How Much Is Too Much for Teens

Down time from electronics is super important in my book. Dinner is sacred, I cannot stand when a family will sit around a meal all doing something independently. I truly think it says something about who you are and what type of family you want.

In most cases the modern teenager is far from deprived of their social media time and learning when it's appropriate and when it should be put away is a very important social skill in itself.

No ipods, etc., at the dinner table. Just like when they were younger, no toys at the dinner table.

The main rule is NOT at the dinner table. I've even taken away their friends phone/ipods.

If I feel that they haven't been spending enough time with family, or not doing chores or homework then I take it away for a period of time.

The way I see it as long as they maintain good grades, do their chores, and participate in family activities and after school activities, they can choose how much time they want to spend with this form of entertainment.

Well when I was a teenager I spent most of my time in my room too, mostly listening to music and talking on the phone. I really don't think it's new behavior, teens by nature are more interested in their friends and moving away from their families, craving independence is a part of growing up.
As far as technology at the table, or enforcing family time, every family is different. We don't talk or text at the table because I just find that rude, but in other ways I probably give my kids a lot more electronic freedom than many other families do.
What is all comes down to is: are my kids healthy and physically active? are they doing well in school? do they have friends and outside interests? If the answer to these questions is yes then I am not going to micromanage how they spend their leisure time. If they want to spend two hours playing a video game then so be it!

They not only don't have earbuds in at meals, they don't bring that stuff to the table. Period. Yes, now that he is 14, my son spends a lot of time in his room. And on his ipod in the car. BUT, he has learned that when we are in the car (not sure how/why...b/c it didn't come from me and Dad) to put in ONE earbud and let the other just hang. Then he can hear if we are talking to him.

We spent a lot of time reinforcing the volume limits too. Early on... even before ipods. When he just had a DS or DVD player or whatever in the back seat. (Which they didn't do that until he was probably 9 or 10). The rule is that if we can hear it in the front seat (at all) they have it too loud, and it can damage their hearing. At first, when he started letting one hang I would hear it and say "turn it down, I can hear it" and he'd point out that I could hear it b/c he had it dangling. And it does make it where I can hear it. :)

But, we just recently went to a "no electronics" on Sundays until sunset. We had a great afternoon last Sunday... kids played outside while we watched or NFL team. Then we took them to the skate park and we did our "run" around the lake there. Everybody in the family thought it was an excellent day.
As long as they are not being outright RUDE, then there aren't many hard and fast rules about it. But if I am talking to him, he'd better be listening. :)

I have a 16 year old.
He is not allowed to wander the house with ear phones in; he cannot ride in the car with me with ear phones in; he cannot come to the table, go to a restaurant, etc. with ear phones in.

When it is time to be social he is expected to be social and not blocking out the world around him.

It is really not hard. Parents pay for this stuff for their kids - parents get to set the rules. If my son doesn't want to comply - I don't have to pay. LOL

Parents set the tone for family interactions within a household. If the parents let the teens get away with anti-family behaviors, then that is what they get.

I agree with Mamazita as well. I don't micromanage their free time. They come home from school and must have homework done or at least spend 15 minutes at home before anything gets turned on (they usually try to finish HW at school). After that, they are free to play as they wish. At dinner, everything is turned off again until we are done with dinner. When we go out, they have iPods in the car but once we get to our destination, the kids put it away more for the fear of losing their iPods (they leave it in the car). So I guess right now I don't have the problem of the teens constantly on it but if I start them now, it will be a habit they don't start. We do Family Movie Night, evening book and a card game before bed. Every teen is different though but if you want to do something with your teen, just perk up and say we're going hiking. The more you do that, the more they will get used to *text* "Sorry, I gotta go dude, my parents want to go hiking again. I had better go and make sure they don't sprain an ankle. TTYL"

It's too much when it interferes with life. For example, no texting at my dinner table. No texting in church. No texting or calls when it would be rude to others. No being online at 2AM when I have to drag you out of bed at 6. It is important to sit down and have a family dinner, and talk to your family. Or just sit there and listen while you eat if you have nothing to contribute. Nobody will die for lack of an ipod for half an hour while they eat. We did not allow tvs and computers in their rooms (they did get laptops at the end of HS from their mom but SD in particular would often be online in the livingroom for better wifi). Phones should be charged somewhere else, like the kitchen, so the kid isn't on the phone all night. Etc.

On the flip side, if we went on a road trip, whoever got their ipod in the dock first controlled the music. They still like sharing music with us and we like to know what they are into, what's new, etc. Listening to a song might promote a discussion where we get to hear about this band and why they like it and how they feel about the song and how they feel about a boyfriend....

I'm not a fan of being plugged in and tuned out. But I do use the technology to my advantage. It's been nice to share pictures of our day with the sks - they are far from home these days and we miss them - so I send them a text when I think about them.

It's a double edge sword....technology is wonderful, yet it limits most kids. I love that all my kids are tech saavy, I hate that they tend to get glued to their devices for hours at a time. I truly miss the simplicity of my youth. Talking on the phone, being in my room reading, listening to music. I think our generation has a better grasp on reality because we had to figure things out, we went out, socialized and learned to problem solve and cope. Alot of this generation do not have these simple skills. There are no devices at the table and I have gone as far as collecting them and putting them away when it didn't seem clear. I think it all depends on mom and dad's rules. Like everything, you must apply rules. Give them the opportunity and benefit of the doubt to be able to handle their devices. If you see that they cannot, limit the usage. You are in charge and you pay the bill.
It's hard, but like with everything else you try to be consistent and persistant. If you are lucky enough to have the kids who do find the balance, then you have no worries.

Mamazita stole my answer, sigh.

:(

We do not have limits set up for our 17 yr old. She has proven herself to be responsible with her electronics and regulates her activity well.

No teens here yet, but many of my friends have teens and I like the balance that they've struck. No electronic gadgets of any kind at the dinner table - not for the teens, and not for mom or dad. And most evenings the family spends some time -- at least an hour -- together. Usually they're all in the family room working on their various laptops, with the kids doing homework and the parents playing on the Internet. But sometimes they just sit around and talk or play a game. The teens can text/talk to friends online in the afternoons and after the family hour.

We do not have electronics at the table, for anyone. If we're at a restaurant and it's just us, the older kids can bring in a phone to play a game on or let the little ones play with while we wait but if they're texting or listening to music, they hand it over. No phones during the actual meal. If we're with extended family or friends, personal electronics stay in the car.

They can only use their phones after school until 9 PM. If the texting numbers creep too high, we shut off texting for the rest of the month. We have an unlimited plan, but 10K texts a month is just ridiculous.

We're pretty strict with phones and personal electronics - if we think they're not being used respectfully, we take them away.

NO phones,tvs,electronic devices at the table PERIOD!

EXCEPTIONS? Yes....If the family enjoys a sports event, special program or a movie that won't be shown 20 times during the month SURE...Get a pizza or some other favorite takeout, sit in the front room and enjoy. BUT, when someone prepares a good meal for the family, I say sit down as a family, enjoy the meal and TALK!

My daughter is addicted to her i-pod and laptop. At dinner time, I am constantly having to take the i-pod from her. I had to make a rule about her walking outside with her music playing. She would have the music really loud in the street and while walking, she was oblivious to everything going on around her. She now can't listen to her music outside. I have noticed that her electronics are glued to her when we are at home. On the weekends, we have family nights. She loves it. During these times she never reaches for her electronics. She actually enjoys interacting with the family or our friends as we play board games and we even have started getting more interactive with the wii and X-box. I will admit, the wii is starting to grow on me but we are playing it more as a family now instead of my daughter zoning us out as she played in her own world.

My stepdaughter is 11 and she has an iPod Touch, a cell phone, a KindleFire and a netbook.

The Netbook stays at her mom's house. We don't allow her to surf the internet here without close supervision.

The iPod and Kindle do not have web surfing on.

The phone has parental controls. She can only receive or make calls to specified numbers during school hours. She can only text her friends from 3pm to 8pm and on weekends. The phone does not work during her "restricted" times.

She is not allowed to have her iPod at the dinner table. She can listen to music, but she has to have it low enough so that she can hear us when we call her.

No texting or playing games while walking outside! All electronics must be in a pocket or purse!

She's a little social thing, and I don't think she likes spending much time alone in her room. She prefers to be out where we are, even if she's doing her own thing. At her mom's house her brother and sister are running around going crazy and I think over there she shuts everyone out with her electronics. But at our house she wants to be close to us. I'm going to enjoy that while it lasts!

We make the rules.
My daughter is 9, she has my Hubby's old iPhone, but she can't use it as a phone, only as an "iTouch."
She is not addicted to it.
Nor is she on the computer constantly.
We have rules, but don't really have to nag her about it, because she self-regulates herself, very well.
And she engages in the family and with us and her sibling anyway.

When my kids are that age, they will only have those when they can afford to buy them themselves, and there will be etiquette to be followed, the same way we all follow etiquette with the electronics. I won't shut them out in with earphones and texting all the time, and I don't expect to let them be excessive or rude either. I have friends with teens who sit and stare a their phone all the time when in social settings. Therefore, no one "bugs" the teens who are obviously focused on their gadgets (over int he corner" or whatever. It does a great disservice to the teens imo who aren't learning how to be in the moment and show respect to the various types of people around them. Did we LOVE talking with our parent's friends and being polite for entire long gatherings when we were teens? No. But we had to sometimes and it was a valuable experience to learn patience, manners and how to be comfortable socializing with people who weren't our "teenage peers" constantly. I honestly don't see how the parents don't mind it, or think it's OK for their kids to act like this. I have to say though, we're in a homeschool network with lots of teens in the mix, and I've NEVER seen one on a phone or computer or in headphones during any of the network activities which sometimes entail whole days of participation including down time. They are nice and comfortable hanging out with the people around them, not glued to their electronics. I admire that.

I try not to be crazy about it but more like make sure there is "everything in moderation". So a little computer/ipad, tv and play outside or board game with the family is easier than saying, you only have 30 minutes to do this or that. NO phones EVER at the table during ANY meal and NO Ipad in their rooms. The computer is in the family room and if they are on the Ipad, they sit next to us so we can see what they are doing. Their phones are talk and text only.

The rules at our house are the same ones I grew up with way before technology even happened! First we work, then we play. I used to hate to hear it, but as a mom now, it's my "go-to" phrase, and my kids get it. My husband and I love to hang out with our kids, so we will suggest an ice cream run or a board game, wii, etc... and suddenly, they don't care so much for the i-pod! We also don't have high speed or wi fi at our home. That helps!! :)

Great question! We have an 8yo and a 14yo. Our 8yo doesn't have a phone, but he does like to play Mine Craft on the computer. Our 14yo has a phone, but he doesn't like texting or talking on the phone, and he doesn't have internet access on it, so the phone isn't an issue at all. He does have an itouch, so we have limits for that. Here is what works for us.

Mostly we've worked on teaching values. We talk about the importance of being well-rounded and spending quality time with friends and family, not staring at a screen for hours on end. Both boys seem to get it. As for rules, we don't allow electronics at the table at any time, and that goes for adults, too. We are careful to practice what we preach. Also, we don't allow the boys to be on the computer/itouch/etc. for more than about an hour at a time. They know this, so they are pretty good about self-monitoring. We want them to do other things - go outside, read a book, interact with others.

The desktop computer is in a common area of the house, and all hand-held electronics are left in the kitchen at bedtime. No one takes any electronics into bedrooms at night. Bedtime is for sleeping, not playing on electronics. It has always been this way in our house, so no one has a problem with it.

Hi! Mine are 19 and 17. No, not at the dinner table,ever, ever, ever! I don't let them text me either, we have to speak so we clearly understand. They pretty much don't in the car either. I've never said they couldn't but we've always had conversation in the car. Oh, they will hide in their rooms but they aren't left to hide for long. I think Bruce and I have just made sure they understand family comes first. Now that they are older they get it.

If you're like a lot of teenagers, your cell phone is one of the top 10 things you'd take with you to a desert island. However, there is that old adage about "too much of a good thing.

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We don't allow electronics at the table. My kids are 17 and 13, and they have cellphones and ipods, but they are not addicted to them. They know how to have a conversation and have manners.