How to Wean 18Mo from Night Nursing? Help!

night time weaning for us means dad gets up with baby for a week. Rock them back to sleep. If they didn't transfer well back into the crib, we let them cry a bit. No one wants to cause their baby "stress" but at some point you need to reclaim a reasonable amount of sleep. Night time weaning is no cake walk, and we did a modified CIO. One thing I am certain of with all three of my kids is that they are still well adjusted and attached. It wasn't the end of the world, cruel and unusual, to stop offering the breast at night for a 12 mo + baby. Have you ever seen a baby through a fit because you took a toy away? Did they react like the world was coming to an end? And were they fine afterwards? Kind of the same with night time weaning. Your kids emotions will be just fine.

I would just add that the issue is not just that you are exhausted, but that your child is as well. She absolutely needs uninterrupted sleep for her own development. It's really critical. She needs to learn to self-soothe, and that has not happened. So going in and out with picture books, snuggle times and other drinks and so on isn't helping that - it's turning her natural awakenings into events instead of things where she should, like all of us, roll over and go back to sleep.

A child should not need any nourishment at all during the night after the 6-8 month milestone. They will not starve. They will make up for it during the day.

So I would say to research this a bit, take suggestions from this board, talk to your pediatrician, and then, with your husband, find an approach you believe in and can stick to. Don't try 3 or 4 different things - that won't work. And as clever as your child is, there's a limit to how much the day-time prep and explanations will work at night or anytime she's in need or in crisis or in the midst of emotions. There needs to be very little interaction at night, practically no conversation, nothing to encourage her to continue to wake up. Remember that she is exhausted from not sleeping through the night yet in her young life, so logic and explanations aren't going to work. She needs to develop a new habit (sleeping, and going back to sleep without an adult), and that takes a while. Stick with it.

After the first couple of months night feedings become a thing of comfort rather then necessity. At 18 months it is a learned behavior and must then be unlearned, and of course we all know how hard a bad habit can be to break. You will have to stay firm, and not give in. Let him have a sippy cup of water if he wants, but he will simply have to learn new ways to comfort. If you start and then cave in he will learn that if he just cries hard enough or refuses sleep long enough he can manipulate you into getting what he wants, and that will make it take even longer for you to break his bad habit, so once you start you really need to stay consistent. Best of luck!

Does she sleep in your room/bed? If she does sleep somewhere else and let Dad handle nights. There is no stress free way to break this habit.

This is just my experience, but there will be crying, and stress for your little one. She is letting go of a habit she doesn't want to break, after all. I would give her extra love and cuddles during the day to help.

We don't do CIO methods that involve leaving your child alone to cry, but when weaning my son at night, I let Daddy take over all nighttime duties and be the comforter to my son's crying. He wasn't alone, there was a person there who loved him, but it couldn't be me or he would be that much more frustrated because he couldn't nurse.

This is how it went for us: We did tell him beforehand that his "ne ne" would be going to sleep and would see him in the morning. At first he would wake up and want to nurse, and my husband would rock him and talk softly to him and offer a sippy instead. He cried, quite a bit at first (maybe 30 minutes or more) and then less and less each time. It was very difficult for me to hear but I knew his Daddy was comforting him. He began to wake less and after 3 or 4 nights before he began to sleep through the night.

Hope that helps and good luck! Mommies need sleep to be sane, patient, and happy!

ETA: BTW, I continued to put him to sleep the first time at night by nursing, then handed off to daddy. I would nurse in the morning as well, but only if he asked for it (would you believe there were many times he didn't, after all that nighttime fussing?)

I think you will both be better off not nursing at night. You poor thing - three times per night?! You need some quality sleep, sister! And your little one needs uninterrupted sleep, too.

If it were me, I would approach this from the standpoint that nursing is providing her with additional nutrition at this point. It shouldn't really be about comfort so much anymore, because she is old enough to learn to self-soothe in other ways. Maybe with a lovey of some sort? Or with a bottle of water, if she's thirsty? Maybe she will reconsider the pacifier? (Not sure you want to go down that path at this late date, but it's not so hard to get rid of later, so it's a thought.)

Anyway, so I'd re-structure your daily pattern so it's eat-play-sleep, not play-eat-sleep. In other words, stop nursing her to sleep. Nurse her for nutrition, but not to put her to sleep. She has come to believe that you are the only person who can help her sleep, and she needs to come to the realization that she has the ability to put herself to sleep. At this age, it might be a little bit traumatic for her to come to that realization, but I think you just kind of need to do it, for both your sakes. Maybe at night you could nurse her before her bath. Then bath time, then read a story to her, and then put her in her crib, calm but awake. Let her try to sleep on her own. If she fusses, let her fuss for a little bit (5 minutes - watch the clock). Go in quietly, put your hand on her back, say, "Shh, shh, shh" until she's calm (do NOT pick her up or talk to her), and then leave again. Repeat the process until she's asleep. It will SUCK the first couple of nights. Truly. And if she wakes up at night, offer her a bottle of water, do the shh-shh-shh thing (or better yet, have your husband do it)... just re-train her that the middle of the night is not the time she will be nursing. She doesn't need a meal then. You could even tell her about it during the day in advance, if you think she will understand.

Good luck. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. :)

The parents of my now nearly 2 granddaughter often gave her baby Tylenol and/or ibuprofen when she is cutting teeth or when she is sick. They also use itty bitty tablets and gel rubbed on her gums. They're naturpathic. She's been sleeping through the night for nearly a year. Most nights too when cutting teeth. Have you given these to reduce her pain or have you relied on nursing?

I,too, suggest you've "trained" her to rely on nursing or she's trained you. Smile You will have a more difficult time transitioning her to sleeping through the night. I suggest a form of crying it out. Start with letting her fuss for 5 or so minutes before going in to her. Then Dad goes in and without talking to her pats her or rubs her back and then leaves. Increase the time between each visit to her room.

Before my grandchildren were born I was definitely against cio. My mom left my brothers cry for extended periods of time. That didn't work. What does work is to go in and help soothe without engagement; once baby is calmer leave and continue to return after lengthening periods of time. I don't see this as traditional CIO. When doing this parent is helping baby learn to self soothe.

i don't think i'd try explanations and picture books for a child this age, especially since what you're trying to convince her of isn't actually accurate. i love that you're going for a gentle approach, but also think that feeding 3 times per night is too much. you're her mom, not a big pacifier.
i would definitely stop feeding her in bed, and definitely have daddy start doing more of the bedtime routine. she wants you because she's always had you then, but you're the parents can change that dynamic (and should- why shouldn't daddy get to enjoy the bedtime routine?) he can also start doing some of the transitional feedings. you'll soon find out if she's actually hungry or just used to having the breast to soothe her back to sleep.
it's rarely such a gentle transition that there's zero fuss or drama, but if you are loving but firm and don't cave and just give her the breast, you'll probably be sleeping better within a week. you all will.
khairete
S.

Hi M., you must be tired :(

Understandable.

My friend went through this. She offered her breast every time the baby fussed and because a human pacifier :)

What my friend did at 18 months was offered a cup. Not a sippy but a regular cup. So for snuggle time, it was breast, but for real drinks, it was a cup. When it came to night time, she went in and offered the cup more and more. Of course, the toddler wasn't interested in the cup, and eventually just knew it was pointless and went back to sleep. I think there was some fussing, but not out and out crying. My friend still rubbed her back and shhh'd and all that, but stopped offering the breast altogether gradually.

I don't know if that helps or not, but that worked for her. It took a while, but it wasn't that upsetting for the child (or her).

Good luck :)

http://kellymom.com/category/ages/weaning/

IMO, if you are not ready to wean, but just want more sleep, consider a solid food meal before bedtime. Around that age, we realized my DD was waking hungry and would offer her a small healthy snack before bed. It helped her sleep better. If you think she needs comfort (my DD still has nightmares), then consider asking DH to get up some of the time and just hold her or soothe her to sleep again. I often nursed DD on the couch when she was little (vs in my bed, though that was often a morning routine) and if you are nursing her to sleep, you may want to try switching it up so she's getting a bath or book last instead of nursing so you are easing her into a different nighttime routine. Remember that nighttime is often the last nursing session to go (I bet it was for your son) so I wouldn't try to eliminate it altogether. Also remember that these interrupted nights do end.

Have dad do the feedings at night with a bottle.

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

I think when she was sick the sucking released pressure in her ears and helped them to drain which in a round about way helped her sinuses to feel better and so forth. Sucking is a natural way for those things to flow better...lol.

As for her waking up because she's hungry the only thing to do about that is to make sure she's had a late night snack of food. That helps her tummy stay fuller and she might sleep longer.

We always had a late snack around 8-8:30 then had bedtime stuff then down for the night. Some kids just wake up more than others but not being hungry helps.

Google Dr. Jay Gordon. He has recommendations for exactly this type of situation.

She is almost two so she is absolutely capable nutritionally of making it through the night without feeding. This goes for ALL KIDS. She is eating enough real food and breast milk to keep her from being hungry during the night.

The complication is that you use nursing for psychological comfort.

So there is no easy way to break that habit. She psychologically depends on nursing to feel comfortable. Without it she is uncomfortable due to the conditioning you chose for her.

I would stick with it as long as you want. You're the parent. If you need a change due to your own health and sleep deprivation, then you need to accept it will be hard on her but she will survive.

If you can't stand the crying and discomfort this causes her, then you need to act accordingly.

I'm a cry it out advocate because done early and with confidence it does not cause any trauma. At 18 months however with the training you have given her, it would be cruel. Maybe necessary for change, but much harder than it should have been. So since you don't want any difficult upheaval for her, I'd just keep nursing her until she feels like she's done. That's pretty much the decision you made by nursing this long and this often and using it as an aid to teething, etc.

Whatever you do, feed her more all day long in solid food.

Nutritionally satisfied babies can sleep all night after age 3 months.

Do you cosleep? Both of my boys had night feedings around that age. I was a pro at getting out a boob half asleep, then just going right back to sleep. They both ended up doing entirely child-led weaning, one at 3, one at 3.5. My older one is in his own bed, my younger one ends up with us a couple of mornings a week. I worked with both, still do, and that night time snuggling is something I wouldn't trade for anything :) It might help with any separation anxiety that is increasing the nursing demands as well.