How to Meet Friends

I understand the irritation at finding yourself in a group of cliquey moms. I live in an area where most people have known each other for years, so it's harder to "break in" to the group. Have you tried to find groups based on an interest/skill/talent of yours? I know you probably want to find something kid-centered, but it may be easier to find something where you fit first, then you may be more likely to find someone you can be comfortable with and introduce the kids later. What about neighbors? Sometimes just the close proximity helps to create some type of bond. Is your child old enough to be in a pre-school setting, or get involved in youth activities like karate, soccer, etc? That may be a good way to meet people with similar interests. Not sure where you live, but try your local library or even Barnes & Noble, they almost always have a story hour that allows for the kids to have fun and the adults to chat a bit.

Another option is to start something yourself, but this may be a bit much. If you have a family-filled neighborhood, you could try to organize something for the moms and kids of all ages, or even just the moms. I know our neighborhood just started a "supper share", where once a month we all meet up and exchange meals with each other. It's a great way to meet and talk to other moms, and most of the kids are in the same age range (10 and under) so it helps to open up the mom/kid playtime opportunities.

Good luck! My husband grew up where we live now, so many of my friends are his family or friends, so I know how hard it can be to try and find your way in an area where it seems like they've known each other since diapers. Hopefully as your child gets a bit older, more opportunities to interact with others who share your interests will make it easier to find some people to connect with.

Pittsburgh is tough in that way-- so many people are from here and already have a lot of friends, and if they work, there is very little time in their lives for making new friends. I don't have a lot of advice for you, except to say to keep at it. It is very isolating, and hard, I know. I went back to work part time because I missed adult company so much. Maybe you need to find a part-time job? Toddlers are great, but not the best company all the time!

I want to echo what all the previous posters have said-Pittsburgh is a tough city to make real friends in. Pittsburghers are exremely nice...but that's where they want it to end. They don't want to make any new, close friends cause they already have them-the people they grew up with and their family. I am actually born and raised in Pittsburgh but moved away for awhile. My close friends from childhood are all in other cities and I am not that close in age with my siblings. I have a TON of friends but sadly nobody I would call a close friend. I know that those I consider closest are still the best friends with their childhood gangs. I will not be the one they call to spend new years with for example. And if something comes up for one of them then I will be dropped in a heartbeat. (A couple that I thought we were very close to blew off my 40th birthday party b/c one of their "gang" was having a Christmas party. I really don't know what there is to do about it. I will say that my old neighbor was here from out of town and she made a lot of really close friends at a big non-denomonational church that she belonged to. I would also say to seek out people who are from other places. Not sure where you are living but if you are anywhere near Cranberry I would guess there would be a ton of transplants there.
Good luck, I know its frustrating. As your kids get older you will definitely meet a lot more people through their school and sports. you sound outgoing so just keep it up-sooner or later you will find some kindred spirits.

Since moving back up here (almost 10yrs ago), I've had no problems meeting other friends (prior to getting married and having kids) or other moms (after marriage). Maybe its in the area in which I live (west, near the airport), but I'm in 3 groups and they just get bigger and more fun. There are sometimes groups of women who have more in common and may get together outside of the group more often, but that's how life is everywhere and has nothing to do with cliques not accepting outsiders. And the friends I've met as early as 3mos ago are as tight with me as others that I've known 10yrs or longer, because everyone is so down to earth and supportive. I've lived in quite a few other cities/states and have yet to find the kind of true friends that I've found here.

As far as moms cancelling or not RSVP'ing - that's part of motherhood. There's one mom in our group who we haven't seen in almost a year because her son is always sick (and her husband travels alot, and she has her plate full. Some moms can handle more than others.). Some moms only show up during the summer because they're terrified of germs/disease in the colder months (at least that's what they say). Some moms who are battling infertility haven't shown up because they don't feel comfortable around the other pregnant moms. None of it is personal, its just how it is.

The hardest part about planning our events are how some moms cannot (or will not) commit to anything until the last minute. Maybe they're waiting to see if something better comes up, maybe they're going thru something that is not known to us, maybe they're finances are low - whatever the case, its their prerogative to live that way, while others like to RSVP and plan things out sooner.

I hope you're able to meet others and form great/lasting friendships!!!!!

I've found the same thing and I've been here in Pittsburgh for 20 years. I don't think these people avoid trying to have a closer friendship with me on purpose. It seemed to be more a matter of they already had very busy lives with the friends and family that they know well and are comfortable being around. I actually envy how lucky they are to have such a great network of support and love close to home.

I wish I had some great solution that I've come upon that would help you make friends here, but I'm afraid I don't. I still struggle to find a few friendships for myself! I have ended up with some acquaintances, but no really close friends, which is hard. I've found the best thing to do is just keep the email and phone calls going with those that I have a close relationship with, even though they're so many miles away.

I do have one thing I've done to help me at least keep my sanity! I volunteer one night a week at the local library. This way I at least get a little bit of time away from the kids, working on something other than housework and discipline of children, and talking to adults other than my husband. I also assist with a children's program one night a month, which has helped me become a little more familliar with some of the faces of families in our community. I can't tell you how it lifts my spirits and makes me feel more connected to our community when I run into one of those people and they say "Hi! How are you?" Just that little bit of connection does help. Perhaps if you were able to take a little time on your own doing something community oriented, it would help you find a spot to belong too. (Or at least a way to keep your sanity until you find some good friends of your own!)

I hope this doesn't come off as a terribly depressing post! I wish you the best of luck.