How to Get Along with Controlling Latin Mother-in-Law?!?!

her home her rules :)
it's difficult to depend on someone but when you have to you have to be humble, grind teeth, and pray for the day you are able to stand on your own two feet.

I have to wonder if the miscarriages are caused by stress. I would seriously consider using very effective birth control while you are under your MIL's roof. You don't need to add a pregnancy to this mix. My advice: get out on your own ASAP. In the meantime, have your husband ask her to please not undermine your parenting decisions and you should keep your room super tidy, and respect her rules. It is her house - so it is her rules. And the room you are living in - it is hers. Sorry....my BIL and his wife, and his son, and their dog are living with his parents and his parents have been so stressed by the situation that they are now ill. Married "children" need to have their own homes.

C.

I'm with Lola. Her house/her rules.

Your room should be kept to her standards. WHOSE room is it? HERS.
You should be up and dressed and ready for the day.
What about cleaning the rest of the house? Laundry? Cooking? Do you help with all of that?

You & hubby can clench your teeth, smile, obey and repeat after me "We SWEAR we will never again be in this financial position again....."

It's said that "the borrower is slave to the lender." And right now, she's "lending" you a roof over your head!

Chin up! With a plan, you can get out of there even faster and on to your own life! Good luck!

Can you not find a job? I would be out there looking for some place to go as fast as I can. Don't worry about trying to get pregnant that's the least of your worries right now. You need your own space pronto!!

Different cultures and different customs are clashing here. You must learn a bit about the customs of your husband. Know that the women in this culture do things differently for their husbands. I know it might drive you nuts but try a few. Also this is your mother in law's house. I would do what I need to do to keep her from griping at me daily.

Know that this is not forever. But you must prioritize getting out of MIL's house first into your own and then worry about a baby. So there is an age gap between them that's the way life goes. There is a reason why you are having miscarriages and I would definitely hold off until I was in my own place.

You regain your own sense of personal space when you have your own place.

Sorry to be so blunt but it is time to wake up and smell the coffee and know life is what it is. You have to do for yourself and not wait on others to help you. Your MIL might resent the fact that you are in her "space" and not doing anything to help in her eyes and customs.

The other S.

You totally have the right to parent your child as you see fit while you live with your MIL. However, she's still the grandmother which means she's going to want to spoil him a little. I doubt that she let her kids have candy all the time and I doubt she spoiled them as she wants to spoil your son... she's romanticizing how she parented. Keep that in mind.

She wants to see you treat her son like a king. No matter what you do, you're going to fall short. She loves her son and her grandson more than anything on the planet, so nothing you do will ever measure up. That's just a fact. You're not good enough.

Add into that the fact that while she's thrilled that her son and grandson are there, and she's probably even happy you're there so that she can teach you to be a "better mother and wife" aka up to her standards, it's highly stressful for her. Yes, it's immensely stressful for you because it's not your home. You have to walk on eggshells and you don't have the best relationship with her to begin with, and that increases the stress, but this isn't easy for her to have long-term house guests.

That's what you are to her. This isn't your home: you are her guests. And she expects you to behave as guests and therefore behave in a grateful fashion at all times. She has the right to expect housework. She has the right to expect that when you're in the common living areas of the house that you're in clothes you would wear out of the house (unless you're sick). She has the right to expect that the room you are sleeping and living in with your husband and child is kept neat and clean and tidy. The fact is, she's doing you favor and she won't let you forget it... but you still need to honor it.

What you might want to try is working with her. Right now it sounds like you're working against her. Offer to cook a couple of times a week if she'll let you. If you can't eat something she makes one night, try to find something in that meal that you CAN eat or contribute to the meal that night in some way whether you buy something or make something.

More flies with honey than vinegar, and all that. If she sees you making a genuine effort and you soften your approach with smiles and kindness, she might do the same. If you allow an occasional piece of candy rather than say "no candy everrrrr!!!" you might see her respect your parenting rules better. Compromise on the little things more. Pick your battles. Which hill do you really want to die on? An occasional Hershey Kiss? or a bowl of ice cream for breakfast every day?

You are in HER home. Adult or no - they are helping you out. You need to abide by their rules. Don't like it? Move out. Sorry - not trying to be rude but that's the gist of the situation.

They are helping you. Yeah - she's saying stuff that you don't like and undermining your parenting skills with your son. Where is your husband in all of this?

Take the opportunity to learn Spanish from her. instead of making her your enemy - make her your best friend. Ask her to teach you Spanish. Ask her to tell you about her culture and where she came from...even in America things have changed...I know San Diego isn't the same town it was when I lived there 35 years ago.

Instead of feeling hounded and hen-pecked - you can be sweet - "thanks for the update." "thanks for fixing this meal - I'm not hungry." Instead of fighting her....just BE NICE....if you can't do that - do what you have to do to move out...

Unfortunately you are living in HER home and she has her rules. You don't have to eat the menudo and can take the Hershey's kisses away. This should be motivation to be independent and self reliant.

I worry that you are trying so hard to have a baby now if you are still living with your husband's family. That could delay moving out even more.

I think while you are still there you need to embrace it...help her cook, learn Spanish and be her friend.

I think that as long as you are depending on her for a place to live, you are just going to have to find a way to get along with her.
It's not easy living in someone else's home. You definitely have to sacrifice certain things in exchange for the huge favor of having a place to live.
As far as whose room you are occupying, it's your mother-in-law's room.

We stayed with my mom when we moved back to the area and while we were waiting for our house to be ready. Believe me, I helped around the house, the bed was made as soon as we were out of it. Things were done my mom's way while we were there. We were thankful and I know how my mom is so it was just easier to do things her way. She didn't override my every decision when it came to my daughter, but like any typical grandmother, she spoiled my daughter a bit. Nothing serious enough to fight about though. It wasn't anything that was going to cause harm.
I think your husband is right.
You need to not let things get to you. Save your money, get your finances straightened out and then you can go back to being queen of your own castle.
In the meantime, do your best to be appreciative try to get along.

Just my opinion.

I do have to agree that you are staying at her house and should abide by her rules. That does not mean you must eat menudo(I'm assuming that's the soup you were mentioning?)but that does mean you must at least show gratitude and thanks for her cooking for you. Is it also possible that perhaps the way your MIL is living and doting on her husband a cultural thing? If so, this very well could be why she is so bothered by you not waiting on your husband and at the same time not giving in to your child. I know it is not easy to look at things with a bright outlook when you feel you're being judged but your in-laws are helping you and for the time being you may very well just need to suck up your personal feelings on the matter and deal with it.

This is how it will be until you move out. The only thing I would correct is if you do not want your son to have something take it away, otherwise save your money and get the heck out of there.

let's see-it is her house and you are family-but still a guest. Your son is yours-even in her house-and you determine what he eats and when. I wouldn't dream of serving someone the lining of a cow's stomach-but that's just me. I hope you can get back on your feet soon and move into your own home. I know it's hard-but try to be grateful for what you have-and good luck!

I feel SO bad for you!!! I'm NOT a racist person at all, I dated a guy that was hispanic and I just couldn't deal with the culture. I think the expectations are ridiculous and luckily your husband agrees! The mom I dealt with was not born in America and sounds like your MIL on steriods.. If the situation were any different I'd say sit down and talk to her but she obviously has no respect for you as a mom/wife so it won't do anything. Hopefully you guys will be out soon and you'll have your space back!

Ignore her and smile, walk away when she begins her whining, but still be respectful and helpful. I have also lived with my inlaws and this is a method that makes it bearable. I did the laundry, dishes, swept, mopped... all on my own. It annoyed me when they barged into our room, but we kindly put a stop to that, though we did keep the space we occupied as clean as possible.

As for the pajamas all day, you don't need to get dressed up, but throw on some jeans and a tshirt... it's good to have some common courtesy amongst others. It would annoy me if guests lived in my home and lounged around in pjs.

As for your son, she gives him a piece of candy, I would let her do it some of the time, but other times when you really told her no, take it away from him and go take him in your room and read him a book or something.

Also, she needs barriers and boundaries. You are living there, but your room is your private area. Husband needs to talk to her and let her know she needs to respect the space as private and to not come in there.

A lot of these things aren't just mil issues, but cultural issues. The meals for example, eat some of what she makes, but then eat your own thing later. Help her clean the kitchen. Offer to make dinner the next night.

My husband is Mexican, and so is my mom, so even though my MIL is not as controlling as yours, I have a pretty controlling SIL. Anyway, I can relate to you from both sides of the coin. 1st of all DO NOT let her give your son anything if you said no, she is not to undermine your authority, your son will see her and not you as an authority figure and that will be detrimental in boundary setting and in your relationship with him. This one is going to be a tough fight and you need to have husband talk to her and put a stop to her immediately.
She is a very rude lady, I'm sorry about that and unfortunately you are in her home so you can do very little about her asking you to clean your room and speaking in spanish. Having said that being your own person you are in your right to not get fixed up, see if she is offended by that, that is her deal, not yours!, so just tell her so and fake you dont care, fake it till you make it!
I don't always serve my husband dinner or breakfast, he does it if I'm busy at the moment, he can do it, so he does, my MIL doesn't like that (she doesn't say it, but you can tell) but like I said that's her deal.
I don't know if your MIL is Mexican, sounds like she is... Mexican women, specially older women seem to believe that women have to do stuff for their man because he is the bread winner, both you and your husband know times have changed, this is not true not even in Mexico anymore, and y'all are equals, which is why you works and he gets his breakfast. Mexican women(in my experience) can be very quick to judge, again that's her deal.
My point is, you can't control what she likes or dislikes about you, you can even use the I don't understand you excuse, since y'all speak different languages, regardless, but you can control how she affects you... fake that you don't care and eventually you won't. (Make sure hubby knows about how you feel)
I suggest you put off being pregnant until you are out of her home.
Having said that, I suggest you try the tripe soup I am pretty sure that's what we call menudo, not for her, just because it actually is really tasty, at least I like it a lot. You don't even have to try it at her place, you can go somewhere else.
Hope this is helpful
Good Luck.

Some of this you may have to deal with since it is her house, but her giving your child something after you said no? That can not stand!!! He will learn not to listen to or respect you. Next time that happens I would take that candy away so fast, and take the child into a different room. As for the rest, just ignore her.