Okay ladies, I am wondering how bad it is to not have a babyshower before the baby arrives? My husband and I are expecting out third child (first boy) in March. My mother is throwing me a babyshower for the family, however I was supposed to do my own (after friends backing out). I was fine with the idea at first, I really was. Now that I'm gettting closer to the end of hte pregnancy and starting to feel really physically sore and fatigued most of the time...I am feeling overwhelmed. I havnet started planning yet, since it was the holidays and I was planning a party for my daughter and still planning a party for my friends daughter. My mother suggested waiting till after the baby was born to have one for the friends. I guess my question is what do I do. Do I break down and give up on the idea of having a shower before little man arrives, or do I force myself to stop being so lazy and get the planning done while I still have a bit of time? What would you do? Any advice or suggestions would be very welcome. Thanks for letting me vent..I feel a bit better hehehe.
Just wanted to take some time to say Thank you to all the wonderful responses sent. I truly appriciate the support and views. However, I do have to say that I have read a lot of responses with the question of having a shower just for first time moms, or for not having any baby stuff left over from previous children. Well I have to say that we thought we were all done awhile back, and donated all of our things to Salvation Army and local clothing drives for free give aways. SO essentially we are starting over, our youngest just turned five last week. So I'm sorry if I offended some by thinking it was okay to have a shower, I've never heard of only having one for the first time parents, if you're like me the shower isn't about the gifts, it's about the celebration of a new life! Guess I just had to get that out. Once again sorry If I have offeneded anyone and Thank you very much for all your time and concern, I really appriciate it.
Just wanted to give you guys another update. It turns out that I am not doing a shower before hand at least because I was in the hospital the other night. Turns out I was in preterm labor, due to dehydration and stess. So I am now on bedrest and planning a shower or any type of party at this point would be too much. I would like to thank those of you who sent out responses and support. I really appriciate it all. Hope all is well with you guys.
Hi D.:
I planned my own babyshower for my son after my mother told everyone she was going to do it and I was planning my wedding. So I know what you are feeling. I would honestly wait if that is how you feel and if anyone has a problem with that just tell them that you have not been feeling well and you would like to wait until after you have the baby because you will be more up to it. Best of luck;
~S.~
I wouldn't worry about it being "rude"... you have to do what you feel is right... When I was pregnant with my second child, Near the middle/later part of my pregnancy I developed Cholestasis (my liver quit functioning) and my mom and I decided that we wanted to wait and have the babyshower after she was born (since there was a chance she might not have made it)...so i wouldn't worry about it... I would do what you feel is comfortable to you!...
--M.
Hi D.,
I just want to say, don't pay attention to the women who say it isn't right to have a shower for your third child. I would never think anything of going to a shower for a second time parent! About having it before or after the baby is born. What do you really want? I went to a shower for a friend who adopted a baby girl after she brought her home and it was so much more fun because she was there. Everyone got to spend time with the baby who they bought gifts for. I would have rather had my daughter at my shower - to take some of the focus off me!! I am not a fan of bieng the center of attention like that. If it is important to you to be traditional and have it before the baby is born then maybe ask you husband for some help. Otherwise wait. People love baby gifts but they love babies even more! Good luck!
Hello,
I personally think that you should really put yourself first. You are feeling tired and overwhelmed right now and I think that you would have much more fun if you waited. You can show off the baby, it would be an extra perk for all of the relatives!!! I am 3 months pregnant with 2 girls and I am very overwhelmed with the thought of a third!!! Take time for you and your family. Good Luck!!
Jenn
I know you've already gotten responses to this request and have written an update already. I just wanted to let you know I disagree with the statement that "Baby showers are just for first babies." Some families my agree to doing things that way because of their traditions or beliefs, however, there are other families out there that DO celebrate every new life being brought into this world. What better way of doing that then with your friends and family? I took a moment and searched for the correct etiquette of more then one baby shower and this is what I came up with...
Showers for second (or more) babies
Q. Is it improper to have a baby shower for your second baby, especially if the sex is different?
A. It is never improper to have a baby shower. A shower is so much more than gifts. It is an opportunity to gather family and friends together to celebrate the beginning of a new life. The birth of a baby is a joyous occasion, and it is always acceptable to celebrate it. If other family members or friends are concerned about it being improper to have a baby shower for a second (or more) child, there are ways to take the focus off the gifts. If the second child is a different sex than the first, it would be fun to host a "It's a Girl" or "It's a Boy" party, where guests bring gender specific gifts. Or, if the mom-to-be truly does not need anything for the new baby, forego gifts altogether and just gather to celebrate. Another option is to host a casserole shower or a pampering mom shower.
source: http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/babyshowers/etiquette.htm#4
You see, it's not about the "gifts" as many may put it, again, it's a celebration. Every baby is special. I had this same situation occur during my second pregnancy. I didn't care if friends or family came baring gifts or not, just the fact that they came to share in my joyous time meant something. A friend gave me a hard time in the whole situation. I told her my mom was hosting this for me and if she didn't deem it appropriate, she didn't have to come, and in the long run she didn't. My family throws a shower for every baby being born! To some people it's a sentimental part of pregnancy and life. Not to mention things are changing all the time with each passing generation. Things that weren't considered good etiquette back many many years ago may not be that far fetched anymore. Enjoy your time with your friends and family and celebrate the new life you all are welcoming! Good Luck!
1) YOU are building a HUMAN- no laziness involved in that
2) Showers happen at the most convenient time for the new Mother
3) Anyone in a gift-giving mode will be happy for you whenever
4)Relax-take care of YOU and your children
I would say that all the people that disagree with the thought of having a third baby shower just need to stay focused on your question. It wasn't about whether or not the shower itself was rude but the timing. I would say that you just need to ROCK ON and do the shower when it is good for you!
~C.
I'm sorry but I have to disagree with all that said that babyshowers are for first time moms. I have 2 girls and had a huge babyshowers for both of them. I spent more in the shower itself than I would have in the gifts that I received ( and I received alot)! But that's is not the point....It's not about the gifts, it's about celebrating what you have created!! Also to all that said that you should have eveything already from you previous children, has it ever occured to you that some people want everything new for each child, or want different colors, or theme?? Even though I had 2 girls I had nothing left over from my 1st pregnancy. I donated eveything because I wasn't going to have something laying around for 5 years in the basement. So I had to buy everthing all over again. Anyways my advice to you is do what feels right. Even though I think that having a babayshower for a 3rd baby is normal, you should do what you think is right.
I say WAIT!! This is not your first child so the family should understand. The last shower that I went to was after the baby was born and it was great. After talking with some women in my knitting class, they had never heard of having a shower for anyone but the first child born. So this is a fairly new tradition that some don't understand. So if you have it after the baby, then it's more like a come to meet the baby party then a shower. I'm all for a shower after the baby when it is not your first!! Good luck to you.
Well honestly my first thought was "Baby shower for a third child???" Somewhere I learned that babyshowers were only for first babies and you must never plan them yourself! And then I got a grip. Where did that law come from??? And what's the penalty for breaking it? Does the stork swoop down and fine you for the first offense? Perhaps take away another hour of sleep for the second offense? I shudder to think what you could be facing with the third offense!
OK all kidding aside. Maybe the reason that some people are against it is because it can be seen as rude from a guest perspective if someone has multiple children and expects gifts for them all. Gifts should always be voluntary and people invited to a shower feel obliged to bring a gift. Which I'm certain was the point when babyshowers were first started. Giving the new mother a hand since we all know that babies can be very expensive. And it's true that boy babies have some different needs than girl babies.
With all that said I think it's a great idea to have a celebration after your baby is born. I'd wait at least (at least!) a month though to give everyone a chance to get a bit settled in.
Congrats on your baby boy!
i dont think it is rude at all. especially since it is your third child, honestly i havent heard of many people having more then one shower, so i think that if you wait and make it more of a welcome home party, that would be fine! maybe then people will give more things like freezer casseroles, or babysitting!
I am not sure about this, but as far as I am aware, you only get 1 babyshower anyhow.
You have your first baby & get all the needed items, and hold onto them for future babies.
I would not throw your own babyshower. Maybe you can wait until the baby comes & have a small welcoming party at your home, have a light breakfast box o joe from dunkins & some bagels. That's what I did, I did not feel right about having my friends & family buy me more things when I already had all that I needed, and it was still lots of fun throwing the small welcoming party.
If your children are like 10 & you don't have the items you used to have, then it should be exceptable to have a small family & close friends shower, or even invite the friends who did not go to the 1st & second one?? And if this is the case you mom or the dads mom should throw it, not you, that would be weird, and way too much work for you to do..
But.. Just my opinion? Good luck with whatever you choose! I hope you have a great rest of your pregnancy & delivery is great!
It might be even harder after the baby is born. My 3rd child just turned 1 (the boy too after two girls) and I can't find time for anything extra. I didn't have a shower because we moved here a year and a half ago and I didn't have friends to invite. Associates from work, however, came to visit him after birth and brought gifts. If you do plan a party it doesn't have to be big work. You could do a tea party with desserts or a sandwich platter with fruit. Hope that helps.
Lolita
A friend of mine threw a baby shower for me with our 3rd baby ( a girl we had this DEC). I just appreciated any gifts we got and enjoyed those who came to the shower, without holding anything against anyone who didn't come. I would not organize a baby shower for yourself and I wouldn't have a 2nd shower after the baby is born. People usually bring a gift when they come to see the baby if they have not already given one. Were some of these friends not even invited to the 1st baby shower by your mom even though you provided their names and addreses??
I don't think it's rude at all! Being prego is all about you and what you want. Really, what is the whole point of baby showers? To get stuff that you'll need for the baby, right? Well, if you can hold out until after the baby is born good for you! But if you can't, why not ask your husband to help you plan it? I practically threw my own baby shower.....I had my baby shower when I was 7 months prego. The only thing I did have to find was a hostess! Find one and you'll be fine...otherwise wait a bit! You'll be fine! :)
Buy what you need now for your son, then afterwards have a party or a open house when you and the baby are ready for guests to welcome him to the world. Just have finger foods and cake...nothing extravagant like a babyshower. It is easier on you and your mom.
D. - I think it is odd to 1) throw yourself a shower 2) have a shower for your third baby.
Take care of yourself, enjoy your pregnancy, treasure your two girls and send a nice announcement out after you have your little boy!
ok i am having a hard time with YOU planing your own baby shower. you shouldn't do that. personally i have never heard of a baby shower after the third child but seeing as your mum is willing to have one, let that be the only one and relax by not planning your own. ask your mum if it would be possible to have one after the baby is born. this may not go over to easy because some people pick out special gifts for you to take baby home or to have immediately when you get home. i would talk to your mum. this is diffinately workable congratulations and best of luck on your new arrival
First off let me just say I hope you are getting plenty of rest and drinking lots of fluids!! My first born was 3 months early so I probably know how you are feeling..anxious,scared..Take care of yourself first.
To everyone one who says babyshowers are for the first pregnancy ..how do you handle the situation if there was no babyshower for the first baby? Then do any future babies get nothing too?
I had my first son in 1994 and had no shower. Had my second in 1995 ...11 months after my first...again no shower. Had my third in 1997 and again NO shower....anyway. After we had our third ...we broke up.....years went by and I met my Mr Right in 2003. We had a little boy in November of 2006 and I Finally had a babyshower..MY FOURTH BABY!! It was spectacular and I PLANNED IT. My sister and bf helped and paid for everything.
So go ahead and throw a party for your baby!! He is entitled to recieve gifts just like his sisters did. Have it when the time is right for you. Having it after he is born..which sounds like how it'll be is a great thing...everyone will know his size and probably have a better idea of what you "need" for him... Good Luck!!!
J.
D.,
The way I see it, you could do a couple of things. Call a trusted friend and let them know where you are at and I'm sure someone will help you plan a shower. Or, you could have a blessingway before he comes- a celebration of the pregnancy, new life, and birth. It brings your friends around you in a ceremony that helps to shore you up for the upcoming birth. It includes food, massage for you, a belly cast, whatever you want! Or, you could orchestrate a baby blessing after he's born. It's also a celebration, but of course to shower the baby with blessings for a long and happy life. If you have to plan it yourself, make it something that will leave you feeling stronger, ready to go, and loved.
hi D.. i have to agree that i thought baby showers were for first time moms. or if you decided to have a baby after a very long time and you no longer had baby stuff lying around. sooo good luck and enjoy the gifts everyone will bring you after you deliver your precious angel...i have all boys soo good luck. boys, i feel, are sooooo much easier. you'll see!!!
i am soo happy for you. bye for now!! J.
I don't think it's rude at all. And this is coming from someone that didn't have a baby shower for either one of my children. If there's something that you don't have put it on a list with the things that you do have and go to Babies R' Us and make a registry that way guests can bring what you do need rather than what you don't. You don't give yourself your own shower and get all the rest you can now because you'll definitely be neededing it! :-)
Congrats on the new baby and good luck!
Dear D.,
Forgive me, but I have never heard of having a baby shower for a 2nd or 3rd child. Generally, showers are thrown for first time parents to absorb the enormous cost of baby items. Did you get rid of all your baby items from your first child? I think if your mom is kind enough to throw you a "family" shower after having 2 other kids then that should be enough. Whatever you do not have after that shower you can purchase with the money you will be saving by not having to throw a "friend" shower. I also think it is a little strange to throw yourself a party. I am sure that if left alone, your friends will purchase you baby gifts on their own because they care about you and are excited about your baby. I think you are putting people on the spot by throwing yourself a shower. I may be wrong on this, I dont know. I just never heard of a shower after the first child. In fact, I don't know anyone who has done that. So, I would not stress about it, in fact I would cancel it all together.
Best of luck to you and your family,
A.
You shouldn't have to do the work.
There are many reasons to go after.
I threw a HUGE baby shower for a baby that ended up being full term, after a healthy pregnancy, died during labor. I now prefer to give them after the babies birth, so I know that the party doesn't add to the unlikely pain since it's unusual.
Some people are superstitious, & don't do anything until the baby's born. I'm planning one for people who don't live nearby, they want to see that precious baby. If all else fails, you probably don't need the stress.
This may come off as harsh, but it really isnt meant to be. When the litte man arrives, you will have less time and less energy than you do now. One of my closest and dearest friends just went through the same experience and her new baby is now almost 7 months old and shes just starting to catch up on her rest and sanity. Trust me when I say it will be easier for YOU if you have the shower before hand rather than after.
D.,
First congratulations on your little boy!! I have 3 myself and just love having boys!
I wouldn't worry about having the babyshower before he comes. I have been to a few babyshowers that were after the baby came. Nothing wrong with it at all, you need to do what is best for you. If you feel too tired (which who wouldn't with 2 kids and one on the way) then don't do until you are ready. Your friends should understand this plus I've never heard of anyone getting mad because a babyshower was after the baby was born. Don't beat yourself up over it, just relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. :-)
No need for any shower unless it's the first baby (no matter that it's the first boy). Friends and family can bring you gifts after to celebrate the birth. Unless things have changed, a shower is for first time pregnancies to supply the new Mom with the gear. You should have all the gear by now or can borrow "boy" stuff. Just me opinion -- congrats to you and your family!
-JR
