How to Train a 3 Yrs. Old from Not Wearing Diaper/pull up at Night

My question is why the preschool teacher even cares if she wears a pull up at night! Some kids just aren't ready and can't physically do it at that age, or older! Just give her the chance to use the bathroom right before bed, and right when she wakes up, and don't make a big deal about it. When she's ready, it will happen!

When she is dry through the night she won't need the pull up any more. My oldest wore a diaper at night until age 5. My doctor said not to worry until age 7. She was a sound sleeper and did not wake up to go and her bladder was not large enough to hold it through the whole night. Tell the teacher not to worry about what you do at home. My daughter is now 28 and mother of 5.

J.

I have learned with 4 kids that they are dry at night spontaneously when their bodies are able to do it. She should keep wearing pullups at night no matter what the teacher says.

I agree with the responses about children having no control with what happens to their bodies when they are sleeping. Who is this teacher? In my opinion it is not even her place to suggest that your child should be out of pull-ups at night. My son is 5 1/2 and still wears them. His Dr. has told me that some childrens bodies are just slower to catch up and their is nothing you can do about it but wait until his bladder matures and hormone levels balance out.

W., Im so tired of these teaches thinking our children are robots and are suppose to do things by the book and suck money out of us and tell us how to raise our children. Does she go to Kindercare? This sounds like something they would ask you from my experience when my son went there for 5 months. I got tired of them thinking my son's behavior at school was my problem and feeling like a failure as a parent. I finally had enough and took him out. Before that I took my son to his doctor asking him about all the issues the school was having with him since he didn't act like this at home. His response. He is a toddler they need to deal with it and wrote them a letter telling them how to work with a toddler. Unreal. Preschool to me is a place where people just want to make money and your child doesn't need extra care. It is great if you find the right setting and teachers who actually try to help your child along in the process. I agree with the other comments. Children are ready when they are. At this age they are learning and doing so much. The last thing you need to do is make them do something their not ready to do. Its not the school or the teachers concern what your daughter sleeping in at night. Its their concern what she does at school during the day. Many preschool teachers don't want extra work then only do what they are hired to do and nothing more. My mother has a preschool license and believe me she is upset by how these school are being run today from what she was was taught back in the 70's. Just keep in mind. The more you push your children to do something the more they will resist. Why add to your problems. Its hard enough just raising children day to day. Let them be happy and be kids. Parenting should be great experience and fun time not making sure your child is keeping up with the rest of the kids or if she is potty trained by her 3rd bday.

Good Luck
SAHM, 39, super funny 3yo son and a 4 month old son who is full of smiles and bubbles. A husband who works his butt off so I can stay home with my little ones.

Dear W.!
I always respond to this request just because it will save both kids and parents a lot of trouble. There is nothing you can do to train a sleeping child. I read that it is the same thing to hold them responsibile for wetting their diaper/bed as it is to hold them responsible for it raining at night. It doesn't make any sense that her teacher would ask for this - it doesn't have anything to do with her maturity or develoment in any other area or her dryness or not during the daytime. Of course you can do things like limit drinks in the evening and always take her to the bathroom before bed, but everything else is really a pain for both of you and doesn't lead to anything but frustration. For my oldest daughter I found out that she is producing the same amount of a ceratin hormone at night as during the day and that makes her need to empty her bladder as often day and night. We got her on a medicin for the daytime but for the night we just have to wait for her body to bbe ready to change that hormoneproduction. She is seven. So anyway - don't stress on it - it wil happen eventually even if you don't do anything. A good night sleep is far more valuable to both of you than training sessions when you are both tired. Hope this helps.
C.

W.,

I didn't know whether to laugh or get mad at the Preschool teacher's comments. I am a former Preschool teacher, as well as a mom to 4 boys ages 9,6, and twins that are 4 1/2. Due to the fact that every child is at a different stage, and knowing this can be a very touchy issue in and with parents, I would never and have never said that to another parent. My twins are 4 1/2 and still wear a pull up at night ( though they're almost completely out of them) to prevent accidents. They are very much heavy sleepers, and do not always wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. It's only happened once since there fourth birthday in March of 2008. You need to use your mama judgement in this case. Is your daughter able to wake her self up and go to the potty? Are you willing to disrupt her sleep in order to wake her up at 1 a.m. to use the potty? If not, then let her remain in her night time pull ups. As long as she is full on potty trained during the day, it really doesn't matter. She will get it, she will eventually wake her self up to potty at night, and she won't need them anymore. Do not get caught up in any one elses personal opinions or potty training drama. After all she's your daughter, not the teachers! I hope this helps, and I hope you take everything with a grain of salt! I've found that my mother's intuition has always superceded other peoples opinions!

A little about me:
I am a 35 year old happily married stay at home mama. We are a Christian Family, and we are a Home Schooling family. The Lord's Wisdom is one of the greatest things I have ever received, and it keeps me and this family going strong!

I dont agree with the Teacher, it needs to be on her terms. My daughter will be 6 in December and just got out of Underjams in Sept. She is a really heavy sleeper and we tried everything, including getting her up and taking her potty at midnight (we did it for almost a year) and she just sleeps right through it.... Now she has been able to wake up at 1 or 2 am and go potty but she still has accidents...

Hi W.,

Why does the preschool teacher have a concern about this? I assume that you daughter doesn't nap at preschool? And if she does is it a problem for her to wear a pull-up if she can't stay dry during nap?

I think that all kids are different and are able accomplish these milestones at different rates. I wouldn't rush her out of pull-up or diapers at night. There are things you can do, like limiting her fluid intake ect.... but her body just may not be ready. I know there are kids that are able to do this, but three seems a little young to me if she' s never staying dry at night.

Good luck!

Why does the teacher even care? sheesh

With my son, I realized he was just being lazy. He would spend the night at a grandparents house and not wear a diaper at all and be fine. But with us, he needed one. So my solution was to just stop buying diapers. I showed him the supply - and said when it is gone - it is gone. There will be no more diapers in the house. We got down so there was about 5 left. I told him - you only have 5 left do you want to wear one tonight or save one? He started saving them. Then finally after about 6 months of "saving" them - I asked if it was time to throw them away? He agreed and has been fine (with some minor accidents) since.

Also and if you think your kiddo is fine - don't worry about what the teacher said. You know your daughter best and are doing the best for her. The teacher is not there on a daily basis so let it go if your daughter is not ready.

Just some other words of advice - my son was a heavy sleeper and wet the bed once in a great while. I would make his bed with a rubber sheet, and then make it again. There would be two sets of sheets (including plastic ones) so that if there was an accident in the middle of the night. I would only have to strip the first set, pile it into a laundry basket and get him another blanket. It got me back into bed quicker and I wasn't so crabby.

Training our daughter not to pee in her bed was, actually, pretty easy for us. She is three and a half now and has an accident once in a while. What my mother in law told me that her doctor told her was that you have them go potty right before they go to bed. If they wake up during the night and had an accident, you make the help you clean up the mess. Have your 3 year old take the sheets off and walk it to the laundry room. Have they clean themselves up and get new underwear and jammies, then say good night and put them to bed. While you are doing this, don't apologize to them or make them seem like what they did was ok. Don't say much to them. If they do need a little help taking sheets off or cleaning themselves then help but they need to know that it's not fun having to clean it up.
We never used this method yet but i hear it works pretty well. My mother in law said it only took a few nights with her.

if you take her out of pull ups at night make sure you have put a plastic matterss cover on. some childeren just tke longer. make sure she goes potty before bed, and if she wets the bed don't make a big deal of it. good luck S..

Hey W.,

I know that it really hard not to take what a "teacher" says personally about our children,...You know your child that best. You should always trust our instincts. I have learned over the years...and 4 kids...the making them do something before they are ready makes their lives and the rest of the family's life really really hard.

I don't know that there's anything you can do but limit your daughter's liquid intake at night and take her to the bathroom before you go to bed. I don't really understand what difference it makes to the teacher if she's wearing a diaper at night. A lot of three year olds do.

Hi W.,
Did the teacher say why she felt you should do this? My 3 yr old daughter still wears a diaper at night as she too is a heavy sleeper. I asked her pediatrician when I should have her potty trained at night and he said that if she isn't by age 6 then it is a concern but to not push the issue. He said good sleep is more important at this age than night time potty training. He also said I would know she was ready when she started waking up with a dry diaper frequently. I would tell that teacher where she could stick it!
Sincerely,
L.

My daughter had the same problem. She was potty trained during the at 2 1/2 but at night needed a pull up. She just couldn't wake herself up to go. Finally this summer at over 3 1/2 years old she decided she wanted to wear big girl underwear at night not yucky pull ups anymore. She had a couple accidents, but we did a reward chart and I put on a water proof mattress cover. Now she wakes up time she needs to potty. Sometimes there bladders are just not big enough to hold it all night and you have to teach them to wake up.

I would definitely ask why she is so concerned about the pull up at night.

If you still end up training her to remove the pull up at night try this:

~Put a plastic matress cover under her sheets
~Stop drinks 3 hours before bed time
~Encourage her to use the potty before bed time
~Make sure to notice when she has a dry night, and congratulate her
~Comfort her when she has a wet night, and change her and the bed immediately

I wish you all the luck!

T. Solar
Founder
www.theparentpack.org

What was the teachers reasoning to stop your daughter from wearing pull ups at night. Why would she even think to ask that? My son will be 4 in December & he still wears a pull up. He was potty trained at barely 2 from wearing diapers in the day, but when he sleeps it's a whole other story! I also think he has a small bladder like me so he tends to have accidents during nap( not so much any more) & at night! Sorry I don't have any suggestions, I guess just questions. Please let me know what you find out. I'm wondering how concerned & vigilant I should be in throwing out those pull ups before he turns 4? Thanks, J.

As long as she is dry and using the potty at preschool, why does her teacher care??????
Accidents are normal at this age. My daughter decided on her own that it was time to stay dry at night, but it took another pack of pullups, and then another and another and another..... it wasn't for lack of trying... it is more about training her bladder to wait all night. She is a deep sleeper and had to get used to the sensation and get up to go. It took probably a year to a year and a half. We didn't push it and when she was consistently dry, we ditched the night time pullups. She still had an accident or two for a month or so, but now she's dry all the timeand has been for at least a year or so. She's 5 now. Our son is 3 and potty training for daytime was a challenge. He doesn't like being wet, so when he wakes up, he will change his pull up right away and proclaim "I'm dry!" when we wake up! But he never throws it away, so I always find it on the floor! So he wants to, but physiologically, he isn't ready. Some kids need more time, that's why they make the good nights pullups into even 7-8yr old sizes. It is genetic to some degree and has to do with anti-diuretic hormone, and how much of it the body is making. Some kids naturally make more of it than others and thus are pretty easy to night-time train. I wouldn't push it, just remind your child that when she wakes up at night, the first thing that she needs to think about is "do I need to potty?" and remind her that she won't get in trouble for being out of bed if she is going potty. That became an issue because both of ours would go an hour after they were sent to bed to try to stay awake, not to go potty. :) But if she wakes up and has to go, go, don't worry, she won't get in trouble! Good luck and let your daughter dictate it! ;)

This depends on whether she's a sound sleeper or just being lazy. My daughter was 4 and still in pullups. My husband insisted on keeping it that way because he didn't want to change the bed in the middle of the night. She would put her pullup on when she put her PJs on and would already be wet before she even got to bed. One week, my husband flew to see his parents without us. The day he left, I bought a changing table pad and put it under a doubled sheet across the middle of the bed. I then took away her pullups and told her she needed to go potty before she went to bed. It took a couple of days for me to find the stash of diapers she had hidden away and was putting on herself in the night. After that, we only had one accident the rest of the week and we never went back to the pullups after my husband came home. We did need to put plug in night lights in the hallway and the bathroom to make sure she could find her way, but otherwise she was clearly ready.

I agree w/the other moms....don't stress about the preschool teacher's comments cuz, really, it's not her concern. It's not effecting your daughter's day so it shouldn't be an issue w/her teacher. Some kids have bladders that can hold pee all night while others don't, it's just something that comes w/age & it is not odd/immature/uncommon by any means that your daughter, at 3.5, still wears diapers at night. Our youngest son is 3.5 as well, & while he doesn't sleep in pull-ups or diapers at night & is comepletely trained during the day, still has accidents at night, maybe once a week. We do the typical stuff, limit liquid intake before bed, peeing before bed & if he hasn't peed before bed, I will take him before hubby & I go to bed. If he wakes up on his own for whatever reason at night, I'll take him potty then, too. Luckily, he goes right back to sleep. So, if it won't interrupt her sleep, you could try taking her potty one last time before you & hubby go to bed but otherwise, it will happen when she's ready.

Dear W.,
I have read the other responses.
My first thought when I read your request was that instead of getting upset or angry or defensive, (which is hard to do sometimes, I know), you maybe should ask the teacher why she asked you that question in the first place. Not in an accusatory way...but maybe she had a reason. How would she even know or pick up on what your daughter's night time habits are? I'm not defending her by any means, but why would she ask that? Is your daughter reluctant to use the potty at preschool and asks for a diaper?
Talk to her again about it. She might not have meant it in the mean way that some people are taking it. Maybe your daughter told her she still wears diapers. You won't know unless you have another talk with the teacher.

From personal experience, I know kids who weren't allowed at pre-school because their parents just slapped a diaper on their kid. I know a 10 year old whose mother insisted on a pull up every night. Neither of those kids ever used a diaper or pull up at my house or anywhere else, but they let loose at home. Out of habit. That is my belief.

I know that all kids are different. I have a girl and a boy 10 years apart. I never bought a pull-up in their lives. I think that when they have a diaper on at night, they know that they don't have to worry about that urge to go to the bathroom because the diaper takes care of it. Some, not all, parents, would rather have a diaper or pull up than worry about having to wash bedding. Cleaning pee sheets is no fun, but I think kids potty train far better if they can learn to respond to their bodily urges as opposed to just sleeping through them.
The other thing I want to say really quickly is that my daughter started kindergarten at 4 years old. She was ready in every way, shape, and form. The preschool teacher said it would be a disservice to her to keep her behind.
If she had still been in diapers, even only at night, that might have made a difference in what she was ready for. I don't know. My son was easier to train than my daughter as well. There wasn't a diaper in sight when he was 3.

You will do what's best for your child, I have no doubt.
On one hand, it's no one's business how long you let your daughter wear a diaper at home. But, I would take a deep breath and ask the teacher why she brought it up then go from there.

Best of wishes!

My boys are 3.5. They are in night times... and if they are awake and wearing nightimes, just before bed or upon getting up they still use the potty. They also have had major sleep issues and I can tell you that there is NO WAY on GOD's GREEN EARTH you're gonna get me to wake them on purpose so they can pee at night. In fact, the goal is supposed to be sleeping through the night without peeing... NOT waking 2 or 3 times to go.

I try to cut the fluids after dinner. They often wake dry or near dry. I figure one day they will be dry more often than not, then we'll figure out switching to underpants at night...

In the mean time.. Mama and kiddos need SLEEP... Way more important!

Ignore teacher! What is wrong with these people?

My dtr is 7 and still wets the bed. Pediatrician says she will grow out of it when her body is ready. Don't pressure your sweet one to try to do something she just can't do yet.
Let kids be kids.
J.

My daughter had trouble until she was 8years old and began dry nights in the 3rd grade. Some girls just dont get it right away and I think 3 is too early to worry. For my daughter I think it is her very heavy sleep style that held her back. No-one wears diapers when they reach adulthood. Her time will come.

I would expect a 3 year old to wear pull-ups at night. The pre-school teacher is way too involved. It definately through me off when I read that your daughter's pre-school teacher was telling you this. I would disregard her comment and if she tries to tell you what you should be doing with your daughter, tell her that her only business with your daughter is what concerns school. My son is 3 and still wears pull-ups. Why would her preschool teacher be advising you about this? I think the schools at all levels are getting way too involved in things that don't concern them. If your daughter is not ready wait til she is.

W., As a childcare worker, I was ready to ask the same question I saw someone else asked... Why is it any concern of the preschool teacher? I can't imagine anything going on at preschool that would make a difference to her what your daughter wears to bed at night, and if she needs a diaper or pull-up use it. If there had been pull-ups when I was a child, I would likely have been in them until I was ten or twelve. I had a terrible bed wetting problem and wearing something like a pull-up would certainly have been preferable to waking up to wet sheets and blankets.