How old are your kids, and how independent are they? I feel like my kids are above normal here (not bragging, just saying).
My 5 and 7 year olds bathe, do chores, play outside, read, get beverages, etc... without my help. They know what they need to ask first for. They're really good kids. They even solve about 90% of their little conflicts themselves, and rarely come to me over silly little scraps, bumps, and bruises. I contribute this to when I was raising them as a single mom and we all kind of had to fend for ourselves.... or maybe they're just really good kids ;)
My 18 month old son has come to a certain understanding that while I'm with him constantly, I have work and things to get done. I work on the computer in the same room as him, watching him, getting his juice if he needs more, feeding him, etc... but he plays so well alone for an 18 month old! He pulls out his little basket of toys, dances to any commercial with a song that comes on tv (he doesn't watch the tv, he just enjoys the music, LOL), snacks moderately on what I give him, sits on the couch and looks at books, brings me a diaper if he needs one, etc... He's been pretty much on his own since 7:30 this morning... and now it's almost 10. I haven't had to entertain him at all.
Is this normal? For kids these ages to be so independent? How independent are your kids, and how old are they?
Don't get me wrong, we get plenty of playtime, even lots of one on one time... there's no neglect. These kids are perfectly content doing things with or without me (I'm always WATCHING them, just not participating).
Actually Carrie, no, my kids can not grab a snack, not without asking permission first, and even then, everything is so high up they'd need my assistance. I'm not sure I appreciate the tone of your answer.
@Kelly, my thoughts exactly, thank you :)
LOL Just this morning my two and half year old came into my bedroom with a peeled banana. Sneaky little thing didn't even set off the monitor when she came out of her room and I was awake and still didn't hear her! She just opened the door to my room eating a banana. I laughed so hard.
4yo and 20 month old both very independent, but only when it suits them. (I take my younger one out somewhere and another person will inevitably comment on how independent she is.) But, my 4yo also acts completely incompetent (i.e., so not independent) when she wants me to do something for her.
I find that their seeming independence at this stage makes my life way more difficult, not easier. That said, I hope their independence will eventually make my life easier (lets say by the time they are in their mid teens or so).
It is a blessing and it is a curse at the same time. The curse is that you have prepared them emotionally very well and they are ready for responsibility and independence.
My 16 yr old has been very independent and she thrives on responsibility. She's been cooking, cleans her room and now that she has has car she will stop and call me when she is coming home from a friends house, ask if I need groceries. She loves to do my grocery shopping.
She is an Honors/AP student and does not "have" to study very hard. I never have to ask if she is prepared for school, prod her to work on projects, etc.
We have always had special time for us. We both like reality TV and we will watch a program together, talk about it, etc. I am fortunate to have a healthy, independent, responsible daughter. Yes she is an only and she is just fine......
Your children are normal and R., you've done a great job.
I'm not sure why that wouldn't be considered normal. Have you really met many kids who can't grab a snack? I haven't.
Snort. It's a shame there's a "tone" associated with pointing out age-appropriate expectations, but not one for heralding normal developmental abilities as giant accomplishments in parenting.
And we wonder why kids grow up thinking they're phenomenal instead of very respectable, average human beings.
Doesn't sound above normal at all. They sound like regular kids to me.
My 7 month old is still a baby, but can play happily on the floor for up to an hour while the rest of us mill about, getting things done. My older two girls are almost 5 and 3 years old. They brush their own teeth in the mornings (I do the good scrub before bed), can get their own mom-approved snacks like yogurt or fruit, get dressed, go outside (into our fenced backyard that backs onto a mountain), do their "chores".
But these are things I've taught them to do; things I think ALL children should learn. To me, the real test of "independance" is that, I can take my girls to a soccer or dance class and they join right in. I know many children that sit and cling to their parents because they're afraid of participating. When I took my oldest to preschool for the first time, she didn't even look back as she skipped into the class with a casual 'bye mama' - this from a kid who had never spent more than the duration of dinner and a movie away from me in all her 4 years!
My daughter is a lot like your 18 month old, except I don't allow her to get her own drinks, except water. All other drinks are out of reach because she would only drink juice if the decision was hers. But she does play on her own, doesn't get bothered by every bump and bruise. I think it's wonderful that she is so independent and I find I enjoy my time with her more because it's not a constant need for attention, but more that she wants to be with me. She knows I have chores and such, but she also knows that if she asks I will stop and play with her. My motto is dishes can always wait. As for your older kids, I don't have older kids yet, but my sister's kids are the same age and do the same things your kids do.
I would ignore Carries answer.... Cant stand people who actually take the time to post something mean or negative!!! Why waste your time??? Anyway I think your kids probably are a little ahead...I had a single mother and we did everything by ourselves and were very independent children!! We learned from a young age just from her simply not having time to work, clean, laundry, errands, etc. and get everything little thing we wanted or be our sole entertainment source!! By all means my mother was wonderful and we still had alot of family time together!! I think your just proud!! And thats always a great thing to post : )
My son came out of the womb independent! When he was born, he was sprawled out all over the place on the bassinet. Nurses were worried, because babies generally want to be swaddled, and go back to the fetal position. He was a happy, healthy, content baby. He just from the beginning wanted his own space and didn't want to be held much. He has always done things himself and by himself. He is a little of two now, and is just the same. (I'm so happy, because he will be an only!) We play with him a lot, but he still learns and plays on his own terms...always! He is content to play by himself for hours on end. I do think some kids are born more naturally independent then others.
greg is 11 - can fix his own meals - scrambled eggs and toast or a bowl of cereal...grilled cheese sandwiches, soup....knows how to separate the laundry and start the washing machine....
nicky is 9 (on Saturday) and he can fix himself a grilled cheese sandwich - doesn't like eggs so hasn't tried that yet...soup, bowl of cereal...
Elayne - she's on her own...so she can do it all...at 25 - i would hope she does!! LOL!!
They can play interactively...they can find things to do - especially if it involves LEGOs and soldiers....
They can go to the pool by themselves as well....
My kids ask me to play games with them - I am the MEDIC when they are playing war - I wear an Army helmet with the RED CROSS on it and "help" them when they are "hit"....
My 5 year old daughter is very independent--has been from the get go. She often does things I really didn't she could do. Only issue with it is that she doesn't know her limits and sometimes gets in over her head. But, she is so proud to try it that I have to let her (and then secretly fix it) While I am so proud of her for asserting this very essential trait, it can get frustrating when we are in a hurry and she MUST do everything on her own. LOL
My 3 year old son, <sigh>. He can be the most independent boy in the world, but only if it pleases him at the time. Other times, you'd swear he not only lost his shoes but the ability to walk, talk, look, etc. He is pure male!! Wants someone to take care of him. HAHA
My kids are all very different. My oldest is 8 and is not very independent. He gets nervous trying new things and gives up easily. He is getting better with this, due to learning a few new big skills this year like riding a bike, joining cub scouts and doing rock climbing and zip-lining there, etc. His confidence has been built up and so he is more apt to try new things. But a lot of the time, if something looks like it is going to be any amount of work, he just gives up or he cons his sisters into helping or doing it for him. Worries me a bit.
Child 2 is 6. Verrrrry independent. She just came out that way. She has taken it upon herself for the last 2+ years to change her sister's diaper and dress her every morning. She gets her breakfast as well. (I never ever have asked her to, she just wakes up and does it!) She spied on me for days before mother's day and took notes on how to make coffee and how I like my oatmeal so she could make it for me on M day. She will often clean things while I am working, like one time I was on the phone and she cleaned the whole kitchen spotlessly. She was dressing herself on her own at an early age. She just likes to do things on her own, she finds pleasure in it.
Child 3 is 3 years old. She is fairly independent but she also is the baby of the family and has 2 siblings who dote on her and will help her with anything, plus mom and dad as well.
It sounds like you are doing a good job. I think kids need to be able to entertain themselves, solve conflicts and have responsibility. I do my best to parent in a way that fosters that.
My daughter is going to be 4 next month and she tries to be as independent as possible - she hardly ever lets you or wants you to help her with anything, even when you see her struggling. It can be a bit frustrating to watch, especially if we are in a hurry, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of the process of getting her ready to function on her own at school, and eventually as an adult. She can often get her own snacks from the fridge (the door is heavy and is a little hard for her to open still), she tries to spread peanut butter on bread to make a sandwich, and she's getting better at dressing herself. Sometimes she'll want me to help her with something that she is perfectly capable of doing on her own and I just remind her that she is a big girl and she can try to do it herself. She also insists on "helping" me with everything - again, it's typically faster and easier if I can just fold the laundry, put away the dishes, etc. But it's more important I feel to show her how we do these things and let her feel like she's a part of it and can play an important role too.
On the other hand, there is a woman I work with who has a 9 year old daughter who apparently can't do a darn thing on her own - the mom chalks it up to her being lazy but it doesn't sound like they are really expecting her to do more for herself. She says her daughter can't make a sandwich for herself so they are starting to work on her on that, and she often can't be bothered to get dressed on time so they end up intervening and putting her clothes on for her, etc. just to hurry her along. From what she's told me it almost sounds like the girl has some kind of developmental delay (her behavior, like having tantrums, sounds more like a 3 year old's) but she just says she's lazy and stubborn. All I know is that there is no way I would ever have a 9 year old that needed me to get her dressed and make a sandwich for her all the time!
My six yr old is Not so independent. I guess I'm in no hurry. My other two have grown and moved out and I miss them so much. Our kids grow up so quickly, one minute they're playing at our feet the next minute they're driving and then there only coming home for Holidays! So my MO is to enjoy every second of parenting this one. I enjoy being right there while he brushes teeth, takes a shower, etc. He's great at playing by himself inside or out but of course he comes to me for his bruises and bumps. IS it normal? All kids are different and all family dynamics are different.
My cousins had a mom who worked all the time, they grew up great and often say "we pretty much raised ourselves" They love their mom but are NOT raising their kids the same way, they are finding time to volunteer and be very involved with their kids.
My oldest was pretty much self sufficient at three the next at two. Yeah kinda lucky there. My older two were like 8 and 10, 10 being the older of the younger two.
I don't really know what the norm is only that my kids are not the norm so far as the older two go. My younger two had to deal with autism spectrum so I didn't have the time to teach them.
Really whether you know it or not that is what you are doing while you are watching your kids, teaching. I would say that they are that comfortable and independent you are doing a great job raising them.
As independent as they come, My 8 year old, cooks sometimes, keeps her room and bathroom clean on her own, contributes to all chores, has a phone (becuase she made an a average and was promised one. helps care for her sister. I dont let her wander the neighborhood though, but i do let her play outside alone and ride the bus to school. If she had to shed be able to make all three square meals, make healthy choices, operate every appliance and electronic equipment in the house,shower, brush teeth and hair and straiten up before bed. I dont make her do all of this, i just make sure she knows how.
My 2 year old (although still in diapers) dresses herself, brushes her own teeth, puts her own plates and glasses in the sink, cleans up her own spills, calls daddy from my phone, turns on her own t.v. and converter box, helps to straiten her own room, puts on her own shoes (although 90% of the time they are backwards) gets her own step stool to wash her hands, and puts her dirty clothes in her own personal hamper and throws away her own trash. again, not that i make her do this, or expect her to but because she wanted to learn and i encourage that.
my best friend who is 30 still doesnt know how to properly wash a dish, or do a load of laundry, she still lives at home and her mother does it all. My mom died when i turned 8, and she did everything around the house but always made sure that i knew how. When she died i was able to handle my own stuff with minimal instruction, i even took it upon myself to make dinner every night for my dad and two brothers. Im happy to have been instilled with survival skills,,,,,,,,,and i hope my daughters pass that along to their kids as well.
yeah, our daughter is pretty independent, she is currently playing with several different toys that she "asked" me to get out for her. i have gotten some strange looks from other adults because i guess they are not used to seeing a little girl be so independent, when we go out, she will, for the most part, sit quietly and drop toys over the side of the cart giggling and chorckling as i bend over to pick up her toys,( its actually kind of fun with the right sound effects ), i will then, instead of directly handing the dropped toy back to her, balance it on my head, make several faces, and then hand the toy back to her, only to watch it go over the side of the cart again, it keeps her busy and entertained. as for snacks, we sit out snacks for her, so if she wants them, all she has to do is cruise over to the child height snack tray.
K. h.
I think they are more ahead than most... and it's because you've taught them to be. Many of us (me included at times I admit) don't give kids enough space these days to learn and develop a sense of independence on their own. IMO we have too many organized activities... i.e. kids go to soccer practice WITH THE PARENTS.and we are too involved and there 100% of the time for them so this doesn't naturally develop as early as it once did. I guess it's just a different world than when I grew up and you learned to be more independent by necessity. Now, it's by choice. Good choice R..
My kids are very independent in that they do all of the things you listed, but I don't let them outside alone. I just don't trust people in general and even in the backyard I'd rather be watching them than inside and find them gone. It's my insecurity that I need to work on, but my 6 year old found himself lost in Kohl's a few weeks ago and that just set me back decades!!!
My daughter is six and is fairly independent. She gets herself up and makes her bed in the morning and usually gets herself dressed (unless we're having a pajama day). She gets her own drinks and can make her own sandwiches for lunch. She showers on her own although I set things up for her (like turn on the shower, adjust the temp, etc) and brushes her own hair. She cleans her room (when told) without supervision and can vacuum it. She does the dishes (she asks to do them) and does them well. I am a full time student and (esp. this summer) have lots of homework that I need to complete and she is good about entertaining herself. She can find stuff on On Demand or the DVR to watch or she'll play Barbies or do crafts by herself. (We still have designated mommy and daughter time every day- we had to make sure to schedule a time during every day for this because otherwise things get so hectic and our time together gets lost in the shuffle). My mom has a craft room and my daughter can be trusted to be in there by herself and not touch anything but her own stuff (my Mom is pretty impressed by that). I love that she's independent and has the confidence to do things and try new things on her own and I'm really proud of her but watching her do things on her own sometimes makes me miss the baby she was- when she depended totally on me and I could hold her as much as I wanted. :(
And as far as the negative comment-ignore it. For some reason there are people on this site who have to insert their negativity as much as they can. Be proud of what your kids have accomplished and who they are becoming. I think it's good to praise your children often. I'd rather praise my kid and have her have a good self esteem then ignore her good behavior and have her think I don't care and her have low self esteem. My kid is confident and can be independent because I believe in her and I tell her so.
Anyway, good for you R. that you are raising confident, independent, problem solving people.
