The question from Theresa yesterday about mommie flaws got me thinking. I know what mine are (the list goes on and on somedays). And I was thinking that getting some ideas on relaxing, calming down, keeping cool would be a good idea.
As I said, I am a yeller (I hate that about myself but haven't been able to break this cycle yet). I am impatient and do not like to repeat myself, which leads to yelling. My moods sometimes carry over into the next day. Example: argue with son about school project right before bed last night..... woke up grumpy with him even though he was not doing a thing wrong. I didn't yell or do anything to upset him but knew the mood was there. Luckily, he may have picked up on it too because he did his morning stuff and was out the door ontime for the bus, etc with no nagging from me. I know this is totally me and not him so how do you calm down, refocus, change a bad mood, etc. Weather it is in the middle of a bad situation (like the arguement about the project) after its over or before a situation comes up?
A friend recommended honey 3 times a day- said it is very calming. I think somedays I could drink the whole honey bear! Natural remedies only please.... i do not take medication and will not add those chemicals to my body, etc.
By the way, this is not an every day of my life I am crabby and kids are upset, but it does seem to go in cycles. We have a bad few days or so then all is ok for a while,etc. My children are my world and I love each of them dearly but no one is perfect and we tend to know exactly what buttons to push on each other. My husband works all the time so he is not home much to experience this, just comes home after kids are in bed and knows instantly how my evening/day went. My moods are very easy to read, that is for sure. The frustration I feel is basically over the same things all the time. My kids are good kids, no major issues just small irritants that go on and on, over and over again. Like arguing with each other of the dumbest stuff in the world. Not picking up after themselves and the lack of responsibility/independance of my son (especially about school work).
Thanks in advance!
I haven't done it in a while, and I don't know why...but have you ever done yoga? It really is amazing. And you don't need to go to a class or have a special mat or special clothes. You seriously just need a few minutes and a floor. I highly recommend it!
I sometimes feel I yell a bit at times, usually repeating myself too much and hitting my breaking point, frustrated that I'm washing dishes with my hands, breaking up a fight with my feet, and thinking about the laundry in the washing machine, that the table was still dirty from dinner after I finished bathing the kids, etc. (Mine are younger and much more dependent and my husband and I work opposites so are both exhausted most of the time.)
I don't usually take it out on my kids, but sometimes bite my husband's head off out of nowhere because I'm sick of things and then turn it on myself and insist I'm a bad mom. Honestly, if you are not already exercising regularly, I have never felt more relaxed, settled, unruffled, unstressed, and content as when I'm working out several days a week, even for 20 or 30 minutes. I feel that irritation and grumpiness creeping up on me again since I was sick and got too busy to exercise, but if you don't and can squeeze in a little time, it will probably help your moods a lot. I didn't realize what a difference it made until I tried it. My husband and I also trade off on who gets to soak in the tub (no kids in the bathroom, nothing to worry about except a relaxing), and that helps, too. Sometimes it means I stay up a little later than I wanted to, but I go to bed feeling more relaxed and calm. Silly, but I also feel better doing something like making a pot of tea in a real tea pot and drinking with a cup and saucer, buying a home decorating magazine (not that I really decorate or have a house to remodel, but I like the pictures and ideas) and just relaxing with that for a few minutes. I also get up before my kids on the weekends and sometimes drink my coffee on the front steps and get a head start on the sunshine. That makes me a happier mommy in the morning.
I also like a soothing linen spray for my pillow and nicer smelling, relaxing lotion before bed. Sometimes calming smells make a difference. If there are one or two things that will make a huge difference to you, let your family know (like your husband taking the garbage out before work, putting bottles in the recycle bin, or whatever). Also, just focusing on positives by writing a little note to each of your kids and husband before bed and leaving it in a sneaker or lunch box might help you go to bed in a happier mood.
All I do is ask myself - When my kids reflect back on their childhood, how would I like them to remember me? =-)
I give myself timeouts too! Kids aren't the only ones that need it! LOL
Some suggested yoga and if you're not one to put chemicals in your body as I am, yoga is perfect.
I too am a yeller:( My kids are 9 and 1 1/2 and sometimes I feel like I have to repeat EVERYTHING before my 9 yr old will listen. It gets so frustrating. He's a really good kid; listens and has no problems at school, etc. The only thing is he refuses to listen at home. I am so glad you asked this question because I would love to read the responses. I would also like to here of natural remedies because I do not want to take medication. Thanks again for asking this question, hope you find your answer:)
I have a similiar temperment as you and found that essential oils are my new best friend! Seriously. They have such a calming effect for me. Go to www.essentialwholesale.com and click on Shop Online. Then select INGREDIENTS and then go to ESSENTIAL OIL BLENDS. I personally use RELAXING, TAMING THE WILD CHILD, and WOMEN'S BALANCE. These three are all awesome! You never want to put these directly onto your skin. They will burn. You can use them in an oil diffuser to scent the whole room or you can add them into a base lotion and rub onto your skin that way. Here is an awesome article about how to properly use essential oils. http://www.naha.org/articles/How%20To%20Use%20Essential%2.... I hope this helps! It has really done wonders for keeping me calm!
Chores chart! Get the whole family involved in making a list of chores, who does what, what priveleges you earn by doing them, and what punishment you get for NOT doing them. We did this with 5 teenagers from 2 families, and it saved my sanity! They set more-than-appropriate punishments, (you can negotiate until all agree), and watched each other, trying to catch each other at messing up. It totally took the pressure off us as parents, put an end to fighting and yelling, and got things done. "These are the rules. You mess up, it says right here what your punishment is, and you've already agreed to it." PS. About what you can do immediately for stress---stop, take a deep breath and let it out slowly, then ask yourself, "can I do anything to change this?" If the answer is no, then relax and let it go.
5-HTP daily and melatonin to sleep. Works wonders!
this has always been a touchy subject for me to talk with others about. So i thank you for bringing it up....
I to am a yeller......I HATE IT......and as much as i pep talk myself in the morning...i just cant break away from it. My boys are probably younger than yours (?) and i feel horrible.....i think i go over board and i think of others that can talk to their kids when situations go sour(mainly on tv shows..lol) but i really would like to keep my cool and have calm days.....i feel at times that im going to explode.....and i always think "do i expect to much from my almost 5 and 6yr old"??????? but its simple things that i go off on too......the sibling fighting and having to repeat myself.....like you commented i also love my children to death and love that im able to be home with them, but i need an outlet.....My boys are amazing have great manners and do listen and do as they are asked but im such a perfectionist and anal person that the min they dont do something the correct way or ask for something more then one time i explode.......and i know that isnt fair....i point out the bad/wrong things they do more then the great things they do.....we have little classes at my sons school and a few have been about discipline and how to talk with your children and they always get me pupped up and give me a good rules to follow and i just fall off the wagon(if you may)........sorry if im going on and on....but i just have so much bottled up inside its nice to vent and hope that we share something in common that we can help each other with.......or get others opinion on as well
thanks for listening and thanks in advance for anyone that has any methods of dealing with all this ......
Reading your post is like reading a page out my life... my daughter and I are very similar and boy do we push each others buttons on our "bad" days which only leads to an unhappy mama & unhappy daughter.
I am still working on the whole staying calm but if I feel like I am at my breaking point (yelling, don't make me repeat myself and so on) I simply say mom needs a few minutes of quiet time. I make myself some coffee or tea usually with honey (tea is better at claming), I go into my room, close the door, and either do yoga or deep breathing exercises. This at least brings my boiling blood to a calmer state. Some days it works like a charm other days it just does not work. When it does not work I put a smile on my face and try to find an activity where my daughter can do it with out me so we have little interaction so less likely we will push each others buttons.
This may just work for me but I have started to keep a pitcher in the fridge filled with water and cut up lemons. When I have a glass, taking slow slips, it refreshes me and I feel a little pampered since it is not just water. This helps also calm me down since it is so refreshing. Maybe the water & lemon have a calming effect but never have looked into it.
I also like to have a scented candle that calms me, it could either be an actaully calming scent or it could just be a scent you like and find relaxing. Bath & Body stores care a scent line that I love, I have the stress relief, calming & sleepy lotions. This may not be natural enough since I am sure there might be chemicals in the lotions that the body absorbs (but not sure if they are really bad, I think they are better then me exploding on the days I can not calm myself down on).
I soooo could have written this post! I, too, am a yeller and I really hate it. My mom was that way and I vowed I wouldn't be a yeller, but, alas, it's happened. My kids are 11,9,8 and 1. They are really good kids, but sometimes it gets so overwhelming. This is what I've found that works for me.....not all the time, but it's what I strive for and usually makes things better.
1. I exercise. It's tough with a little one, but during naps it's usually a cardio dvd. I'll take her for a run, walk or rollerblading. Once the kids are out of school, we'll probably go for bike rides. Getting my heart rate up makes a huge difference for me.
2. I try to remind myself of the big picture. Many times as I'm stressing and yelling about getting out of the house on time, I find we're actually on schedule. Or, I'm actually upset about something else and the kids doing some minor infraction makes me blow up. This is hard, but processing the moment I'm upset, sometimes makes me realize it's not all that important.
3. Natural consequences. If I tell my son to pick up his Legos and he doesn't, they go in a box in the office. I used to threaten to throw things away, but I couldn't do it. I've paid good money for some of those things and I'm not going to throw it out. If they ask for the item back, they have a to- do list that they can work off the toy/item. If they don't ask for it back, at some point I will ask them and they get the choice at that time. It will go to Goodwill if it's not wanted. My thoughts are that it's out of my hair if it's in a box somewhere and maybe my child will remember to pick it up next time.
4. We've also started to pick out clothes the night before and do all the organizing prior to our departure date. Our big issue is getting out of the house, so this is a good thing.
We are all going to have bad days, so I try not to beat myself up too much when I have a day of yelling. Just taking a deep breath can also work wonders, but it's hard with kids. I remember not picking up after myself as a kid, and I eventually learned. Having a picked up house is important to me. I really can't stand clutter. But, I also can't stand yelling at my kids all the time. Some days I have to just let go. Also know you are not alone and there may just be a great suggestion in everyone's answers that works great for you. Good luck!
