How Long Do I Let My Child Cry When Taking the Pacifier Away?

Updated on August 13, 2009
M.H. asks from Endicott, NY
15 answers

My daughter is 2 1/2 and we took the pacifier away. Actually when we came home from vacation a couple of days ago she asked us where her pacifier is? We told her we didn't know. And her response was, "oh no I left it in the hotel". So now all the pacifiers are gone. At naptime and bedtime she is crying and crying - it is breaking my heart! I have talked with her about her new animal that she picked out to sleep with along with all her blankets. So we have been letting her cry. The first night all she did was wimper. Then the next night and naptime she has been screaming and we let her. We don't go back into her room. Sometimes she crys for up to 30 minutes. How long should we let her cry and are we doing the "right" thing by just letting her cry and work through this? (She is a girl that has always gone to bed by herself and slept through the night since she was born). How long could this take?

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P.C.

answers from New York on

I'm not there yet...my daughter is 19 months....
I just wanted to offer my support.
I am not looking forward to the day the "binky goes away".
Good luck...It must be heartbreaking since she is really upset over it. I hope some Mom's here have some sollutions for you. Perhaps take her out now to get something she would like to sleep with and let her know that is the substitution for the pacifier?
There is the lullabye glo worm..it comes in blue or pink. It plays lullabye music and also just lights up at night if she hugs it. My daughter LOVES it and has since she was a tiny infant.
Maybe that can help?

Good luck!

P.

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A.D.

answers from New York on

Hi Michelle, I do not understand the rush to take away the pacifier. She may give it up on her own. Or if she still needs the sucking she could put her thumb in her mouth and that is something you can't take away. Our children are babies for such a short time, Grandma Mary

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W.O.

answers from New York on

Dear M.,
Our son was about the same age when we decided the pacifier had to go. Our approach was to make it his choice to let it go, not ours. For a week or so, we explained to him that he was outgrowing an implement meant for babies, he was now a big boy, his older sister didn't have one, but the decision of when was up to him. He realized it was time, he chose a date, and that night I made a special dinner in his honor. After dinner, the family gathered and we had a ceremony as he dropped the "nookie" into the garbage can. We all commended him for his decision and told him how proud we were of him. He never cried or sulked; he had made the first decision of his life for himself, and he was proud of himself.
Since then, our son has been making decisions for himself, and every one of them has been with positive results. He got married last month, and again, he made a good decision - we have a wonderful daughter-in-law.
Put yourself in your daughter's shoes. How would you feel if something meaningful to you was suddenly taken away? Go with that thought, and act on it.
I wish you success, W.

H.V.

answers from Jamestown on

why do you want to take away her pacifier? it's a source of comfort for her, it sounds. if she wants it, I would let her keep it.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

Hi M.,
Is she screaming, as in angry and having a temper tantrum or crying as if her heart is breaking? If it's the first one, I would not give in. If it's the second, I'd give it a few more days before reconsidering. She will need to lose the binky at some point and it may not be any easier when she's had it for another six months or a year.
I am sorry that I don't have any special trick for you, my daughter stopped using them at 4 or 5 months, and my son's went away before he turned two and without any crying. I hope things get better soon!

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C.D.

answers from New York on

Hang in there we left ours at the zoo. Your half way there dont give it back

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H.J.

answers from New York on

I think you're taking the right approach. I just went through the exact same thing about 6 months ago, and it worked for us. It only took a couple of days. I was doubting in the beginning too, but it didn't end up taking nearly as long as I thought it would. Good luck! =)

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A.P.

answers from New York on

"The Binky Fairy" took our son's binky on his 2-1/2 birthday and traded him for a stuffed toy. He had a really hard time falling asleep for at least a month. When he learned to self soothe, he learned with the binky, so taking it away meant he had to re-learn to fall asleep on his own. For a couple of weeks I messed with his nap schedule - I moved it an hour later (2) so he was tired, and then woke him up by 3:30 so he would still be sleepy at bedtime. At night he was tired from the shorter nap. I would lay down with him for "2 minutes" - really I would lie with him for 2-10 minutes until he was either tired enough to fall asleep any minute, or already asleep. It's been really tough, but I think even if you give it back to her now, you'll still have to go down this road in the future.
Good luck to you.

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M.S.

answers from Syracuse on

Hang in there! I took my daughter's away around the same age and she cried (angry crying) for about 2 hours the first night, 45 minutes the second night, about 20 minutes the third night, then she was done. She hardly remembers the pacifier at all, except from photos. She's never asked for one since and she didn't switch to thumb sucking.

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H.P.

answers from New York on

All three of my kids were very attached to pacifiers (at night mostly.... they didn't really use them during the day at all unless there was some kind of meltdown). Anyway... one day when they were about 3 (I did this with my oldest and my twins), I told them "the paci fairy is coming to take away your pacies and give them to little babies!" They seemed to buy it and literally never fussed once. I was shocked b/c they had never slept without them!!!

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

Took me about 4-5 days of her crying until she finally stopped. There were times when I felt so bad that I wanted to buy her another binky...but I had to resist.

Nanc

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S.T.

answers from Albany on

I never really had much of a problem with that with my boys, but what I have heard and learned from others is that because it's a soothing thing and gives them a feeling of security. So, try it gradually, trying it cold turkey is not always a good thing. Gradual where she is not noticing it and she is 2 1/2 yo so she may understand some things. Again every child is different. Try gradual process? It will eventually happen, but maybe not cold turkey.
I pray for Christ's Wisdom in that area. God bless you and your family.

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D.S.

answers from New York on

I know how hard it can be but I don't think I would give in at this point it's only going to prolong the misery. My daughter was the same age, but she threw hers in the garbage on her own so she could go to preschool (that was our deal). She really never cried. I was prepared for the worst it just never happened. I have a friend who's son cried for about a week he also threw his out. She said in the morning he saw the garbage truck and was yelling out the window to give him his binky back!!!! He was really attached and he got over it in about a week. It will get better. Maybe try to put some music on at bedtime to distract her. My kids always went to bed listening to music. Hang in there this to shall pass!!!

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G.T.

answers from Rochester on

About 3, maybe 4 days! That's about how long each of my kids cried for their pacifiers. Then suddenly it was over.

Seriously, if she is only crying 30 minutes then finally settles down and goes to sleep, it won't hurt her. And it will not traumatize her. A few months from now she won't even remember using one unless you tell her.

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J.D.

answers from New York on

Oh I have chills just reading your post. My son is just about two and a half and we have been talking to him about giving up the binky. He's going to get a special big boy wagon once he gives it up completey and he knows and wants this but has been saying not yet. Well, much of my reasoning for giving it up is b/c he's been getting quite a rash on his face from it and today he was at the pediatrician and while there I talked to her about the rash and she said, Yes, he needs to give up the binky - so she talked to him and said he had to give it up...UGHHHH - the look on his face! He knows its gotta go! We are going to start this Saturday by weaning him - no more binky at naps. We're going to try this for a week or two. He's got his favorities blankets, his teddy bear, I'm going to put a picture of the wagon up for him (I know some people will disagree with the reward of a wagon, but I don't care - I want him to have something special for giving up something that is so much a part of his life right now) I want him to feel proud that he earned the wagon b/c I KNOW his giving up the binky is not going to be easy for him (or for us!) I just don't think any of us can do cold turkey, so I hope the weaning works. If not, it will have to be cold turkey. I think whatever we do though its important to not go back and so my advice to you is don't turn back now - you child has come this far and may have farther to go but you all be successful - HANG IN THERE!

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