How to Best "Wean" My Daughter off the Breast

My daughter was a very clingy baby, nursed for a very long time (much older than 15 months) , and didn’t spend a night away from her mommy until she was 6. Everyone told me that I should push her to be more independent, wean her earlier, leave her overnight, etc., but that never felt right in my heart, so I continued to let her lead the way.

I am absolutely convinced that meeting her needs and allowing her to move at her own pace is the foundation that allowed her to become the extraordinarily independent person she now is: next year she will be a doctor of Oesteopathy, she put herself through higher education entirely on her own, graduated valedictorian, has traveled through Europe a number of times, and when she was included at a dinner table with a Congressman, she made such an impression that 2 years later he remembered her well enough to comment to me on her poise, intelligence and independence.

In my experience, babies know in their souls what they need. If they get it, it allows them to grow up independent and well balanced. If they don’t, it is a harder road, sometimes for the rest of their lives. A small investment in fulfilling their needs when they are toddlers can pay off big time, later. They all have their own inner clock, set to different timings, and we may not understand the reasons why, but a baby doesn’t manipulate or demand something they don’t need on some level. Just like adults, fulfilling needs, and feeling safe, nurtured and loved is what produces well-balanced and happy individuals. I THOUGHT I was probably doing the right thing for my daughter, when she was a baby, even in the face of other advice to the contrary, but now, I KNOW I did!

L.-

I nursed my son until he was 18 months old and had very similar issues as yours. He was a very picky eater never would take a bottle. I started transitioning him to instant potatoes made with breast milk I did the same for his cereal and tried to give him that around 8pm to get him to sleep all night. As was suggested from his doctor. He loved it and did very well and slowly did start to sleep through the night. I gave him a soft lid sippy cup to drink from with breast milk through out the day and slowly started to water it down with bottled water. When he woke up at night I would give him the Sippy cup and tuck him back down and always praise him on what a big boy he is drinking from a big boy cup. It took time and patience but but being constant was truly the key that made the difference and got him weaned. I stuck to water and breast milk stayed away from juices unless they were all natural. I hope this helps good luck!

Hi L. H:

I know my experience will sound very different and, perhaps, difficult for most women. I had the same trouble with my son. I was still breastfeeding him when he was 20 months old and I was visiting my family in another country. I found that while most people here in North America were shocked that he was still on breastmilk (in addition to regular milk) and telling me that it was time for my son to stop breastfeeding, everyone at home was encouraging me and telling me to keep it up. Apparently, traditionally, we used to breastfeed up till age 4. I asked a doctor at the children's hospital there what I should do to wean him off, and she said to me that my son would stop on his own.

That is what he actually did, gradually. He began to breastfeed less and less until he eventually stopped. The only time in the past three months he wanted to was last weekend when he saw my friend breastfeeding her infant daughter, and I told him he was too big now, and instead gave him a great big hug and kiss. He was happy enough with that. He is now 3 years, 2 months old.

He, too, used to wake up often at night looking for the breast and he would never fall asleep without it (except when riding in the car). These days I just hold him until he falls asleep. He sleeps through the night most of the time now.

I look back now and remember how much I used to worry about it. If I said he couldn't, he used to cry as though he had lost his mother - he seemed to think it was a time-out for something, and he would start to apologize. I had even written to Dr. Oz about it, but got no response. I gave up the fight and decided to go with the advice from the doctor in my home country.

I don't know if this makes you feel any better or not, but I do hope that it's helpful. My situation was probably easier in this sense than yours might be as I am a single parent and he is an only child, so I can give him my full attention.

Good luck with your daughter.

N. M.

Hi L.,

Could be that your daughter's just not ready yet. Some babies simply love the breast. (Who could blame them?) I remember originally thinking I'd wean soon after the babe learned to walk. But when that came at 10ms I knew I wasn't ready yet. Then at 1, he still looked so little, so we kept on nursing. Turns out, all our babies love to nurse. So nurse we do. They've all weaned after 2yrs, one after 3yrs, so you can see where I stand.

That said, what helped us when we weaned was to talk a lot about what we were doing and why (for us, usually another baby on the way). Then at night, I wore a tight fitting t-shirt to dissuade any easy access. We also fed our boys pasta closer to bedtime to try and fill their bellies longer through the night. I think we'd even get up and feed them more noodles those first few nights. After the 3rd night, there weren't anymore hunger wakings. And that was it! True, there were occasional needs for cuddling before/during/after bedtime, but that's to be expected.

Good luck with everything, and remember, once you're done with breastfeeding, you're DONE! Enjoy it while you can.

J.

When I weaned my daughter I did it gradually over several weeks. I took away one feeding a week. Every other week would also work depending on the child. Start with a daytime feeding and replace it with a sippy cup or food. Continue to take away one feeding every week or two and replace with something filling. The more satisfied the child is the better they will sleep at night. Maybe the constant waking up will subside if their belly is satisfied. Doing it this way also saves your breasts from the pain of weaning quickly

My daughter is turning one next week, and I just stopped breast feeding her last week. She has always done really well with the "cold turkey" approach. At 6 mo we took away the pacifier (expecting the worse) and after one rough night she was fine. My husband and I were both very impressed. With breast feeding, my daughter had only ever eaten off one side, so she is on the low end of the weight charts. So she would feed every two hours though out the day and night! By 9 mo I was ready for some sleep! At our 9 mo check up the pediatrician gave me the okay to stop feeding her at night (being that her weight was fine). So that next weekend, we gave it a shot (cold turkey) again...the first feeding she was a little upset but fell back asleep very quickly, the second feeding we heard her cry for about 5 min and after that nothing! She was wonderful. I decided to stop breast feeding a little before her bday. My daughter has never taken a bottle or a sippy cup, but she does really well with a straw type "sippy cup." So last monday night before bed I feed her one last time and when she woke up in the morning I gave her the cup with soy milk (my daughter is allergic to dairy), she fought it a little but drank so of the milk. Two hours later same routine, a little struggle but she was fine. I was very surprised at how well she was doing. I just made sure that I still gave her "mommy bonding time" and she was fine. We're going on the second week and she is doing fabulous! I know the cold turkey method doesn't work for everyone, but with a little persistence from you, you might be surprised how well your daughter responds. Have you tried giving her that one night like you did with your son? I hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi L.,
I have 4 kids, 11,9,4 and 22 mo. i weaned all of them at 12-18 months cold turkey. They all were very attached to the breast and none of them took bottles to transition to. I found it to be the best method for all of them even though they had different temperments. it wasn't "a breeze" but it never lasted more than 3 nights of crying. The other key ingredient was a husband in total support to take the crying babies away and loving them to sleep! This was a huge blessing. I you are alone when baby needs to go down and wants to nurse try carrying and rocking, strolling or even car rides. I would just hold them on my rocker even though they may have been kicking and screaming at times and just kiss and hug them and let them know you understand...but don't give in!!! The stronger you are, the faster it will go. So far everyone i've shared this with has had great success too! I'll be prayin' for you! t

Seems like your baby still needs to breastfeed. I would use that as my guide and continue until she's ready to wean. Dr. Sears advises baby led weaning. If you meet a child's need when they have it, they can more easily and happily grow up to be independent secure adults. Seems a shame to traumatize a baby needlessly.

I just weaned my 16 month old son - it took about a month and now he is sleeping through the night! YAY!!
1. Check the Mamasource archives. Make sure you have a nightly routine in place. We do dinner, baths, books, bed.
2. I tried really hard to make sure he was super busy during the day and physically tired come nap and bed times. I also made sure that he was really well fed and not going to bed hungry.
3. I made him a bottle he couldn't resist with breast milk, dairy milk, sugar and protein powder.
4. I gradually, over weeks, phased out the breast meals.
5. I held him in my lap, put a pillow over my chest and just offered him the bottle. He cried and cried and was looking so hard for my breast - but I just soothed him and continuously offered him the bottle. I held him and rocked him and paced with him, I sang to him and patted him. He cried himself to sleep :( I was heartbroken, but I could NOT continue to get up 3 to 4 times a night to nurse him back to sleep!
6. For the first 4 nights, each time he woke, I would put a pillow over my chest, pick him up out of his crib and repeat step 5.
7. Starting with night 5, I would put a pillow over my chest and then lower the side of the crib, pick him up and NOT taking him out of the crib, would repeat step 5.

I DID NOT AND DO NOT LEAVE MY CHILDREN ALONE TO CRY. I AM THERE TO HELP THEM AS THEY MAKE THEIR TRANSITIONS.

8. It has taken about a month, but my son learned how to put himself to sleep, and he stopped needing to be nursed to sleep. He was never really hungry, it was just his habit to nurse himself back to sleep. Well, that habit was broken and now WE ALL sleep through the night :).

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!

Wow! You are me five years ago. My daughter was 14 months when she was finally weaned. She used me as her pacifier. It was her habit to stick the breast back in her mouth when I removed it when she was asleep. I thought I would never get her to stop and I would be a closet breastfeeding mom with a four year old.

I think being firm and not giving in is the key. You can cuddle close, just don't let her suck. The first few times will be really hard and if you are consistant it will get better. Just try to comfort with cuddles. Tell her that she is a big girl now and you know she wants the breast but she is too big for it. You can also get her a new stuffed animal or blanket and when you are cuddling try to block your breast with it. We had a pretty, pink princess blanket. That really did the trick. She even picked it out at the store.

Even after my little girl was weaned we did have sleeping issues. She preferred to sleep with me. This went on until she was about two and a half. Now her sleep habits are fine.

Good luck and be patient. Eventually it will get better, but it may take a while and that's okay. Hang in there.

My youngest daughter weaned herself at 10 months. My oldest daughter weaned at 2 1/2 years. It had gotten down to her only doing it at bedtime. The only reason she stopped was because my milk had disappeared. She's the one who told me. My feeling is that every child is different and weans when they are ready. We replaced nursing with spooning, so she was facing away from me but still had comfort. I'm obviously not the best one to respond to this, but reading the other responses, I like the boo boo idea. It teaches compassion as well as achieves your goal. If it's any comfort, the World Health Organization recommends nursing until the age of 4. From what you say about your family, your daughter will still feel loved. Also, try soy milk rather than cow's milk, and warm it up in the microwave. It's sweeter and tastes more like breastmilk. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Have you tried rice milk and/or soy milk? Just wondering...I have a four year old and 1.5 yr. old and have what sounds to be a similar parenting style. I've never let my kids cry it out and am still nursing my year and half year old. Anyway, this is what worked for me:
Start by conditioning the baby to not fall asleep while nursing. You can do this by shortening each side by a min. or two (depends on how long she's nursing) and by waking up the baby if she starts to fall asleep. She's old enough to understand, so tell her how you're doing something different and explain in a few sort sentences what it is. I tell my son now (I'm hoping to wean soon too), "O.K., one more minute" and "All done."

If you shorten the sides and she's still fussy, try reading to her, singing, and cuddle her tightly before you put her down. She won't sleep if she's afraid you're going to leave. Put her down while she's still awake and drowsy. You can pat her back, pick her up if she's hysterical, whatever you need to make the transition easier. The key is getting her to sleep with out the boob and to still feel safe--a soft cuddly toy, music box, whatever.

As far as night goes, do it first, and cut her off! :o) Stuff her with food. My 1.5 year old still wakes up at 4 am if I don't give him enough at dinner. We need sleep now, and you're creating a monster--I know I nursed my first at night until 18mths. and got the second one off by 12 mths! It's so hard though!!! Again, tell her before she goes to bed the plan. What worked for me is a sippy cup (no bottle or that's another weaning issue) of water or chamomile tea. He was mad, and cried (my husband held him through it--and so did I--the first night an hour, the second night 10 min., the third night he slept!!) I have a hippie doctor and I had two home births, but I finally came to the conclusion that it was bad for my health to have years of no sleep, and what kind of mom am I if not in good enough health to care for my family? I accepted that he was crying because he was mad and not because we were leaving him in some dark room alone to "cry it out."

Most importantly stay firm. Whatever the plan. The baby will pick up on it if you're wishy washy and take advantage of that!! Good luck!

I knew i was going to have to wean my daughter in order to return to work, and did not want her associating the two events(I weaned her at 19 months). Right about the age your daughter is now, I began to explain that breast milk was for babies, and that since she was getting to be a big girl and not a baby, that pretty soon the breast milk would be "ALL GONE". I actually started counting down the weeks, and at the end of about 4 weeks, we had a special day together (at the park, I think?)when we celebrated her being a big girl. Now here's the hard part: you have to stick to the idea of the breast milk being "ALL GONE" when she wants to nurse. YOU can be sad about to together, but always bring it back to how cool are all the things she can do that babies can't, and DON'T GIVE IN. I worn you, it will hurt-physically. But it will work.

I left my daughter with my mom for a weekend and she did great. By the second night she just went to sleep. She was 16 months old when we did this. Grammys are good at rocking and luvin, and my mom is just a natural born sedative for my kids.
Good luck
B.

Take a 1 week vacation without your daughter and leave her home with dad. When you get back - just say "no".

Worked for me.

I weaned my daughter at 20 months after months of trying. Finally I rubbed lime on my breast. It left it tasting sour. She went to eat one day, pulled out, looked at me, and said "UCKY". I was hoping to gradually wean her, but from that moment on, she wanted nothing to do with it. Talk about engorging. Sounds strange, but it's worth a try.

Good Luck,
J.

I just weaned my 15 month old 2 weeks ago. I would hold him close and kiss him, smile at him, while feeding him a bottle or sippy. He didn't like milk much, so I would give hime 2/3 milk mixed with 1/3 apple juice, or chocolate milk. Now that he'll drink out of it, I can give him plain water when I want to. At night I would first check and see if he was thirsty, and then rub his back and be close to him until he fell asleep again.

WOW...I just posted something on this before I saw your request. I am a mommy pacifier too, and it is becoming increasingly difficult. I will check in to see what advice we get.

Nice to know I'm not alone :)

M.

hi L.! im actually going through a similar problem with my 15mo. old boy. I have succesfully got him to fall asleep without the breast by holding and cuddling him or just lying next to him. Like your daughter, he also wakes up in the middle of the night looking for the breast! Im also at odds over how to stop this habit, so any helpful advice you may receive please pass on!! Steph M.

First off, my advice might sounds a little funny/weird but it worked right away. If your daughter is old enough to understand what a boo boo is and the suppose of a band aid is (which I'm sure she is) it's perfect. I tried everything and finally I put a band aid on my nipple and told my son, "Mommy has a boo boo" and showed it to him. When he asked me again, I told him the same thing and pretended that it hurted. He hasn't breastfeed since but still say, "mommy has a boo boo." Well, that worked for me. Let me know if it work on your daughter.

I think people get the wrong idea about "crying it out". Your daughter is communicating to you that she is finding it difficult to end the comfort of breastfeeding. Crying is not a bad thing. Not allowing her to express her frustration through crying can be confusing. I found that if i stayed firm to my decision and comforted my daughter through her tough transitions, she learned i was there for her, she was safe, her emotions were hers and in the end, all is well. (all of this takes time - my daughter wasn't the miracle three night child)
I chose to rub her back or sing her songs, very standard and doable tasks at 3am. What ever you replace breastfeeding with, make sure you are confident you can stay consistent and true.
Each child has their own temperament and your daughter is introducing you to hers.
Good luck. (sometimes at night when i was out of energy and felt i couldn't sing one more song, i would think of the thousands of mothers singing to their children at 3am. It helped me find that last bit of patience and energy. wish you well.)

I L....this could have been my story. My son is 15m and I have to wean him by August because I will be gone for 5 days! I am excited to see the responses too! Good luck, I know we can get through this...

Hi L.,

Some kid's weaning agendas are not the same as the mom's. It really is up to you whether you want to impose your timetable or let her have some control over it. Since she is not ready, why not let her nurse for longer? It's certainly healthier for her, as far as brain development goes, and the connection you have with her will just be strengthened.

L.

Hi L.,
I have exact the same problem as you and my daughter is 21 months old. I don't know what to do. If you get good responses to your question, could you please forward them to me? My email address is ____@____.com. Thank you very much. J.

Hi L.,

I am a bit behind in reading my mamasource and am just getting to it now. :o) I am/have been having the same problem with my almost nine month old. He always relies on nursing to fall asleep and wakes several times a night looking for the breast. I have been trying a combination of methods based on Pantley and Babywhisperer (neither believe in crying it out). I can email you a couple things to try (I don't know how to attach things through this site)--feel free to email me at ____@____.com. I am also getting lots of support from babywhisperer.com. Will talk more to you when I send you the files. Wishing all of us mommypacifiers luck!

Y. :o)

Hi L., I won't be much help as I am seeking advice for the exact same problem. I was hoping if you find any resolve you can share with me. My son is 11 months old today and I wanted to wean him by his 1st birthday but it looks as though it's going to be very hard because he shows no desire at all to leave the breast. I feel exactly the way you do about the crying situation. I feel very confused about what to do. If you get any answers maybe you can share. I'd appreciate it.

All I can say is, from what you described, she is not ready to stop.

Are you able to go a little longer and try again later?

I've read through the responses and was very happy to see people I am on the same page with.

I do not believe it is normal to wean early just because I live in a country where consumerism has slowly turned us away from natural FREE breast milk to baby food and alternative milks. I'm surpised its not taxed. Knock on Wood.

Anyway, I have a son, turning 4 in October who still breast feeds. I have put limits on it, only at night before bed and maybe when we wake up. Usually I can distract him. If he wakes up at night, I tell him he has to wait until morning and he falls back asleep. He is past the point of crying over it, so slowly I can limit when and where and how long.

I am hoping to dry up from low usage, but I think he is willing it to continue. My breastmilk adapts to his needs and I think it is great, even though I am fully ready for it to end.

I just know that I have helped him tremdously by not following the norm, which I don't tend to do anyway. He is so bright and healthy and independant and adventurous. He is beautiful and happy little boy.

You don't get this chance back. You are the only one who can do this for your child.

With Love...

Same was true for my daughter, now 17 months old...I think I decided that I had enough at about 15 months also....I had to do it cold turkey...she was old enough to understand that it was all gone...Once I told her I couldn't go back...it was rough for one or two nights...she didn't like milk either, but when push came to shove, she realized that was the only option, and now she loves milk...bedtime still isn't as easy as putting her on the breast, but we get by. Best of luck!

Sorry you are not a fan of crying it out. You give in when she crys, she has control and power. She then knows she can manipulate the situation to get what she wants. Good luck

There is no good reason to wean when the child is not ready, and every child is different! La Leche League has a great book on the subject of everything breasfeeding, it's called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding." Your girl is NOT going to be screwed up is she breastfeeds a bit longer than our country's norm. Good luck!

I breast fed both of my children. Breast milk is very sweet compared to cow's milk. The only way I was able to wean both kids was to give them apple juice which is also very sweet. They would not drink milk for a couple of years after that, but my pediatrician said it was ok as long as they got their dairy products in other foods, along with their vitamins.

L.,
Weaning is very difficult. I wasn't able to wean my son until 2 months ago (to the day, May 4th) when he turned 2 and a half! I am not suggesting that you wait that long, but sometimes it is more difficult than we ever imagined. The good thing for me was that waiting so long made weaning a lot easier, we we're down to one feeding in the afternoon only. And it wasn't a big deal once I took it away, at least not in the way I thought it would be.

So here is my advice: Stop the nighttime feeding, don't let her fall asleep at the breast. Feed her just before her bedtime, maybe a half hour to an hour before. Don't let her fall asleep, and put her down at bedtime without nursing. She needs to learn to fall asleep on her own first. That should be your main focus right now. It may feel like you're taking one step forward and two steps back with this process. Don't worry about it, just persist.

Once she's able to sleep on her own, gradually wean her one feeding at a time. This process can take months, or weeks or days, depending on what you prefer.

I hope this helps!