How Long Is to Long for Friends Not to See Your New Born?

I think you might be being a bit over-sensitive here. This is the middle of winter, lots and lots of bugs going around, people are super busy and stressed. You might need to consider what is going on in her world too. She may have things going on that you don't even know about that is keeping her away. And really, there are a lot of people who steer clear of a new, new baby because they may understand that's it's important for everyone to get used to the new routine without tons of visitors.

I have a friend who had a baby about two months ago that I haven't gone to see because either my kids, my husband, or I have been sick and really don't want to get the baby sick. I have been waiting until we all feel better.

For the most part, I've noticed that there's usually a whole lot of hoopla surrounding the birth of the first child and not as much so for the birth of the second, third, fourth, etc. I don't think it is intentional or that it necessarily has to lessen the quality of your friends that have forgotten that the second child's birth needs to be celebrate also. It just happens.

Have they been invited? It might sound strange, but when I gave birth, I was like a cat. I wanted to go hide in private. All sorts of people wanted to be in the room, but I wanted privacy. Once baby came I stayed home and stayed to myself for a while. I didn't call people and if they called me it was always when I was napping with baby. So, I sort of isolated myself for a while. So, now when my friends have babies, I am much more intune to listen for thier cues. If they want me at the hospital, I'll be there, but I don't push myself on them. If they ask me to come see the baby, I feel honored, but I would never invite myself. It's a private time and I don't want to insinuate myself into it. They may actually be hurt that you haven't invited them in. I heard years later that people in my life felt left out becasue I was so independant. If that's not the case and they just aren't motivated to make an effort to be there for you the same way you are there for them, well, you have some hard choices to make.

When I had my babies, no one really saw them unless I brought them out for a very long time. Unless we had everyone over for a party, no one really "came by". I wanted to be a hermit and didn't invite anyone and luckily no one tried to barge in and visit.

When my friends had babies, I eventually got over to see them, usually they were a few months old though. I was in touch by phone and asking how everything was going, and had been to their showers and knew their husbands were home with them more than usual etc, so by the time we mutually agreed on actual times for visits, weeks and months went by.

Some people want people to come see their baby right away, some people don't. Your friends probably have no idea you feel that way. Don't take the fact that they didn't come see the baby quickly as a sign that they aren't good friends.

One of my good friends had a baby and I was dying to go be with her, but she's a fairly shy, private person and had her mom in town to help. I told her to let me know when she was ready for visitors and never really got an invitation. Other than briefly when I was at the door delivering food I didn't see the new baby until about four months old even though I'm walking distance away. After reading all of these responses I'm a bit confused. Do you think that in even a few of these situations the friend really wanted to visit, but didn't feel like their presence ( or anyone elses) was wanted yet? I wonder if some of it could just be a breakdown in communication about what the new mom's needs/wants really are?

I have just be happy your baby's are healthy and ultimately it is up to you to pick and chose. It is your choice if you want them to be your friend. I have a best friend well she is suppose to be anyways she only visits when she is haveing problems and never calls, really it is up to us to decide if we even want that kind of person in our livesor our kids lives.I hope this helped

I have had times of extreme financial distress. I took on 2-3 jobs at a time to pay off medical bills. It is impolite to talk about money, so my friends never knew how I was measuring gas until payday and skipping meds. so i could buy enough cheap food to last. I would have been humiliated to tell them.
Only 1 of my 3 best friends came to my wedding in spite of being within an hour of it. It hurt. The pregnant one had no good clothes and she had just been abandoned by her husband. The other one had army training and did not want to miss it and have to make it up during summer vacation. I thought that was lame myself, but others didn't. She may still be your friend, but sometimes life happens.

I'm sorry she didn't recognize your newborn. I know that hurts. I don't know if there is a certain friend ettiquette involved. But as far as friends go... I think it's hard.

This is why I only have one friend that's lasted over 20 years. It's not the best relationship either. She was always the one that kept big things to herself, talked non-stop about all her shopping and lunch dates with other friends, and yet had little time for me. She'll talk about something I've not heard about and then act all surprised that I don't know because she never told me. And yet... I was the one that gave her something on her birthday for about 15 years straight and 7 days later she didn't even call me on my birthday. I was the one giving her things I couldn't use or making sure her family got my last computer when I bought a new one. I was the one that loaned money a few times or gave money outright when she needed it. I even borrowed 500 once after she had surgery to give her.

I could go get frustrated with her non-communication and just not call for weeks and then she'd call me all like...wow stranger. Why haven't you called? She'd reel me back in and yet it never changed much.

I consider friendship exhausting. Ever since the internet came a long I'm just so happy to have the surface like email friendships with people online. Then when they fade away it doesn't hurt. :) Not only that, but we meet people in places online where our interests match up because we only frequent places that talk about our interests.

Your question is more about the friendship than the new baby, at least that is how I read it. To me, a true friend will know what you expect, but like someone else posted, have you communicated that her visit is a high priority for you? For me, my closest friends all scheduled a night during the first month our second child was born to come over, bring dinner, share a brief visit and oohhing/awwing over the baby then leave. It was something we discussed and planned, and if my house was a wreck and I hadn't taken a shower, they were sweet and didn't judge :)
Friendship (especially longterm, very close) takes communication. Good luck and I hope you work it out with this friend.

It really depends on the distance. If they live in your town, keep similar or flexible schedules, and can visit, then this would surprise me, but I probably wouldn't waste my energy being upset or comparing my own actions. If they live any distance that requires travel or would have to make any arrangements for other children, I would just assume that was a large part of it. One of my best friends was in delivery with me for my first and stayed with us for a few days to help out, she came by to visit with my second because she had her own by then, and we're hoping she can visit after my third, but won't know until we see when he arrives. I had friends who almost over-visited with my first child, but my younger sister who lived about seven miles away only saw him four times in about five months, including her first visit to the hospital and an accidental bumping into each other somewhere else. (We had a pretty open invite.) I do not like to waste my energy being upset with people, picking time frames, or setting expectations. Most likely things are just crazy for other people, too.

I have friends that I've known for 3 years that are like family. My best friend lives in oregon and met her when she was a yr and a half (that's also because my ex did not like my best friend). But I think he (my best friend) would fly in when I had the baby if I asked him to. People who you've known for 10 years I would think would be anxious to see your baby but maybe they were really busy, who knows. I had a best friend of 10 years but we grew apart and haven't talked in 8 months.

I dont think its really a sign that your friend is a bad friend, or a pick and choose friend.

I have two children, and with the first, everyone I knew came by in the first two weeks to see him. My second - some not for months. I did not take that in any way shape or form that it was a sign that they were not good friends.

If you want your friends to see the baby, call them and invite them over.

I understand your frustration but you did say, at least this one, has two children. What age are they? Are they old enough to be in school and have a schedule to keep/homework to do? Add that to her work schedule. The possibility that any one of them may a be a bit under the weather could be part of it...in which case they are doing you a favor. Combined all of that with your schedule and your have a valid explanation for the delay.

Well, I still haven't seen one of my best friend's newest son. And, sadly, he is 8 months old. I live an hour away, I have 3 kids, 2 businesses I help my hubby run, a part time job 2 nights a week, and for most of the last year, an extra kid living with us. I have a hard enough time keeping up with visiting my own family, and I feel terrible, but, it is what it is.
I have seen and kept up with them through pictures, phone, and facebook.
For a long time, I was afraid of taking germs over, (just something in my head with my 3 kids who go to preschool and school seeing this little baby who stayed home mostly), but now that's he's older, I have told myself I will get over there as soon as my kids' schedules allow me to get there.

On the same note though, she saw my youngest son when he was born, and not again until he was almost a year old. Again though, we are constantly communicating, it is just the actual face to face time that is lacking. :(

I went through the same thing. With friends and my SISTER. My sister didnt even acknowledge the news he was born, not a phone call, visit, not even an impersonal text message.
It's really hard. If things are busy and hectic, at minimum CALL and tell the new parent you are sorry for not getting over to see the baby but x y z has happened. So at least we know you care!! My baby is almost 5 months and one of my really good friend JUST came by a few weeks ago. I dont get people, I really dont. I'm not even speaking to my sister anymore. I have always been there for her, no matter what and for her to totally blow off the fact I had my son was the final straw. The few times she has seen him, she barely acknowledges him. I guess it depends on how much you can take being disregarded over the birth of your baby.
Sorry you have friends who are making you feel this way, I'd evaluate the situation before you decide how upset you should be :) Congrats on your new baby!!

I have a germ factory 6 year old and it's RSV season. I think my friends know there are other ways to show them I'm happy for them than coming over to see them right away. I normally like to wait until the mom is ready to venture outside the house. everyone is different. if you're lonely and want company, INVITE them over. they're probably just waiting on the cue from you.

I think it depends on the person and the friendship. My bestfriend came to see our second child when she was 3 months and she lives 30 minutes away. I have another good friend that lives 10 minute away and she still hasn't come to see our second child but thinks we should come to all her children's events...so we don't go anymore; why should we put ourselves out when they don't. We all understand that life happens and we all get busy with our lives but there comes a time when you have to analyze the friendship....is it 50/50 or one sided; if so...do you want to continue the friendship. In conclusion, sorry that a few of your good friends did not come see your second child. Some people believe the 2nd child is less of a thrill. I personally believe every child is a blessing, but not everyone see's it that way. congrats on your 2nd child. celebrate your baby; don't worry about your friends; because now you are going to be very busy with 2 children and you'll have to schedule them....when you feel like it.

The year I had my first child was the same year I learned who my true friends were. It was tough for me to realize that while my life was changing and wonderful with my new baby, some could have cared less, and then there were those that showed up in the hospital, and often afterwards. As for the others, although it was hard, I wrote them off. I have since learned I am happier without them.

i hear you and i'm there with you. It took all my close friends and family a long time to stop by and meet my newborn. It's sad. Because like you, i was always there, and yes everybody is busy and has a life but if u really want to , you'll make time.

I didn't see my friend's new addition until she was a month old. I have two children and they had both been sick strep throat, colds, bronchitis I wanted to make sure everyone was healthy first but believe me I wanted to go over to the hospital the day she was born. Have you heard from these friends, have they called at all to say congrats? It's hard to get together with people. Combine illnesses, weather, work with your own schedule and it can take some time before your friends can finally meet baby