciting.

Breast milk digests very quickly, so a 2-4 hour feeding interval is not unusual and you shouldn't be pressured to supplement with formula for that reason alone. My daughter nursed every 2 hours during the day and 4 hours at night for 9 months. Guidelines are just that...guides. Every baby has different needs. If she seems excessively gassy, something you are eating could be the culprit. Dairy was our offender and I just cut it out of my diet for a few months until her system was a little more mature.

It sounds like she is already in her own room. You might want to consider moving her closer--attach a co-sleeper to your bed on your husband's side. He can have some close time to her and can pass her over easily if she needs to nurse. If you can respond to her before she is in a full-on wail getting her back down could be easier.

I have had great success with co-sleeping. We got so good at night-nursing that I only knew it happened because my breast would still be out when I woke up in the morning.

Another way to promote bonding with your husband is to use your daugther's sense of smell. Infants have a highly developed sense of smeel, or so I've read. Have him sleep in a soft cotton t-shirt and you can use it the next day for swaddling or cover. That way, when you are holding her close, she gets a sense of both of you.

It is a tough time for you. You need to make sure you are taking your chances to sleep during the day--taking care of yourself and your baby is your number one job right now. Your husband needs his rest to provide for your family. When you are back at work, then you can both suffer through the nights together. Yeah, I know, it sounds a little harsh but you DO have a chance to sleep during the day. Your little one will figure out night and day very soon and life will take on a whole new rhythm.

Try some sort of baby carrier for use by both you and your husband. Your daughter will likely be soothed by the familiarity of the sensation despite who is holding her--and it keeps your hands free. I loved my Moby Wrap and used it for her first year.

K., this too shall pass. Before you know it your little one will be running all over the place. Hold her close every minute that you can now and she'll always come back to you.

You have a lot of great advice...but of course I want to put my two cents in...

My DH (dear husband) went "on duty" at 6pm until midnight (my husband's usual bedtime)...he would feed and sooth and sit at the computer and web surf while our son dosed on daddy's chest or in his swing. I got six hours of sleep (glorious sleep).

Some nights our son never could be soothed or napped...and my DH was so grateful he got to go to work the next day.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Your doing everything right. Tell him not to worrie that when she gets older she will want him more. Thats exactly what has happened with our son. When he was little up till about five months! The time does fly and were sleeping threw ( most of the time ) but I for sure get at least five hours at a time. Dont worry and tell him to be patient she has gotten use to you nine months before she ever even saw her daddy. But soon enough she will be daddys little girl. Congrats on the new baby! Many blessings.

It sounds like he may be a little anxious when he is trying to sooth her. My husband didn't even meet our son until he was almost 6 months old! He was deployed to Iraq when I had him. I was at home with my parents while he was deployed so I had my mom there to help me. Mom was usually the one who could calm him down better than I could because I would get anxious and stressed out after awhile. Then here she would come and 10 minutes later he would be out like a light. That use to make me so mad! That he is trying to hard is awsome! If he is tense or upset when he is trying to soothe her then she is going to pick up on that and won't be soothed! He has to find a way to stay mentally calm. It is really hard to do but is the only way it is going to work with him.

We had a similar problem. The only thing that worked was me just leaving the house for a little bit. They really need the chance to figure each other out without my interference. It took a few times, but eventually my husband figured out what worked for him. Now they are very close (she is 6 months) and she is equally happy with her Daddy as she is with me. I know you're breast feeding, but maybe you could pump more and he could give her a bottle during the day?

Hi----I know this may not sound like great advice, but I have found that sometimes men have higher energy even when they don't feel like they do....and that can be overstimulating your baby. In other words, it's not him!
In time the baby will respond to other people besides you and be soothed. Just don't give up! they don't stay this little forever and then you are going to wonder what happened to the baby content to sleep on your chest. (cliched, but true)
Good luck, hang in there and ask for help when you need to sleep!

Hey K.,
My daughter was the same way when we first brought her home she usually only wanted mommy. When my hubby took care of her she would be ok sometimes and then other times she cry like crazy till i got a hold of her.The when she got older she started to become a daddys girl. She got to where she didnt want me sometimes. Its just a phase she is going through. Just hang tough and you all will get through this. If u need to talk just write me.

Jennia

Hi K.!!
I swear this looks just like a letter I would have written about 11 months ago!! I too am a first time mommy at 38years old and my baby girl went thru the same thing! First of all, feeding her (especially breast milk) she will need to be fed every 2.5-3 hours!! That is normal for a baby so young. The breastmilk seems to go thru them faster than formula. That doesn't mean give in to formula if you want to breastfeed. I did too till she was 8 months then she didn't want it anymore. What I found helped my hubbie and I was a video called "The Happiest Baby on the Block". My friend loaned it to us and I swear it was a life saver!!!! If there is anyway you can get your hands on that video it will make life easier for you and your hubbie. It teaches both of you techniques to soothe the baby. This is a very tiring, exhausting part of motherhood but it does get better. I remember being perpetually exhausted for the first couple of months and felt like I was losing my mind I was so tired. The video helped us tremendously. I wish you the best and hang in there. It DOES get better!!!!!
B.

Do you have a rocking chair? It's wonderful to rock the baby. Hove him sing or hum some of the songs you sing to her. Even talking to her in a soothing tone helps. It sounds like you would like to stay home with your baby. If that;s the case e-mail me at ____@____.com and I'll help you with that need.

I feel your pain. I know it is hard now, but in order for you to be a mommy that is not so tired, daddy is going to have to learn the ropes. Learn how to soothe his own daughter. This helps you out and keeps the both of you a team! He will get the hang of it. An hour of sleep helps, but you need more. This has the potential to carry over when the baby gets older, only now the baby is a screaming toddler, or an unruly teen. It is best to communicate and establish this now so there will be no problems or resentment later on. I hope I do not sound harsh, but a woman who just gave birth, a baby that can get pretty fussy, and a daddy that cannot soothe the baby for more than an hour is the makings for a disaster down the line. Best of luck to you.

Has he ever tried skin to skin contact? I know that helped my hubby with our 2 month old. Another thing he could do is to have you wear a swaddling blanket close to your skin during the day to get your scent. Then at night wrap the baby up in that so that she can smell you but at the same time be held by daddy. One day the roles will be reversed. Your daughter will want nothing to do with you and will only want daddy. That happened to my now 14 year old when he was a baby. What a shock that was to me. Your baby loves you and daddy because you keep her safe and love her unconditionally. I hope that you and daddy find a way to get through this.

Updated

Has he ever tried skin to skin contact? I know that helped my hubby with our 2 month old. Another thing he could do is to have you wear a swaddling blanket close to your skin during the day to get your scent. Then at night wrap the baby up in that so that she can smell you but at the same time be held by daddy. One day the roles will be reversed. Your daughter will want nothing to do with you and will only want daddy. That happened to my now 14 year old when he was a baby. What a shock that was to me. Your baby loves you and daddy because you keep her safe and love her unconditionally. I hope that you and daddy find a way to get through this.

Knowing how to communicate with your baby will help in soothing your baby and knowing what she wants. Your husband can play <a target="_new" rel="follow" href="http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/new-from-thecoupl... games</a> that will allow him to learn about the communication techniques that babies use before they can speak. Knowing how to interpret these cues might help in calming her down.

Oh yeah, it is so normal. Plus your baby can smell your breastmilk and was in your for so long. It is not so much that your hubby can't soothe her, it is just that she has been in the world a really short time and has a very small frame of reference to work with. With time, she will open up and let Dad and others soothe her, don't worry :) My husband and I would sit on the couch together when my son was in a good place and just take turns holding and playing with him, that is a great place to start. My mother-in-law told me that when her little ones were nursing, she would feed and then my father-in-law would burp and rock to sleep. We never did it that way, but since your husband really wants to help, he might like the idea. Best wishes and BIG congratulations on your new little one!!