How to Help 3Yo Son Vent When Angry

Have you considered picking up a bit of sign language to help him express himself? Definitely look up the sign for "angry" - it will keep his hands busy while expressing how he's feeling.

Helping our youngsters find outlets to vent anger seems difficult. But....we all get angry, and it is a healthy emotion. It's up to us to teach them what to do with it. I have a 5 year old son who gets (and always has gotten) extremely angry and frustrated over things that seem mute. I have been successful using the advise of a dear older friend of mine. When my son gets angry, I calmly stop him by getting down on his level (on knees), looking him in the eye, and I ask him to talk to me. I ask him to tell me what has him so frustrated, tell me what we can do to help resolve the issue, and I listen and offer suggestions. It seems like it validates their feelings when you pay complete attention and let them tell you what is going on and then ask questions on what you can do to help. It seems to help them learn how to reason and problem solve. If it's really bad, I get him to sit face to face with me and tell him that I have some nice things to tell him. We then exchange (taking turns) saying something nice about each other. For example, I say "you have a wonderful smile", he will say something nice back. Before I know it, we are giggling together. I think the most important thing is to be consciencous of your own reactions to things, because they mimmick and learn the behaviors that we have, and to let him express his feelings (good, bad, and ugly) and teach him how he can resolve them by finding solutions. Best of luck to you, I know it can be very frustrating to watch (and listen to) :)

Hi J.,
That is funny--my 3 yr old son has his own made-up curse words too!! (de-BAH!) I'm glad I'm not the only Mom with that issue! I thought we were going to have to get anger management classes for him...same things, hitting himself, us, etc. I taught him to stomp his feet when he was angry and to say "I'm ANGRY." And that seems to help. Honestly though, the best thing we did was to get stricter with him and to make him behave. Seems like when we got HIM under control, he was better able to get himself under control.

Here's my (long) post about what we were facing and how we handled it:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/8357497264201007105
I am Tracy T, so scroll down to my post on that thread if you're interested.

I'm sure he is having a hard time dealing with his emotions--especially at his age with his fairly limited ability to communicate or understand his feelings. He's more frustrated than angry I'm sure. Good luck!!

hi,
not sure if it'll work for you, but it did very well with my son. we told him when he felt mad or angry to hit his pillow. we explained it in terms he could understand about physical pain to himself & others & that his pillow couldn't feel that. after a few days 7 alittle redirection it worked like a charm. good luck & god bless.

We had a quiet area called the feelings center in my classroom where someone could go if they were upset or angry. It had several different things in it. A cd player with soothing music, a pounding board (made of a styrofoam block covered in fabric with golf tees and a wooden hammer), paper, crayons, a book (Aexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day), a drum or xylophone, a lovie to hug and hold. We let the kids know that when they were angry or upset this was a good place to go to "get their angries out" and calm down.

You could set up a place in the house that is his feelings center or quiet center with things that will allow him to express himself appropriately or just calm down. It will give him a variety of choices for appropriate ways to express himself.

Our 4 year old would just want to have a meltdown. We just kept reinforcing that it's okay for her to be mad at us or to be mad about a situation. It's not okay to have the "traumatic meltdown of the century."

Plus - we also realized that a big part of it was she didn't think we understood why she was frustrated. Once we started to acknowledge that we knew she was upset and we knew why (even though that wasn't going to change anything) she dealt better. She still might want to go off and be by herself and sulk for a bit. BUT at least she knew that we understood why she was upset in the first place.

GOod luck!!

A couple of things come to mind that might be worth a try. When he is angry, let him know that his feelings are OK, but his behavior is not. Have him hold his breath for a second and blow it out really hard like he is blowing out candles. This works sometimes with our daughter to calm her down. She does the same thing though (hits herself sometimes and gets just the ugliest look on her face). I just tell her not to treat herself like that. It doesn't work though, lol.

Another thing you might give a shot would be to have 'angry paper' available. Tape a piece of paper or poster board to the wall or a table or something and have a crayon where he can get to it or put somewhere where he can ask for it. Let him scribble on the paper to get his feelings out.

Talking is always a good thing too, but I don't know how well he is going to be able to verbalize his feelings at his age. Most important is to validate what he is feeling. Maybe even talk to him about what things he might like to do when he gets upset (watching a certain video, scribbling on the 'angry paper,' talking, etc).

Gope this helps some.

God bless,
A.

don't allow him to hit HIMSELF, or if he decides to go after you or hubby that's just as bad. Teach him it's not right to hit ANYONE, even himself,, but at 3 they can reason enough to when he yells or wines, you can say " I can't hear you. Maybe if you talked nicely we could help". But dont give in when he cries or yells.. ever. Get him a "punch buddy" One of those inflatable toys that spring back up when you punch it. Tell him it's OK to take his anger out on something NOT alive.

We have some of the same issues with our 3 year old boy and the pediatrician recommended that we get a punching bag or the similar to allow him to express his anger and get it out without hurting himself. Hope this helps!

I would tell my son that it is perfectly ok for him to be mad at us but he was not allowed to throw a fit. I would ask her if there is anything that would make her feel better, like singing a song or jumping jacks or anything that would get that frustration out and then help her decide on something that is ok for everyone. Remind him when he starts that you agreed on that action and that you understand why he is mad. My daughter was a little different. I would tell her that I understood why she was mad and that was fine for her to be mad. I would give her 2 choices about what she could do. If she was mad that she couldn't watch tv I would tell her that she could either find something else to do or she could go to bed. That stopped her tantrums right in their tracks. She wasn't sure what to think at first but I think it helped that she got to make a decision.
Good luck.

I saw this while watching TV with my 3 yr old, take a deep breath, count to 4 (or count for him) & then have him dance (or some other appropiate behavior, like pretending to throw a ball, or pretending to hit a ball with a bat, climb like Spiderman, or anything he is interested in) his anger out. It works for mine & she thinks it fun & gets her mind off what made her angry to begin with, it's sort of a mental time-out for a 3 yr old. I call it her "grumpy bear" attitude, so she can tell me when she's unhappy by saying "I'm a grumpy bear" She usually crosses her arms to emphasize this, I make sure that she knows it's OK to have those feelings, but it's how we deal with them that matters. If someone has done something to hurt her feelings (an adult in her case), I first validate her feelings then tell her if they do it again I will just march over there & tell them to stop yelling at my Izzy! & she starts laughing. I hope this helps somewhat & best of luck!