Sooooo....my 8 month old daughter has discovered that it's delightful fun (for her) to rake her nails across our faces and laugh when we're up close and ouch does it ever hurt, I swear those fingernails grow overnight! I realize that she's just discovering the world around her, cause and effect reactions, etc. However, it's making it difficult for us to get within her little arms reach. My initial gut reaction is to say NO, don't do that, but I'm trying really hard not to say that!!! So I have tried holding her hands and stroking them on my face and saying "gentle hands". In my adult brain I think she's getting it and then the second I let go she rakes my face again and laughs. I've also tried putting her down when she does this while saying "that makes mommy sad, that hurts mommy", blah blah blah, but honestly that hasn't seemed to make much difference either. I also give her lots of praise when she does touch gently which is rarely. My mommy friends say it's a phase and it will pass and I should just be consistent with modeling gentle behavior and putting her down. BUT, I'd like to know if anyone else had a genius trick that worked??? Or seemed to work??? Or partially worked??? LOL I should also say that I'm not ok with doing it back to her, I know that's a popular technique but it doesnt' work with my parenting philosophy, no offense to anyone else though. Seems like all moms go through this in the early months so I hope someone has some new thing I can try!!! I should also add that she's a super sweet, mellow baby, so this is kind of shocking for us!!! Help!!!
UPDATE*** I'm always amazed on this site by the "holier than thou" posts that some moms write in response to a simple question. There is more than one way to parent a child and there is a parenting philosphy that "limits" the use of the word NO. Of course, I am not an idiot who would never teach their child the meaning of the word no, nor am I an indulgent mother who will let her child run amuck so that I don't stiffle her creativity. I am not a new age earth mother hippie so please give me a break. I have every intention of teaching her NO. If my child is running in the street I'm not going to reason with her by giving a long, laborious explanation as to why she shouldn't do that. There will be PLENTY of instances throughout her life where I will have to tell her no, but if it's not a safety issue then I feel like I can use different words and no inundate her life with NO, she'll hear it enough as it is. Please don't criticize someone elses parenting choices, it's not your place to do that. If you are interested in sharing your opinion that's fantastic, but don't criticize my choices and I won't criticize yours.
It's still a work in progress, but I wanted to post this article on the word "no" for all the naysayers, no pun intended :0) http://www.regardingbaby.org/2011/11/05/what-to-say-inste...
Ok, when we changed "gentle hands" to SOFT! it helped greatly ... I think the three sylables is just too much at that age. When we would touch him softly I would say "soooft, ooooh that's nice" he seemed to get it from that.
Um...you tell her "no" very firmly. She's too young to understand "that makes mommy sad because you hurt mommy" Puh-leeze!
When she hurts you take her hands off your face, look her in the eye and say "NO". Then, gently pet your cheek with her hands while saying "gently". You will need to do this consistently and for a while.
Yes, most kids do this, and the ones that stop are the ones with parents that say "NO"
You're trying to tell her too much.... her "receptive" language (what she understands) is very limited.
Keep it very simple... Tell her "no, that hurts!" and put her down. She will soon learn that if she does it, she gets put OUT of mommy's lap.
In a few minutes, try picking her up again. If she does it again, tell her "No, that hurts!" and put her down.
Your edit made me laugh! I read your question and didn't think for one minute you were a flake and/or scared to use the word "no"..... Just saying.... I knew what you meant. It is important to teach kids what to do.... Not just what not to do. You're doing a great job by showing her gentle hands.....No other suggestions.... I have an 8 month old as well and she too likes to explore my face! Ouch!
Oh, and I don't usually comment on other people's advice but slapping the hand of an 8 month old ....seriously? That's absolutely the worst advice I've heard in a long time. I feel sorry for some kids.....
I agree with prior post...you need to say no. Kids needs to know what no is.
She is only 8 months old.. She was inside of you longer than she has been out.
Just keep doing what you are doing.. And keep trimming those nails so she stays used to having them trimmed.
"Soft hands", "gentle hands". Or just make a sad face to her.
It will still be a while till she puts it together. She is not trying to hurt you, she is just trying new things.. If you make it into a big deal, she sees it as attention. At this age they love reactions.. Any type.. good or bad..
Why are you concerned about saying no? If you don't learn to say no to your child you are going to be in for one hell of time with her.
I understand you want to encourage her to explore her world and you will but she needs to learn this before she be in the same room with other children, or meet the elderly. You dont want her to be a child that no one wants to be around! It is your job to teach your child how to get along with the world around her, It wont hurt her for you to say a firm NO! It wont make her afraid to touch other things. I'm all for using the word NO as little as possible and trying to keep her surroundings safe to explore but It will be a start in teaching her about the word, just like you will have to teach her not to touch burning hot things or an electric socket, it is VERY healthy for her to start learning the word no for emergencies.
I think you are doing a great job modeling....praising the positive and removing her from the situation when she scratches. Keep up the good work and eventually she will get it. As soon as she tries it the first time, look at her and tell her you don't like that and put her down right away and do something by yourself. Withdrawing your attention will let her know she will not get attention from Mom when she does that. I think it is OK to say "No" sometimes, just save it for the serious matters when she is unsafe and when she is hurting someone.
Actually, I say good for you for not using the word no all the time. It's no wonder that people develop such a dislike for the word, we hear it constantly. I would just alter what you're doing a little, to say soft instead of gentle hands because it's shorter and easier for her to understand, and putting her down with a sad look and say uh-oh. Uh-oh is a great subtitute for no, especially with a sad look.
What you're doing is perfect. Try NOT to to give a big reaction to her. Take her raking hands away from your face and say "gentle hands" and touch your face gently with her hands. She's really little to get it so it's going to take lots or repetition and some time, but she'll understand. The key I think at this age is not to show his a big reaction or expression... she may have gotten that from you or your husband a time or two and thinks it's funny to do this now.
Good luck!
Lesley S has the right idea.
Except that I would add that if she hasn't learned "NO!", then slap her scratching hand and say "NO!" Or thump her fingers with your fingers. The mut her hand back on your face softly and say "Soft" and make a nice uuuummmmm or aaaahhhhh sound. Some of our did this and it worked nicely and they soon quit the hurting.
Good luck to you and yours.
I agree with your remarks about responses from people lecturing others on how to parent. If you don't have something constructive or useful to say, keep silent. Are there really mothers who would advocate you scratching your daughter in response? Unbelievable. If you are trying to limit NO, it sounds as though you're already using the only other options that seem to make sense. She knows she hurt you, she knows you're unhappy with her, and she loses the privilege of the physical contact with you immediately. It's bound to take effect. She'll get it, Mama. In the meantime, keep her little fingernails trimmed as short as possible! Good luck.
I have no advice, just wanted to say you're not alone! My baby is almost 11 months, and we've been going through this for awhile! I tell him "Gentle" I SHOW him, gentle. With us, his brothers, the dogs.....
It seems pointless. We've been going at it or months. I've tried it all. We'll hope together, it's a phase....He also likes to jam his fingers into my eyes. And pull my hair, from the back of my neck.Which is also great fun ;) Guess we'll just ride it out LOL
