How Much Do You Eat Out?

It doesn't matter if it is "normal" what matters is that you can't afford it.

I agree with the others who have suggested showing him the annual cost of this habit, or compute the savings from bringing his lunch and show him what you could buy, or how much debt you could pay off or how much you would have in savings.

This would really bother me. Good luck getting through to him.

My husband & I might eat/order out at work once per week (usually when there's nothing in the house to pack!) And we debit it or pay cash -- I would NEVER put lunch on a credit card!

You guys need a budget.

And you need to wrangle those credit cards off of him YESTERDAY--in a lucid moment, when he's repenting.

From now on cash is KING.

You both get cash allowances per week.

It's OK for him to delegate you as the money nerd, he probably realizes he's bad with money and doesn't want the responsibility.

I would send him to work without a credit card in his wallet, or enough cash to buy food.

Hey, he AGREES with you. It seems he just doesn't have the willpower not to eat out.

It's sad for you to have to treat him like a child, but if he can't manage money on his own, it's up to you to save your family from this ridiculous financial burden.

Wow, that is quite irresponsible of your husband. Honestly I'd snatch my husband's credit card away and cut it up.

We eat out almost daily HOWEVER, our credit card is paid in full each month. We run our company from home and a quick lunch (we spend less than $20 for the 2 of us) away gives us the break we need. We rarely have cash on hand BUT we are very responsible with our finances and live debt free.

As for your husband, he is hurting his family and not being responsible at all. He knows he cannot afford this routine and he continues to run up debt. He needs to lose the credit cards and get out of that routine. Maybe he needs a certain amount of cash in his pocket for the week and he will see how fast he runs through that and realize how he is putting his family in danger of huge credit debt.

If someone is not finanically responsible, they should never have access to a credit card.

Sit down, non confrontational, with your monthly expenses and go over them with him and show him how damaging this is to your monthly budget. He needs to "get it" and "get it" quickly before he does greater damage.

Good luck.

He's a grown up and he works with other people. It is embarrassing for a guy to say "Sorry, my wife says I can't go out with you today". That's just humiliating. You are not his mother so stop telling him what he can and cannot do. It makes you look like a nag and you don't want to be that, you want to be his concerned wife who wants to have some extra money for other stuff.

Don't you ever think about how your co-workers perceive you? Don't you think they feel sorry for you for having to take your lunch every day? that you don't make enough money to join them for lunch? Do you think of you when there is a promotion or special project? No they think of the people they spend their lunch and break time with.

Give him an allowance out of the income and it is for his personal use, he does not have to report anything to you of how he spends it. It should be enough to cover his food costs and a few other things, a percent of his income. This money is not in any way accountable to you or anyone else. He can blow it on bubble gum every day if he wants to. It is his to spend. If he spends all his money on a few days lunches then he does without.

But if the guys in the office go out together every day you are going to have to make some other adjustments. He is doing networking and other possible connections during this time. It is not always about sitting around goofing off at lunch. They say that more business deals are made on the golf course that anywhere else, that can also happen at lunch, and other venues. It may be a needed socialization time for his job. You may have to accept it.

I think if you give him a credit card that is in his name only and he is responsible for making all the payments and if he doesn't then he loses it this gets it totally off your radar too.

Having a time set aside to work on the budget and setting aside the money he needs for this should be about working together, no one is the boss of anyone else. It should go something like this.

"Honey, I'm concerned about the amount of money we are showing charged on the credit cards. I don't know how we are going to be able to pay this bill every month. Do you have some ideas of how to cut our spending?"

He should be willing to work on the budget more since you asked for his help in making a better budget and plan.

He may also have different priorities. I value having groceries in the pantry and having a stock of several months of dry good in the pantry so if we have an unexpected bill there is enough food for me to feel safe.

My hubby would rather put money aside to go on vacation to someplace wonderful, I can't imagine paying a hundred dollars per night for hotel if we don't have, in my opinion, enough groceries. So we do without saving any money for vacation. We haven't been anywhere in years. We have different ideals about where our money should be going. I win though.

You need to try to work through this because this is definitely something you should be able to come to some kind of agreement on.

I used to work in an office that would send someone out for lunch every day. The per person tab would run between $7 and $10 per person. When I was asked if I wanted to chip in, I just said no. Or if they wanted a reason, I'd say I was on a diet and that I was saving my lunch money for a cruise for my wife and I. I explained a couple of times that lunch at $10 was $2500 for a year and the last 7-day cruise my wife and I went on cost a lot less than $2500. I'd rather spend my money for a cruise than tacos, slasa and chips and hamburgers.

My youngest two sons were fans of Del Taco's 42 oz cup of soda. It was $2.49 at its worst. They would put losts of ice in the cup and then fill it full of soda. I took their reusable cup and filled it up with ice at Del Taco, then took a 12 ounce can of soda and poured it into the cup. It filled the cup all the way to the rim. I paid 25 cents for the can and they paid $2.49 PLUS 8% tax for the cup. My sons were shocked and so were their wives. It made them think about paying 10 times the price of a soda at Del Taco. (But the principle applies to any fast food restaurant.)

I'd talk with my wife to find out why eatuing out is so important to him. If it is a peer pressure (networking?) thing or a business "norm" then you'll have to decide what the priorities are. I went without lunch if I really had something l was saving for.

I would work out with him how much you and he can spend for lunch and the rest you and he can spend for other things. So if you give yourself and him $200 per month for lunch money or fun money (like tools, or cards or games). Then he has a choice and so do you. No charging on a credit card unless it is one of those prepaid credit cards and you can add $200 to the credit card each month. The money left on the credit card is his "fun money" or savings.

I have saved for lots of things this way. I tend to spend and spend and spend if I don't have some control like the monthly spending limit. I have a $200 per month spending limit for groceries and having that limit keeps me on my toes hunting for bargains and growing a garden.

My wife and I eat out once or twice per month. Usually then its with a coupon that I got in the mail or a coupon I bought on restaurants.com or groupon.

Good luck to you and yours.

Put your foot down. I had to with my husband. His paycheque get deposited into the household account, I pay him an allowance, and he doesn't get a credit card. If he is irresponsible with money, don't let him handle it. I take the kids out for fast food once a week. My husband and I got out for lunch once a month, and the whole family goes out for dinner about once every two months.

My husband also refuses to pack a lunch but 1) he works in an urban area with an awesome array of affordable multi ethnic foods and 2) he is a grown man and I wouldn't dream of telling him how to manage his lunch money (any more than I'd let him tell me how to manage my lunch money.)
This is less of a lunch problem and more of a deeper marital problem as far as I can see. You two are NOT on the same page re your finances and priorities. He feels putting lunch on the credit card is ok, you do not. I may agree with YOU but that doesn't really matter because you are married to HIM, not me. If the two of you can't come to terms with this you may need a counselor, or a financial advisor. Beyond that, I don't know :(

Nope, not normal. He needs to consider how much it is costing. Whatever number he throws out make him stick to it, I assure you it will be much lower than actual.

Every day I used to get a Chai latte at 4.30 a pop until I multiplied that by 30. Four dollars and thirty cents doesn't sound like much until you consider it is around 130 a month. Bought myself a good coffee maker and never looked back.

As Gamma G said, sometimes the best thing is an allowance. My grandfather was terrible with money - I mean terrible - and so my grandmother did not allow him to have a credit card or an ATM card, and even the tellers at their bank knew to call my grandmother if Grandpa came in asking to take money out (small town banks, gotta love 'em). Instead, she would take cash out of the bank once per week and give it to him, and he was allowed to spend it in whatever way he wanted. She didn't care if he lit a bonfire in the back yard and burned all the money - whatever - it was his money to fritter away as he chose. She always made sure that the bills were paid before she gave him his "walking around money," as she called it. This arrangement seemed to keep them both happy. They were married for more than 50 years, until my grandfather passed away. He never seemed to want for anything - had lots of hobbies (paid for with his walking around money, LOL), ate in whatever restaurants he liked. By the end of the week, he was packing a lunch to take to work (hahaha). Anyway, it worked for them. Something to consider.

This may take a little work, but it could be worth it:

Break down the expenses for each month, for example, January restaurant total was $300.00. February restaurant total was $380.00, etc.

Then, show him how much you spend per month by taking your lunch. Explain what a great vacation you could take together if he saved that money.

Maybe by showing him the big numbers, it will give him some perspective. Good luck!

I totally agree with Gamma G. There is a social aspect to eating lunch, and eating at a restaurant is a nice break from the office. BUT your husband needs to be given a budget to work with so that he isn't draining the family finances.

I put my husband (and myself) on an allowance about nine months ago. It was amazing how much easier it was for my husband to understand the value of a dollar when it was his dollar, and it wasn't lumped with the grocery budget, retirement budget, vacation budget, entertainment budget, etc. I have to balance all of the other budgets, and it is so much easier now that he is accountable for his personal spending. It used to be that I would have to cut back on groceries or raid the college fund or vacation fund to make up for his impulsive spending. He used to love treating people to lunch or dinner too. All of that frivolous spending has stopped for the most part.

Definitely find a time to illustrate how much he is spending on eating out versus how much money you are putting toward your mortgage, retirement accounts, groceries, and other bills. You might be in a spending deficit every month. If you get him to agree to a reasonable and realistic allowance, open up a separate checking account for him and let him learn how to manage his money. You should do the same for yourself too. If he refuses to go along with the plan and pulls some kind of "I work hard for his money, so I should be able to treat myself" argument, then you might actually need some marriage counseling. You know the #1 cause of divorce....

Good luck to you! It's a heavy burden when you're not working on the finances as a team.

Add up what it costs him on an annual basis vs. cost of bringing lunch the difference will astonish him. Is he eating out for the social aspect of it - like is he going out with co workers and if he brings his lunch he would miss out on the social aspect?

Before kids my husband and I would eat dinner out once during the weekend and go out to breakfast once per weekend. With kids - we RARELY go out to eat. For work - I keep a box of instant oatmeal so I have breakfast when I get to work. For lunch - I either pack leftovers or bring a Lean Cuisine. Except - on Tuesdays the cafe downstairs has curry chicken - which is fantastic - so I purchase lunch on Tuesdays. There are times, however, I'll be in a hurry to leave and my lunch is left in the fridge at home - maybe a few times a month I will go out to lunch but I keep it lowkey - a sub place or something like that - never more than $10.

I realize this sounds like you'd treat him like a child but - what about getting a set amount of money per month - tell him it's his lunch money - once he runs out he's done. OK - there's the issue w/him using credit - can you take that away from him?

You know, we eat out way too much! I know this! It is a big waste of money and not very good for you! I am totally sick of restaurants and cant even really stand most fast food places, but I really dont like to cook either and the kids gotta eat! If I lived by myself a banana and peanut butter would be my dinner most nights!

Anyway, our credit card is through our bank and you can look at spending reports and it categorizes how much you spend on different things. You know, breaks it down between eating out, recreation stuff, utilities, medical etc. Well sometimes I just have to look at that and be like WOAH! Gotta stop eating out too much! Works for awhile anyway. Can you set something up like that with your credit card so your husband can really see how much is being spent on eating out?

We pack our lunches every day... all of us. If there's an "occassion" then we go out with co-workers for lunch, but it's usually no more than once a month. On a regular day? No. It IS a waste of money.

I would go back through your credit card bills and literally add up how much he has spent on HIMSELF over the last 6 months (a full year if you can). Show him how $30 a day adds up... do the math. He's probably spending between $4,000- $5,000 on meals for HIMSELF. Would he feel the same if you went out and spent that amount of money on manicures and clothing? Probably not.

Sometimes when folks who aren't good with money see the daily "small bills"- latte factor, they aren't able to see the "big bill"... as in you spent 3 months worth of mortgage money on eating out every day! Put it into a different context and see if that makes an impact!

He's literally "eating" 2 or 3 vacations per year. Find another way to show him the financial impact and put it into terms that he would care about. Mortgage, vacations, flat screen t.v, iPads... whatever it is that he would give a rats patooty about.

Oh- and to answer your question it's probably normal but it is neither healthy nor is it financially savvy to do so. We eat out as a family (take out) on Friday nights. Aside from that, when there's a "reason" we eat out. It's a treat, not a regular thing.

I tried to do this with my husband early on. He didn't mind for a while, but he then explained to me that being in outside sales and in the financial industry, he has to have and give the perception of having a certain amount of disposable income. He doesn't eat fancy meals, but a brown bag would work on his image and his psyche. He also has to arrive at his appoints in a car that does not scream, "We are on a budget!"

He can have something in his car when he's on the go and simply has no time to stop, but I don't force the lunch issue. We just compromise in other areas.

I have the same lunch issue with my hubby. I gave up on trying to convince him to bring a lunch. I just budget the money aside, and if that means less clothing for hubby, so be it!

My husband is in sales and is on the road every day. Its going to be 115 here today, so he can't "pack a lunch" because he can't keep it stored in the car, even in an ice box. So he eats lunch every day on the road, and sometimes breakfast too. For a while he started to stop at "nice" restaraunts and it was really adding up. So we talked about it and I asked him if he could just cut back and order something not too expensive and he has been doing that. He works hard for us, so if anyone deserves to eat out every day, its him! But it has to be reasonable so maybe your husband can be more concious of what he's ordering and maybe drink water instead of a $2 soda too. good luck!

I agree with those who say to set a budget, like $200 per month, and he gets to spend it however he wants. If he wastes it on fancy meals, then runs out and can't eat for a few days, then that is his choice. He could also use only half and then have $100 to buy something he's wanted for a while.

We used to have huge issues with my husband eating out daily. I would make lunches and he would "forget" them at home. After pouring over the budget countless times, we finally got him to admit he needed to bring lunch at least two times a week. He started with $50 per week for meals and he could keep the extra. Now he is at $30 and puts the extra toward better groceries. It is a mindset and you need to start small. You wouldn't try to jog 5 miles on day one, and expecting 5 homemade lunches was just unrealistic. Even now my husband averages 2.5 lunches a week, but he has also gotten better at finding deals to keep within budget.

I used to never bring my lunch to work. It was the highlight of my day (jk). I used to eat breakfast at home or eat what I brought from home at work though although I may sometimes have stopped for a bagel or something similar. No one ever got lunch at "nice restaurants" though. Usually it was Panera or Fresco, chinese, pizza, somthing like that. The tab would usually be around 7 or 8 dollars. Can't he switch to less expensive places? How much money are we talking?