How Much Does One Keep Donating for the Relatives' Camps and Activities?

I'm for making them earn it. I can't believe they would come and ask you for money, or that their parents would even be ok with it. I NEVER asked my family for money to do anything. I ALWAYS told them I was trying to save up, and did they have anything I could do to earn some money.
When my daughter has fund raisers, I take it to work. Everybody buys from everybody, and those that don't buy from us, do NOT ask us to buy from them.

I don't ask family members to give anything. If it was a good fundraiser, like something I knew they would want, then, we asked if they wanted one. (Like the entertainment coupon books.) I would just politely decline, and, if you want to give cash for their birthday, go that route. They should be having them do bake sales, car washes, or, any of those other labor intensive things I remember doing when I was earning money for activities!!!! Maybe suggest that to their parents. Honestly, usually the parents help come up with the ideas on raising money, so, I really would suggest that!

This sounds bizarre to me. I've never heard of "fundraising" like this from friends and relatives to pay for kids' activities. You could give the money as a birthday or holiday gift, but otherwise, I would just ignore the requests.

Ok S., I have been on both sides of this. In the past my son has had to raise funds for internships, mission trips, educational opportunities, etc. We came up with creative ways for him to earn money for his trips. The bottom line is, how bad do they want to go? Enough to work for it? Enough to let it be a birthday gift or to forfeit something? If so, then they should be encouraged and helped as much as possible. We did send out emails to friends and family but we tried to word it to where no one felt obligated. He also did yard work, etc. for donations. Some people could help, others could not. No big deal. If it is a church sponsored trip I believe they should help or at least give you some ideas on how to raise money. One girl in our youth group went to Sam's, bought candy, resold it and made about $500.00! When we get asked to help out, depending on who and why, we make a decision based on our budget at the time. If we can't give much or any at all, we just politely explain that it isn't in our budget right now. No one should ever make you feel obligated. God bless!

S., a donation is when you give money for a cause and you get nothing in return. A fundraiser is when you pay money for a product or service and the money goes to a cause. Which of these are your niece and nephew doing? You do not have to donate if you don't want to and should let them know this (lovingly). Or as suggested earlier, tell them "okay, I'll donate but, this is going to be your early birthday or Christmas present." If it is a fundraiser that they are doing and you could really use the service or product then go ahead and get it, at least you get something out of it. Try not to express your frustration with the kids, obviously it is their parents who need to be confronted about this. Just let them know that you are tightening your budget and if you give their kids any money at all, it will be as a birthday/Christmas gift or for a fundraiser, period.
Good luck!
L.

P.S.
I just read another response that suggests you help set up a fundraiser for them. I'm sorry but I disagree. That is TOTALLY their parents responsibility. It is a great idea but, one that should be brought up to their parents. Maybe you should do that.

Oh my God! That is me! I have 7 older brothers and sisters which means I ended up with 18 nieces and nephews!When I was single and working, I would give them all money for these kinds of activities because I lived at home and had disposable income. Well, now I don't have disposable income because I am married with three kids and stay at home. And they still come asking. I would say, make them earn it. I had one of my nieces tell me she needed $400 for a band trip, I told that if she bought $50 worth of ingredients, her grandmother and I would help her make tamales to sell. Other times, I have had them babysit for me or help me clean out the garage to earn their $25.

Since this seems to be an on-goinng problem, you could either explain that you use your limited discretionary income on your own children's activities and have none to spare, or tell them to get after school jobs. It is unfair for them to put you on the spot. Your idea for giving them the money as birthday gifts would work, but only the amount you would ordinarily pay for their presents. Christmas gifts as well! Specify the money is to be used for their preferred summer activity.

HI S.
Unless you are a very wealthy person I would limit what you give and let them know "things are a little tight now" and maybe give $10 or so- and tell them at christmas and birthday times- if you give them money- they need to save it for their summer camps.
We all want our kids to experience these things- but sometimes it is just not possible to raise that much money- saving it up during the year from other gifts and fund raisers- like mowing or babysitting or helping wash the car etc- is more character building than just having it come in.
(only my opinion)
Good luck and
blessings

I get hit with school/band/sports team fundraisers all the time and to be honest I have hit others as well; however, this seems to be a different situation.

If the child is raising funds for a groups of people (including self) to do an activity or help an organization, I will do what I can, if I can. . . never feel bad about saying that you can't right now. . .

If the child is raising funds for him or her self to do an activity (which is what it sounds like your neice/nephew is doing) then instead of handing over cash whether it be in the form of fundraising or birthday/christmas present, offer to pay them for a job that needs to be done (assuming of course that you have the budget for it). Have them baby sit, mow the lawn, wash the cars, wash the windows, anything that needs to be done that you can spare $5 or $10 to pay to have done.

Another suggestion would be to help them set up their own work for money fundraiser outside of asking the family. Offer your driveway and to clean out your closets for them to have a garage sale (they can ask family to donate old stuff to sell as well). They do the sale, and you supervise. Or Help them (and maybe some friends) get permission/place/supplies to hold a car wash. Basically help them work to earn the money they need.
The first time you do this, it might be met with resistance (it is easier to ask Grandma/Aunt/Uncle for cash than it is to work), but they will learn a valuable lesson about taking care of themselves and not being handed things on a silver platter.

I believe it's rude for kids to expect relatives to pay for their summer activities. Show them how to use a lawnmower or maybe get them a book on how to babysit responsibly. My daughter even cleaned a neighbor's house every other week or so for months.
It's not like these summer activities are a surprise and, if they get into the habit of paying their own way now, they won't be dependent on you as adults.

Hi S.,

My response may seem harsh but just don't respond, or send a card or note aknowlegeing the reciept with a simple: Wish we could help, have a great trip. No explaination needed.

Your kids and your retirement come first and college is expensive, I have one in College and another that's finnishing his Jr year.

Best of luck - A.

My dd is only 4, and the only grandchild so we have not come into this issue, HOWEVER I can't imagine. I know that my siblings would/still go to my aunt for funds and it makes me sick, myself. My parents never condoned it, but my aunt always gave.
If you want to give them the money, make it in place of a birthday gift, or in exchange for help around the house, or what have you.

I have four children and I have never asked for help sending them to camps....I guess If we didnt have the money they would not go. We have helped with fundraisers to make money and I agree with that but asking for money would offend me. I guess if you gave them money for a birthday present I would also agree to that but I would never just hand out money for a camp. Sorry it just sounds a little off to me----

Wow....you mean I could have had other family members pay for my childrens' summer camps, band camp, etc. as they were growing up???
I don't believe its your place to fund the summer fund of extended family members. You are teaching your sons a valuable lesson, the lesson being "if you want something, you work hard to get it." That is a lesson they will be able to take into adulthood. As far as the requests, I would very politely tell them that I was not able to give any money towards their trip due to your own personal financial commitments and that you hope they have a great time at Camp X, Y, Z. I have a friend going through the same thing and she has hired her teen relatives asking for "donations" (aka handouts) to do odd chores around the house and then she pays them. For example, her husband is military and gone quite a bit so she doesn't have time to do yardwork. Her nephew was raising money to go on a band trip so she hired him to take care of her lawn on a bi-weekly basis. She got a service she needed and her nephew learned the valuable lesson about working for what you want. It was a win, win situation.
Good luck!
D.

I am supprised that the church isnt raising their own funds. The camp girl needs to go door to door selling candy or something simular. Mom should set up a car wash for those kids. You are not The Bank of S.! I would let them know that they can save birthday money for the things they want and not to ask you for money. Or if they want to earn the money and you have some chores like weeding the flower beds 5 or 10 bucks for the entire yard. If they only half finish they dont get half the job isnt finished. Good luck.

Give them $5 and make sure not to pinch too much on birthdays. You won't be breaking your budget. You'd be helping them out, every little bit helps. And, you can still adore them on their birthdays. Consider it like you would a school fundraiser. If for some odd reason they ever complain, or you just want to ask, then directly ask them: I can't do both - so do you want the money that I would normally spend on your birthday? If they do, then you know you're getting something they really really want. On their birthdays, send them a card and say "I hope you really enjoyed camp this year."

How cheeky of them!
I do not know of anyone who has ever asked for this type of thing. I sent out an email to variety of friends when I first read this and 4 others have emailed back and said no way, would they ever think to ask anyone to pay for their children to go to camp.

We have asked our niece and nephew what would they like for their birthday and one year they said they were saving up for camp.. We gave them the $50. in cash and told them they could do what they wanted with the money. They both said they had put the money in savings to use towards camp. I agree that families need to work for this on their own. They could hold a garage sale for themselves (that s how my mother paid for my first pair of contacts when I was in 7th grade), the kids could mow lawns, feed pets, babysit, to save up money.

I am with you and the other responders. Kids asking for money is unacceptable and irresponsible. It really teaches thes kids the wrong message about money.

If the trips/camps are being organized/sponsored by a church or other organization it is common for them to encourage the kids to get donations for them to attend. If you don't have the money or don't feel you can give I'm sure they won't take it personally. After all you never know unless you ask. I'm sure they are seeking donations from other sources as well as working etc to try to raise the funds. If it's a worthy cause and you want to help. Maybe you can help arrange a bake sale or rummage sale where the proceeds will help them attend. Or give them the suggestions on how to raise the funds. Let's face it, what parent these days have $1000 for camp.

When I was in highschool we had a band/chorus trip to Washington DC. We had a few different fundraisers but were still responsible for raising the money we needed to go. We asked everyone and anyone as well as did odd jobs, babysat etc.

I wouldn't stress over it, or take it personally.

Wow! I've never asked for donations from friends or family to send my kids to camp or any other activities, as my for my opinion I think it's the Parent's responsibility to pay for it all and not ask for donations. I would never ask someone to help pay to send my kids to do extra curricular activities. Good Luck!

S.,
You're right. Simple as that. When I was growing up, we didn't bug anyone outside our immediate family for fundraising. One time, my father took our fundraising effort to his work but that was a one-time deal.
However, I'm in a situation now where my neighbor's kid comes to me to help out in her fundraising efforts. It's hard to say 'no', so I help out. They are nice neighbors so I don't complain. However, they are definitely related to me/us.
I don't know what to tell you. Times have sure changed. I suppose it's all about presentation in your response. Everyone should be able to understand that you just simply can't afford it (especially in these trying economic times) and that you've already budgeted out a small amount of money for your own children's extra-curricular activities as it were.

-Jen

S.:

I don't know if I'm appalled or in awe of the brilliance of this idea! I mean, how in the world do you sneak up 'privileges' on family members as needs?! Amazing...
I thought I would get on here with something profound, but the responses from the other moms is GREAT! I would not shell out a penny more. 'Fundraising' or 'donating' is still getting FREE money from you.
We've always paid for our girls without going to anyone for help. If it wasn't in our means to do so, then they had to skip that activity and save for the next.
We have a 15 year old that was/is draining us weekly with all kinds of stuff (school, church, sports, student council). BUT - she's working on her own to make her own money (giving music lessons, working special events for church, babysitting, etc.). It's actually inspired the little one to do the same. But since she's too young to do the special events and stuff - she cleans for the ederly neighbors and friends.
I would suggest to your nieces/nephews, that when they ask for money (or even their parent asks on their behalf) just say "Oh great! I was just shopping for landscapers (or cleaning services) to help around here! They can help me and I'd much rather help out my own family."
I'm sorry you're in this situation...it has to be uncomfortable. But you have your own family and kids to take care of - you can't save the world.
Good Luck!

If they are doing an actual fund raiser where you get something for your money I could understand but then they would be hitting everyone up. My family is pretty close but my husband and I have actually recently decided to pull my son out of private school bc we weren't sure if we could afford it by ourselves this coming year especially with the way the industry is going that I work in. I had my sister and parents offer to help each month with the cost but I didn't feel right about it. I would think if you do help your neice and nephew then no more than $100 each maybe $150 and I'd be inclined to give it more as a bday present. It's not your place to pay for their camps. When I was growing up if we wanted to go on a school trip or anything along those lines we had to earn the money. I remember going to Sam's and buying candy in bulk to sell door to door to earn money towards the trip then mom and dad would cover what I didn't, up to a certain amount. And I don't think any of them were that high in price. If you give a large amount whether you have the money or not then they will expect it every time. You have your own kids and college isn't cheap and I have a feeling the parents of your niece and nephew aren't going to be pitching in for that. I have had jobs where I was very well off and even then bday, bridal, and baby shower gifts had amount limits. So I guess what I'm trying to say is you can still help but decide before hand what your limit is going to be and stick with that. If they aren't appreciative for it then they haven't ever been made to work for what they want and maybe need to.

If it were me, I'ed write a nice letter to each one commending them on their wise choice of a summer activity. I'ed wish them well and ask that they let me know how it went when it's all over, but I would not mention the request for a donation. They'll know you got it and they'll know you're not sending anything. I agree with you, there are other ways of raising money than asking relatives and fiends to pay up.

Are you serious? (I really mean your relatives!) Did you chip in for field trips, gas money for their car?, ballet lessons? karate class? I'm dumbfounded! At what point did your family think it was other peoples responsibility to fund their children's extra activities? in NO Way shape or form should you help pay for this!! Are you the welfare office? At what point are the kids going to pay for their own stuff? I would be so embarrassed! If the family is a "hardship" then the CAMPS should offer scholarships to attend. I'm no money bags here & I would love for someone to pay for my kids camp, but guess what-I'm not asking. They are going to what I can afford. When they are older they can earn it.(babysitting, yard work etc)
They have some nerve! Are they at least doing car washes, running for "camp"5K? ANYTHING? Yikes!

S.,
sounds like you feel you have to give.No one should give anything if their heart isn't in it to give. I personally wouldn't be asking my family members to give money so that my children could go to something i couldn't pay for.Sounds tacky.And no you shouldn't give it as a b-day gift either.
Just politely respond with "i wish i could contribute but i have 3 teenage boys that have summer activities of their own and 2 that will be in college".That should be enough said and should be well respected.Dont feel like you have to, look out for YOUR kids activities and money that can go to them rather that someone else. Just repl graciously.Sorry i can't.

I have never heard of such a thing. My kids camps are my responsibility. I would never expect extended family to pitch in. If they need to raise money they should have a garage sale.

I don't think it's harsh at all- I think it's downright inappropriate that they are asking! It sounds as if you are making the right decisions by having your own family work together so they can pay for themselves. I wouldn't be rude about it, but I would say "It's not something we are able to do at this time." if asked. It probably sounds old fashioned to say but if you work for something you appreciate it all the more and there is nothing wrong with saying "no" to something for financial reasons.

I have been on all sides of this: parent, aunt/friend, trip planner for non-profit organization. Here is what I think I would do in your situation:

If they are going to do something to benefit another, give if you can without sacrificing your own family's needs. This would be things such as mission work (hurricane relief, working in a homeless shelter,etc). It doesn't have to be a large amount either. Even $20 helps.

If they are going for something they want to do for fun(drama camp,horseback riding camp, etc) they and their parents need to take care of this. Family and friends are not required to meet pleasure desires. Get their address at camp and send them a couple of letters while they're there. Camp can be lonely even when you're having fun, and they'll remember that you remembered them.

Also, it's ok to say aloud that you can only help one each year.
(and for the record, my children never asked family/friends for help and I did not ask this of people participating in our non-profit events. Fund raisers, yes; get a job and work for it, yes; asking for money, no)

Wow! I've never heard of this. I could maybe see asking grandparents for help, but anyone else us flat out inappropriate! Whatever happened to bake sales & car washes? I've gone to some of my cousin's recitals where the money goes toward dance camp, but she is doing something to earn the money. I've bought Girl Scout cookies, etc, but have never been approached for cash by any kid in our family. Our family doesn't have a lot of money either so I just assume that the kids & parents work & save for these things. I would offer the kids odd jobs that they can do for you, but otherwise I would say that you can't because you are saving for your kids college. Kids need to learn that they have to work for what they want in life. But that's just my take on it. Though my son is only 21 mos, I would never let him panhandle our family for his camps & summer trips!

Do with what you feel comfortable with and if it does not take from your family's well being. The birthday/holiday gift is a great idea. As an family member, you love to see your extended family members happiness, but it is not your responsibility. Do what you can, when you can. They will always love you.

I say, don't send a thing. I never asked my family to support my kids camps or such. That is soley the duty of the kids parents and not you. Really I think just ingore it! But if you must -do send it with a card that says you support them and that this is instead of a birthday or christmas gift! Nothing more should be expected.

Grandmother of 3 and mom to 2 Marines and 1 in College.

If you really feel you need to donate, just donate a standard amount for everyone, say $10 or $20. That way you have helped but you are not burdening yourself. Another option is to tell them you always donate to a specific cause (or causes) and you've already allocated that money elsewhere. Personally, we used to donate a chunk to one cause a year, but since having kids, we nickel and dime it out...we participate, but there's so much to donate money to it has to be spread around.

And remember if you do donate, every little bit does help! If 5 relatives donate $10 each, it adds up (which may be the parents' theory on having the kids fundraise).

I usually just send a check for $10 and include it in a card that says we hope they have a great time. We always paid for our daughter's camps ourselves, so I think that any amount is "enough" to show goodwill but not feel too burdened by the amount.

It is not your responsibility. Tell them to ask their parents. I think it is terrible that they ask you. My family would never do that. Don't help unless you really want to, and don't give them the entire amount.

If they live close by, give them jobs yard, garage, garden etc. to help earn extra money.

I totally agree with you. This isn't exactly "raising" money. I think your idea is a good one; if you give birthday gifts, put some money in a card and send a nice little note saying they can use this money to contribute towards any camps, school trips, etc. If they choose to spend it on something else and then they still ask for money at a later date, kindly decline. Let them know you and your husband are really saving over the next few years to put your children in college. They may be shocked but there is a very kind way of going about this. We grew up with very little money but my mom worked very hard to set money asside for camps and such. I also worked throughout the year and saved money for it too. We NEVER asked our family for help.

Another thing that I would like to add if you have never asked them for money for these types of things for your own kids then I wouldn't care about what they think about you. It sounds like they didn't consider the financial burden it would be on you and the fact that the financial needs of your kids come first. It is one thing to sell goods and services for fundraising (and you are still not obligated) but to flat out ask for money - No way!

This is a very strange request. We never went to our extended family - wait we sold girl scout cookies.

Have you asked what other family members are doing? I like your idea of giving them a check for their birthday. My grandma gives me a check every year with the same amount. She just asked that we tell her how we spent the money.

Depending on what type of camp it is, sometimes you can get sponsored through a local business that is looking for free advertising and a tax write-off.