I, too, have talked to my daughter's(she is 15months) ped. about tantrums, and her response to me is..."put her in a safe place where she can't harm herself in the tantrum and let her have at it..." she then proceeds to tell me that once she calms down to go over and talk to her about her emotions and what is going on. I feel like this is something you probably have tried, and you are pressured at home to just give in, but then you are told you are spoiling her possibly at the same time. sounds torn to me. i would say, try waiting for as long as completely possible without giving in. at the first sign of her calming, you calmly walk over and talk to her and give her loves. they always say to praise your child lots when they are behaving the way you expect, and i have noticed that it does work for me. i am also a believer in the whole "healthy mom, healthy baby" attitude which could be translated in this situation to "calm mom, calm baby" i guess i am saying that if you go in to her world, her tantrum, flustered and a bit uneasy, i believe children can sense that, and in turn she is even more flustered and uneasy....i hope that was some help or a bit reassuring to you, and also, i really like babyzone.com, they send newsletters, etc. about topics like this and other ones surrounding your child's age/development. i like to play around on that and get some tips as well.