How to Support My 16 Month-old's Independence Appropriately?

My daughter is also 16 months old. There is no way that she will sit still and watch/participate in a group experience. She wants to walk around, explore and discover things for herself. So, my advice is let her be herself. She's going to spend most of her childhood (school) sitting and listening to instruction from others. You don't need to rush it if she's not interested. She's completely normal!

I think 16mo. old is too young to expect the child to sit for a storytime or "circle" time. I've participated at these things w/ my kids (now 4 and 22 months). The instructor always says the young kids can wander around, play, crawl, and be themselves. They did not expect a child < 2 to sit quietly and listen. Maybe your instructors are expecting too much. My 22 mo. old daughter is very strong willed & independent too. I would encourage this independence & try not to force your daughter to sit still. This may send her the wrong message. When she is 3 and older, then she can learn what circle time or storytime is all about. I would continue taking her, but let her explore, though not in other moms' purses ;-) and if the instructor doesn't like it, don't take the class. If I tried to force my daughter to sit in a circle time, she would not be happy! Try to engage her, sound excited about it, etc, but if she doesn't want to, let it go.

I had to respond to your question because I used to deal with this exact thing all the time. I used to teach a mom and me class for your daughter's age group and I saw this behavior often. My company's approach (which I strongly agree with) was as long as they aren't endangering themselves or others, let them explore. I would encourage you to stay with the group to be a positive example. Remember she is learning by exploring and she is learning by simply watching what the group is doing. I can't tell you how many times a child your daughter's age would do the same thing, for multiple weeks, not participating at all, then one week the parents would come in and tell me that their child was doing all the activities they saw in class suddenly at home without ever doing them once in class (it was a motorskill/gymnastics class).
The best way I saw parents of children who didn't want to participate get them to join is by ignoring the child's wandering and act like they are having the time of their life being with the group, eventually, they child would come and see what all the fun was about. But sometimes it did take few weeks or longer for the child to think that what mom and dad were doing was more fun than exploring.
Good luck and enjoy!

She's really too young to expect her to sit still and take part in group activities, she is doing exactly what she should do at her age-explore her world! Don't push it and let her come around at her pace.

I also agree that you need to line up your expectations with age appropriateness. Read some child development books to help.

I DO baby/toddler activity groups - story times and puppet shows to introduce sign language. What I don't DO is expect those babies and toddlers to pay too much attention to me! I'm a stranger and the kids may or may not want anything to do with me. Some might pay attention for a bit, then go to mom and nurse for two minutes, then come back or just watch from mom's arms. If it's a family that comes regularly, over time the child gets used to me.

Honestly, most activities that are Mommy and Me or anything similar can often be for MOM more than child! And that's OK. Mom takes away a lot to use with baby at home.

To encourage your child's independence, you need to allow it safely and also allow dependence. They are still babies, after all.

I don't think you can. My son was WAY off the curve as well. If we looked at his behavior from year to year, there was loads of improvement and now he's pretty much 'normal'. (he's 6) He had to mature into understanding things like group, and others and future and best choice instead of what he wanted NOW.

If she is strong willed, a great book is "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Kurcinka. It helps you see strengths in the characteristics that can drive you crazy and also gives lots of helpful advice.

Another thing that really helped was to frame things playfully so that they seemed fun. It wasn't manipulative, didn't take more time (less time, actually) and helped us stay friends instead of being in battles all the time. A start is Playful Parenting by Cohen, however for me it's more of stepping back and thinking of how to see it from a different angle.

Neither of these will necessarily help a toddler want to sit when there's so much fascinating things to explore. At this age, it's better to just let her do her thing, or don't take her there in the first place. I guarantee that she will willingly sit in storytime one day - when she's ready. She won't have missed out and will somehow magically fall in line with the rest of them.

Definitely too young to expect much. I did a swim class with my son at 20 months and there were some days that he just DIDN'T want to do it. I think it is okay to "corral" her if needed, but let her decide if she truly wants to participate. This is new to her, give her a couple times and see if she comes around.

Keep your "expectations" age appropriate with development in mind.
KNOW what a 16 month old, is developmentally.

At this age and through at least 2+ years old, a baby does NOT "play" interactively like older kids. They "parallel play". Look this up online.

At this age they explore. That is how they learn.

If expectations are not in line with a child per their age and development, then 3 things happens:
1) the parent gets frustrated
2) the child gets frustrated.
3) there are then "problems".... which the parent feels the child is. But ultimately, the child is just being their age. Which is not congruent with what the parent wants or expects...

Gymboree classes are REAL great... try seeing if there is one in your area.
Here is the link:
http://www.gymboreeclasses.com/index.jsp
These classes are age appropriate... and they learn a lot, via "play."

Your baby, is not a full Toddler yet. You cannot fast forward her 'ability' to 'behave' or participate in a group activity... and they don't yet even have 'emotions' fully developed yet nor social ability....
AND... make sure that activities in a group is NOT at a nap time... or the child will not be at her best, and will get over stimulated. Not good timing.

Sure, kids this age are getting 'independent.' That is normal.
Just let her explore... she does NOT yet have to follow directions... just let her explore. THAT is how they learn about their world.

Kids this age are also very reactionary... still. It is how they are. Kids this age do NOT have any "impulse control" nor is it fully developed yet. It will not be fully developed yet until at least 4-5 years old.

And yes, group size is also a difference. Too many kids= too many over stimulation... and some kids just do not handle that well yet. Per their age. Smaller groups, are generally more well suited. Normal.

Your baby is fine.
That is how they develop.
Activities are good... but each child reacts differently.

A good book is: "What To Expect, The Toddler Years."

Story time... is for older kids.

all the best,
Susan