How to Talk About Eating Better to a Teenager

I am a 5ft 11 inch woman who has the muscle mass of a male. I have always been built different from the girls I went to school around, but then again my body fat was always lower than the cheerleaders, but I have big boobs so I looked like I was bigger in the mid sections than I really was. Anyway, my mother used to say if I would lose 10 pounds I would be perfect....DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO HER ABOUT WEIGHT!!!!!!!!! Weight isn't ever the issue, health is. I personally don't allow my children to drink much except water and treats aren't a daily thing by far. I cook balanced meals and stress fruits and veggies. Not because of weight, but for health reasons such as hearts and teeth. IF you stress weight you will give her a complex which is the most UNATRACTIVE thing out there. She will be affraid to do anything because she will feel fat.

I would keep asking her to join in with family activities because you love her and would like her to join in,,,not even hinting about weight. Sooner or later she will catch on with the family lifestyle. Maybe ask her if she would like to spend some girl time with you at a gym and spa. Tell her you would like to work out to relieve stresses and then relax with a spa treatment. Maybe go camping and on a hiking trip. By her a new bike and go bike riding as a family. But take things slow and steady or you will be doing more harm than good.

Take it from someone who has been there.

This is always a touchy thing with kids, half my kids are chunky and the other half are skinny and the skinny ones eat the most, just there luck I guess but even with them I worry cause just cause you can do it know doesn't mean you will always be able to and cholesterol is the same no matter whos body it is flowing through, one thing I have done in my house is limit how much I buy, lets say I buy two boxes of cheese crackers, I have 7 kids so it is divided between them and then I let them know that that is how many they get until my next trip and if they eat it all then there is no more, I even do this with my smaller ones, and then I keep the amount of junk food to a minimum and try to keep more fruits and veggies on hand, those I will replace when we run out. We by no means have a perfect diet, I must admit I can be a lazy cook, but it has worked, just keeping the junk down, my 15 year old who has been chunky all her life has lost 21 pounds in about a year, granted she has become vegetarian so she is cutting a lot of stuff out but it really comes down to just cutting back on her snacking. Good luck I know I wasn't much help, I like the suggestion of family exersise. Good luck!

I would agree with the other posters that for the sake of this girl (and she is at a critical stage for making choices about body image) you need to rid your house of junk food. But make sure you are substituting for it with other interesting foods, not just the boring apples and rice cakes. And of course, offer occasional treats like taking everyone out for an ice cream!! This also communicates the message that sweets are treats, not everyday food.

Another good approach may be to ask for recommendations (maybe on this forum?) for a REALLY good local nutritionist. Then you might make an appointment for yourself (to learn recipes for healthy and yummy family snacks) and then as a "present" or bonding-type activity, make an appt for your step daughter. Then she could be consulted by a professional, not just step-mom. You could phrase it as, "I" really want to be more healthy, improve the look of my skin, hair, waistline --whatever--then you can go together (and you can help implement what the nutritionist recommends).

Next, of course, is exercise. This is a MUST for long-term healthy weight. You have got to find something she is interested in...tennis, dance, horses....skiing? And take the steps, arrange for the lessons, group outings or whatever, to get her out there. Once her self-esteem improves, her eating habits will too. Good luck!

There are several websites out there that help to explain to kids what foods are proper and what each food does to help the body. For example, one website that targets girls in their teens (great website) is http://www.girlshealth.gov/nutrition/eating_essentials.htm. It explains what fruits and veggies and legumes to eat to get the most benefit out of your diet.

Hi- just though that I could possibly share my point of view since I am an overweight adult and was an overweight kid for most of my childhood. I think your concerns for your stepdaughter are nice- and I know they're coming from the right place but it's probably more than just her eating habits. Being concerned for her health is commendable and it's fabulous that you want to help her learn a healthy lifestyle. You have already had tons of great advice- and I know I wrote a book BUT I think this is worth a read...
If given the choice, no one wants to be fat. It can be miserable and sad sometimes. That being said, most times if the family hasn't set up a healthy eating plan from day one, the kids in the family don't know better. Looking back, I wish my mom would have stepped in when I started to get 'chubby'. Instead, she tried to bribe us with new wardrobes to get us to lose weight. It's a cool idea- but if you don't know HOW to do it, you'll fail. And as a child or pre-teen there's no way to change just your eating habits when you're in a family of 5 (like I was). It's not fair to expect that from a single person in a family, let alone a child. A 15 year old is, of course, able to take more responsibility for their choices but the principal is the same.
Now, as much as I hated that i was overweight, I see that I think it built my character and I like it. There are FAR worse things than being fat. I think it allows someone to be sympathetic to others in a way that those who have never been overweight can't understand. And contrary to popular belief, not everyone who is overweight is suffering from low self esteem- nor are they sad and miserable people. And their worth is not less because they are overweight. I have wished for years that stores would carry stylish clothes for those of us who are young, stylish and overweight. It's finally happening!! But why did it take so long? Why shouldn't I be given the opportunity to look cute? Clothes should be made to fit me- not the other way around.
As hypocritical as this sounds, from my experience, I don't want my kids to be fat. I have always wished to be thin because it would have made my life much easier. But I will not put my kid on a diet, nor will I make them feel like something is wrong with them if they are fat. If I feel like I need to change my childs eating habits or get them more active, we're doing it as a family as to not alienate anyone. I will not allow my child to think that they would be so much better if they lost weight. Fat or skinny, every kid should be able to feel loved and comfortable just how they are.

You do need to talk with her about her eating habits but do it lightly. Talk to her about eating meals and not snaking- or if she is going to snack then about healthy snacking. You are right to think that it is not fair to not have anyting in your house but maybe just buy a couple of "junk" items a month- set aside what you want for your other 2 and then help your teenager ration the otehr portion.

It is hard to redevelop good eating habits there is no doubt. I woudl also suggest working with her on some sort of exercise. Whetere it is sometihng that you do as a family, or a way that you and she can bond- she needs to be getting at least 30 minutes a day.

Good luck!
S.

Start by educating yourself, most of the time it is an idea of what we think they ought to look like or weigh. Find out if she is overweight, look at BMI. Is her biological mother tall? Her Father? She may need the extra pounds in a few years. She isn't done growing, yet. Then teach your children, all of them. I used the "make every calorie count" approach. I let them decide what they NEEDED each day. Make sure you provide her with healthy alternatives to cookies or chips, keep the friut and whole wheat crackers stocked. Why not get rid of all icky food? None of its any good, regardless of their weight. They get enough of it at school or friends' houses. Don't put a child on a "diet" of any sort. It is not healthy for them physically or mentally and yes, it will cause her emotional problems later.

You sound like a sweetheart, and I don't think you need 'more' advice, but I wanted to add my 2-cents' worth, anyway! LOL I'm 50, mom of 4 grown kids and 'mom-mom' to 3 little ones. My parents came up during the Great Depression and were very conscientious about 'waste'. We always had to eat everything on our plates. Then when I started growing/developing as an adolescent, Mom made comments about how much I was eating/how fast I was growing, and I became anorexic (in 1972 or 3 before our country doctors had ever even heard of such a thing). Lots of prayer pulled us through with no permanent physical damage, but I'd simply say, like Thumper on Bambi, "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." Concentrate on positives -- encourage what TO DO (eat, exercise, etc) instead of what NOT to do ('you shouldn't be eating that', 'you're gaining too much weight', 'You shouldn't be laying around munching/watching TV,' etc). And when you invite her to come do things with the family, make it from the perspective that 'WE WANT YOU to be/come do this with us', not 'YOU SHOULD come with us'. See the difference?

It does sound like she is a bit depressed and/or bored, or fFeeling 'out of place, at the very least. Like someone said, concentrate on the PERSON she is, not what she looks like. Give her some one-on-one time, if possible, doing something that SHE chooses to do. Also, her dad should have 'daughter-dates' with her at least once a month (with your blessing, of course). Not only will it do wonders for her, it will make him a better man! John Eldredge wrote some books about our kids' self esteem, etc, and he said that every daughter is asking (of her father), "Am I beautiful?" She needs to know that, in his eyes, the answer is a resounding 'YES'. Every son needs to know (from his father), "Do I have what it takes?" (to be a man).

In working on 'her', just make sure your and your husband's motives are for HER best interest, not yours. Develop a united front on this, and you CAN make it work for everyone's good! God bless!

I agree with the question of emotional issue at the root. I have 3 sons. When I would by soda and chips or a lot of sweets they would usually scarf if down fast. Then I started not buying it at all. They griped but I did not give in. I told them that they were having to much junk food. Finally I agreed that they could have soda if they paid for it in moderation. We set the limits as a family. This worked well until they had jobs and had more money. Now the just buy it when they want it. We try to always prepare healthy meals and snacks but ultimately it is up to each person to control how much they consume. Good Luck!

I have two boys that are very athletic and can eat anything and they actually eat me out of house and home. I have a daughter who is not as active and she loves sweets. What I have found to work the best is to only have healthy foods in the house. If you do not buy cokes, cookies, chips, etc. then the kids cannot eat them. My mom was a dietician and I thought that fruit was a dessert until I went away to college. When I bake I make smaller quanities so that there is not a lot leftover. You are not depriving your other children by having healthy food and snacks in the house.

S.:
I haven't read what everyone else has written, but I do think eliminating some of it in
the house will help. My best advice is never nag her about it. I know when my mom said "do you really think you need that." I said yes, and not only ate the one I wanted, but at least 3-10 more. Her talking about my weight and food only made me emphasis on it more. I rebelled against her trying to control my eating. You can't control her eating.
I think dieting is totally wrong. I think people should eat what they want and stop when they are full.
I think modeling is the best way to reach our kids. I think to try to change their behavior at that age is hard, especially if she has never been around your family.

I think just helping her be positive and focus on the things she does well and try really hard not to focus on food. Get her out of the house and do things with her, get her exercising. I know this is a very emotional age for children. I do tell my kids I'm concerned about their eating when I see them not eating or eating only junk food, but I don't focus on the volume or focus on the eating while it is a problem. I wait until they are not in the middle of eating and it is a good time to talk. I try to focus on what is bothering them, or if something is up. I know my one child was eating lots of chocolate with her hormone change and when she was down. That has gone away. So, I really think some of the eating can be situational and emotional.

If you do talk about it I would just say to all of the children, not just her, that our body was made (or if you are a believer you can say God made our body) to know exactly what it needs when it needs it. Sometimes we crave certain foods at certain times because our body needs it. There is also a mechanism in our body that tells us when we are full, you can eat what you want when you are hungry, but we need to listen to our bodies and stop when we are just right.

I know a friend who does foster care, she says some drug babies do not have the mechanism in their brain to tell them they are full, so this would not work for them.

Personally, I think you will do well if you just show her how much you care and don't focus on it.
Good luck,
K.

Wish it was easy to find out why she might be over eating or want to pig out. It could be out of boredom or trying to comfort emotions. It's so hard to be a teenager, especially these days. If possible, I would try to focus more on getting to know what might be the cause of her over eating. Maybe spend some special time with her each week or give her something to look forward to. I remember when I was a teenager, I did the same thing out of pure boredom and not knowing what else to do. I wish I would have been taught healthy habits then instead of reaching for food to comfort. Hope this helps.

I hope that you are still taking suggestions for your stepdaughter. First thing I have to say........SCRAP the BMI. The Body Mass Index does NOT take into consideration a persons build versus height. If your stepdaughter is Tall and medium to broadly built, then a high BMI would not be unacceptable. If, however, she is short and finely built, then a high BMI would not be acceptable. What you probably should do, is take a good look at her. Compare her wrists and ankles to yours, how tall she is, and how she looks in her clothes.
Good luck

My response is not just for teens but for all of us. I recently bought a VitaMix which is juicer but is simple like a blender and you can easily juice veggies in with fruit. Even if you use a regular blender, you can make smoothies with strawberries, bananas, ice & water or whatever fruits you choose and most kids/people view that as a refreshing treat. The kids will be getting some fruit servings, the sugar is natural sugar, compared to processed snacks the calories and nutritional value are a no brainer and it is filling so should also curb the other snacking. I suggest doing it as a treat with no mention to health : ) Hope that helps! The teens around my place love to drink stuff like that.

You are a motivated step-mom and that is so wonderful! I'd like to add a couple things. First, your attitude "...because somebody can't control their eating habits" is a little off. That's not helpful and if it was your bio child, you probably wouldn't be saying that or feeling that way. You'd probably be doing everything you could to encourage them. That said, I'd cut back on those snacks---truthfully, nobody needs them, even though we all enjoy them. Buy TLC crackers, pretzels, dried fruit, low-fat frozen yogurt, popsicles, WW-type fudgesicles, etc. Cut up carrots, celery, jicama and have them in a bowl of water in the fridge. Buy large bags of those sugar peas at Costco or your warehouse club. Make homemade low-fat muffins w/fruits and/or veggies. Make occasional brownies with applesauce instead of oil (don't tell them). Put a platter of cut up veggies and low-fat dip out on the table about 4:00 in the afternoon. You'd be amazed at how the kids will all snack from that! Buy those pkgs. of 100 calorie snacks--they make them in cookies, crackers, etc. Consider labeling them equally w/family member names. (Don't know if you want to go that far---but we do it sometimes just to make sure everyone gets their share!!) Make sure the meals you prepare are full of complex carbs and low-fat. Stay away from fried foods and cream sauces. Take evening walks where the entire family has to come as a family activity, no exceptions. Have family basketball games. Go hiking on the week-ends. Go for family bike rides--occasionally ride to the ice-cream shop for a kid's size scoop for a treat. (Don't eliminate those occasional treats!) The biggest thing here is activity--and yes, you and her dad CAN enforce this as a family activity!! Talk to your step-daughter and tell her you want to join a gym and will she go with you as a work-out buddy? If she agrees, sign the two of you up. And as her concerned step-mom, you can sit down and talk to her about nutrition. Go online to amazon or somewhere and research some good books about teens and healthy eating. Find a good one, read it, then go over it briefly with her and give it to her. As your instincts told you, approach it from the nutrition/healthy living angle. Good luck. It is so nice that you are concerned for her health and appearance!!

Hi there, I know you've had TONS of great advice but I still wanted to add my two cents. I've worked with a lot of teens, some with eating disorders, some not..and it's really kind of a touchy issue as you know. I think as a parent you are responsible to help her learn healthy eating habits...and it seems you've done well with the others. Yet since you've not had this one from the start..you kind of need to come at it from a different angle.

I agree with others, take out ALL the junk food, all the soda...all the chips. Your other kids will get it at a friends house and there are many healthier alternatives for all those...sparkling 100% juice instead of soda, frozen bananas covered in chocolate, lower in fat ice cream, soy crisps.....I'm sure you can figure those things out.

As a sports coach (and a mom of only a two year old) I asked her how she kept her teenager from eating CRAP....since by the time they are in high school they can pretty much choose what to eat. She gave me the BEST advice EVER. She said she STILL packs lunches for her teenager and they are expected to eat it. IF they do not...and want say...fast food, crap from the vending machines..soda...anything like that. They have to puchase it with their OWN money. No handing her kids lunch money and hoping for the best. Also installing the value of MONEY at the same time as the value of healthy eating. I never had considered this, and always wondered how you stop a teenager from just going next door and getting a big mac and fries for lunch. She said her kids generally will just eat what they have and save their money for clothes, movies etc.

So maybe that's jus another tip that you can use. Also try to get her invovled in SOME activity....even if it's something like Drama Club, Newspaper...(even if it's not physical...it will give her something to do and she will spend less time at home eating) Maybe consider getting her a membership at the YMCA, taking a evening class at the local community college, or?? whatever interests her...it doesn't always have to be sports. Not every kid is in to that kind of thing.

Hope that helps a bit :) I was a coach at a high school and learned a lot from those kids.

I think the last thing you should do is say anything to her. It could ruin her self-esteem and your relationship. I thought I was ugly and fat for years because of comments my dad had made, and I was a size 6-8. Just make sure to love her and be a good example. You could talk to her about how junk food makes -you- feel worse and have less energy. I would only say that at first and make SURE to give her positives about what you see on the inside and outside. She needs to feel good about herself in order to want to make the best choices. Only be very positive. I would say with all the eating disorders, etc. that positives need to outweigh any kind of possible negative by about 10 to 1.

Just don't have the stuff in the house at all, no pop, chips candy, cookies. Serve healthy meals, anything grilled is good, steamed veggies with a little butter is ok, boiled red potatoes... You can't control what she eats when she's out with her friends but you can at your home. If the stuff is not there it will just make your life easier! My mom did this and my sister and I have great eating habits as well as my own kids. We aren't perfect but the majority of our meals are homemade, we do eat out but eat in more which makes the difference!

One thing I find many teens and adults doing is drinking"vitamin water" thinking they are drinking something good. It is loaded with sugar just like soda and in most cases is it a misnomer that you are actually getting the vitamins listed on the bottle. Usually they are water soluble vitamin (B, C etc), therefore they are not stable in water - so not getting into your body.

Nothing better then actual water!!

Wow! S., you are young to be a mom to a 15-year-old, and I am sure that it must feel overwhelming at times. I have a 14-yr-old daughter who struggles with being a picky eater (hates most fruits and vegetables), and does not have very good self-control when it comes to sweets and high-fat snacks. We have modeled healthy eating and exercise for her from day one, so it isn't necessarily related to her experience with her mom--although that probably didn't help.

I would imagine this is a tough transition for this teen, and she may be dealing with a lot of emotions right now, and doesn't really know how to handle them. Food is probably a source of comfort for her, which is very typical for females in general. This girl is in a family that is the second one for her dad; this may cause her to feel less-valued at times and a little bit passed around. I don't say this to make you feel bad, but there are wounds for children growing up in this situation. If you and your husband can recognize this, and work on really helping her feel safe, secure, and a valued member of the family, I believe that would be step one. If she feels safe with you, then she is far more likely to open up and talk about her emotions and struggles.

The second step is to continue what you already done with your other kids: model healthy eating. That may require, as you mentioned, not buying some of those things for a while (chips, cookies, etc.). Reserve them for special occasions such as birthdays, meals with company, or celebrations. Even though your other children don't have a problem with temptation, ask yourself: "Why do we need these foods in the house in the first place? Does anyone benefit from having chips or cookies in the house?" If your family is like most, when the food is there, it will get eaten. Removing the temptation is good for everyone!

When it comes to exercise, the best thing you can do is plan family activities and include her. If you want to put up a basketball hoop, plan for you or your husband to be out there shooting hoops with her. Go on family walks, hikes, or bikerides. The options are really endless, but it will take you being involved to make the difference. All of these suggestions do NOT involve you saying to her "I am concerned about your weight," but all of these things can make a huge difference in that teenager's life.
This is the time to establish the kind of bonds that will affect her relationship with food for her whole life. If food becomes a bandaid for wounds, it will take a long time for her to work through that as an adult. She will also be affected in her relationships, especially with men. Your husband will play a HUGE role in all of this, so hopefully he is on-board with whatever way you choose to address this.

I know you have already received a lot of advice, but I didn't see much that addressed the possible underlying emotional issues, and I think that is so important with teens. You have shown that you truly care about her by reaching out for help, and I believe that you will be the kind of mom who can make this family work. God bless and best of luck to you.

I am a SAHM, work part-time from home, and have three children (14, 7, and 5 years).

As the Mom of an almost 14 year old, this is a very tough time for them emotionally and socially. As well as being new to your home, she may just feel like she doesn't fit in, or feels different. I agree that it may be emotional/boredom eating, and if she only has healthy choices, then that is what she has to pick! I agree, do NOT talk to her about her weight. It is up to you to provide the best possible choices. I buy pretzels instead of chips, lots of fruit, 90 calorie Chewy Bars (that still have choc. chips)If we are going to have cookies, we make cookies and that way she can be a part of the process to see how much sugar, etc is in them. I bake raw almonds on a cookie sheet and they taste yummy! They are a better alternative and fill you up!

Being the Mom of a teen these days is a tough job, all you can do is help her make smart choices by providing them in your home.

Just as an example: my daughter is a dancer, and eats well, and STILL worries about her weight/size. She is a size 5, and compared to her friends, she is bigger. Most teen type stores are geared to the ultra thin girls, making an average size girl feel large/big/overweight. It is a tough time for teens!

Girls are under a lot of pressure to live up to society's body image and it can be very damaging to make them feel like they aren't thin enough. I struggled with my mother's disapproval of my weight for years and it almost led to an eating disorder.

However, it is important for your daughter to learn healthy habits. I would try teaching by example for now. Cook healthy meals that you can have as a family. Try encouraging her to join you when you excercise (don't tell her she needs to excercise now). And if she pigs out on a certain type of food more than others, just buy small quantities of it or try healthier alternatives (i.e.: organic oreos instead of oreos made of artificial ingredients)

She cannot eat junk if you don't have it in the house. You can and should be her example now on healthy eating. I realize banning all snacks will cause binging, but you can limit how much she has and when. All of you should be on the same page with healthy eating. I can say we have a lot of snack foods here, but I also have had long talks with both of my young kids on the importance of eating healthy, plus they teach it at my daughters school. I eat salads, we have veggies at every meal, eat fruit and treats are just that, treats. They are not allowed soda, nor will they ever if I can help it. They get sprite at the movies or gingerale when they are sick and that is it. They don't even really want it or ask for it. Both know how to limit their intake and we have special days junk is more often then not in their days. Easter was one, they had a lot more sugar then typically and they haven't asked for any more candy since, hee hee.
It is fair if you are really concerned about your daughter not to have that stuff in your house or put down rules on what is to be eaten and when.
Never critique her body image, talk to her more about her internal health. Have it be a family health makeover so she knows she has your support.
It doesn't have to be elimination, however limitation...

Hi S.,
I also had weight struggles as a teen and adult at times. When my parents or I focused on my weight, it was counterproductive. When I began to focus on becoming healthy (forget the weight part of it) and just enjoying movement, walking, dancing, playing (yes, even as a young adult), it improved my weight automatically. I also focused on things like pampering myself with a pedicure or special trip to some fun spot on the weekend, which took my mind off of food and made life more rewarding all the way around.

I also do know that portion control plays into the food intake...I simply love to eat and there are so many good things out there! But alas, I had to learn to control it - not overeat. I suggest Weight Watchers, if she is interested. She does not have to tell her friends or other family about it, if she finds it embarrassing. It can help all of you in your family to learn about portion size as well.

Another dietary thing I have learned recently is the way certain foods (particularly processed foods) affect your blood sugar. When I eat something sweet like ice cream, or even 3 oreos, it sends my blood sugar soaring, then back down to crashing a bit later. It also makes me crave more and more sweet or processed foods. I feel a lot of times like I can't stop eating! I just love to eat at that point, I want more and more. For instance, instead of 1-2 slices pizza, I have been known to eat 5+. I seem hungry...but I'm really not. The way to circumvent this is do as much research as you can, replacing foods in your household with low glycemic index foods. That means as little processing as possible. I have even gone so far as to replace my supposedly low-sugar breakfast cereal with Uncle Sam cereal which contains NO sugar. (I did not replace my kids' cereal, but we are quietly steering towards less sugar options.) I thought it tasted like cardboard at first, but now I am quite used to it, and I notice I don't get that "I'm hungry, let's go graze" feeling an hour after breakfast. I'm not starved when lunchtime rolls around.

Finally, realize that our culture has food freely available everywhere, while counterintuitively emphasizing thin-ness as a beauty ideal. It's a tough line to walk for anyone! You should take into account her genetic makeup, which may be one reason her body stores fat more. And realize that she is more than her body, she has a personality and a soul that are beautiful. Concentrate on the beauty within, and the beauty without will follow. Believe me, developing her inner strengths will prove to be far better for her in the long run. Beauty and body fade. Who you are inside does not.

It works for me, although it would be difficult to apply to your stepdaughter - maybe something will rub off on her if you start to make even more changes in your food! Hopefully you can glean a bit of wisdome from all the replies listed here.

All the best,
K.

Hi S.~ Step families come with their own set of baggage (I have a step mom and dad). I was just wondering if your girl is depressed. There could be a little of that along with the poor eating habits, the move, and just being a teenager. Then you add hormones on top of it all.
I love God. I go to him before I have to talk to someone about a serious issue. If you talk to him first.........ask him to give you the words. Or atleast the peace to just show her things from love. It really does help.

Hi S.,

I have an interesting idea for you! You may be aware of many great "healthy snacks" that she can eat and actual "loose weight" in the process. If you do not, I have some great info for you. You can go to http://mariji.appetizerdiet.com and check out this "high fiber" cookie. It is a good snack for all your children and in combination with the Appetizer Shake, she can loose weight and enjoy eating without knowing the plan. You have to have it around for her to choose it and let me tell ya the cookie is amazing taste and very filling. Check out the site yourself and see what you think.

There are other foods that also will help naturally. Did you know that a grapefruit burns up more calories than it puts into your body? If she likes grapefruits, just have a lot around this summer and let her eat as many as she wants. When parents bring attention and focus on the food a child eats, it only makes the situation worse. In fact, the more we "focus" on the fear of something, we will get what we fear. If you can have the healthy but tasty snacks around the house all will benefit too. A lot of healthy snacks just taste terrible. My picky daughters love these cookies and eat them whenever they are visiting me. Activity too is like you know is important. Can she have the responsibility of taking the other kids to the park or for a walk or watch them in some way with more activity as a special event? Sometimes it works being creative in one's guidance, sometimes nothing one suggests works! However, we never know until we try. I hope this helps you.
M. G ###-###-####

Growing up in my house it was always a rule to ask mom or dad before taking any food. I do that with my kids, too. Although they follow it about as well as I did (most but not all of the time). If this is an overall rule in the house, your step daughter should not feel singled out. Then you can steer her to more appropriate choices. Apples, celery with peanut butter, carrot sticks, oranges, broccoli and cauliflower - cooked or raw, a slice of toast, a cheese stick, a glass of water are all good options to chips, cookies, and ice cream. I give me kids similar choices and if they don't want any of that "stuff" I say "you must not be all that hungry".
Also, do activities as a family. Go out with her to practice shooting hoopes. Go on family bike rides. Walk to the park. It is time spent together building family bonds and childrens sense of belonging, and it is helping her build good habits too.

Here's an idea. Most teenagers are looking for part-time work. Maybe she could check with your neighbors about walking their dogs. Or maybe she could volunteer at the local animal shelter and walk the dogs there. Good luck!