How Do You Know When to Test for ADD or ADHD

I haven't read everything, but I saw some good advice. Here's another perspective you might want to be aware of.
http://www.metagifted.org/topics/metagifted/indigo/introd...

I can so relate to what you are going through. My son who jsut turned 7 earlier this month has since about 4 almost 5 been the type that never listened or remembered what I told him even an hour ago. Hehas always refused to listen, do what he is told, back mouthing, hitting, kicking, biting me or other kids. He has also been running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off non stop. So I wen to his doctor and asked her what she thought and agreed that he was ADHD and told me of a few psych docs.

We got into one and he started him on some meds and they seemed to be helping some but not all. Then we got into was supposed to be an even better doc and was a lot closer and he agreed with the ADHD but also said he was ODD as well. He kept him on the meds and would change them as I told him in kindergarten he was having more and more problems. Well eventually this doc decided that no matter what he would NEVER change his meds again no matter how much older he got or how much worse he would get at home or school.

Well now we have an awesome new doc and a therapist as well. Both ladies are doing awesome with my son. They both take the time to listen to me when things happen that need to be addressed. This new doc changed my son meds but to a medicine called Stratara which is a non stimlulant but helps still with the ADHD and some with the ODD. In most cases as they get older you will be able to have the meds tapered off and they can ahndle things on their own. I am proof of that cause when I was 15 I was told that I had ADD I had many problems in school and at home my mom found an awesome doc for me and I was even hospitalized. Just a couple years later I was able to be taken off the medication and am doing just fine still to this day and I am now 36.

As a mom I suggest that you just go with your gut and have your child tested.

I hope that you are able to get the help that you need. Good luck with all.

C. - I agree with Amanda about alergies. Write down everything he eats during the day (everything), and the behavior he is displaying. Does it go along with hotdogs or milk products, etc.
AND for the gal who has a 17 year old - - - I started a low dose of meds last December, the middle of his Junior year! I too was very anxious about medicating and put it off for years. If your son is asking for it, try a low dose for at least a week and find out what happens. He may also need it for his new job.

C.,
I too have an ADD son (10 years old) that sometimes drives me nuts. I have never had him tested but researched it myself. I don't think I need to have him tested because I'm not willing to put him on the medication that they recommend. As a parent, what I have learned is that sometimes it's not the child's behavior that needs to change as much as it is my behavior that needs to learn to adjust to the way God made him. I have homeschooled him all but 2 weeks where I tried public school. It did not work for him and he became very frustrated (as well as the teacher). Public schools do not teach in a style that works well with ADD kids, unless they are on medication. Research the options. Find out for yourself what will work for you and your family and then be willing to adjust in order to raise them up in the way THEY should go, not according to a "system".
One thing I learned is that ADD/ADHD is NOT a problem, condition, ect. People that are this way usually achieve way more than the rest of us because they have the energy to do so. Don't let him feel negative about the way he is but learn to direct him and help him in his way, then enjoy watching his gifts. Let go of your expectations and teach him to fly. Then when he grows his wings he will soar above the rest of us.
A recommended book, written by a mother of an ADHD child is, "How To Get Your Child Off Of The Refrigerator And On To Learning".
Blessings,
P.

Based on the frustration I'm hearing in your question, I think it's time to at least consult his pediatrician about his behavior. It doesn't sound to me like your son is autistic...and possibly not ADD...I think he possibly has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Have you considered counseling, for him and you? It is very difficult to parent a child like him and you need support too. Good luck!

Hi Cari,

As a teacher it sounds like you may want to discuss your concerns with your child's doctor. They can give you paperwork for teachers to fill out to give them a better idea on your son's level of attention at school.

On another note - it sounds as if one of his teachers told you they thought he may have autism. DO NOT STAND FOR THIS!!! I don't know if your child has autism or not but I do know that as teachers and professionals we are supposed to offer support and guidance to parents. Teachers are allowed to outline their concerns and let you know what they are seeing in the classroom, but they should NEVER try to diagnose a child. We are not qualified to do this. YES, we see these things often and are familiar with symptoms; but again, we are only allowed (by law) to recommend you speak with your doctor about the concerns we see in the classroom. Parents have even outright asked me if I think their child has ADHD and I tell them I can only relay what I see in the classrom, and that I am not qualified to diagnose their child, but they should talk to their doctor.

I know you're not concerned about the teachers ability to say what she did - but just beware - they should not ever be diagnosing your child. Only a doctor can do that.

Good luck and best wishes.

J.

If you feel it's time then it's time. However, I have a 7 year old daughter and we went through some of the same things you described. She kept getting side tracked and never finished tasks I gave her or seemed to never listen to me. It turned out she was having absence seizures. I was shocked, but after learning about it everything made sense. So please look into other possibilities besides ADD/ADHD. I hope you find an answer because I know how frustrating it is to constantly be disciplining them. I was very tired of her always being in trouble. It is such a relief to know that there are answers, especially if you are trying your best and that isn't enough! I wish you the best.

Hi there,
wow! I can so relate to what you're going through. Your son sounds so much like my 10 year old daughter. My husband (her stepdad) has thought for the last couple yrs. that she may be struggling with ADD but I kept insisting it couldn't be-- because like your son she had great grades. After state assessments, however, we found that she wasn't comprehending math even though she was making a B. Our school set up a care team and my husband brought up ADD, they said that was something that we should check out w/ her doc. Basically ADD is a dirty word in the schools and the teachers & counselors aren't going to bring it up or mention it until you do. It sounds like it is time to test. My husband & I filled out forms, along w/ 2 of her teachers. After her doc saw these he prescribed adderall. we just started this med a few wks ago and haven't noticed a big difference but I've heard that not every med or therapy helps every kid so I'm hopeful. You may want to check out the website for the American Academy of Pediatric Psychiatry, I found it to be a good source. There are actually lots of diff. sites & resources out there so I hope you find the information you need to help your family. One thing that all the sites mention is that the caregivers of kids w/ ADD need lots of support too. I'm trying to reach out and let my friends & family help when I need a break and that's really helping (esp. during these trying summer months!) I wish you the best of luck!

Take care!

He may also be food sensitive or light sensitive (while these can be components of both ADHD and Autism, they can also be just individuals). With my son, his trigger is artificial colors. It's a bear keeping candy away from him, but it's hell if we don't. We eat honey sticks instead, and try and limit the artificial stuff to the inevitable Christmas & Halloween school gorge. A friend's son is sensitive to gluten (there are a number of gluten-free cookbooks available, and many stores now have a gluten-free range of substitutes available). My niece can't do a lot of television or large department stores-- the chaos/lights/sound makes her insane. The trick is to find out what the triggers are. When we found out about the artificial colors thing we went from not sleeping at night for three years to sleeping through almost every night! Also he's easier to deal with when he's not breaking stuff and bouncing off the walls. (It was amazing-- one of my friends tested it b/c she didn't believe me by giving him a sugar-free lollipop [so it wasn't the sugar, which she thought it was]-- he was so uncontrollable that she apologized to me!)
Good luck-- this is tough. But try these before you try medication!
A.

I am a middle school teacher and it sounds like it would be a good idea to get him tested - at least talk to his pediatrician. However, the defiance is probably a dicipline issue or it could be his frustration with himself. However, if he is diangnosed with ADD, do not allow him to use it as an excuse - please. Just help him make adjustments to his life. Also, make sure the doctor dos not just jump on the med bandwagon. Ask about diet changes, make sure the teachers have contact with the doctor - forms or phone calls. Make sure if he is medicated all of the people in his life wrk together to get the right dosage. Good luck!

As a mother of an ADHD child, get him tested to see! I was told by the school nurse before we started kindergarden to watch for the signs from the teacher, them telling me his behaviors in class. They are not allowed to diagnose and wouldn't tell you if they think he is. I think you are getting those signs. It is hard on their self-esteem to be constantly yelled at and getting negative reactions when they cannot help it. Its like a constant motor running inside them, they really can't control it and it damages self-image. Also, ADD/ADHD kids are also known to be very intelligent, they have a hard time focusing and it makes it hard to make friends because of their behaviors. For your child's sake, get him tested. My husband never wants to admit that ours has ADHD either, but with a little medication during the school days, he is able to function at school SO much better and it has improved his friendships and he feels better about himself. Its not good to have to yell at them all the time if they really can't help it, not good for you or him.

Cari, I feel your frustration. I have taught 3rd grade in the inner city for 8 years. Just in the little bit you've written, I don't think that he sounds ADD, based on the fact that he gets good grades and loves to read. If he has the attention span to read and retain information, I doubt that he's ADD, however, if you're concerned you should definitely talk to your pediatrician. Also, it has been studied that children who are ADD (or have another disorder) and need prescription medication and DON'T get it are at a significantly higher risk for using illegal drugs b/c they will self medicate if necessary.

If you're open to trying new things I highly recommend using Love and Logic by Jim Fay. He has a ton of books and videos and there are always local classes being held in the KC area. It is wonderful, if used correctly, and can save the sanity of you and your household. I used it every day in my classroom and it truly makes kids accountable for their own actions! It takes hard work and dedication on your part to stay consistent, but it will work!

Good luck!

Cari,
I have an 8 1/2 year old son as well who at times does behave in the same ways. I think most of what you described is within the normal range of behavior for this age boy.I am definately not an expert by any means, but I have read a lot of books and material on boys. I grew up with only sisters and now have two sons,my older son is 12. What I have learned is that boys are made up differntly than girls. They are built to be on the move and their minds are going as fast if not faster than their bodies and for the most part they are not detailed oriented. It is hard for them to comply with some of the stanards for behavior, especially in school. Talking back and disrespect should never be tolerated. We have used time out believe it or not, even at this age for those kinds of things and it works for our son. We have also had him write down what he did that was unacceptable, and what he should have done differently. That way he is thinking about it instead of us just telling him. I work at an elementary school and I would encourage you to speak with your school counselor and also discuss your concerns with your childs doctor. I know how frustrating this can be, we have lived it. One thing that my husband and I try to keep in mind is that the most important thing we can do for both of our son's is to love them and build a strong relationship with them. Without that the disipline won't work. Good luck! T.

I know I went through a similar situation and all I can say is the longer you wait the guiltier you will feel if something is medically wrong. I was always anti medication and thought ADD or ADHD was not real and was a result of lazy parenting,,,,,that is until I had a child (1 of 3) with severe ADD. After all the tests by the doctor, and all the forms from teachers, the doctor decided it was time to try something. I filled the Rx and then kept it in my cabinet for 2 weeks because I was scared to give it to him. Well, finally, after the worst day at school to date we decided we would try to give him the med 1 day and call the teacher mid day to see how he was. Well, I didn't have to call the school, his teacher called me. She called me before lunch to say she didn't know what transpired over night but he was the best kid in class so far that day and to keep it up! That was two years ago and we have since been able to transition him off the med. We always kept him on the lowest dose and realized that the meds don't make them "better" it just allows them to slow down enough to be able to pay attention and think through their actions. So, there is a lot of re-parenting that had to go on. Good luck!!

Wow, I am amazed at how many mom are going through this. I too am struggling with this issue. My son is only 5 and is too very hyperactive. A Pediatric therapist has also said my son shows signs of ADHD. She gave us samples of Strattera but i can not get comfortable to give it to him. I am glad that it is not a stimulant but i just can't get over the fact that he is only 5 and giving him medicine. I have heard that it really works, his main issue is hyperactivity and he doesn't focus on things very well. He is easily distracted. I am glad to read so many parents have been through this and suggest trying the medicine. I would definetly get him tested. It is hard to accept the diagnosis of ADHD because it is also tied into the autistic disorder( although the spectrum is so broad), my son is a high functioning child which means he can do alot on his own but needs guidance and assistance because of his adhd sympomts/behaviors. He does not bang his head or do dangerous things to anyone he is just hyperactive and talks alot, alot!! He is just getting ready to start kindergarten and i want to try the medicine, I think my fear is that the meds will work and i have to accept the diagnosis...i don't want people to see him as "oh he has adhd or he is slow, etc." People are so quick to "label" children or make comments when they know nothing about them or their situation. Strattera is good because it is a non stimulant and gets their brain to focus but in small children such as my 5 yr old they can not swallow the pill. Therefore you take risks of breaking the pill open and finding something like chocolate syrup to mix it in so they can not taste it but i can upset their stomach for the first few days or so until their body gets used to it.

I know i want to do what is best for my son and it sounds like you do as well. It will not hurt to get him tested, at least then you will know what is going on and take the right steps to help him. We have to remember they are kids with a disorder, not that they don't know anything but their brain works differently, most children with ADHD, ADD, Austism and such are very, very intelligent children but they have to get the help and guidance they need to be successful. I hope this helps.

I am also open to any suggestions on giving my son Strattera, especially if your child is on it or has tried it. Thanks,

L

I think you need to talk to your Pediatrician and describe the problems you are having. Then they will advise you on whether you need to go for testing or not and send you on to a qualified person to do that. A lot of times teachers can tell when someone has it but they can't legally come out and tell you because they aren't a doctor and can't diagnose it. So I would consult your doctor and see what they think.

Good luck.

M.

I agree with wanting to make sure that you don't slap a diagnosis on your son too quick. But I also see where you are frusterated and if it is the method for getting him and the family help then you would want to head that direction.
As a teacher I can say most of the time if the student is not struggling in classes- in other words getting A's and B's is not usually a sign of ADD, if they have not been treated. At least not in my experience.
I am wondering if it isn't so much as more discipline, but different. I totally agree with discipline and accountability, but if one method isn't working then you might want to look into another. For instance instead of yelling, maybe stop talking to him, or talk in a whisper until he is ready to listen and work with you. Or give him responsibilities that matter around the house that must be done before he can do "what he wants" and then if they are not done you would need to find a reasonable consequence for his lack of actions and "memory". If he can remember enough to do A's and B's I have a hard time thinking it is full ADD, and not mearly selective memory loss. But maybe that is what you ask a doctor to look into.
I am not sure I am being must help, but myabe looking into some of the websites for ADD and Autism for the signs and symptoms would help you as well, cause they also have other resources and helpful tips for you to go to.

I hope everything comes up positive soon.
L. :)

hello, It is never two early to test my son has had it since he was three. we did not have him disgnosed until he was 4 1/2 because we did not want him on medication all his life so we did what all the books said to deal with it until it reached a point we could not and then we went the medication route. Just might want to have it checked out if your concerned because the school might start getting on to you about it I know that I have two kids that I have done this with and that helped out greatly. need anymore ideas email me if you would like.

My son is 17 now. When he was in first grade the teacher told me she thought he had AD. I didn't believe it. He could sit for an hour and play nintendo. He could watch a Disney movie with no problem. To be honest I was and am afraid of the effects of the medication and I didn't feel like his problem was in the realm of needing the medication. Through grade school they would sit him by his self by the teacher and that worked. He made A, B's. Junior high it was A, B, and a C once in awhile.
Last week we were having a conversation and he got aggravated and started getting a little loud in the car. He just totally STOPPED and said "mom - I really do think I have AD." I can't concentrate and stay focused on stuff."

I don't know what to think. He'll be a senior this year and his grades are pretty good. His attitude is good - except for the fact that he thinks he's Jay Leno. He doesn't do well in Algebra but he has A's and B's in the other classes.

He just got his first job and he will get his license now. So I guess we'll see how that goes before we go to the doctor.

I'm sorry that I don't know the answer for you. I'm looking for it for myself. I just thought I would give you some info. I have seen the medicine work wonders on some kids. I think it's just a decision that you, your family, your doc, and son need to decide. You could always try it and quit.

C.--
There are many different tests that can be done for the presence of ADD/ADHD, but they are not tests that are fully medical in nature. The tests are observationally based and usually a parent and a teacher fill out a questionaire that asks about what they see in a specfic child's behavior. You may want to talk to a developmental pediatrician at one of our local hospitals, such as Children's Mercy. I had very good experiences with my son at the ADD/ADHD clinic at the University of Kansas Hospital-Pediatric Clinic. Having raised a son with ADD/ADHD, I know it can be frustrating for you, but also remember, your son may be frustrated, too. Getting a handle on what is going on, now, and finding a way to help him learn to cope, if it is ADD/ADHD, is my suggestion for you. For us, a variety of things worked, including medication (ages 6-14 and during "school times" only), finding resources for his varied interests and finding opportunities for him to "be a star" in areas where he excelled (school was NOT always a "shining star" place) were all things that worked for my son. He is now a successful young man, age 21, serving in the US Navy. Best wishes to you and your son, and let me know if I can be of additional assistance! Sincerely, J.

Get him tested. I have a grandson who is severely autistic. Teachers are trained to look for these things. Suggest to your husband that you want to 'rule this out'. The earlier he gets help the better for him. If there is nothing wrong with him then you can discipline him more. Discipline may ot work if he is autistic.

Cari,

I feel your pain... I too have an 81/2 year old son. My husband yesterday told me that he thought we needed to check my sons hearing.(because we repeat ourselves 2 or 3 times with everything) I tell him to do the simpliest tasks everyday, and if I alter 1 thing (30 minutes of reading instead of 20 min) he gets very upset, and defiant. He doesn't do the back talking, I won't tolerate it and he has lost many of fun things in the past, and my husband is VERY good at catching him and telling him not to talk to his mother that way. We talk of respect and responsiblity.

His teachers also mentioned that he didn't pay attention in class, but when told to retell the directions, or story, my son could repeat it verbatim. EVEN THOUGH HE WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. The "sad" part of my story is I did decide to get my sons eyes checked, just because my daughter was having problems, and he came away from the exam with glasses stronger than my daughters!!! He was paying attention in class he just couldn't see anything, and NOBODY, his teachers, nurse, ME had any idea. I have been "told" that everything "comes together" around 12. Another question you need to ask yourself is... Does he act the way you have taught him when you are not around? Do other parents tell you he was great, he was so polite, they got along so well? If so then your yelling all the time IS getting through his thick head.

I also wanted to comment that I do Sunday school, and I have a boy in my class that is very intellegent he has skipped a grade. He is in 5th grade suppose to be in 4th. He also is very mouthy, and very defiant, smart, and a little snobby, but in general he is a good kid.

Obviously, the choice is yours to make. whether or not to test him or not. I suppose if you do then your questions will be answered. If they tell you nothing is wrong, then you can breath a sigh of relief. If they tell you yes he has issues, then you take a deep breath and deal with the illness. God luck and God bless.

I don't know about ADD testing but I can relate to having a difficult son. This isn't really a solution -- but reading this book might give you some insight. It's called Raising Cain and it talks about all the ways that boys act out when they have problems or emotional pain that they cannot articulate. Definance and hostility are common symptoms. And one random note...you might try giving him more choices, authority, and responsibility. Anyway, please consider reading:

Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys (Paperback)
by Dan Kindlon (Author), Michael Thompson (Author)
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Cain-Protecting-Emotional-L...

Just ask your pediatrician about the ADD testing. A friend of mine had it done on her 5 year old because she was SURE there was something wrong with him - he was so difficult. Turned out he was normal! Best of luck to you.

Hi. I am a private educator with a specialty in ADHD (attention deficit disorder) and LD (learning disabilities). You should make a request to your school district to have a complete evaluation of your son. They will test for any type of learning issue as well as test his IQ. A ADHD diagnosis is a medical diagnosis; therefore, the school district cannot test for it. The reason I recommend a full battery of tests is that often times, people will think a child has one issue when in reality, it is masking something else. Best you have a complete idea of what is going on.

As for what to do in the meantime...yelling at children with ADHD or LD seldom helps as does more discipline. What they need is a structure and strategies. Create a checklist of what is expected in the morning, after school and night time. This will help him establish routines and make your son a part of the solution. Have him work with you as you make the lists. Additionally, talk with him about what behaviors are acceptable in certain situations, i.e. home, school, at a friend's house, etc. When we are frustrated we tend to yell at kids to stop a certain behavior, but rarely, do we tell them what behavior they should be exhibiting. Role play is another key strategy. This way your child knows what to do. Kids eventfully, turn off their minds and do not even hear the yelling. You want to maintain your cool, hard to do sometimes, and let your son know what it is that he has to do. I also recommend that you write down what he has to do, as you might be dealing with an auditory processing issue. that doesn't mean he cannot hear, it is that he might not be able to process( internalize) what you want him to do. Many kids with ADHD or LD do follow the rules one day and not the other. Kids with ADHD have difficulties with the executive level of the brain. This area is responsible for sequencing, time management, organization, etc. It is the CEO of our brains so to speak. If it is not functioning as well as it should, then the issues you have mentioned often occur. A medical doctor, counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can diagnosis ADHD. Start with the school and then talk with your son's physician. to

Good luck and please let me know if you need any other guidance.

Im not gonna sugar coat this...GET HIM TESTED!.. My sister has the same problem with my nephew (as far as behavior) but refuses to get him checked out to see if there is a problem at all but his behavior started from infancy and has only worsened with age. I actually have ADHD, Tourrette's Syndrome, OCD, and ODD which is Oppositional Defiancy Disorder (it sounds odd and is not as widely publicised but trust me it's out there). I had a lot more problems growing up than it sounds like your son does but I had the sme issues when it came to my school work. My teachers would say "L. is so smart" (science teacher) " She has such an abstract mind with understanding metaphore" (Eng. Lit teacher) and so on. I got tested in the third grade and was diagnosed with all the disorders I listed above. It took time with a Psychologist to get my scrips and time with a Nurologist for figuring out the Tourrette and a counselor on the side for good measure. It took a while but with meds and help and time i eventually grew out of it and studied psychology and a minor in school and have recently gotten a job as a resident's assisstant for a state funded assissted living program helping teens and adults with developmental disabilities. All I'm saying is get him tested the sooner the better so you can do what you can to aleviate the problem before it's 'too late' then if it turns out to be nothing just restructure his life and for the love of Pete keep our head with him cuz the more you push at himthe harder he'll pull away. As for his behavior just be patient. ODD is often coupled with cases of ADD/ADHD and usually improves with age (not a lot of med options for it when I was his age). Most of these disorders improve with age and with minimal use of meds. I also highly doubt your son has Autism. It is fairly rare to have it and not display symptoms earlier than age 8 though some symptoms of ADD/ADHD/ODD can look similar but the best way to get your son the help he may need is to get him tested. Talk to your Pediatrician to see is there is a specialist in your area that he/she recommends. I wish you the best of luck : ) He'll be fine. Hope all goes well.

I grew up with a brother who had ADD and was on Ritalin for years. My family adopted him when he was a infant. He was diagnosed around age 3 by our pediatrician and then sent to a therapist to confirm the diagnosis. The Ritalin never stunted his growth (some people were fearful of that happening on that medication). It did help him get through the adolescent years and his behavior seemed much like your describing about your son. Unfortunately, he never outgrew it (which doctors told my parents that some kids do) and he no longer takes the meds and is now 23. He's always had a good heart but still lacks common sense and does seem to have trouble holding down a job yet always manages to land on his feet. He was a tough love case for my parents during his teenage years. Even though we still deal with his drama on occasion, we love him anyway because that's what family does without condition. By the way, he does have a girlfriend and has never known a stranger. He's currently working a great job and we keep our fingers crossed that it'll continue to work out for him.

As a parent, I would be most concerned about the defiancy but the problems your having with your child not listening or having to remind them several times what to do...I think that's par for the course. I have four children ranging in ages 1-8 and constantly seem to have to repeat myself. I partly wonder if your son acts this way to get attention even if it's negative attention. Our family has tried the following and it seems to help create responsiblity and respect. 1)Tell your child what you DO want him to do and NOT what you DON'T want him to do. When we use the word "don't" we are actually training our children to not listen to us. And, it's easy to say "don't do this, don't do that" all the time. It took vigilance and practice to train myself to get away from using that word all the time. And, sometimes, I still say it in the heat of the moment but I get a better response when I choose different words. 2) I get frustrated after saying the same thing over and over and then I began to raise my voice too. So once again, I have conditioned my kids to not listen until my voice raises. Now what I try to do is say what I want or expect in a nice, happy mom way and then if there is no response then the next time I say it I attach a consequence. I know every therapist would probably tell you to attach a positive but sometimes what works with my child is letting him know that if he can't use his listening ears and do as I asked then he will be losing privileges for the rest of the day and I try to make it something he would really miss like the tv or his favorite legos.

I like this forum but it is so hard to walk in someone elses shoes. Please know that any of the above comments are not an attempt to armchair parent but rather sharing what seems to work for my busy household/family. Only you can judge what will work for you and if you can get your husband on board it may be worth looking into further. Being united seems to make a difference and in conclusion...I JUST PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Best wishes for more joyful less stressful times. It can be so hard when we're in the middle of it but no one loves our children like we do so they're worth it. TTFN...my computer time was up 5 minutes ago.

I read a great article on CNN yesterday. If I can find the link, I'll post it below. Basically, it descibed all of the things you are going through, almost verbatim and said this is normal "boy" behavior. Because of this boys are 5 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, bipolar disorder and other behavioral issues. I know you are tired, tired and more tired of constantly disciplining, but it sounds like a problem that will get better with age. In the meantime you should take a time out for yourself, since your husband doesn't seem open that something deeper could be going on, and explain to him why you need your time. Furthermore, I am upset about his 1st grade teacher throwing out autistic. What is the deal? It used to be common for kids to be rambunctious and test their boundries, now it's a disorder if you don't sit still the whole day and keep your head down (obviously I'm generalizing). I found the link, but you may need to cut and paste.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/family/06/17/harder.to.rai...

Good Luck!

I'll start with - I symathize, definately. I also have had what sounds like the same struggles. Good grades at school are supposed to be hard to come by but my son was also plenty smart enough to keep those high, yet fit everything else!! I sought out everything I could; behavior mod strategies, counsel, etc.. Finally, despite my resistance around that age that I finally gave in and had evaluations done for ADHD. Once the dr. read reports from teachers and myself; he was put on medication. I will say the first semester he was on them was the first reports I had ever had that didn't go...."we have to tell him over and over, he doesn't use his time wisely, he doesn't pay attention... blah, blah". I was SO excited. But that was one of the last too! His meds were "adjusted" several times and we'd go through phases but I eventually weened him off. The results that I was inconsistently getting didn't seem worth the continued hassle of "trying to get it right". Of course, I hated the thought of constant meds already and to keep making it higher and giving more - I just couldn't do it anymore after 2 years? He's 13 now and may well have ADHD or something like it??? He definately still needs to be told daily the same things over and over, has a hard time completing \ carrying out 'plans', is a complete frustration to his father and I, often; however, we do our best and pray that all the seed is taking root and will blossom (SOME DAY SOON :-))He's the oldest of 5 and obviously doesn't fit that first child, overachiever mold. He rebels against that with everything in him! Obviously, it's up to you and your husband and maybe son - pray about it? Try it? It is tough and hopefully, hearing that you are not alone is comfort anyway. I know when I run into mother's who have a child with similar behaviors as mine - I feel better. Best wishes, be blessed.

I've also read the letter about your 4-yr-old daughter having headaches.

Maybe you are expecting too much from your son. If he is getting A's and B's in school, he most likely does NOT have ADD. Sounds to me, like he is just trying very hard to get the attention he needs. You might try spending some one-on-one time with him, letting him do most of the talking. Ask questions, and let him answer. Do NOT grill him, just hint at things. Try to get him to tell you how HE feels about things. He is unhappy for a reason. You need to find out WHY.

I went through this with my son. I have to tell you - it's not easy. But, it is well worth the time and effort. My son is now a happy, well-adjusted adult, with a son of his own.

Your daughter's headaches could be caused by stress. If you have to "yell and discipline" your son every single day, she could just be reacting to that. However, there is a possibility that it could be caused by something physical, as well. You definitely need to take her to the Dr and have her checked, ASAP, just to be sure.

You are going through a trying time right now. Just remember to take a bit of time for yourself, on a regular basis, even if you just run to Wal-Mart or the grocery store by yourself, and take your time, or lock yourself in the bathroom & leave hubby with the kids while you soak in the tub. Doing something for just yourself (pamper yourself a bit) will help you relax, and have more patience. This is important, expecially when you have one that seems to irritate you on purpose.

Good luck. When all else fails, just remember......they WILL grow up. They WILL move out. You WILL miss all of this one day.......even with grandchildren & greatgrandchildren in the picture.

All information that I am presenting you you is from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders, 4th edition, Text Revision. I have a BSW degree and am currently in courses to earn my master's in social work.

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder usually exibits symptoms before the age of seven. Most individuals with this disorder lack attention to details and make careless mistakes often. They usually do not finish tasks. This sounds different than a child that recieves good grades in class. they seem to daydream ofter. They usually avoid activites that require high mental work. They also tend to be disorganized.
This is a copy of the diagnostic criteria for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder:
A. Either (1) or (2):
1. six (or more) of the following symptoms of intattention have to be persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with decelopmental level: INATTENTION (a)often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork. work , or other activities. (b) often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities. (c) often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly. (d) often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional bahavior or failure to understand instructions). (e) often had difficulty organizing tasks and activities.(f) often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework). (g) often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g.toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools). (h) is often easily distracted by etraneous stimuli. (i) is often fotgetful in daily activities.

(2) six (or more) of the following symptoms of HYPERACTIVITY-IMPULSIVITY have persisted for at least 6 months to a degree that is maladaptive and inconsistent with developmental level: HYPERACTIVITY (a) often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms oin seat. (b) often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining in seat is expected. (c) often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness).(d) often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly
(e) is often "on the go" or often acts as if " friven by a motor". (f) often talks excessively.
IMPULSITIVITY (g) often blurts out answers before questions have been completed. (h) often has difficulty awaiting turn. (i) often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g. butts into conversations or games).

B. some hyperactive-impulsive or inattentive symptoms tht caused impariments were present before age 7 years.

C. Some impairment from the symptoms is present in two or more settings (e.g. at school (or work)and at home).

D. There must be clear evidence of clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

__________________________________________________________

Any disorder can be misdiagnosed. some diagnosis that are similar to individuals with the above listed symptoms are Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Mood Disorder, Adjustment Disorder, and Child or Adolescent Antisocial Behavior.

About the Autism. I doubt that your child is autistoic. Onset of symptoms usually occur before age 3. The impariments are in areas of social interaction, communication, and or symbolic or imaginative play.

Be warry of allowing therapist to diagnose your child with anything without proper evidence, because being diagnosed never goes away. Instead dieseases are in "remission". Also medication is often perscribed to individuals who have impairments.

As a social worker, we believe in also assessing the situation of the individual in question. Every issue or concern for a person in not necessarily because of a disease. I suggust your child does see a liscenced professional therapist/social worker/ psycologist.
They should also assess why your husband is reluctant to allow your son to recieve some form of counseling.

Sorry for the length. Hope this helped.

Hi Cari, I teach first grade, all the signs are there. Have you talked to his doctor? Meds are a good thing for some chlldren.. I've seen miracles in children who are put on meds, but remember to that meds don't work for all children. Just keep your head up and if you think and feel something is just not right, you are his mom and MOMS KNOW BEST! good luck, L.

please forgive me as I am not going to read all 47 of your responses and someone may have already said this, but does your son eat a lot of sugar? low sugar diets full of the right food groups, not diets full of "fake food" will help ensure your son's body is working the way it was designed to be, please focus on this first before considering medications of any kind...I was just talking to someone about this the other day, they put their child on a diet like what we are supposed to be on with healthy food choices, whole foods, not processed gook, and the behavior problems went away. our society has gotten wayyy out of whack. hope I don't offend, just throwing this out there, =-) best of luck and God Bless.

I don't think it hurts to get him tested but I remember being the same way when I was younger in some respects. My big problem was always being late. (Back in the day when we could roam around the neighborhood safely and play with kids on the block.) I was supposed to be at home by 5pm every day for supper and almost every day I was late. It wasn't that I didn't know the rules, I just would get distracted and not realize the time. It was the same with other rules - don't put your shoes on the couch/table, etc. - I would be reading a book or watching tv or playing with my sister, whatever, and would do it without thinking about it. It really wasn't to deliberately make my parents mad. They would ask me what's the rule about being home on time/putting our shoes on the couch/ etc.? I would know it, and get in trouble. They tried to be patient with me, but some days would blow their tops. I can imagine how frustrating that would be now! Those things I would say he'll eventually outgrow. Just hang in there!

As far as school, it sounds like he's bored and needs more challenges. You might see if there's an honors program he can be involved in.

With respect to the obnoxious behavior, though, that needs to be nipped in the bud. If he's being sassy at this age, heaven knows what he'll be like when he's a teen. We were always respectful of our parents because they demanded it. The old washing the mouth out with soap and a swat on the bottom worked on us. But you'll have to choose the discipline method that works best for you. Good luck!!

The most important thing you can do for your children is to see that they can learn everything possible as normal as they can. If you have been approached by his teachers then it is now time to do the testing and make sure he gets all the help he can. Children often become frustrated when they can't do like everyone else and yes they do know it! they are often willing to go for help or be in special rooms where they will receive the help they need. That is what the learning resource room is for. A child that is struggling can and often will become angry and take it out on others then you will have a bigger problem to deal with and that could lead to places you may not need to place your child-so tell your husband to think of his son and how he can help him in school and out. Quite often there are things you should do at home to help direct your child to work or stay focused-pay attention and do his homework in a timely fashion. These are things you and the rest of the family can help him with. So tell your husband aget out there and let's help our kid!

That sounds similiar to how my nephew acts (he is 9) and he was diagnosed with ADHD...they're smart kids but they are just unable to follow directions. He is on medication (he takes 1 kind of pill in the morning and 1 at night). It seems to work pretty well. He was not getting in trouble as much at school. I would follow your Motherly instincts...it wouldn't hurt to check it out...good luck!

Good Morning again C.. Our daughter in law said she read somewhere that if you gave a active child sips of coffee if they calmed down immediatly they had some type of ADD /ADHD. She tired it with our 3 yo gr son he is one busy little guy. Mostly milk in his cup but she said he wetn and sat down and was quitely watching cartoons for at least 15-20 no talking or anything.

Both of our boys were diagnosed with ADD at a young age and were put on ritalin. Grrrrrrrrrrr!! It did help in some ways, they completed school work etc but didn't turn it in... ;)
If I had known what could of happened to them then, they never would of been on it. Both are still hyper but use control now as they are grown.

Neither of our's spoke back to us or did any of the things you discribed behavior wise. They were far from perfect, just never dealt with that type of behavior.

My husband had ADD as a kid also but they didn't use those medications just said he was super hyper. He excelled in school though, like your son.

He was tough to convince to see a Dr. about our boys, he finally gave in as he saw they really needed some of control.

When an the medication they hated how they felt as they were docil and like zombies. Some days they hid the ritalin and said they took it. I found the stash. By 8th & 6th grade i let them stop taking it completely and home schooled them. I didn't know at the time they could of both go into shock, have heart problems and be suicidal. The Pedi never told us any of this.

I hope your son gets some type of help, and your hubby agree's with it. Maybe an anger mangagement program for your son. Would help him to conrtol his impulses.

God Bless C. I pray your son and your little girl have peaceful days ahead.
K.

I want to tell you that I believe EVERY mother of an 8-9yo boy goes through this. And, then at 10-11. Just keep at it and don't grow weary. Don't give him a label so he thinks something is wrong with him, or give him an excuse. Try to use a lot more positive reinforcement, whatever works, and if that gets him to straighten up, then perhaps it was just a change a pace he needed.

I agree about the spending some one on one maybe playing a game with him. If he seems to have no problem with remembering the rules and so on then I would think it is something other than a mental issue. Maybe needing more one on one time. Also, my nephew was the same way, but turns out he was gifted and thinks "outside the box" so make sure this isn't the case before he get labeled with ADHD. I know this is tough. Sounds like my younger daughter so we are headed down the same road. I would appreciate finding out how it goes. Pray for guidance. God is good and loves your son more than you.

I have a 7 1/2 year old. He is the baby of 4 children. He was diagnosed 2 years ago and it has been the best thing I ever did. I was finding myself crying because I was spending so much time disciplining him that I never got to just enjoy him. He is still rambunctious and plays sports and runs all over the place. But he seems to do it with a little more control. He still struggles periodically. He wants to badly to be good and yet he cannot control his impulses and hyper focuses...

I was like your husband. I did not want to think my child needed a drug. But I can tell you that if you have the right pediatrician he will go out of his way to explain what your son is dealing with in his head and really be able to tell you if he needs something.

It is sad as a mother to know that your child is just as frustrated as you are. He can't understand why he can't remember or why a new thought popped into his head.

I also don't think anyone ever really grows out of it. I think medicine gives you the ability to focus and then as a parent we have to really push our kids to learn how to deal with it. If you do go this route, just remember that it's not magic. You have to be a little tougher and a little firmer with him. You will get used to repeating yourself. But you will find you have a lot more patience with the situations.

I also recommend you have a long talk with daycare. It's important for them to understand it too. And the best of all is blogging with support groups. I find that his behaviors are normal and it makes me feel better with how I am handling things in my own home.

Good luck.

Ok, I do not have time to read all the previous posts either so forgive me if I repeat. Your son is 8 1/2 and just finished first grade? I am assuming he either has a late birthday or perhaps repeated K? Anyway, perhaps he is bored and needs a challenge. My son has an IQ of 135, he is in gifted classes, and there are times when he acts ADD/ADHD, which I know could be possible, but usually it is when he is bored. I noticed he started getting in trouble in school (playing with his pencil, neighbor, talking) I went to his teacher and asked that he be challenged more. At the start of second grade he was reading at a 5th grade level, so when he zipped through his work he'd get to go read....well he needed more than this. Once we figured that out it was smooth sailing.

C.,
I read your frustration. Your son needs to ce tested. In the St. Louis area call the Special School District. The testing costs nothing. You just have to ask. And sometimes ask again. Do not be afraid of what the tests will find. It is better to help the child than to fight all the time.
Two of my sons have learning difficulties. Knowing what the problem is and how to help makes a Big difference. We have learned how to help them and a support system for the adults. You are not crazy!!Your son will be okay. Your husband will come around, this may just take years, to helping his son.
Good luck and you are not alone.

Yes, I would definitely have him tested. My advice is to have him tested by a developmental pediatrician or a psych. who specializes in ADHD, autism, etc. Also, some people even think that ADHD should be on the autistic spectrum, so don't panic about the teacher's comment. Some people with extremely mild Asperger's Disorder display a lot of ADHD characteristics, and it is on the autistic spectrum. However, if your son is doing well socially, then he's most likely not on the autistic spectrum. Best wishes!

As a tutor for dyslexic and ADD/ADHD students, I know how frustrating these kids can be. I'm also seen how meds cans help turn a kid around. But most of the kids I've dealt with who eventually go on meds do so because their ADD/ADHD causes them to fail in school (not remembering to do homework--or even knowing they have it, finished assignments that are never turned in, inattentive to what's important in the classroom, etc.) It sounds like your son may have other issues. Don't know the answer, but if it were my son, I would go through a process of elimination to try to determine what to do. There is a web site www.thetotaltransformation.com (I also hear it advertised on the radio) that may be helpful to you. They sell a program that teaches parents how to stop unacceptable behaviors like your son's. It may be worth investigating.

I don't think there is a clear answer for this. If you get him tested, it may help ease your mind or else help him get the help he needs to succeed. If you don't, he may miss out on help and strategies. But, I also think that professionals are quick to diagnose kids these days and quick to give out meds.

I really believe that if he is diagnosed with ADD/ADHD or even an autism spectrum disorder, you really need to look closely at his diet. Some kids with ADD/ADHD can't handle sugar the way other kids can. Stimulants act differently in their bodies. Also with autism spectrum disorders, gluten and casein free diets can help tremendously.

I used to work in a child psychology department and when they tested kids for ADD/ADHD, although it was always first thing in the morning, they never asked the kids what they ate for breakfast that day. I think their performance on the test would be different based on whether they had Cocoa Puffs or a wholesome breakfast like whole grain toast and milk. A great book to read on how diet effects all kinds of health aspects from allergies, headaches, obesity, and cancer to attention disorders and heart health, they cover it all: "If It's Not Food, Don't Eat It" by Kelly Hayford, C.N.C. It's a really informative and entertaining book.

Bottom line, testing him could get him help if he needs it, but you have to be your child's advocate and be comfortable with what they tell you or get a second opinion. Don't let them diagnose him too quickly and push meds on him (meds can be GREAT for kids when they really need them, but I don't think that every child taking medicine actually needs it). Also, take a close look at his diet. Again, that book is great, or maybe a nutritionist could help as well.

I think that whether or not he is diagnosed, or even put on meds, you should probably use strategies that can help him succeed. Maybe he needs a picture chart at home to help him remember what comes next in the daily routine. Maybe he's a visual learner and needs visual reminders rather than you repeatedly telling him. A developmental therapist (or someone similar) could probably help you come up with ways and ideas that help him learn best based on his learning style.

Best wishes! (and keep us updated)

There are at lease 2 ways you can go about this
1. through your pediatrition- they have test they can do right in their office to "get and idea" and then they will send you to a psychologist to have the testing donw. this process taks a while (for my daughter who is 9 with ADHD it took almost a year BUT it was worth it!!!)

2. talk to his teachers and or councelor- they can do a special school district referal- if you request it they have to do it and then Special school district will do the same basic tests to see. If they say yes there is a problem you can then go to your pediatrition and see if medication is an option.

Don't be afraid to do both- sometimes it takes both to get the matter handeled. My daughter is ADHD and on GREAT medicine- but she doesn't qualify for special school district services. THIS HAPPENES A LOT!!! And in my experience (15years as a teacher) Most of my kids who were ADD or ADHD were VERY intelligant they jsut need something to help them focus- whether it be medication or special programs.- i hope this helps

A little about me- I am a school teacher and mother to a 9 year old daughter with ADHD and a 6 year old son

Hi, C.. I feel for you right now, because I was there almost a year ago. My son is 8 and since first grade he also had problems paying attention in school. I was so shocked as the Kindergarten teacher loved him and did not say anything to prepare me for what I heard the next year. My son was zoning out and does have the ADHD- inattentive type. He has a few of the ADHD- hyperactive traits also, but none that interfered with his schooling. I waited a year to take my son to the doctor and after he was put on medication, I kicked myself for waiting so long. My son was able to concentrate at school and focus so much better. He lost his frustrated attitude and was so much happier. Is he 100 % better-no, but a huge improvement. The great thing about medication for ADHD is you will know in a week if it is part or all of the issue you are dealing with. There was a difference the next day with my son. We did take him to a psychologist before we put him on medication to see if it was an emotional issue. They had some tests he could do on the computer to test for ADHD. They helped us make the decision to try the medication. Your husband's reaction was the same as my husband's. What they don't want to admit is that there is NO discipline that can fix the connections in the brain that are not working. It is a brain thing- not a bad behavior thing. My son admitted to me that he was very frustrated and embarrassed by all the negative attention he was getting in the classroom, because of something he could not help. No child wants to be unsuccessful at anything. They want to please us and others. They can still be ornery- sure- but they want to do good. As a mother, I can tell you I cried many tears over my son and his frustration and the frustration he was causing me. I am so glad we got help. Another thing to think of- ADHD is very hereditary- my husband had the same issues in school, but nothing was ever done about it. If you or your husband had similar issues growing up or someone else in his bloodlines did, I would definitely check it out. I think you will be amazed at the results. We were. And neither of us ever wanted to put him on medication, but how could we keep letting him struggle? His self-esteem has really improved, and I think that a positive and confident child is the most important thing we can help our child become. Good Luck and God Bless.

Hello, i don't know if you child is but my daughter has had similar issues, i did have her tested and it came back, no she is not. They do a test by having the teacher fill out something, you the parent and then the Psychologist gives your child a test. Ours came back with the Dr. and I agreeing and the teachers came back off the charts ADD. The psychologist explained that Katie may be having social adjustment to new school. A new teacher helped a lot in the classroom and I continue to give lots of reminders.

I do think at this age there's lots of testing of the parents from the kiddos.

Best of luck.
P.
parent of a 10 year old

Please get your son to a neurologist. All his symptom are ADHD and I do agree with the teacher. There is a form of autism, called Asbergers Syndrome. If you need a great ped neuro, Call John Montavoni at St. John's. Stop frustrating yourself and your child and get him so help.

It might sound a little weird, but should he move up a grade? He sounds a lot like me... I was just bored out of my mind all the time. When my parents realized it, they started challenging me more.
Good luck!

Just a thought, is your son having difficulty hearing? I thought my son was hard headed and it turned out he couldn't hear us. I would check out hearing and diet issues before I would accept a diagnosis of ADD ADHD.

You might want to consider yet another "disorder" called ODD - Oppositional Defiance Disorder. However, you might along with with also check into a site called Empowering Parents and get James Lehman's series on how to parent difficult children. It REALLY does work, especially if both parents are on board. I think the program is called Total Transformation. Good luck. I have one just like yours. S.

You need to get him tested not only for the ADD, but for Asperger's Syndrome which is a form of Autism, and also Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I had a boy in my Cub Scout den with ODD/ADHD and the symptoms you described in your son, fit with what I dealt with the boy. My son also has some of the symptoms you describe, and has been diagnosed with mild Asperger. My husband also says that there is nothing wrong with him, and that we(myself and the teachers) are just coddling him, but after he was diagnosed and the teachers and myself knew how to better deal with him, he has been doing great.

Cari,
I will write you a much longer note later to share more information and how my son's story mirrors your own son's situation. For now, please get him tested. It made the difference in our life.
I have to go to VBS this morning, but I will get back to you. Take care.
Kati