How Do You Find Joy in Being a SAHM?

As you can see from the responses, you are NOT alone!!

I would like to recommend a lighthearted book that will give you some laughs and show you how many women struggle with the day-to-day task of being a Mom. "I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids (Reinventing Modern Motherhood)" by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile.

My very Best Wishes to you!!

PS...I disagree with the posters who believe navigating office politics is more difficult than dealing with toddlers!! Office politics was a piece of cake compared to this! :)

Mommy S

In my experience, the experience of being a SAHM is mixed with many emotions. The isolation and lack of mental stimulation can be difficult. What helps keep me focused has been our goal and commitment to our 2 children. Go back and examine what your purpose/intent was to be a SAHM. Why was it important to you and your partner in the first place? Has anything changed from that goal? And is it time to re-evaluation that goal or just time to re-commit to it?

Although this author is controversial on many topics, I have found 2 of Dr. Laura Schlessinger's book helpful especially when I was feeling down about being a SAHM. These books are very much geared towards the SAHM crowd and unfortunately, does do some bashing of daycare centers etc. I particularly like "Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess Up Their Kids: Don't Have Them if You Won't Raise Them" but "In Praise of Stay at Home Moms" is good too. Both offer re-affirmations to SAHMs. Maybe it will help you as well.

And finally, I can't stress enough the importance of having a bunch of Mom friends to share stories, swap ideas or just hang out with. They have been my savior over the years.

I had a very hard time adjusting to being a SAHM after having a career. The way I look at is instead of looking at the negatives of it, look at the positives. You are SOOOOO very lucky to not have to go out everyday & drag your child to daycare only having them become sick most of the time. Your child will benefit greatly from all the time you spend with him/her, as compared to a complete stranger raising your child. My suggestions are two things, come up with a schedule of daytime activities for your child. Like their in preschool/school. It will break up the day & will be FUN! Take time each day completely to yourself & maybe once a month take a day to yourself. I do this, and it saves my sanity. Definitely join a Mom's group & talk to other Moms.

I too am due soon, about 3 weeks now! With a very active 20 month old, I was worried about how things would go after the baby comes. I have decided to just keep the baby home for a week, and then, we are going back to all of our activities and play dates. I need the interaction with the other moms, and I figure I will just keep the baby in a sling and make sure no one touches him, and that my hands are clean. Many of the mom's in my play group are supportive of this, so I think it is do-able. I will also have my mom take my daughter to her activities that I can't take her to for the first few weeks due to needing to be with baby (like swim class).

I find that as long as I keep busy with activities, I don't get into a funk. We get out of the house every morning for some activity (even if it's just shopping), and then we walk/play outside every afternoon. The routine works, my daughter seems happy, and I'm funk free. I also don't entertain my daughter. I plan activities outside the home, but in the morning, after breakfast, she has play time by herself till we leave, and then, before dinner, she has play time by herself as well. Maybe I am a horrible mother, but I seriously don't play with her much. I just take her to things and then we have story time twice a day. Occasionally I will play blocks with her, but typically, she just plays while I work on the computer/cook/clean, etc.

I do have days when I can't believe I am stuck doing domestic work when I am trained as a scholar, but then I try to remind myself that I am the luckiest person alive to be able to watch my daughter develop. It really is the most precious of gifts, and if that means I have to wash a lot of dishes, so be it. Washing dishes is better than office politics!

I have been a sahm and a working mom. I guarantee you being a sahm is way harder! For me, the best thing was trying to plan some activities in advance so that we had somewhat of a schedule. As they get older, they can have some alone play time also, which helps. The key is making sure you have some things for you going on. Volunteering is a good idea and so are hobbies. Take some time to do the things you like to do, even if just for a short while in the evening when hubby is home or during nap time. Having some time away from mommy mode is good for you. Then, you can come back to being mommy with a fresher mind and will be able to appreciate just how important you are and how much good you are doing for your little ones. It's the best and most important job in the world!

Mommy S.
The early phases of being a SAHM are so hard. I am a veteran & went literally from a war-time support base (read SUPER busy) to sitting on my dad's back deck listening to crickets. It was SO HARD. I have gotten a lot of help from www.flylady.net. She helped me to change my thinking and get things done without having a permanent to do list. (she has some really good books, too - sink reflections is excellent as is body clutter.)

With your daughter home sick, you've been able to be the one who cares for her & nurtures her. You weren't away feeling guilty for not being there. I find a great comfort in knowing that my kids will be/only were young once(great span of ages here 19,10,2) and I got to be here to teach them & share in that time. There is nothing more important than to teach your kids well. And you only get them a short time.

What saved my sanity the first time around was a zoo pass, kids museum pass & lots of trips to the park, even when it's cold, that's why they have coats & scarves. As to when they're under the weather, rent some good movies, build a sheet-tent in the living room and let them lounge & veg out. Meanwhile you can read a book or do a hobby that you enjoy. I took up sewing & quilting. It's very fulfilling. But I still struggle with the alone-ness of it all. That improved a whole lot when we found our church & started volunteering. We made great friends that way & honestly the work we did was fun, too. Nothing helps you bond like running around like a maniac & working as a team selling food to raise money for something. :)

This will pass, hang in there & please eat some nice green salads, it really helps keep the blues away. Same with salmon & other healthy stuff. Feed your body well, go for a walk by yourself when your hubby is home & keep your sense of humor, you'll need it when your kids reach the teen years! lol.

Congrats on the pregnancy!
D.

ps, make friends with your crock pot for zoo days! You pop soup ingredients in the pot, and start the bread maker, if you've got one, pick up the house & head out. You have fun all day long at the zoo & come home to dinner done & a clean, yummy-smelling house! I know that wasn't what you were asking, but it works beautifully because your kids will be tired & hungry then you get a peaceful evening, hopefully with your hubby. :) We mommas gotta share our tricks of we're all hosed!! lol

well. you are pregnant. if you ask me of COURSE you fel miserable right now! LOL! I don't know how old your kids are but just try to remember that every stage is over so quick. when they turns 5/6 they are at school. so just think if each challenge as temporary.
until the next one.
studies show part time working mom's are the happiest : )
that's what i do

I would suggest joinging a mom's group. I belong to Mothers and More and I find it very helpful to have a group of mom's to support you. I was also feeling the pains of being a SAHM after leaving my career and I now I volunteer for the group by serving on committees and board of directors.

The mission for Mothers and More is:
Mothers & More is a non-profit organization dedicated to improving the lives of mothers through support, education and advocacy. We address mothers' needs as individuals and members of society, and promote the value of all the work mothers do.

Check out the website: www.mothersandmore.org

I belong to the DuPage Chapter - let me know if you have any questions!

K.

I always wanted to be a SAHM, but it takes some adjusting. I really wanted to feel like I was contributing monetarily and have something I could do (work) that I enjoyed, but still stay home. Now I teach Baby Sign Language classes, most of the work is done from home, but I leave to teach classes. It's been a life saver!

I agree with some of the other responses - one of my biggest saviors was joining a Mom's group. I found mine on Meetup.com. It helps set a schedule and gives you something to do in the area. I found a website that lists different kids' events & activities in the Chicago area, and there's a lot for the North and Western suburbs:

http://www.kidwinks.com/

I also found a book at a garage sale with activities to keep your preschooler occupied with tons of little activities involved. Maybe you should find a book like that so you'd have activities pre-planned for you and you wouldn't have to dread thinking of things to do.

The mom's group I'm in does Mom's Night Outs where we all go out for coffee or dinner or games without our kids. It's wonderful and we all look forward to talking to other moms without having to run after our kids constantly! I love reading when I have time, and when the weather is nice, I think it's great to bring the kids out for a bike ride -- you get some exercise and scenery and the kids get out, too. A bike trailer is great for when you have two of them.

Other than that, I also make sure I get together with my [childless] friends when I can -- it helps balance the week out when I have some non-kid activities to look forward to. Try to keep things in perspective, though. I know it's tough when you're stuck inside so much, but the best you can do with her is try to come down to her level and see things the way she does. I find that when I actually sit down and spend time playing with my son, I enjoy my time with him a lot more than when I'm trying to do housework and other stuff while prying him off my leg or telling him to "get out of that." I think children function best when we're giving them our attention so maybe trying to spend fun "play" time with her will help both of you.

Good luck with the second baby!

It definitely took adjusting to move from working to a fulltime SAHM but a few things helped and have kept me sane. One is doing something for myself (which in my case is a little craft business where I sell my goods online on a fairly small scale), and the other is hooking up with a local mom's group and having the great support system and lots of activities to turn to through them (both for kids and moms). Without these things I think I would have burnt out on things, or at least been less fulfilled than I have been since I began staying at home. If nothing else, find a local mom's group because that has been such a wonderful outlet for me and my kids, and chances are there will be other moms in the same exact place you are, or who have been there recently.

I take several classes and am part of a mom's group that meets weekly. I think having a schedule makes a huge difference. I also enjoy having weekends free with my husband since I can run errands with my son during the week when stores aren't as crowded. I also try and do things more leisurely like take the train instead of driving even though it takes twice as long- my son loves it. I was expecting my 2nd baby in December but lost him at 6 months. I worried about all the same things you did but looking back I wish I would have just embraced being pregnant and having my second son, even though we didn't have space, I felt like I wasn't ready right that second and I was worried about being stuck at home in the winter with 2 kids. Find ways to make you happy, both during your time at home and have some alone time for yourself if possible.

It's very hard and I feel like I go through that emotion at least once a week...if not more. I would HIGHLY recommend joining a MOMS Group --- momsclub.org, MOPS (through local churches) or Meetup.com is a fantastic way to find some. It really helps get you out of the house and meet other moms in your similiar situation. Personally, I have volunteered a lot of my time (on board or as coordinator) for these organizations as well. Good luck. It's hard! Just remember, you are not alone.

I just went back to work after having been a SAHM with my toddler and newborn for 8 months. I miss being home so badly. As someone else put it, dealing with your own child is easier than dealing with office politics and that is extremely true. I love what I'm doing but there's one man in my office that I have a very difficult time dealing with and he makes it hard for me to even want to go to work. I commute 2.5-3 hours/day, work 8-10 hours/day with no break and have to put up with a doctor (my employee) who acts like a 2-year-old. At least if you're dealing with a child, you know it.

Here's what I can tell you. I was shopping at Target by the time my newborns (first and second) were only a couple of weeks old. There is no rule that says you have to keep them home. My mother protested me on this one because when we were children, they never took us anywhere until we were practically 3 months old. My sanity won out. I had to get out of the house. Here's what I did with my toddler in all of this. In St. Charles (other towns have them too) is a place called Jump Zone. For $8 there's a specific day of the week they have open play. My toddler loves that! Find it at: http://jumpzoneparty.com/JumpZone_Open_Play.php?jzpcity=St. Charles&jzpid=023

Also, at the Stratford Mall in Bloomingdale, they have this play area that's fun and free. It's on the lower level outside of JC Penny's. My toddler also loves that too. He can play there for hours if I let him. Good thing is that it's free. Or take her to a McDonald's to play at a fun zone. Or maybe try to get a hobby for yourself. My friend and I play bingo 1 night/week. I love that and we are actually super competetive at it.

You have to keep yourself busy. It can be very depressing if you let it be but after having been on both sides of the coin, I wish I could go back to being home. Unfortunately, we need my income. But again, keep yourself focused. Join a M.'s group, do a coffee get together with your neighbors once a week, do play dates with your kids so you have free time...there are a lot of things to look forward to, you just have to apply yourself to get these things going is all. >: )