How to Explain to a 3 Year Old About Giving Away a Family Pet

Your vet may be able to help you with the behavioral issues your cat is having. There may be a simple solution that you haven't thought of. Wouldn't it be a better example for your daughter to show her that pets are a lifelong committment and when things get tough, you don't just give up? Also, I would be afraid that your daughter may resent your new baby if you get rid of her much loved cat right around the time you are welcoming the new baby. She may associate the baby with taking away her friend.

For the last few months, we have been preparing for my husband to be laid off.. so in January we gave our dog to a new home. We felt keeping her would make it tougher if we had to just pick up and move.. especially into an apartment!

Our daughter was 3 1/2.

We told her that it was time for our dog to spread some more love to a new family. The woman she was going to needed our dog to love her, too. We explained that our dog would be very happy and get all the love she needed.
We brought our daughter with us to bring the dog to her new home so she could see her new home and all the room she'd have to run. It was good closure- and my daughter didn't cry once. In fact, she tried to soothe the dog.. "It's ok, you'll be very happy here! I love you!".

Sure my dd asked when asked when she was going to a new home, too, but we'd just say, "Never. People don't give their children to new homes. Sometimes just pets. Mary just needed a special dog to love her. Brownie is just that special kind of dog."

See if the rescue mission will allow you to bring the cat to a neutral place so your child can see where the cat is going.. it'll put closure on it for her and she'll be able to visualize the cat being in a happy place.

Hope this helps!
M.

I know you said you didn't want more responses, but I'm in the same boat. We are giving our 2 yearold cat up tomorrow. Many behavior issues. I have been back and forth and full of guilt with this decision. Bottom line is if you are stressed out and yelling, like me it's not good. We are giving her the petsmart adoption ctr tomorrow. I have a heavy feeling even saying it.
I told my 3 1/2 year old daughter that the cat was going to live in a home that wants a kitty. We talked about it again yesterday and she took it way better than I thought she would. I'm hoping my guilt will abate in a few weeks. Don't be bullied by anyone, and see if your daughter can handle the truth. Good luck, Deb

I think you're getting some good advice so far and I don't really have anything to add as far as telling your daughter. I just wanted to give you some support for making a tough decision. We re-homed our two cats when my daughter was about 2 and I was pregnant again . . . also yelling at the cats a lot and feeling like the worst person in the world for yelling AND for giving them up. I know how hard it is and I don't know about you, but I got a lot of guilt from other people who didn't understand the situation. I'm sure you're making the right decision for your family and your cats! Best of luck!

Hi A.,
I would explain to your daughter *exactly* how you feel and *why* you feel the way you do.

Children are very capable beings and they can understand a great deal.... more than people think.

She still might be very sad and that's ok. Feelings are real and you can help her acknowledge those feelings and help her find a way to deal with them.

Perhaps you can make a scrapbook ..together ..pictures of the cat and your daughter and she will have those memories to look at when she needs to and wants to.

Perhaps buying a stuffed animal cat... similar to your cat, if possible. It would allow her to act out her feelings as she plays with it.

You could also tell her that when she is of a certain age you can think about getting another cat.(you add the age..but only say it if it is true)

Perhaps you could get a guinea pig for her...if you are willing to care for it. They make great pets and are confined to a cage. But with a baby on the way that might not be what you want <<G>>.

~M.
www.anestinnature.com

I remember having to send my dog to a new home. I had two small children then. We took a photo with her, if you can....if not one alone of your cat. And we told them that the doggie needed to live with an older nana to keep her company. And I told them they could write a letter to the dog if they wanted and send drawings. It worked out fine, a few tears in the beginning. I understand completely what you need to do. Good luck!

I am so sorry you feel judged for your decision.

I gave up our cat and even all our plants when I had my second son. I could not nurture anything else. We even moved to a house that was easier to care for. I wanted to put all that I had into my children. Our cat was not even a problem cat like yours is. That would have made the decision even easier.

I would come up with something simple and direct to say to your daughter, like "we want someone to give great care to Fluffy and Mama wants to put all her care into you, the new baby and Daddy right now". Or perhaps you could tell her that the cat isn't happy living with you anymore and asked you to find her a new home. That seems clear based on her actions. You feel the cat is old enough to make that decision so you are helping her find a new home.

Maybe take a picture of her & the cat so you can look at it if she wants and send your love to her. If she asks any questions just answer them as simply as you can.

A difficult situation, yes. I sympathize with you...I had a half siamese cat for 16 years ( rescued her at age two so she was 18 when I had her put down)
She was at the same time one of the best cats I ever shared a home with, and one of the absolutely most annoying.
I can only imagine what a trial a full blooded one must be.
Ok.
Hard thing to decide, that it is best to give away an animal.
The very best way to deal with a child on any issue is to be honest.
Tell her that you need to tell her a sad thing. Sad for both of you but good for the cat.
Verbalize her sorrow ( and yours) Explain (SIMPLY) to her why you need to find her a new home. Tell child how sorry you are that she will miss her cat and you know how she feels.
Tell her that it has been a very hard decision to make but one you felt you needed to make.
Dont mention the new baby or little girl may resent the baby for the loss of her cat.
Tell her that the cat will have a really good home..special people are picking out a special home for her cat and the people who will have her will be able to spend a lot of time with the cat and take really really good care of her. Better than you can right now.

Do not leave room for negotiatin or backing down if your decision is made.
I do not think I would offer her another cat sometime in the future. Not sure it would establish a good precedent for her dealing with problems later in life, yes?

Do not offer another cat at a later date unless she 1. asks.2 It is true. If you come to a point where you think you can have a normal cat ( its my experience Siamese are NOT normal cats..and that YOWL, oh my) Maybe consider a ASPCA cat/kitten. Maybe next spring during kitten season.
She will recover from the loss. After all, if the cat had been struck by a car she would get over it eventually.
NOT to dimish her sense of loss one bit just look at it practically.
I would not make a HUGE fuss over the whole thing. You cannot keep the cat , you have done all you can to find it a wonderful home. End of story.
Sorry if I sound crude but I was brought up on a farm where animals came and went all the time. I cried over many of them too, I must admit.
You will do fine, little girl will do fine.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

We had to give up our dog, who my daughter was so attached to, when she was three. She was so upset I could barely do it. When the new owner came to get her, I did not have my daughter there. I strongly recommend this--- have them say their goodbye's prior to the new situation.
We talked about what was best for our family and how the dog was making life for our family hard and mommy and daddy cold not give everyone else the attention they needed. Of course- at three- they don't understand a great deal of this but I focused on the new found time I would have for my daughter (we also had a baby on the way). There are some great books out there and I did resort to getting a fish....good luck----- it's a tough one!