How to Let the Neighbor Child Know We Are Deeply Sorry for His Loss of a Father?

Okay, I was 23 yr when my dad died suddenly and I am a girl not a 12yrs boy but I think that some thing that sticks out to me the most during that time was the friends that were there for me. Made me laugh, treated me "normal", and gave an escape from thinking about it. Sometimes it feels bad in the beginning to feel good. Playing with him. Just hanging out with a movie. Invite him over and away from thinking about it all. Giving an escape from all of it is helpful. He knows you know, but not talking about it could be a big help for a little guy (for anyone). Follow his lead, if he wants to talk, cry, whatever, just be there and explain to your son that too. That is giving your son the chance to learn a life lesson about being a good friend during this time for the future when he faces this again.

Myra
Be a friend to this boy and let him he can always talk about his dad or not. Also I would give him his own sympathy card to let him your are thinking about him at this time not just his mom.
J.

Oh, how sad!

I think a good rule of thumb is that you NEVER have to worry about reminding someone of a loss. They remember. What is very comforting is when other people also show recognition. After losing a couple of relatives of my own, I always try to take a little extra time to remember to send a card, stop by the funeral home, etc., even if I don't know the person well (or it's a relative of a co-worker, friend, etc.) It makes a huge difference.

Anyway, I think it's very thoughtful of you to want to show that you care. I assume the father must not have lived in the same household and that you've already missed the funeral? I think in that case I'd probably send a blank card or simple bereavement card with a handwritten personal note. Something like, "Joe, we were so saddened to hear the bad news about your father. We want you to know we're all thinking of you and your family with concern and love. Your neighbors," etc. Maybe your son could add a short note inviting the boy to play soon.

Hello Myra,
I think you said it yourself. You are deeply sorry for his loss so sending a note/card is perfect. You could even stop by the families home if you feel comfortable. These days I think we over think things. Being a good neighbor or friend is expressing things that you are feeling so do just that. The family is lucky to have neighbors that actually care for them so just go with your feelings!

how about giving him an album where he could put his fathers pictures into it? or a frame- or even a journal for him to write his feelings in?

How terribly sad. Heartbreaking. I would send a sympathy card to his family from your family AND I would ask my son to send a separate one to his friend. It's good for your son to show compassion to his friend. Also, talk to your son about and tell him that it may be sad to hear his friend talk about the loss of his father but, as a friend, he needs to be supportive and listen. He needs to be patient if his friend cries. Explain that the boy may show anger too or may withdraw from their friendship. Help your son to help his friend. This boy will need his friendship more than ever and he'll always remember his kindness.

Also, remind your son that you and dad are planning on staying around for a long time. True, none of us know that but it still may be a comfort for him to hear it. Best of luck to you.

I would include the boy in as many activities as you can. He probably wants to feel like a normal kid, not the one getting all this weird attention.

Talk to him mom and see what she is comfortable with. She is now a single mom with a lot on her plate. Can her son join you for trips to the movies, ball game, DVD night, sledding, camping, etc.

Although family members often step in as replacements for lost mothers and fathers, it is the neighborhood dads that this boy will see the most. Be sure you husband remembers to include him in that game of catch.