How to Train a 2 Yr Old Boy to Sleep on His Own?

I'm no expert. But I'm starting to read a book called the No CRY Sleep Solution, it may be helpful for you as well.

S.

Sleep...a big issue. I had many people tell me that it was bad to let my kids sleep with me. I tried with my daughter to wean her into her own bed when my son came - age 27 1/2 months. She put up much resistance and is just now at age 7 starting to be confident to fall asleep alone. My son, on the other hand, I let sleep with me and make his own choice as to when he wanted to go into his own bed.

We travel a lot and the kids have lived in a number of places. When we finally returned to our home after a few years traveling, my son was the first to request to sleep in his own room and now goes to sleep at will within 5 minutes of reading his book every single night. My daughter, although trying very hard, still needs 20 minutes of reading and 4 or 5 checks before she can confidently get to sleep. My advice - let your kids find their own wisdom and give you their signals for what they need. Don't over analyze. My experience has been that if we all just listen to each other, my kids do what is necessary for all of us. And if given the time (and each kid is different) that they need, they will build a much deeper confidence, laced with a lot less fear. That's huge. Good luck!!

Hi S.-
Good Luck! I have been sleeping w/ my daughter since she was 5 mos old and she is now 17 mos. I am due for our 2nd in about 3 weeks. She is also a very light sleeper so everytime I would sneak out to my own bed it would last until she sat up to make sure I was there as well. I don't really have any advice to give as far as getting out of his room obviously, but I guess we just have to do what will work for us to get some sleep as well as our first kids. It can be traumatic for them when you bring home a new baby, so to make drastic changes now might not be such a good idea. I am still wondering how i am going to sleep w/ them, together or apart. I don't want the new baby to wake up my daughter and vice versa. I guess it will all work out. People that have kids close together that I have spoken to told me not to stress too much before the new arrival. God does not give us more than we can handle, although sometimes I wonder! I am sorry I could not offer advice, but just knowing you are not the only one going thru a particular situation sometimes helps.

I tend to think it's not only daycare he is stressing out about...I also think he is stressing out over where he fits and belongs in the family unity.

Start spending special alone time with him, doing things he enjoys. Ask his Dad to do the same. When you are working around the house ask your son to help you with things...give him little jobs and praise for a job well done...let him know he's loved and special.

Talk to him about daycare...what he likes and doesn't like about it. Ask him to draw you pictures...and when he does hang them up...let him know you love them. Also talk about the baby coming. You might want to read him a book for his age level about becoming a big brother. Try to make him feel a big part of it in a very positive way.

Continue sleeping with him, comforting him and letting him know you are there for him. At somepoint, when he's ready, when he understands more, he will make the adjustments.

Don't think that sleeping with your son is such a bad thing. I am going through this now and my daughter will be 3 in Jan. Mine also really started alittle before my 2nd child was born. I also have a 8 mth old. I hated the cries at night. My daughter went through a really bad nightterrors. It wasn't lack of sleep etc. I just truly think she just missed me or wanted to know I was there because when she slept with me she never woke up crying. If you want to start weening, you may just want to try bringing his mattress to your room and lay it next to your bed. Just tell him when you need me just look up and I am here. That should make him feel comfortable. Another thing that sometimes worked for me was that I layed in my daughters bed. We have a normal twin size bed for my daughter. I layed there until she fell asleep and of course sometimes I fell asleep with her. It worked for a long time but now she still gets up and comes to my bed but I enjoy every moment. One day she is going to get up and say "mommy I dont want to sleep in your bed" and thats when I am going to cry....lol.

Good luck, do what makes you feel comfortable?

I think letting your son sleep with his dad is the best solution. you'll be free to take care of the baby at night and your son will feel safe. I'm pretty sure mom and dad are interchangeable at night :-)

right before having a sibling is a wrong time to make such a huge change as sleeping alone.

I am very supportive of co-sleeping since I think that is the most natural tendency for babies and young children. I understand your issue though. Perhaps dad can take over being the comfort person at night. It might take some time to make the mental switch. Maybe dad can sleep in a bed or sleeping bag in his room with him. He may wake and want you but if dad cares for him, eventually that will get easier. Slowly, he can move his bed further away from his until he is out the door. I'd start this process now since it might take a month. Note, He might still need dad around after his sibling arrives, that will be a bigger adjustment than daycare.

Best of luck.

Hi S.,

I too recomend "The Sleep Lady". I used this method along with sleeping on an air mattress in my son's room for a while. Being pregnant, you might try having your husband do it. Putting a mattress in your room would be a good idea, but it sounds like you need him in another room when the baby comes, so that he can sleep. Six weeks is a good amount of time. but I would start right away if I were you. You really don't want your son associating the seperation with the baby's arrival.

Basically, you want to build trust, and make your son feel safe. Here is an excerpt from a recently reply of mine (You can tell that sleep has been an issue for us!)

"I first set up a room for him and started sleeping in his bed with him (not a crib obviously). Next, I started sleeping on an airbed in his room. At first I still lay down with him until he was asleep, then moved to the airbed. Then, sat by the bed letting him touch me while he fell asleep. then no contact, then moved the chair to the foot of the bed, then outside the door, out of sight. You get the idea. I always told him what to expect, I think it's important to build trust. There were a couple hard nights at first, he woke in the night, and so mad. I was near though, and I kind of talked him through. I offered comfort but let him know that I expected him to stay in the bed, and encouraged him to use his music player (a crib toy with a big button on it he could control in the night if he woke) and a lovey (he never had one before, I think I have been his lovey). He learned quickly. In the mix, I moved the airbed from next to his bed, to the foot of his bed (out of sight). I also got a night light."

The update is that once we got to the point where he could fall asleep on his own (after the bedtime routine, I kiss him goodnight and then go to another part of the house), I have been sleeping in my own room, for about 5 days. He does protest a bit when I leave, and wakes sometimes in the night, but I can just tuck him in and he goes right back to sleep. I've just started responding to his wakings by talking to him from my room, just telling him to play his music and hug his bear, and it has been going well. A world of difference from about 7 weeks ago. It's a gradual process, but I think the payoff is worth it. My son did cry when I started sleeping on the airbed and he did not like it, but I did not leave him to go through it alone. I encouraged the use of a music player. Here is the one I got.

http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Rainforest-Peek-A-Boo-...

It gives him something he can control on his own if he wakes at night.

All the best, congratulations on the upcoming birth.

C.

I think you should try and buy a toddler bed and put it in your room with you. That way he has his own bed but he still can check on you. When the baby comes try and put him in the room with the baby and ween him off of sleeping with you. My sister did that with her baby when she was pregnant with number 3 and number 2 kept sleeping with her.

Sarah, I do feel for you... I started sleeping with my younger daughter so her crying wouldn't disturb the older one... But I ended up in her bed for nearly four years! What a nightmare.

I "Ferberized" my first child. It worked wonders, and we had the problem cured in a week. But being pregnant makes it more difficult, because you don't get much sleep the first couple of nights. It also will be harder because your son can get out of his bed/room... Maybe your husband is up to the task?

The Ferber method is not "Letting him cry it out" It's a systematic weaning method, that's really hard pn YOU! lol

But if you're willing to sacrifice some sleep, and be "tough" about it, it does work wonders. Talk to your husband, and read about Ferber. All I can say is that it worked for me with the first.

And maybe you'll be smarter than I was and not start sleeping with the 2nd..

Good luck...

Val

Hi. First, congrats on your upcoming new family addition. I think it's nice that you slept with your son, so whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over it! I bet you'll look back and remember those times, and not regret the choices you made. I moved my son to his own bed when he was younger, but I used the book "Good Night Sleep Tight: The No Cry Sleep Solution." The author uses several examples, and for children of all ages. So you can read about how some other parents were able to transition their 2 year old to his or her own bed using the book's method. I'm like you--I couldn't bear the idea of all the crying, and wanted my son to know I hadn't "left" him--I thought this book was perfect for that! Also, it's an easy read, because it's organized in sections according to your child's age, so you only need to read that chapter, plus a few other intro chapters. For more info, here's the author's website...www.sleeplady.com. Just so you know, I'm not connected with the author in any way, and don't get any money from book sales! (I'm just a satisfied customer.) Good luck--it will all work out.

Congrats on the new addition to your family.
I also have a problem with my daughter sleeping in my bed.
For medical and emotional issues that my daughter had since birth, her pediatrician suggested her sleeping in our bed. I was 100% against it, but it has helped her tremendously...she'll be 4 next month. I also have 19 month old son...who sleeps in his crib very well.. my advice, and I know you don't want to hear this, is to leave him sleeping in your bed...because with the new baby he's going to need that extra one on one time with you. Moving him to his own room now might just cause problems esp with jealousy. After the baby is 6 months or so, then I'd start working on him...you'll have more patience and he'll be used to the baby.
Pregnancy hormones alone are too much to deal with esp with lack of sleeping.. good luck. By the way I bought that sleeplady stuff, it didn't work..and didn't really say anything new..just to stay in the room and gradually work your way out of the room over the next few weeks...

our daughter was 3 when #2 came. we had her sleep with us still to not upset her with all the changes, then moved her in her own room. first we stayed till she fell asleep, then we would do the whole routine only saying we would be right up. and we would come up and stay till she fell asleep, then we would say right up and she started to fall asleep on her own. during this time, we gave her constant reassurance that we were in the next room. and when she woke, we go in to reassure her.

i would highly suggest not to use any crying techniques. you have done a wonderful, trust building thing by cosleeping, and to take that all away by any crying technique, ESP with a new baby, would be devastating. sleep training is allowing a child to cry until the child passes out of exhaustion. havent we all had a horrible day where we cried ourselves to sleep? its a horrible unrestful sleep i hope my daughters never have to go thru(but im sure they will). good luck