Hi Ladies. I have a situation.
My exhusband has an older daughter and she is pregnant. Even though we are divorced, we are still a very tight nit family and we have dinner together at least one night a week to stay updated on each other's lives. Well my step-daughter (which she will be forever, no matter now long her Dad and I are divorced) is not sure if she is going to keep the baby or put it up for adoption - but at this point, she is leaning more towards adoption.
Here is where my question comes in - My son knows about where babies come from and that babies grow in bellies. How do we deal with this pregnancy when there may not be a baby coming home at the end of it?
She lives with her Dad, so he sees her at least twice a week and she is starting to show, so I need to talk with him soon. Does anyone have ANY advice on how to deal with this? I am at a total loss.
As everyone else said, I wouldn't tell him about it until he asks. And he may never notice unless everyone talks about it. How old is your stepdaughter? You can tell him that this is a way that God lets some mommies have babies. That his sister is helping a mommy have a baby that could not otherwise have one in her tummy. And that the baby is a special gift from God for that new mommy. Good luck!
I would not tell him until he asks about her growing belly. Then, when she does have it, if she gives it up for adoption then explain that she was only carrying the baby for a Mommy that's belly just couldn't do it. We had a similar situation in my family and that is what my Mom told our adopted brother, who was 6, about our friend. If she keeps it then I think that again you should just wait until he asks about it. Kids don't think something is odd unless we lead them to believe it is odd. Does your son appreciate the appropriate age that a female should have children? If not then you probably won't have to explain the situation in detail until he is older.
I think Racheal has it right. I would only offer this if he asks & I would try not to talk about this situation in front of him. And if he does ask - just tell him that she is helping someone become a mommy by carrying a baby for her. And also - I can't help but include this - we have some wonderful friends who are trying to adopt. She is a Kindergarten teacher and he is a golf pro and both are in their early 30's. They adopted a
a little girl about 4 years ago who they absolutely adore and are wonderful parents. They really want another child and have been waiting several years. They live in Cleveland, TN - not too far away and if you think that your step daughter would like to talk to them - please send me an email. Also, they have an open adotion with their daughter's birth mother - if this is something that is important to your step-daughter. ( which is where they send pictures, keep in touch, with the birth mom, etc.)I think that they would accept either a closed or open adoption - they are just ready for another baby to love. Anyway, I know this isn't what you asked for - but I couldn't help but mention it since they are so very deserving. Just send me a message if you would like their phone number. Thanks & Good Luck with everything!!!
B.,
I believe in being honest with children. While you don't have to go into deep details, you can always give an honest answer. If I were in your shoes, I would handle the situation by explaining that your step-daughter is going to have a baby, but because she is not a grown-up yet, she really doesn't know how to be a Mommy yet. So, she is going to give the baby to a really good Mommy who can take better care of the baby. If your son has more questions, I would answer them simply and hoestly. Good luck!
I dont know that I would try and explain all that to him yet. As we all know when we are pregnant we become very attatched to the baby that is growing inside us, so she may have a change of heart by the time the baby is due. If she still feels that way towards the end of her pregnancy maybe try explaining it to him then. If she is young, which I have been there and went through this deal myself and I did keep my baby, then explain to him that she is too young to be a mommy right now and there is a special mom and dad out there that want a baby and want to have this baby to love and to welcome into their family.
Adoption is a wonderful thing, especially when the birth mother is not in a place to parent a child through life. I think that your step daughter should be commended for her decision to be responsible in light of a very painful situation.
Having said that, I totally understand your feelings about how to share this with a 5 yr old.
My advise is to explain it in the following way:
Tell your son that his step sister is having a baby, but that you need to talk to him about it. Tell him that she is not quite grown up herself yet, and that a baby needs a wonderful family to love and care for him/her...even though your family loves this baby very much. Sometimes people can't have children of their own, and God is allowing these people to have children through adoption.
I had a baby when I was 18 that I placed for adoption, the most difficult decision I have ever made. I am now 34 and have 2 children (girls, 6 & 2). I will one day be facing explaining this situation to my girls.
I went to Edna Gladney adoption agency in Fort Worth, Tx. It is a wonderful place. I would suggest you check them out online. They may also have suggestions on how to deal with your situation.
Good luck.
