My 17 yr old daughter is a regular babysitter for a few families in our neighborhood. She is particularly popular because she interacts with the children, plays games, takes crafts,etc. She is routinely paid $12-$15 per hour which is not a rate she requested, she is just fortunate. The norm around our area is $10 per hour.
There is a new family who asked her to babysit back in November 2011. When she came hom from the job, she said the children 7 and 10 were very needy and she did everything she could to please them and nothing was working. Se said they were bouncing off the walls, playing soccer inside which mom said was ok to daughter. She also said the house was a mess and she cleaned up the kitchen. This family paid abou $8 per hour but she didn't complain because she knows the others pay more than average and everything tends to even out in the long run. Within 24 hrs of this job, daughter was sick.... she missed 3 days of school and I spent $300 in Dr visit plus RX. It was an allergy flare up which turned into a sinus infection. We chalked the illness up to her regular allergies.
She babysat again in January,2012. Per daughter, it is not her favorite family to babysit for but she has a good attitude about it because this is the job she has due to her schedule. This time she texted me and said there were no dishes for the children to use, there was food, junk in the sink and the house was an overall mess. The couple came home early and at this time, I had driven daughter to their house because she needed to get her DL renewed. They let her leave the house to walk home in the dark which surprised me. We never, ever did that with a sitter. Again, within 24 hrs, she was sick... another Dr visit and RX plus 1 day out of school $300.
After this sickness, I said enough. Daughter told me that the house reeks of cat urine as well. I told daughter that I can't spend $300 everytime she babysits for this family. Plus, daughter is a Jr in High school in AP courses and can't afford to miss achool... this is a critical year because she is working hard to keep grades up for college officials to review and maintain her responsibilities on the cheer squad.
SO... the mom has been texting her every week to come back. Daughter has truly had plans and was able to say she couldn't and not lie. She did give the mom another girl's name. She thought mom would get the hint and not call her back..... NOT
So now, I need to email mom so she will stop asking daughter because I am not going to let her go back. I don't want to hurt mom's feelings but I need to convey somehow that we think maybe daughter is allergic to the cats because each time she has been over, we have ended up with missed school days and medical expenses.
How would you tactfully phrase this email? Thanks so much in advance.
WOW, Thank you for all the responses. In the beginning, mom was emailing me regarding daughter's schedule but now that she is communicating with my daughter via text vs asking me.... I do feel like it is daughter's job to relay the message. Daughter will simply text that she has learned that she is allergic to cats and unfortunately unable to babysit for them any longer. I don't think the mom will push it but if she asks me, I will relay the same message. Thank you all.... You ROCK! Have a great day.
Yep to the others who said you just simply say that you've unfortunately found out that daughter is allergic to cats so no more babysitting for homes that have them. That should end it right there.
Your DAUGHTER needs to email them and tell them, she has discovered she is extremely allergic to cats and will no longer be able to babysit for them.Short, sweet and the truth..
She is a big girl and needs to start taking care of these things on her own.. She will soon be n college and legal, so she will be handling all sorts of situations.
This is your daughter's job. She's 17 not 7. Her mommy shouldn't be emailing the family, she should let them know she can't come back herself. A simple phone call explaining her allergy should suffice, but let her take care of it. Communicating with her employer is a skill you should be encouraging her to practice.
I would text her back. And be honest, but not about all the issues obviously...
"I'm allergic to your cat, so I will be unable to babysit for you again. I had severe allergic reactions both times I left your home. Good luck finding another sitter."
And way to go for your daughter. The sitters around here just sit and watch inappropriate movies while ignoring our young children, they don't feed them, put them to bed, play with them hardly at all or anything, and they expect $10 an hour.
My sister, SIL and nieces are highly allergic to cats. We have 2 cats and I completely understand that they have a hard time at our house. I would simply explain it as follows:
It is my daughter's junior year, she is very busy and hesn't been available to babysit on the days you've recently asked. However, as her mom I'm suggesting that she no longer babysit at any homes with cats. She is more highly allergic than we originally realized as she was sick for days after both times babysitting at your home. Her doctor advises that she does everything possible to avoid cats. She is a very conscientious student and losing the time from school was very difficult for her on many levels. As much as she enjoyed your kids, I'm reinforcing her doctor's advice that she avoid cats at all cost. I'm sure you can understand - if your child was allergic to nuts or shellfood you'd avoid them. Susie does have a friend who doesn't have allergy problems with cats and she could be the solution for your babysitting concerns.
Practice it a few times so when she calls again you've got the speech good to go. Good luck mama!!!
I would say J. that. That your daughter can not unfortunately because you have found out shes allergic to cats. Leave out all of the other details thats the only thing they need to know.
Sorry but we just found out our daughter is allergic to cats. She will no longer be able to baby sit.
I wanted to add that it almost sounds like you feel guilty quitting this job because it is the lowest paid. Sorry but what you described I would say quit it even if they were paying her 50 an hour.
You did make me feel better about the cleanliness level in my house, thanks for that. :)
I would totally lean on the allergy and use that as an out. I think it would be a good experience for your daughter to be the one to e-mail them, but I can see why you would want to do it too.
Regardless of who sends the message, the gist of it should just be "as much as (name) would like to baby-set, her allergies flare up at your house and trigger several days of sinus problems after, so she can no longer baby-sit for you" and leave it at that.
I don't think there is anything rude about telling them that it appears your daughter is having negative health reactions to their cat and she will not be able to sit for them again. You are not being rude by pointing out the filth in their home you are just mentioning a common allergy. A lot of people are allergic to cats. I recently visited a friend who has a cat that sheds a lot. I sneezed the entire time I was there and my eyes were pure red. It was horrible.
I guess I would tell the new Mom that your daugther enjoys interacting with their children but that your daughter has developed an allergic reaction to their cats. Each time she works for them she is sick the following 3 days and with AP classes and cheer squad, she just can't miss anymore school.
Offer her a couple of other names with phone numbers and let it go at that. I baby sat for a family that sounds like this one in the late 60s. I continued to go up on their rate to $12.00 and they still did not care. Their house was so filthy I had to clean it before I could feed their children, give them a bath or put them to bed!
I think you just typed your own answer. My daughter is allergic to cats! Plain and simple and my very well be true. So sad to know that some kids live in a hell hole.
She should say "Gee Im really sorry but Im so busy with school and my schedule is packed full so I wont be able to babysit for you again. I sure hope you can find somene else soon, Thanks anyway." And then dont ever go back.
I would just tell them that her schedule is completely booked. It is booked - with staying healthy!
Just the fact that they pay her below her "going rate" would put them low on my list. The illness incidents (once is a coincidence, two you start to wonder) and the condition of the home would seal it for me.
She is still a minor and your responsibility so I think you're doing the right thing and not over-stepping your bounds.
I would NOT tell them that she is allergic to the cats unless you have her tested and find out she is. The fact is she may or may not be allergic to the cats. If the house is filthy there could be a hundred things that are causing her to be sick. By using the cats as an excuse without knowing if it's true, first and foremost your teaching your daughter that it's OK to lie. Period. Secondly, if they do get rid of the cats, then what's she going to do? Third, if it's not the cats and she sits for someone else with cats and has no problems and it gets back to this family you are going to have a sticky situation on your hands. Honesty may not always be the easiest route, but it is always the best one. Your daughter should tell this family that she is no longer able to sit for them and if they ask why she should be honest and tell them that both times that she has in the past that she has gotten sick, that she is unsure why, and that both times resulted in costly Dr visits and missed school and that at this point in her life/schooling that she can't take the chance that it will happen again. They may not like the truth, but IMO it's better than being lied to.
I probably would call instead of email. That way you could convey the message kindly without accusation in your voice. Emails can be misconstrued. This is what I would say......
We really appreciate the opportunities you have given our daughter to babysit for you. Unfortunately her schedule has become very demanding and she has less time to take on new jobs. We are also afraid that our daughter is allergic to something in your home. She has come home with terrible allergy attacks on both occasions in which she did babysit.
I hope you understand, but our daughter won't be able to babysit for you anymore.
....... If the mom starts to argue, just stand firm being sorry. Your daughter will only be babysitting for a few old time customers, and guarding her health.
How tactful is this? "Your house smells like cat piss".
But then again, I've never been one to tiptoe around other people's feelings.
Tell her that your daughter has severe allergies and seems to be allergic to something in their home (not a lie). Explain that both times she has babysat, she has had major flare ups and missed a lot of school. Tell her that as her mom, you are not allowing her to come back. Although she loves to babysit you can not allow her to risk her health. IF you are willing to allow her to babysit for this family but in your home, offer it up.
Honestly, your daughter should tell her this.
Tell the mom that unfortunately she has discovered that she is allergic to cats and has gotten very ill after babysitting each time. She is unable to babysit anymore but would love to refer you to her friend who is very good. Her name is X and number is X best of luck to you and your family.
Then ignore any further emails/contact---the family is obviously not a good fit and its just not working out.
M
Simple.."I'm sorry, she isn't available that evening". The next time (because they will ask again) "I'm sorry, she isn't available that evening". The next time (because they will probably ask AGAIN) "I'm sorry, she isn't available that evening"
They'll get the picture.
oooh this is sad!!!
I know how I would be if I was at a dirty home that reeked of cat urine. I too would get sick.
Why doesn't your daughter want to handle it? I know it's tough confronting someone about something when you are young. However, if she's not comfortable doing it - this is what I would say:
Dear Jane:
Thank you for wanting my daughter to care for your children. However, she is allergic to your cat(s) and gets sick after taking care of your children. She has given you the reference of another girl that can help you out.
Thank you.
TF
Keep It Simple Silly. Don't mention the junk, dirty stuff - however tempting it might be...and just stick to the basics. Daughter is allergic to your cat(s) and cannot watch your kids. If it's not the cat(s) then it might the pollen or mold - however, it's easier to put it on the cat and not have to drag the housekeeping skills into it.
No, I don't allow baby sitters to walk home. And when I baby sat - unless it was 3 doors down, one of the parents always walked or drove me home. Even in the day time. I know, funny - but that's the way people were when I babysat. And that's how I am. I would feel HORRIBLE if something happened to someone leaving my home.
I agree you should say she's allergic to cats and so won't be able to sit for them anymore. The other thing you could do is say that because your daughter is working hard to keep grades up for college officials to review and maintain her responsibilities on the cheer squad, she doesn't have time to sit right now. This will only work if the family doesn't know any of her other sitting families, though. Good luck.
definatley go with the cat allergy.. say its a severe allergy .. to me thats the nicest way to put it that they cant have anything to say back about .. good luck
Yup use the cats as an excuse.
I would tell the mom that because of the cats she has, your daughter can no longer babysit for her because she is allergic. Tell her about the two dr visits after the babysitting jobs and go from there. I am sure she will understand. Until she gets rid of the cats, she cannot babysit. She will be going to college soon, so when that happens, the daughter can say she is to busy with school work!
Wow! I wish you lived near me!! I could use a reliable sitter on occasion, and I don't have any cats. and I have a fairly clean home. LOL! It's not worth the hourly rate if you end up paying such high medical bills after every time, and the missed school/ cheer will effect her for the whole college thing. Stand firm, go with the cat allergies, and just tell them she can only sit for the people whe had already been doing it for, and has no time for others. (even though she is allergic to their cats) You never know, they may try to refer her to a "friend, and leave their kids at that house too. I had that done to me when I was young, and the other house was no better! Good luck! If you ever move to Florida, let me know.............. I could use a responsible sitter who I could trust! My older girls are at college now. :(
telling her the daughter has developed a cat allergy should be enough.
