How to keep my husband and my toddlers close in a long distance

We use a web cam to "talk" to Grammy and Grampy. My oldest has a great time looking at his grandparents (and himself)while showing off his latest tricks in front of the computer. He is only two so sometimes the visit is extremely short and other times he will talk for twenty minutes or so. No matter, the face time has kept him close to his grandparents. I think the web cam we have was about $30 with additional money off with a rebate. Not too bad! Good luck!!

J.,
When my husband deployed for Iraq, I went to www.daddydolls.com and had a doll made for my daughter. She loved it and took Daddy with her everywhere she went. It helped keep him fresh in her mind and was especially comforting at night. Hope this helps.
C.

Hi J.,
I’m in the same boat. My husband’s in Denmark for job training and has been gone for a few weeks now. It’s hard to make calls since his morning is our evening and vise-versa. My kids are 4 & 2 and they miss their daddy terribly. My oldest asks every day if daddy’s coming home today. We use the webcam when he’s in the states and that helps A LOT! My oldest talks to him on the phone and my youngest jabbers a bit, but I know it’s good for each of them to hear each other’s voice. I tell them all the time how much he misses them and really wants to come home and we talk about silly and fun things that happened when daddy was with them last. Watching home videos help too. If you don’t have any you could start making some the next time he’s home. Keep assuring them you're not going anywhere

good luck

I understand. For most of my "mothering life" my husband has traveled between 75 and 90% of the time. You can try 2 things. First, try speakerphone so they can listen to you talk with him, too. Even if they can't speak with him well, hearing your conversation can remind them about your relationship and give them a sense of security. Second, try video calls online. It will do the same, but add the visual. Good luck.

My husband travels throughout the year.
We have gotten out of the practice of doing this, but we used to use webcams while he is on the road. Our sound didnt work that well, and we used phones for that while looking at him on the cam. but at least the kids could see him every night before bed. Of course it could get pricey if he has to get a laptop for the road. My hubby used his laptop. Hope this helps. Hang in there.

As a military wife, we have to deal with this all the time (unfortunately). There are some things that help at that age. One is called daddy dolls. I think the website might be daddydolls.com, but I may be a little off. You send them a photo of your husband and they turn it into a pillow-type doll that can be hugged and helps them to "see" daddy when they talk on the phone. You can also try webcams, or have a video made of daddy reading a favorite story. Then they can play the video whenever needed. Hope these help!

J. P

I am also a mother of 2 boys who are just 16 months apart. My husband was activated to Iraq when the boys were 3 and 1. He was gone for 15 months. He came home in October only to leave in January for the Police Academy for 12 weeks. With military training and on-the-job training he has been gone most of their lives. While he was in Iraq, we got web cams so the boys could see him. I was so afraid that they would think that he had left their lives. They also would not talk with him on the phone and it was a way that I could show them that Daddy was still there as a part of thier lives. You have my sympathy. It is not an easy thing to do, but with your love and a lot of prayer, they will do great! PS When my husband came home, they acted like he had never left them (which left me feel a little left out LOL).

I don't know if it will help but I saw a show on TV a while ago about helping young children deal with separation from parents (it mostly had to do with parents being deployed to Iraq).
One mom took a picture of her husband to a print shop (Kinko's??) and had his picture put onto fabric and then cut around it, stuffed it with foam and batting and made a doll/pillow that the child could carry and talk to. It was really neat (the doll was about 1 foot long from top to bottom) and the child took it everywhere. Also, have your husband read some children's books into a tape recorder and send the tape to the boys...that way the boys can have daddy "read" them a story...
Hope that helps..God bless!

Hi J.,
Think about getting a web cam and letting them have a daily or weekly "chat" with Dad.
The things that seem so trivial to us are all empowering to children.
Another idea is to play the what-if game...
When your son tells his dad to come home, dad can make a "game" out of it - talk about meeting in his dreams, flying home on the next rocket ship.... play into the longing and talk about what they would do if dad could come home right this minute.... then talk about what they will do instead, while they wait for dad to really come home.
L. G

I am a mother of 3 boys ages 12,9 and 5. When my oldest 2 were younger my husband was also away a lot. I didn't know what to do then either, just made sure when he was home that we all spent a lot of quality time together. Due to another job change my husband is now gone again several weeks at a time. My suggestion is for you and your kids to get together and make Dad a book each time he is gone. Have each child paint, color,draw, glue etc. things that they do each day that they want Dad to know about. This will give them their own expression of how they are feeling and helping Dad not to be so lonely and miss them so much when he sees what they are doing. If you can mail it to him once a week he will feel connected, then when he gets home he can sit with them and have the connection with them as they explain each picture. If you write a note on the back of each page explaining the page then he will know what they drew or made and it will help when he sits with them to talk about it. I hope this helps a little.

If it possible for yall to video your husband reading some of your sons favorite books to them and then play it at bedtime. Video the boys playing or talking to daddy, showing them what they did that day, what they may have colored or created or something new they learned like how to do a somersault or something. Secretly record your dinner conversation & send it to him. The reason for the secret is just so he feels it's a normal day at home, not something put on, ya know? Another thing you can do with books is to get 2 exact copies of the same book. Then have your husband do an audio recording of him reading the book with BEEPS when it's time to turn the page, like a read-along book you buy.

Phone communication with children this age is very difficult as they don't understand the concept that clearly. Heck I still have issues with my 9yods drifting off in his phone conversations. If your husband is in more than one place, like traveling state to state or something, have you heard of Flat Stanley? http://flatstanley.enoreo.on.ca/ It's a very cool project and you could adapt it to suit your needs. If the kids have a stuffed animal they like, that they can do without, your husband can take that animal to the different places he goes for an adventure (if he can do that). He could take pictures of him with the animal and then write about what they did there. You, in the meantime, could get a map & put pushpins in all the places the animal got to do that day!

My husband is former Navy and we were always thinking of ways to make it feel as if he were still home. Unfortunately, he served on a Submarine and couldn't do near all those things, we only got to exchange letters. But many of the wives I knew had husbands on the ships & they could do those things. Oh another thing, is if you can afford it & can do it where he is, is to get cameras on your computers & set up a time to do a video conference thing.

Have your boys tell you one or two sentences of what they liked about today and write it down in a diary of sorts. Then when you can, mail it to him. It might seem small and insignificant to you but it will mean normalcy to your husband. I would have my husband do that on the sub. Just jot down a daily record of things you did, that you can share of course, and when they have 'mail call' rip out the pages & send it to us. It was so much better than getting a rushed 1-paragraph thing from him (mail call wasn't always scheduled on subs).

I hope those are some ideas you can work into your day.

One more thing. IF you can afford it, go by yourself and pick up some little things for X amount of weeks he'll be gone. Then wrap them up, hide them, and each Friday pick one out for them to open 'from Dad'. It doesn't have to be expensive or huge, for instance, you could do a collection of farm animals for the 2yo. Start him with a 'farm' then each week he gets a new animal to go in it. The 4yo, if he's like my sons, LOVE cars. So a race track to start, no electric of course, and then each week a new car to put on it. Or stickers, bubbles, balls, stacking cups, etc.

I hope yall are together as a family soon and in the meantime, I hope some of these can help pass the time. And if you have a picture of your husband in a frame, you can set it on the table at dinner time. Little ones, try as they might, sometimes are very skiddish when dad comes home from being gone so long. But if he was 'there' for meals it might help.

Good luck.

What about getting webcams for your computer & his?!? That way you can get on the computer & your boys can actually see & hear their daddy at the same time. It might be fun & exciting for them too. I don't think the price is too bad. It may help the time pass quickly for all of you. Best wishes & God bless!

Aww As wife to an Army man and the mother of three kids, I can tell you it isn't easy. But don't lose hope!! If he has internet, both of you get a webcam, and let the boys talk to him on the webcam. This is something my kids do all the time, and they love it!! Also, have the kids send him little crafts, and have them help put together little packages to send him. They will love being involved, and your husband will love getting them! And reassure them of his love every day. And put them on the phone, if only for him to tell them that he loves them, even if they can't talk to him. they will love hearing the sound of his voice, and often their little faces light up like a beacon. Ask your husband to send little notes and cards, and tell the kids that it was sent just for them, read it to them. Little things count the most!!! Good luck and God Bless!!

J., I am way past the toddler era; however, I am a computer consultant/administrator.

I was wondering if you and your husband have access to the Internet and a Web Cam? They range in price from 50 to 150. You can get a look at a few of them here: http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?id=abcat###-###-#...

By using this setup, you and your children can talk to your most loved Dad and see him too. This may help the kids to relate better and not feel so far apart.

Hope this helps!

;)
D.

Get a web cam and send him live video or make him a dvd with your video camera to send him.

Hi J.
Do you and your husband have access to a computer? We do webcam with our family to keep them close...maybe that would help?
J.

I made daddy daughter boards for my girls for when their daddy is deployed. We have pictures with them together and pictures they have drawn for him. Also do you have the military Elmo deployment video? (I'm assuming he is deployed forgive me if I am wrong) It is free to dependents from militaryonesource.com

here are a few other helpful web sites that deal with deployments that may be beneficial even if it's not a military related thing.
www.deploymentskids.com
www.militarychild.org
www.miltarystudent.org
www.nmfa.org
www.parentsasteachers.org
www.survivingdeployment.com
www.zerotothree.org/military

hth

J.,

There have been plenty of ideas for you to try already, so I won't rehash all of that. I'm married to a Coastie...from the time my boys were 18 months and 3 years until they were 5 and 7, he was underway on a ship for about 180 days a year. I feel for you, girl.

The ideas are all great, but what you really need to be sure about is that you aren't making the separation more dramatic for them by stressing about it. If you "miss daddy", or "wish daddy was here to do this with us" then they are going to pick up on it. The more matter of fact you are about it, the more you make it their normal, the more they accept it. When they bring up wanting him home, be clear and quick, "I miss him too, but he's working, when he's done working he'll be home." Then change the topic/divert their attention to something else.

Also, be sure you are doing all the things you normally would if he were there. I took the boys on mini vacations, day trips or overnights to do fun stuff, children's museums, zoos, etc. Giving them something else to think about will keep the them from fixating too much on their dad being gone.

Mostly, it's not the time away that counts, it's what he does with the time he's home that they will remember. Kids are much more resilient than adults. Our boys are now 7 and almost 9, and they love their daddy almost as much as I do :)

Hope this helps,
J.

I was going to suggest a webcam also. (Check out Skype--it's free to download and free use if both parties have it.) My sister uses on with her daughter (just turned 2) and her father-in-law who in another country for 6mos out of the year. She says that she knows who he is and is not scared of him when he does come to visit whereas she is shy of others who she doesn't "see" on a regular basis. They don't "talk" a lot but she comes to the computer and sees his face. We just got one so that my daughters can keep in touch with their cousin since we live so far apart. The kids love it and beg to "see" their cousin all the time. I hope this helps. It must be difficult to especially when your boys are so young. Good luck!

J.,

I also have a two yr old. When Daddy is away we do a lot to keep daddy and D connected. I have listed a few of the things we do, I hope this may help.

We mark the canendar when daddy will be home from a trip. 1. Whenever D asks, we go to the canendar and look.
2. We have a large map of the us and world that way we can always find daddy.
3. We make cards to send to daddy. He gets to decorate them however he wants. Coloring book pages help too. He gets to put on the stamp and put it in the mailbox. That way he knows HE is sending daddy something.
4. We talk about Daddy's day. Where he is what he is doing...
5. We have txt & pix & flix message on the cell phone. My husband will send a flix message and I will replay it every night before bed. D likes to watch it over and over and then tells Daddy good night. We will send a happy video message to Daddy too.
These is the big ones-
6.If you have a video camera at home, video your little one and Daddy playing. Play it for the kids while daddy is gone.
7. Get a durable soft photo album. Get pictures of Daddy and the little ones doing stuff together. (Vacations...???) whatever. Put them in the album and let them be for the kids to carry around and have whenever they want. I usually keep in in D's bed. Often he will talk to Daddy (in the pics) before bed or as soon as he gets up. This way he gets to see daddy all of the time. This has solved many I miss daddy times for me too.

I am also a stay at home mom. I know when Daddy is away it is hard. For us being as honest as possible about where Daddy is and what he is doing really works... even with a yr old.

Good luck!

My husband is in the military here at Ft. Campbell, so I can understand the issues that you face. It is hard when the kids are that age and you have a husband who is gone a lot. I had my kids draw pictures or help them write little notes to my husband when he was deployed. I also, for the one that could talk, would have her dictate a letter while I wrote it. Most of the times we did emails for him. My husband would get on the phone to the younger ones and just talk to them even though they could not really respond. When they are really young it is really more for the parent than it is for the kids. Odds are they will not even remember this time, well the 4 year old may remember.
My husband and I have come to realize that it is not how much time you spend with them, but the how you spend the time that they remember the most. My three older kids who have gone through these deployments are now older (14-8), but now I have a 7 month old who will be about 18 months when my husband leaves again. So I will be faced again with the same issues you are dealing with now. All I can say is stay strong, show the kids lots of pictures, and make sure that the time they do spend with dad is quality time.

Hope this helped

If your children like to draw and your husband can receive email, ask them to draw pictures for their dad and scan them and email them. Your husband might try responding in the same manner. Photos can also be exchanged that way. This may help the 4 year old, at least.

You have to keep explaining that this is what daddy does when he works but he still loves all of you all and tell them that you will never leave them. YOu have to tell them that over and over and over again and you can't stop. They are little and they have to be told a million and one times. Keep letting them talk to him even if they don't talk, he can still talk to the children..... just so they hear his voice and know that he is there.
Others go through this and do just fine, they will too.
In fact, think of the others that don't have a dad or whose dad has abandoned them. They make it. At least your get to see their dad and they know he is there and that he loves them.
Just don't stop telling them that. They need to be reassured 100 times a day.