My husband started the Medifast diet this week. It is a 5 and 1 diet. You eat their food 5 times a day and a lean meat and salad or vegetables one meal per day. He had a tough Monday, did exceptionally well yesterday and today, well, today is a totally other story. Let me start by saying he isn’t a good dieter. His only vice is food and he loves to eat. This love is the reason he needs to lose about 100 lbs. The weight recently has started to affect his blood sugar and other items. He has had problems with his shoulders and knees for about the past year. He has gained 80 lbs in the last 5 years.
My son told me that he came home at 130 today (works until 320 pm) and went to bed with instruction not to wake him. When I talked to him he said that he had eaten everything he is allowed except his dinner. I am at my witts end. I am supporting him the best way I know how, but how else can I do it. I don't want to walk on eggshells for the next 2 weeks and tell the kids they can't talk above a whisper for fear of his grumpies until his system regulates. I love him and he is amazing but I have a hard time encouraging him when he is grumping at everyone. This is a life change for him in the way that he eats and from the morals that his parents instilled in him (you never leave any food on your plate or anyone else’s because children are starving in the world). Even though he needs to do it, I am not sure he really wants to do it. I think the final straw for him to do something was my comment about being a young widow with young children. I have asked him to do some little things around the house to keep him busy and to help me with the remodeling of a bedroom, but he can’t get into the ‘swing’ of doing that or finding a place for us to camp in June since the camp ground we wanted to go to is full.
What are some other ways that I can support him without being a food police or overbearing? I really want him to succeed so he will be here for a very long time with me raising our family.
***EDIT: I need to add, after hearing how bad a person I am and what a nag I am, that I do not nag nor manipulate. I typically don’t mention his weight and if I see he needs clothes that fit better, I make sure he has them. (Maybe I am more an enabler?) He does the diet 2 – 3 times per year. I love him more than anything and the widow comment came out of a discussion that he and I had after his last physical where the dr. told him to his health was deteriorating due to his weight. I was being honest with him, as I always am and that is a very big fear of mine. I don’t make fun of him and the weight loss is totally his idea. We do eat healthily and I keep everything in the house for him that coincides with his diets, but I cannot make him eat it or to only eat just a small portion. To him it is all or nothing. I am not a food police either and I will not sit there and tell him that he shouldn’t be eating that entire bag of chips because #1 it would do no good and #2 I normally am not there when he does it. My husband eats to celebrate, when he is happy, when he is sad, when he is bored, when he is frustrated…(get the picture). My older kids lost their bio dad last year. They don’t want to lose my husband. He is trying harder this time than others and I am very proud of that. Also, I had one dr. recommend this diet to him and another approve. I have talked to the kids and they understand that daddy can’t eat the foods that we are eating and they understand. My oldest has stated helping me with dinner and dishes so my husband isn’t around the temptations. I am not a monster for wanting my husband to be healthy. I am a loving and supportive wife who just wants him with me forever. He is my bestest friend and I can’t see a life without him.
Well, we are on week 2 and he is still struggling, which I totally expect. His depression has worsened and he is trying to cope the best he can because he really wants to do this. I am supporting him by celebrating his victory (11lbs last week) and helping him with the pitfalls (he fell off the diet wagon), letting him know that it happens and he needs to say "crap!" and start all over again. It will happen and he needs not be sorry to me but to himself and he needs to learn to forgive himself. Me and the boys have changed our eating habits and when I cook we have a meat and 2 vegetables instead of rice or pasta. When he eats his medifast dinners, I try and model them so we are eating the same thing.
Thanks for all the encouraging responses and sorry that I came across as manipulative and guilt driven with my post to those of you who pointed that out to me.
I hope you have a GREAT today and a better tomorrow!
I'm sorry I don't know what a Medifast diet is. Is he being monitored by a doctor? If his sugar levels are rising and falling drastically this not good for the body. To loose that much weight you really should be monitored by a doctor.
He NEEDS to see a Nutritionist.
So that, his eating/foods is suited just for him and his conditions, and per his current weight etc.
His Doctor, should be referring him to one.
Do not do, 'fad' diets.
He should also be exercising. Even if that is only walking up and down the street.
Ultimately, HE has to decide, to do this for himself.
My late Dad had high blood pressure, Diabetes, heart problems etc. All the nagging in the world will not 'make' them, do it. THEY have to choose to do it, too.
Or he can join a Community Support Group. This can also be helpful. Then they meet other people who have the same health issues as them. Try to find one or ask the Hospitals etc.
S H is right on. Someone severely overweight needs to see a dietician who can give a sound food plan and motivation. It would help if he were in a group for support and accountability.
He needs to find a fitness professional that will give him a good, healthy exercise program that will not injure him. People who are 80 - 100 lbs overweight do not do the same things at a gym or on their own that a fit person does.
Diets do NOT work! Making healthy lifestyle changes that you can live with make the difference. A dietician can provide this support. A book or a fad diet cannot. Fad diets lead to yo-yo weight changes which can be dangerous.
If leaving him alone, and keeping the kids away from him for two weeks, will help this diet be a success, that seems like a small sacrifice towards your husband's health. This is a huge change for his body, maybe even too big a change (did his doctor recommend this diet?) and I would think he needs time to adjust without any extra demands put on him to be pleasant or normal.
my husband was recently in the ER for unexplained swelling in his leg. The doctors went over everything and in the end it's his weight, so I can really feel your pain. We have a 4 month old and older kids as well and the thought that his health is really at risk terrified me. I basically told him the same thing you told your husband. All I can say is do your part by not buying junk food, and not eating it, or complaining. My husband last night was like "what kind of ice cream do you want" aka he wanted to go buy icecream, and as much as i would have loved some (my weakness) i said i wasn't hungry and would rather he stayed home and watched a movie with me than running to the store. It was just a little thing but it meant he didn't have ice cream at 10pm without ever mentioning his diet or weight. i also "forget" to mention when we are out of pop ect. and haven't made it to the store "cause it's to cold to take the baby out" lol. So we are forced to go without the junk and use up the produce and meat that I always buy and normally throw a large amount of away.
1. Has he tried something like weight watchers--you can do it on line.
2. Can he take the kids out for walks -- some kind of exercise will boost his endorphins and help him feel better -- it doesn't have to be some kind of regimented program -- just walking -- even strolling -- anything to get moving rather than going to bed. Why doesn't the whole family go for a walk--even in the rain -- put on your raincoats and boots --be sure there's no lightning.
3. Keep crisp chopped veggies like carrots, celery, cauliflower, cucumbers--anything that the family likes in the raw vegetable family, chopped, in ice water in the fridge so you all can have something ready to munch on whenever anyone gets a hunger attack.
4. Make and freeze in portions, nice vegetable soups and broths made with defatted meat or chicken stock to eat as 'snacks' when he or anyone in the family gets hungry. Have a cooking day once a week to get food the week ready and available instantly,
4. I don't know what the Mediifast diet is, but something that some people have been successful with is eating anything that isn't 'white' or processed food -- so you can eat all the veggies, fruits and meats prepared with tiny amounts of fat that you want -- no frying or breading. No bread, rice or processed food of any kind. The idea is to find a new way to eat for the rest of your life, not just during a short period of extreme deprivation--no one can live on an extreme diet indefinitely and as soon as you stop you regain all the weight you lost + more -- it's called yo yoing and is not healthy.
4. Get all junk foods, chips, candies, prepared foods out of your house. You and the kids don't need to eat this stuff either. If it's not around, none of you are tempted to eat it. Decide that the only 'white' thing you'll have is popcorn. Pop your own popcorn and cut up apples at night for snacks in front of the TV for the whole family -- not just Dad.
5. The South Beach diet and weight watchers diets and Pritikin diets are designed for LIFE LONG life style changes. There are others. But you need to think in terms of changing your life and the way you eat as a family and exercise together as a family. This requires lots more cooking and shopping frequently for fresh fruits and veggies. Teach your children how to cook healthy--it's the greatest lifelong gift you can give them. Have the children participate in making meals --- they love to chop and help when you are all working together making preparing good healthy foods a fun family activity instead of a chore,
I think some of the ladies are being too hard on you. Being a young widow and having to raise the children on your own is obviously a very real concern for you. I understand your fear. He helped you bring these children into the world and there is a possibility that he may check out early, leaving you on your own. So, his weight is affecting the whole family.
You obviously love your husband and you want him to stick around. Perhaps he needed that little shock to get him motivated to take better care of himself. You may have given him the kick in the pants he needed. You may have saved his life.
This new diet is going to be a huge change for him. If you want him to stick with it, make sure that you give him lots of support and encouragement. Don't police his food intake, because he may resent your interference.
There will be setbacks. Let him make mistakes and be there to support him when he needs it. The first few weeks will be tough. If you need to tiptoe around him for a few weeks, do it. Families support each other in times of distress.
Hang in there and encourage him to do the same. He'll start to see results and start feeling better soon, then things will get easier.
It would really hurt my feelings if my husband came to me and told me he wanted me to lose weight. I would probably become depressed, and that's no joke. I already am hard enough on myself about my weight. I bet your husband feels the exact same way.
Lay off. You are not his mother, you are his wife, his partner, his supporter. You can change your life and maybe he will follow. Take all the bad food out of the house. Only healthy vegetables and fruits, whole grains, low fat meats. Take walks, walk the dog (or the kids!), go on hikes, bike rides, swim. Invite him to join you. Don't say that you are trying to lose weight or work out. Just say you want to spend time with him.
It sounds like you may be a bit more frustrated with him then just his weight. You seem to think him lazy (since he is not remodeling) and a procrastinator (since he didn't get a camp ground for you). That may just be making the weight issue bigger than it really is. Or magnifying everything wrong that he is doing.
Weight is a touchy subject. Your husband will not lose weight (and keep it off) until HE wants to do it. Doesn't matter what you want. Losing weight is so hard. It's not instant (like a haircut) and it's an every day thing. You ALWAYS are watching what you eat and making sure that you are exercising. SOmeone that hasn't had to lose a significant amount of weight doesn't understand how big the mountain looks. I do. It is hard and makes you want to cry...even when you WANT to lise the weight!
Good luck to your husband L.
I'm not sure what I really need to answer with this post. What caught my eye was Medifast. This diet at the beginning can be very difficult, but you need to give it a few weeks. Grumpiness will occur!! If he's having headaches (not mentioned), he's allowed to drink a Powerade Zero to replenish the electrolytes/sodium and this will ease the headaches and body/leg cramps (all common). There are also allowable snacks if he's unable to make it the full 2-3 hours between meals. For example, the celery sticks or the dill pickle spears. He also can talk to his health coach for any other tips to help him get into the groove. This is a very effective program for weight loss and most people have reduced or eliminated their need for certain medications. As far as what you can do to help, try to eat what he needs to eat as much as possible. If he's having the oatmeal, you could have regular oatmeal. At dinner time, he's having his "protein" and vegetables so that's easy to accomodate for the entire family. Eventually, he'll be able to add in the starches and carbs and this will make it easier for everyone to eat the same meal. Just know that right now, if you like to endulge in pizza on a Friday night, it's torture.
Maybe it's as simple as being face to face with him and just saying, "I love you very much. What can I do to be more supportive with your lifestyle change?"
It sounds like you are just transitioning to this new area in life, just like him. It is going to be hard for everyone at first. Continue to have good "snacks" in the house and make sure there aren't tempatations. It is a good idea for the whole family to eat healthy foods - it teaches good practices to your children for the future. What might help is for you to start exercising with him. Maybe the whole family. Take a walk/bike ride around your neighborhood. Go hiking in a park. Join a fitness center and go together. Try to be as positive as you can about exercise and food. Going on a "diet" or just changing your way of eating is hard. You miss those fatty "yummy" foods, but healthy options can taste good too. He will fall off the wagon on some days and that is ok, just encourage him to get back on track asap.
Remember that he has a food addiction - and you can't go "cold turkey". We need food to survive so it is very hard for a food addict. He can do it, but he will need your support and there will be days he will be a BEAR! Just remember that he is changing something he has done his entire life and can't just stop it. That is really hard - I feel for him! It is great he is taking this opportunity to make a change and for your children to see how important it is to always be healthy. Just be there for him like you are for other things...none of us are perfect so don't expect him to be on his journey. It will get better with time and if this specific plan doesn't work, try to just eat healthy foods and see where that goes. Just dont give up and keep exercising with him - it will result in faster weight loss which will be encouraging and make him want to continue. Good luck with things! Oh, and one more thing...have him drink lots of water (atleast 6 8oz glasses) - it helps with weight loss as well...lots of calories in juices and soda!
I agree with Laura, and I wonder how much he really wants this.
If you think he does want it, and he's just adjusting - that's one thing and I would be willing to walk on egg shells for a bit. But if this is due mostly to pressure from you then I would back off of the whole thing.
I also wonder if he wouldn't do better with a more moderate regime that incorporates cardiovascular and weight training exercise.
It is important for his health but he has to want it.
Good luck.
OK with love I say, why should the children and you have to tip toe around Dad because he is eating himself to DEATH. There would be plenty of time to be silent and sad if he drops dead from a heart attack due to obesity.
I do agree with the poster that said quit with the diet. Start the whole family on a healthy diet with plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables and lean meats. Cut down on starch and dairy. More water and juice.
One day a week, go a little crazy and let him have a couple of beers or some ice cream.
Blessings....
I did the "I'm going to be a widow anytime now" thing and it doesn't work.
I gave up on mine and things went south FAST when he developed Type 2 diabetes. The doctor told him to lose weight but all those medications (7) he was on didn't help.
Fast forward five years later and he need gastric by-pass surgery. It's a loooong process to be approved by the insurance but he had it done and he's lost the weight and is off ALL his medications. It's nothing short of a miracle but I HIGHLY recommend NOT going that route if possible.
I now sleep at night knowing he's healthier and has a second chance at having a long life with his family!
He should still be able to snack on healthy, small portions. Hungry? grab a handful of almonds and raisins, or cottage cheese and pineapple, celery sticks with low fat peanut butter, low sodium tortilla chips and homemade salsa, hummus and whole wheat crackers for dipping, lots of fruit and veggies, tuna... Diets don't usually work... especially if he isn't getting in any cardio. Also, change the food the whole family eats so he doesn't feel left out in the heating healthy department. Get rid of sugary snacks and packaged foods.
I would also advise he talk to a nutritionist and join a gym, even if it's just the ymca. We go 2-3 nights a week and it is helping us greatly.
And I have to disagree with the below Laura poster... this isn't about you whining to him about his weight or being unattractive.. .it's about his health. My fil is in the same boat and my mil is totally depressed b/c he's already had 3 stints and open heart surgery and he still isn't taking care of himself.
