How to End Co-sleeping

We co-slept with each of our children (5)and sometimes 2 at a time. The easiest way that we found was to get them their own bed with the bedding of their choice (cartoon character, transformers, cars, etc.) decorate their room and tell them that it will be theirs when they are a big boy. After a couple of days we started "bugging" them while they were in bed with us ( getting a little too close, pulling off the covers, nudging them as they were about to fall asleep) then telling them oops sorry, your getting SO BIG. We did this with each of our boys less then a week and they ended up getting out of our bed and going to their own room and thinking that it was their idea. That way they didn't think bad of their sibling who stayed in the bed or a new child who come into the bed because it was THEIR idea to leave in the first place.

Below is advice that I recently gave to a mother regarding co-sleeping..... I hope you find it helpful.

My daughters still sleep with my husband and I on many occasions. They are 5 & 6 years old. Our two boys also did at young ages and have since grew out of it. Your daughter has a valid point with the mom and dad sleeping together. As adults we want to feel close to our husbands and we sleep with them every night. And as children, they just want to have that same closeness. My husband and I first had issues with this situation. However, we have grown to appreciate these times of their youth. They won't be small forever...and if they want the closeness and security of sleeping with mom and dad, then we feel that it builds a stronger relationship with our children. They trust us to protect them. and As they grow older, their trust in us will remain. Our boys are happy to sleep in their own beds now....and they also know that we are there to protect them whenever they need. They remember those times and cherish them as well. Having a family bed is just a decision that you and your husband will have to decide. It's not one for anyone else to make for you. There is no justification here. Just a choice. Enjoy every moment of your children's lives.....they grow up so fast that before you know it, they will be tucking you into bed!

Good for you for parenting the way you feel led to! You've gotten some great advice here so I have nothing to add except that I always get a good laugh when people say that kids will never learn independence if you don't wean them, kick them out of your bed, get them out of your sling, etc.. Can you imagine yor 16-year old son lounging in your sling and nursing?! LOL All because you never showed him who was boss when he was 1 year old...HA!

Please know that Gina and all other "well-meaning" mothers out there lecturing you not to cosleep are ignorant on the research and history of cosleeping along with its TREMENDOUS benefits. You have done something amazing for your children and I commend you. As for the cosleeping transition to their own beds, you got some good experiences from one or two others so I'll just add in. I have been told (my mother did this successfully with all 4 of us) to do a crib mattress on your floor and then shift it to their room, on the floor. ONce they are comfortable with being on their own you can get them to sleep in a regular bed in their own room. It happens over the course of several weeks, maybe even a couple months. I cannot tell you I personally know it works because I still cosleep with my kids. I plan on letting them cosleep for a while longer. I just want to reiterate, you have done something fabulous and you should know it.

We transitioned our kids from co-sleeping to their own beds by talking to them about it for a couple days, letting them pick out some "special" things to have in their room (my son wanted to have a different blanket, my daughter wanted the rocking chair from the family room put in her room). We then started having bedtime routines that ended with books and cuddles in their own beds. My daughter transitioned easily. My son is 4 and still sometimes comes into our room during the night. Most of the time I just take him back to his room. Sometimes I'm too asleep to notice, so he stays.

We did do a little "trick" where we gave him a laminated piece of colored paper (he got to pick a colored piece of paper then I had it laminted) and this was his "pass" to come to our bed. When he came, he had to give up his "pass". There was only 1 pass, so only 1 chance to go to mommy & daddy's bed. He would try to hold out and not use his pass, so he often ended up just staying in his bed. We don't use the pass anymore since he doesn't come to our bed that often. Usually when he does, it's because something scared him or he doesn't feel well.

I had to night wean both of them before I could get them into their own beds, too. I did this by giving them water instead of breastfeeding during the night.

Good luck!

Also -- I forgot to say -- we put both our kids in twin sized low, platform beds (no box spring) with detachable side rails (purchase separately from the beds). They were never in cribs or toddler beds. I tried a mattress on the floor, but both of them chose to roll of it to go play during the night and wouldn't go to sleep.

First of all don't listen to the unhelpful person who said cosleeping should never have been started. People cosleep all over the world and have for years, and even if you regretted it which you don't you couldn't change that now.

Second: My best friend had a family bed till her son was 18m and then she bought him a big-boy-bed and he transfered into it with no problem at all. Yes make a big deal out of it, let him pick it out and all the sheets etc., spend lots of time with him before bed... I'd go with him in his bed like he's used to, to read or soemthing, then kiss him goodnight and leave. There are tactics that work for if the kid tries to crawl back into your bed at night too. Put some candy on his dresser or bedpost or something, and say he can have it in the morning if he sleeps through the whole night in his own room. It'll be fine. Have fun!

I coslept w/ both my kids, though they "moved out" earlier than this. Still, I think transitioning from a family bed to a big kid bed should be somewhat similar to a crib/bed transition.

Your 3 year old needs to be motivated to have his own bed I think. Get a new "big boy bed" - make a big deal about it. Let him pick out some sheets and a blanket. Does he have a lovey or stuffed animal he likes to sleep with? It's nice for kids this age to have a "friend" in bed with him. The key is to make him feel special and grown up. We also gave our son a little reading light next to his bed that he could turn on and off by himself. He's the same age (turns 3 next week) and he loves having control over his light. After we kiss him goodnight the rule is that he can turn on and off the little light and read in bed as late as he wants, so long as he STAYS IN BED. Only books in bed (no toys). Probably about 20% of the time he will flip on his light and look at books for 5-15 minutes before he falls asleep.

I had good experience with putting a mattress by my bed and laying down with her in that, then moving after she fell asleep into my own bed. It could probably work to just transfer the kid too (I had only one at the time though and easier to move just myself than her.)

Then I moved her bed to the other side of the room, and then to the bedroom next door. I have heard of some parents moving the mattress or bed slowly down the hall as well. We also had a "pass" that she could use once a night to get out of bed and in mine if she needed to, for some snuggles (she was also nursing at 3) and then back to her bed for the rest of the night.

Good for you for co-sleeping!!

Co-sleeping should never have been started. Get them both into their own beds. How can they experience their own space if they're under you wing all the time. During sickness or times like that are different. Maybe you can put them both in the same room, their room so they'll have eachother even if they no longer have you to cling to. Love can be too suffocating sometimes and children don't learn to be independant as they're growing up.

Every kid is different, and I don't claim to be an expert on, well, anything. But we co-slept with our son (20 mo. now) for most of his first year. Once he started sleeping for longer stretches we began transferring him to his crib when he fell asleep. From there we were able to start putting him to sleep in his own room (reading a story, listening to music, and rocking in the glider - which we still do). At first he didn't like waking up by himself in the crib and would cry (and we'd come in right away to comfort him), but now he's fine - plays for a bit and lets us know when he wants out. Now we don't even have to get him completely asleep. When he's settled down we can put him in the crib and he lies down on his own and usually falls asleep within 5-10 minutes and sleeps through the night.

We're due to have our second later this year, and I have no expectations about whether anything will be the same the next time around. In fact, when we were in the midst of co-sleeping with our first I wondered if my child would ever be able to sleep on his own (or if we were spoiling him), but this all kinda happened on its own - no books or methods or "helpful tips" from well-meaning family or friends. So I don't know if it will work for you, but I offer it to you in case it can help. Good luck!