How Do You Handle Other Kids

Hi K.,
I know how you feel. We had a few situations like yours. It is not you or your husband. Some kids are just VERY rude. I tried it all- talking to the parents, keeping them confined in my sight while playing. We eventually decided that these certain kids are NOT allowed to come over. I explained to my kids why. I also explained to the other children why they were not allowed over. If you want to let these kids come over- you NEED to set rules. Write it in BIG permanent marker on paper and hang it at your front door, let them know (not in a mean way) that this is your house and these things WILL not be tolerated. If they do those things they going to have to leave. I hope it helps...
C.

It sounds to me that your house is the "hang out house" because you are what parents are supposed to be. Sounds to me like you provide a safe and nurturing place for kids to be kids. I suggest posting house rules for guests right inside the door. Set ground rules and consequences for these "friends" just as you would your own children. Pehaps the neighbor kids aren't getting this at home which would explain their naughty behavior and language. We need more parents like you! :) Keep it up.

I feel for you. I too have been bothered at times by what other kids do in my house and worried about their influence on my kids. Remember, you're the adult--kids a lot of times do not know the weight of the words they are saying, they're just repeating something they heard on TV or radio or from an older sibling. You have to directly handle the situation. "We don't talk like that in this house." "That is inappropriate and not acceptable to anyone in this house. If you don't mind your manners I'll send you home." If your house is the one where they want to play, they'll have to abide by your rules. If not, turn them away at the door. It's not easy but you have to protect your family.

The other kids may not be getting enough attention at home. I know it may be hard, but you have to take a deep breath, bite your tongue, and use this as a time to influence these kids in a more positive way. My husband and I are in the process of making our house the place that all of our kid's friends want to come and hang out at. That way we know what they're doing and can use the opportunity to be good role models to these kids who probably don't have anyone-that's why they want to come hang out at your house. Instead of the kids just popping over, plan some activities, like doing crafts and making things with your Creative Momories. These kids will really appreciate you and the things you do for them (caring for them) when they're older. Good luck.

It sounds like these kids are over at your house because they don't want to be at their house for one reason or another. It seems like all kids are acting this way but it could just be the kids coming over, maybe they want to be apart of your family because they have unstable (just guessing) homes and yours is not. Honestly, I have a child that has many behavioral issues, and when he gets to go over to other peoples houses I warn them in advance of what they can expect. So try not to think of them as just rude kids, and look at it like they don't know any better. That being said, you don't have to have your kids around bad influences...especially if it is inappropriate.

Children should not be expressing things sexually or talking about things that is not general knowledge conserning sexual things (like sex acts), this is usually an indication of bigger problems, and should be looked at a little more than just kids being bad.

it may be theri way of getting attention taht they dont get at home. it is still innappropriate andyou need to establish rules and stick by them. gather them all at once so that they know that you told all of them. poin t out specific instances and tell them that type of behaviour is not approrpiate and that you will not tolerate it n you rhome. tell that if they want to hang out at your house and play with your kids they must adhere to your rules. also tell them why you dont think it is appropriate. and the consequences that they will have if they break the rules. I hav had a housefull of kids ever since my oldest (28 yrs old) was in high scholl. we actually had tow of them live with us , one for a year and the other for a few months. when my younest (17) was in grade school, our house again became the gathering place. i had to talk to the moms and make rules about how many firends he could have over at one time. as he entered high school, he just hung out with a few kids but on weekends. they seemed to gravitate to our house. that is ok because if they are in my home, i know they are safe. i have a great repoire with the kids but we have rules. i dont mind feeding them but they have to clean up. no horsing around in such a manner that someone will get hurt. and the language thing, not allowed around me. they do come to me and ask questions, some of them sexual related but i know that they feel comfortable talkng to me and i would rather give them the right information and resources than have them get the wrong message elswhere. and yes a couple of them have broken the rules and they are not allowed at my house and they hate it. especially when everyone is here and they cant be here. last year we had a kid that was a foster kid. as soon as he turned 18, the foster mom no longer wante dhim because she wasnt getting money so he came to live with us for the last 4 months of school. he graduated, joined the marines and is getting ready to go to Iraq ina few weeks. he has been such a sourc eof joy, and sadness for me. we just got back from another young mans graduation. he got kicke dout of his house and he came to our dooorstep. he didnt graduate with his class because he was a credit short. we go thim online classes and he graduated 4 weeks after his class. he went to a trade school and now has an associates. i get so many calls on mothers day, valentines, my birthday. all because i did allow my childrens friends to congregate here, but they also learned that there are rules.

Hi K..... I too have "the hang out house". Personally I want it to be that way and would never want it any other way. I've interviened in MANY MANY conversations and I have always been there to talk and teach the children that come over about right and wrong behavior and speech (I figure they are in my house and my rules go. Besides, some of these kids will never have the fortune of parents that even partially relate to them).
I've been fair and understanding. I know kids are growing up WAY too fast!! They have talked about sex and kissing. And in those time I've called the child over to talk, I haven't attacked them, I just say plainly...."Sex is a beautiful thing, it is sacred and it's meant to be shared by two people ( a man and a women) when they are married. It is the way God intended, anything else is no good, So I ask that you talk about other things." That's the first time warning I give.... When I'm feeling particularly mentor-ish.
Otherwise it's Noah my son who I bring in the room (with me) and I ask him what he and the kids are talking about, I then ask him if he is being Godly and speaking things that please the Lord... He goes in the other room and I hear with my ears the conversation no longer is centered around whatever topic it was before.

That way You teach YOUR child to handle talk like that and not to just GO ALONG with the crowd and take part in (really) grown up talk.
As for my kiddos...I homeschool, and they are not in the mix, so the kids coming over often are neighborhood kids, I meet their parents right away and spend time with them....chatting and dinners...I try to include them in my life.
But I advise you, if ALL these children are not the element you want for your kids and nothing works...either get really busy...(know what I mean) and find other outlets for your children to meet peers...ie youth groups, TaeKwonDo(that's what we do), mom's groups, athletic activities,etc.... or move.

I definitely feel your frustration, but I see this as a great oppurtunity for your children to grow into leaders and grow into people with integrity. Use it. Don't run away, but also gauge the degree of influence and act accordingly. Your children will take your lead. Charge on sister, Your kiddos are young now, you got that on your side. May God bless your steps.

Hi K.,
I know exactly how you feel. Although I don’t have the kids from the neighborhood coming around....I have a few family members who do those kinds of things!! I feel bad for how I'm handling it. I just completely stopped going around them because I do NOT want my kids (especially my son who will be 6 soon) learning from his 6 yr old cousin how to make sexual comments!!! And it's not just the one kid he has 3 brothers who are the same way!! I couldn't believe how much these kids know and it irks me why no one in their home is even trying to teach them to act and talk with respect!! So I just stopped taking my kids around them and let my son know he won't be going over there anymore! Oh and about you not being nice to the kids.....I think someone NEEDS to put them in their place!! What ever happened to kids being innocent??? I know it’s not the kids fault but I guess if their parents aren’t showing them how to be respectful someone should!!! And as I’m sitting here typing this…..what if their parents are teaching them…..and its just the kids thinking they could get away with it because they’re not at home…...well serves them right to let them know that its not okay to disrespect while they’re visiting in your home!! Well I hope the best for you & your hubby!! You two sound like great parents!!! :)

I understand your issue with these children and their inappropriate behavoir. As a mother of two and a childcare provider from home I know exactly what you mean!!!
However, if these kids are gravitating to your home, it must be because they enjoy the normalcies of your homes'environment. I think it's good you are limiting your kids exposer to this bad behavoir, and I don't think you're over-reacting. But a part of me really feels for these kids! They must be shown and treated inappropriate things in their house, and that is horrible. Good luck, and ultimately your main responsibility is to your kids, and you already know that. Sounds like you and your hubby are doing a great job! And.... LOCK THE DOOR FROM NOW ON! LOL!!! :)

hello! I believe the values that you teach your children will also teach them to know the differance between the good and bad things that thier friends do, but in the mean time you as parents must do what you can to protect them from inappropriate issues exspecially when its about adult issues. unfortunatly you arent responsible for what goes on in every childs home so i would make sure you have had a good conversation w/ both parents (mom and dad) maybe invite them over for a chat! and come to commen ground of disiplining them when thier in your home. maybe ask the parents if time outs are in order when they are at your home. if it persists i would cut off visits all together. innapropriate behavior msut be addressed.
good luck! your in our prayers!