How Do Other Working Mothers Do It?

Hi Adriana,

You just told my life. LOL Except I have two, 6 1/2 and 1 1/2 who still wakes at night. I wish I could tell you it gets easier at times. But once you have a child it all changes. :) Good Luck! You are not alone. :)

First, good for you for giving breastmilk! It must be difficult pumping all the time. Actually, my kids' pediatrician is in the same boat.

You don't need to give a bath everyday. Both my kids have mild eczema and the dermatologist said not to bathe so often. It dries out their skin, and they simply don't need it. Even now (ages 3-1/2 and almost 2) they get a bath every other day.

I'm a SAHM and I can't seem to get myself organized either. My husband doesn't like that the house is not so clean but he's more than welcome to clean it himself. I put the kids first.

Hi Adriana,
Yes, that sounds about the same as my days. What you need to do is stop thinking of it as a chore. It's not a bad thing to be busy. The only difference with my days is that I pick up the baby from daycare, get home at 6:30pm, make dinner while my husband plays with my daugther. We eat dinner together because now my daugther can sit in her highchair. I like to spend as much family time as possible. Plus, I really think that if she sees me stressed out she will sense it and not sleep well later. After dinner, hubby washes dishes while I play with my daugther for a little while and then I prepare the bath and get her ready for bed. When she sleeps, we shower and get stuff ready for the next day. In bed by 10:30 max! While in bed we catch up, talk or watch a movie together if we're still awake. If you really need "ME" time you should ask hubby to stay with baby one day a week or month and go out and relax. I know he could handle it but I worry or miss them too much.
Hope that helps.

Hey Adriana,

I own a childcare center and it looks like you are doing a great job but I do have a few suggestions.

First try to get the bottles and diaper bag ready before you go to bed.

Just change the babies diaper if you do not have time to change his clothes put them in the diaper bag and have them change him at daycare (we do it all of the time)

When he does start cereal you can have them give it to him at daycare in the morning and before he leaves in the evening. Most of my babies only have a bottle at home and we give them breakfast. We also have babies who get cereal again at 5:30 p.m. to save mom some time at home.

I know how important the breastmilk is for your baby but if it is wearing you down to pump maybe you can supplement with some formula during the day. It is not going to make you a bad mommy if you do and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Pumping is very time consuming, you have done it thus far so it is not going to harm him if you can't do it any longer or as often. Give yourself a break you are working full time and obviously are wearing yourself down. Many kids thrive on formula, you have given him a great start. Your health and well being is just as important. You are not going to be much good to the baby if you are run down.

At my center babies are on whatever schedule that mom provides for us so have them help you out as much as they can. Don't try to do it all yourself, it will wear you down.

I also working full time try to prepare some meals on the weekends that we can use during the week. Pasta sauces, soups, etc. This way you just have to come home and put something together quickly. Also crock pots are great you can do that ahead as well. It will get easier.

Also, most of the moms bring in food, formula, extra clothing on Mondays so they do not have to pack a diaper bag daily. Buy yourself a big plastic container to keep at daycare, label it and everything in it and just replenish it on Mondays so you don't have to do it everyday. The container store has great sweater boxes we use they are great for storage.

I hope this helps, reach out if there are any other suggestions you need. Take care of yourself and it will all fall into place.

We all get cranky when we are tired. Try to relax and take each day as it comes and not push yourself.
Good luck!!

All I have to say, is that it does get better. I pumped exclusively as well, so I know what you are going through with the pumping, however I pumped for 4 months and that's when I went back to work. I stopped pumping when I went back to work. This was a very difficult decision, and once I got over the guilt, my life was much easier. My son is healthy, and I think the stress of keeping up with the pumping would have been unhealthy for both of us. I agree with the poster about letting the daycare do the dressing and feeding the cereal in the morning and afternoon. I also used to cook on Sundays for the entire week, but that has changed as I do find myself having more time since my son is 3. We also invested in a cleaning lady, since it was just too much on either myself or my husband. If you can afford one, it is extremely helpful. It not only relieves the time spent cleaning, it also relieves the stress of having to do it. When my son was younger, I also ordered the groceries on line from shoprite. This was a HUGE help as well. Good luck to you. You are doing great, just remember to take some me time if you can even if for a few minutes. Try to outsource things as much as you can afford (groceries, cleaning, laundry). Remember formula is not a bad alternative, and does not make you a bad person/ mommy. I know the economy is not all that great, but depending on the company you work for, you may be able to go on a reduced schedule for a few months. Even working 30 to 35 hours can make a big difference. Hang in there.

Hi Adriana:
My recommendation is to switch to formula- you did it for 6 months-that's huge!! How much of that is enough, especially when you're so overloaded?? Not pumping will shave a lot off your plate, and it sounds like you need that right now. I know there's a lot of pressure to keep nursing but you have to take care of you. I nursed/pumped for both my kids up to 6 months and then coudn't take it anymore for many of the same reasons. Formula was a godsend for alleviating the pressure. I'll never forget pumping while driving in philadelphia- do you know how narrow those streets are?? I am SOOO happy I never have to do that again. Give yourself permission to let it go and start regaining some sanity.
I also recommend taking a sick day at work, going somewhere by youself, preferably with a bed and a TV and just chill for the entire day. One day like that could go a long, long way.
Much, much easier said than done. I need to take that advice myself actually.
good luck!!

You have gotten some great advice so far. The only thing I would add is that if breastmilk & pumping are that important to you, make that time be your "me time". Soak your feet, light a candle, read a book. I know it is not truly "me time" but if feeling guilty for using formula is gonna make you feel that bad, you have to sacrifice somewhere. I would definately get everything ready the night before & only bathe him every other night. That thought did not appeal to me at first either, but now it is like having a day off every other day! It does get sooo much easier when you stop pumping & they start walking & eating real food. Just then, there are other stressors & struggles! Best of luck to you! B.

Adriana, I've had the same exact situation, but we didn't do daycare, I stay home 3 days and DH stays home 3 days. But, I understand the days you work, because as I had the same thing, I was an exclusive pumper. When my daughter turned 6 months, I switched to formula, just for this reason. I felt horrible, cried for weeks, still feel pangs of guilt, but really it's made our lives so much easier and more manageable. I'm so busy, I don't know how I did it, pumped 4-6 times a day, and gradually weaned off. I decided on 6 months because at least I gave her the nutrition of breastmilk until that point. Good luck, it won't last forever, you're doing a great job. Alot of people don't realize how hard exclusive pumping is, kuddos to you.

I have 2 boys 2 1/2 and 1...both I had to pump for and both I transitioned to formula when I went back to work. It was just too hard to try and juggle everything! I know you want to do the best you can for your baby but you have given him 6 months of breastmilk which will give him a great start...and the formula these days really have everything they need! Just talk to your doctor about which they recomend!

Also, definately cut back on the baths...we only give our boys baths 2-3 times a week unless they are having a crabby night and need that to relax! That should give you some extra time.

Finally...do you have family in town that can help you out one evening every other week? Just having the ability to grocery shop without having to rush or meeting your husband for a quick dinner...or going and getting your hair done can make a world of difference in how you feel! It really is important to make time for you and your husband so you don't wind up going crazy!!!

It is true that you will get out of this phase but there will be other things that take time/patience! It is definately all worth it but it is a challenge! Hang in there...:)

I have one word for you: Starbucks.
Seriously... it really doesn't get much better even when your kids get older. I get up every day at 5:20 a.m., get ready, catch a 6:01 a.m train from Westchester to NYC. Work from 7 a.m. until 5:00 (and I try to work out during lunch hour, which also gives me a little energy, although some times tires me out more!). I get home at 6:15 or 6:30 depending on the train I catch. Luckily, we have a nanny, so the kids are already fed and bathed when I arrive. I play with them until 7:40ish and then read them books (my twins are 3 so I read to them together and then read to my 5 year old separately). If all goes well, they are all asleep by 8:10ish. I then shower, eat dinner and watch TV and get into bed by 10:00. It's tedious and, like you, I'm always exhausted by Friday. Weekends are almost worse b/c we go out for dinner and then I get to sleep later but the kids still get up around 6:30 so I get even less sleep then!

So, not sure what to tell you, other than to eat well, drink water (and coffee!). Try to exercise, too, because that will build up your immunity. Good luck!

Adriana, This is the very first response that I am giving here, at mamasource. Everything is going to be OK! I felt exactly the way you do right now. I honestly couldn't believe how other mothers could do it. Now, my son is 2 and things go realy well for us. I hope these ideas will help you as they helped me.
Schedules have more flexibility when planned "by the week." You've got it with cooking on Sunday's. Aply the weekly standard to everything that you can. Some things can be done every other day. Change two things to every other day and you have produced "free time." (Only a little, but it is a start.)
There are more ideas, but lets be quick here. Write me back, if you would like to hear more from me.
:)J.

i think you can cut back on baths and only give him one every other day or 3 times a week. this will give you some free time to either play with the baby or get some alone time for yourself. your daycare should be able to feed the baby his cereal once he gets there, so you can keep to your current schedule in the morning. at night can a cereal feeding replace a bottle? so the same time will be spent on feeding. i would also definitely buy more bottles like someone else suggested. this way you can skip washing them every once in a while and have another 15 minutes to yourself.

good luck!

Hi Adriana. I also am a full time working mom, and my hours are long and I work in the city, and commute 1.5 hrs each way. It is very hard to manage, but you get used to it, and you CAN do it, trust me, we women are stronger than anyone, and if anyone knows how to do multiple things at once, it's us!!! Here are some suggestions from me to you:
1. Do NOT stress if you don't get something done. It probably can wait anyway.
2. Can you skip laundry every week? Do it every two weeks? Buy a few more shirts for the baby, lots of bibs, whatever you need, an extra sheet set for your bed and the baby's bed, more towels, trust me the money spent will be well worth it -- it will free up your time!!!
3. If getting a cleaning maid is not an option, clean your house in intervals. For ex. on Saturday, clean one room. On Sunday, clean another room. Do the rest the weekend after. Most important are probably your floors anyway (if the baby is crawling). I have a 5,000 sq ft home and no cleaning maid, and we keep it clean, really, by cleaning whenever I have a free minute (like on a Saturday when the baby is napping, I'll clean the bathroom downstairs, and maybe vacuum etc) and also by being clean, and picking up after ourselves.
4. Prepare your stuff the night before, it helps and won't stress you in the morning. I wash all my bottles (usually 8 to 9 born free's with the extra parts) every night, boil the water for the formula at the same time, and prepare the solids for the next day. My baby is 9 months, she was breastfed for 6 months, now she's on Similac and pureed foods three times/day. Trust me, the less things to do in the mornings, the better!!!
5. Multi-task: ex. while you're boiling water, clean your bottles. While you're making breakfast on saturday, clean your bottles. Things of that sort.
6. Skip the bath every other day -- babies really don't need a daily bath until they crawl/walk plus it dries up their skin in winter. I'm surprised your ped didnt tell you that.
7. If you have a dishwasher, put your dishes in there and wait until the washer fills up before running it. And if you don't, leave them in the sink overnight if you're tired, don't stress over it. No big deal. It can wait until the next day (unless you fear you may have roches, then you need to clean, I don't have that problem).
8. Ok, and about the cooking. Cooking on Sunday for the whole week sounds OK, but doesn't that take up your whole day? Here is what I do:
- I have a rice maker, which I use regularly. In the morning, I put rice in the rice maker for my husband (I rinse it, add water, oil and salt). My husband will turn the machine on in time for dinner, so he can have fresh rice.
- The night before, I take out 2 steaks for defrost overnight. In the morning, I marinate them in a bowl (it takes two minutes to make the marinate). I leave it in the bowl for the day; by dinner the steaks are marinated for my husband to throw on a baking sheet and in the broiler.

And there's dinner! Add a salad (if you feel like making one when you get home) or a can of corn or green beans or something of that sort. I know it's not fancy but it is dinner and it is home made. I do this with steak, chicken, salmon, whatever. If you can do that at least 3 days a week, I know it takes a few minutes of your time in the morning to do the marinade and prepare the rice (or potatoes, you could peal them and leave them in water, and just boil them when you come home and mash them or whatever), but hey, it will probably save you a lot of time on your Sundays!!!

Good luck, and if you have questions, feel free to email me.

Sounds familiar... I also work full time and am completing a graduate degree at night. It's exhausting. Just a few thoughts...

1. Buy more bottles- seriously. We did. When you are too tired to run another load or hand wash you will be thankful.

2. I breastfed exclusively until my son was 5 months old... woke up in the middle of the night at least twice to do so and it literally drained me. Just a suggestion, but you may want to consider supplementing with formula several feedings per day. Your son had benefited from the nutrients and will continue to benefit from 2-3 breast milk bottles per day. This was a suggestion from my pediatrician and saved hours in the day and night.

3. Pack EVERYTHING the night before (lunches, diaper bag, bottles) and get as much of it the car as possible. It will save some time in the morning (especially if using some formula).

4. I love bath time, but maybe this is something your husband can do when he gets home with the baby? You can do it on weekends. This would allow you to have a little time relaxing and playing with the munchkin or eat dinner at a reasonable time.

We recently had a discussion in our house about hiring a cleaning service to come twice a month to do the heavy cleaning. This is somewhat contingent on my getting a raise following graduate school, but having someone else do the floors, bathrooms and kitchen, sheets, windows etc would save time and weekends. May be pricy, but worth it in the long run!

Ohhh, *hugs!*
You are SO not alone.

My first didn't latch on either, so I pumped exclusively for 6 months. :)

Once you're not tied down to the pump, it will get better and you'll feel "free!" But think positive - you're doing SO good with the pumping and nursing! Just try to balance yourself - your baby is only 6 months old. Your "new" job is to care and nourish your baby.

Baths - LOL - the first - baths every other night. Now with a 3 yo and 16 month old - I do baths once a week. I feel SO bad but they're completely fine and they smell fine too. If they didn't, then I'd hose them down. :)

My friends have said that it gets easier once they start walking or around 1 year old. I think that's true - but there's other things that they need you for. I think the hardest is the nursing/pumping because you're giving all of yourself!

The best thing I can suggest is to keep a schedule/routine so you feel like you have control over yourself. It sounds like your hubby is supportive, so maybe do the schedule together. You should definitely carve in some "me" time as well as time as a couple and as a family.
Me time could be one hour of solitary time to curl up and read a book at Starbucks or whatever.

Even now - I get nuts now and then because I want ME time!
We both work demanding jobs and I'm tired when I get home because we cook/clean up and then get the kids ready for bed. One night, I will put them to bed. The other night, my husband will...
We're usually on the couch by 8pm.
Weekends are reserved for laundry and housework...but when Spring comes, I'm really going to make an effort to keep one day on the weekend open to do family stuff, now that the younger one is older more independent...I will try to drink some coffee in the afternoon as my pick-me-up.

Try not to overdo the coffee though - I limited myself only to one a day while nursing/pumping...

Try hiring a housekeeper once a week or even once a month?
Only you will know what works best for you. :)

Perhaps there's a working moms group at the place where you work to vent to? :)

It will get better - then once you're settled in, you'll want baby #2!!! And it will have its own issues...BUT there is nothing more gratifying than having my kids - really. It is an adjustment period for you and your family so hang in there and try to enjoy each other. :)

A.

Hello Adriana,
Let me first say I am a SAHM, with my husband working a job making less than $40k, and we have 4 children. Live in a very nice house, mini-van etc. We lack for nothing. That being said. Ask yourself, how much money does Day care cost, and subtract that from your salary. Is it worth it? Mothers are meant to stay home with their kids, why do you think we are saddened to leave? And Dad can do it much easier!? That's the way we are built, Dad provides and the mother nurtures. I love being home with the kids, they have a routine, love, and security, best of all the kids and I have each other! When daddy comes home, we enjoy dinner and bed time stories etc. The kids are much more happier, and so am I. Maybe you should plan this out for the future. Your routine is hard because you're doing too much. If you're paying for cable, is it worth it? You're at work all day long anyway...if you go out to eat all the time, is that worth it, or would you rather spend time at home with family, while dinner is cooking. It's the little things that count. My family and I are so happy getting rid of all the "clutter" in our lives. We have no debt, and frankly the economy isn't scaring me at all right now.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I feel bad for you and your baby, he needs you, not a daycare where they DON'T love him, he's just a number and dollar signs. Good luck and God bless!

I have no clue, if it wasn't for my significant other, I don't know how I would survive!

Congratulations on still breastfeeding the baby with the pump. I don't like pumping. I breastfeed my first baby who was a preemie after 5 weeks. I had to learn to put him on the breast. The second one never had an ounce of formula, and didn't get a bottle until he was 6 weeks old.

You are doing great, you are doing awesome, just continue to pray and think of easier ways to get things done. You are such a great momma.

We both have to clear on this, and try to make time, so we don't get exhausted.

Imagine doing all of that and being three months pregnant again! LOL - that was my scenario. I now have two kids - my daughter will be two this weekend and my son will be three next month.
You're always going to race around and you're never going to have as much time as you want to have (cue the posts and e-mails from "mommies" who have found "the best way to work and feel fulfilled and make tons of money with a great work-from-home opportunity" shilling for Arbonne/Tastefully Simple/Pampered Chef/Insert your home business here).
The main thing to realize is that you are doing a great job. Also, things will calm down a little bit once the baby is older.
I am going to echo the sentiments of the other poster and ask if it's an option to give your son formula - pumping can take a lot of time, and he's already had six months of it to build up the wonderful immunities and antibodies... If it freed you up for even an hour a day, I would say it's worth it, wouldn't you?
You're totally doing the right thing by cooking your meals Sunday for the week, and showering at night saves a lot of time in the morning. I would also recommend putting the baby's bag together the night before and saving some extra time by leaving him in his pajamas (but changing his diaper) and letting day care get him dressed.

Just remember, you are doing a great job. These little freak outs happen - make sure you make sometime for yourself on the weekend, even if it's just a trip to the store or library or get a mani/pedi or whatever. Treat yourself well and realize you are a great mom!

I just wanted to say that you are doing a great job. I do not know how you do it. I am a SAHM and I am going crazy with all the things that I need to do. I don't even work. So I don't know how you do it. I give you a lot of credit and appreciate what you do, I know its not easy. I do though think you should find a litte me time. if its your husband on the weekends that take the kids, or a babysitter. I use a sitter like 2 times a month, for about 2 hours and it is great. So do that for yourself, at least once in a while. Take care and good luck! Alison

From reading your schedule, it looks like you work 9-9.5 hours a day (8am to 5:45). is there any way you can cut back your hours at work? or perhaps make an arrangement to work from home? i think that that right there will help you feel a little less stressed. it is alot of work to be both a full time mom and work full time.

As far as adding in cereal to the baby's scheulde, try giving him cereal in the evening when you get home from work rather than having to pump and then bottle feed. you might even find that all three of you can sit down together fo a meal at this time also rather than you and your husband waiting till 9 pm to eat.

Also, do you bathe him every night?? at this age that is not necessary.

Another suggestion of what i do is spend 10-15 minutes at night preparing bottles, food and the baby's bag for teh day at day care the next day so in the morning, we get up, nurse, dress and grab our bags. {I should note that for years i have been making both mine and my husbands lunches at night as well, so preparing the baby's bottles at night is not that much extra effort.}

I hope that these suggestions help a little. Good luck!

I too work and feel the same way. I have a 4 year old (three days a week 8-3 in school)and a 5 month old. When the doctor told us he could start solids my first thought was "o my goodness there is just no time. Which is also how I felt about sending my older one to school-extra work for me. I have a seriously crazy schedule with a regular job-(8:30-2:30), owning a business which I am at from 3:15-7pm-if I am lucky or 8pm-if I am not lucky. We also work a good portion of our weekends while raising two children. I do cook dinner at 9pm and unfortunately baths are not as frequent as I would like them to be. I have no real suggestions but I do give you moral support and understanding and assure you that you will adapt as your baby's needs change.

1-There is nothing wrong with working. We all would love to stay home with our kids, but it is not realistic for everyone. For me, I need the adult interaction and to feel as though I am contributing to our family. Our children will be fine in the long run for getting used to a routine and spending time with other children, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY, millions of people do it.

2-You have done a fabulous job at giving him the best start possible with pumping, but it is very very demanding on your body and time consuming. At his age and the fact that he will start solids soon, you could consider transitioning him to a good formula-guiltfree. This will free up your pumping time to just feed him or play. I am in the process of doing this too, it will mentally for us than for them, but the day will come whether it is now or a few months from now.

3-"ME TIME" is very important albeit rare. Even if that means going to get your hair done once every 6 months. or going grocery shopping/hitting up walmart by yourself if the opportunity arises. Any short spurts you can spend ALONE help your mental status.

4-Verbalize your stress status to your husband. I am sure he is going through the same thing If you both know that you are both stressed it does help. Tell him that you know you are irrational sometimes but appreciate his help so that when you do fly off the handle for no reason....he knows it's not him.

Remember-you are a wonderful, caring, loving mother and you are doing the best you can. Your baby knows this and loves you for it.

PS-just read a post that suggested online grocery shopping...I do that too sometimes. It is quite affordable (i use peapod) and saves a ton of time from the actual shopping (which is nearly impossible with my two kids together) to lugging the groceries to the house (while the kiddies are doing God knows what). For the $6 extra to have them delivered and a tip, it saves me a ton of stress and anxiety.

You received alot of advice from women...all with different perspectives and few who really get it...and if im right, you will understand my right...so hear goes...i left a 12 year career at a Fortune 10 company last year because my husband had a great opportunity in his career...and it was his time professionally to make the next move. I left for him and became a stay at home mom....and started my own company....but i realized that i need balance...and although I love my daughter...i'm better person if i work...so...I hired a nanny 3 days a week....i found her through my friend's nanny...who i trust implicitly (sp?)...and i have found that when i come home...my house is clean, ruby's dinner is made, as well as lunch for tomorrow...all laundry done...and it's because the nanny believes that all working moms need to unwind and relax for a few mins when they gett home and 9 times out of 10 she and my girl aren't there....it's peaceful. So after babbling on....I suggest bringing someone in who can assist you with getting your child dropped off and picked up....can get him home and organized....and should handle child's laundry, etc...and some light cleaning for you. makes a huge difference. I do it that way...and while taking care of my girl and her school/playdate schedule....she is sort of a house manager in a way.

i hope this helps. if you want to talk...call me ###-###-####

S.

Hi Adriana,

So sorry to hear that! Having a baby will affect your sleep for the first few months, but it shouldn't be this severe. So thank you for reaching out, especially since chronic fatigue is most definitely bringing down your immune system - you are perfectly right about that - and if you don't find a solution, you will most likely end up catching something much more severe than the cold.

It's impossible for me to give you solutions that are certain to work for you without chatting with you in depth and find out all the details of your routine - I'm a time management and productivity coach as well as a mom, and have helped several moms in your situation (including myself) -, but here are a few things I noticed:

- If you are both working full-time, you should share night duties, since otherwise one of you is more at risk of mistakes/slow-downs and eventual layoffs than the other. Your husband needs to help with the night wake-ups. Even if he is a heavy sleeper, like my husband was, I bet that, if he knows he is in charge of waking up, he'll sleep more lightly. Establish a schedule where one night he's in charge, the other you are. Even if you need to nudge him for him to wake up, it'll create a lot less sleep interruptions for you than if you have to get up, and you'll be more rested in the morning.

- Could you establish something along the lines of: one parent takes care of all the routine things re. the baby in the morning, and the other one is the main caregiver at night (which doesn't mean you can't both play with baby morning and night)? From your description, it seems that you are still the main caregiver all day long. Establishing this sharing of responsibilities, even if it's just that your husband bathes and puts your baby to sleep every night would give you some time to relax.

- Dinner: Can you move it up earlier? If you don't eat before 9 pm, you are exhausted as much from hunger than from tiredness, and it makes the hours between 6 and 9 a very cranky time. What about some of the time between 6:30 and 7:45? This seems to me a long time to be pumping. If you have to keep this schedule, eat a snack as soon as you get home.

- Pumping: You have to decide what's right for you and your baby, but what about transitioning to formula?

In any case, Adriana, you shouldn't be as tired as you are. If you want to discuss it more in depth, contact me either privately through mamasource or by emailing me at K. (at) dailymastery.com. I'll be more than happy to put my resources, knowledge, experience and skills at your service.

Big hug,
K.

Adriana, I feel your pain. I am a full time working mommy to - my son is now almost 23 months, I feel like I've been running on a treadmill with no control over the speed since he was born. I've also been the sickest ever in these past two years from lack of sleep, lack of exercise and very sporadic healthy eating. I thought I'd want to kids close in age, but b/c its so hard with work and the hectic schedule, I'm thinking maybe in another year or so, if that? I don't think you can organize your time any better - you are just doing SO MUCH that HAS to be done and you only have so much time to do it. It is so hard!!!!!!!!!! This is realistic and honest but one thing I do is sleep in my car during my lunch break at work - I know its crazy! I am an adult and I feel like doing that takes me back to college days and being a total slacker, but its survival at this point! Its not actual sleep but its at least a half hour of down time. Can your husband do the evening feeding to allow you to eat and/or shower earlier? This way when the baby goes to bed, you have less to do and can maybe get in bed ealier yourself? Can you get more bottles so you don't have to wash them every night - maybe every other night or just have enough for the week so you always have clean ones on hand? Can your husband give the baby a bath - again allowing you time to do what you need to do. If not, then maybe you can both just set up a schedule and alternate responsibilities so the burden isn't on either one of you all the time. Waking at night - again - alternate turns. I admit most of the responsibility falls on me, just because of my husbands schedule vs mine but my true survival has been that my job gives me flex time - any chance you can work out a deal with your job to give you flex time so you don't have to be so bound to getting to work at 8:00 am every morning? I also think that you will adjust...probably not what you want to hear, but I think your body will get used to all the craziness...and you need to use those weekends to really rest and regroup. Take pride in how much you are doing though - b/c not everyone could do it. My husband use to tell me on days that I was feeling down that I should be empowered by all that I am handling - he gave me credit b/c he said not to many can do all that I do and still be such a great mom, wife, person. Yeah - I'd rather not be working than have that compliment - but as my son gets older I am getting proud of myself for being so strong!

Adriana,

I know it can be stressful, but things do get better. I went back to work full time when my son was four months old and it took a few months to find a schedule that worked for me. As the other moms suggested, I couldn't have done it without a cleaning service. They still come every two weeks for the major cleaning and I keep clorox wipes in the bathroom and kitchen and use a swifter for the floors.

When our son was a baby, my husband got our son dressed and feed him in the morning and put the bags in the car before he left for work. I prepared his food and bag the night before. Also, I left the diapers at day care and they provided wipes, so I only need to add some clothes.

For dinner I used a smart pot which includes recipes and you can set the timer to go on at a certain time on high or low for the specific time. Try making meals that you can have for two nights. Also, try checking out the website real simple. They have real easy recipes plus other tips.

If you are not able to reduce your hours at work or if you don't have family members that can help even for a few hours a week, I would recommend getting a teenager who can come over while you are home to help with the baby. I also did this one to two Saturdays a month for a few hours. We had someone who we knew that we paid $20 for three hours. The teenager was happy to have some extra cash and we were happy to have the help.

I did not breastfeed and I used the premade formula so I didn't have any mixing. It got expensive as he drank more, but it was well worth it.

It is a hard time, but it goes by fast so enjoy the time with your little man. Soon he will be able to hold his own bottle.

S.

Adriana,

I gather from the frownie face after the fact that you work full time that you would rather not. Here's my advice...have a serious look at your budget and find a way to stay home with your baby. Then, find a work at home job that will provide you with enough income so that you can stay home indefinitely. That is what I did and I've never looked back. I've now been home 6 years with my kids. My schedule was much like yours when I was working full time. It's too hard. Not necessary. We cut expenses, went to one vehicle, eventually downsized our home, and now we are living completely debt free, and I can be home with the kids!

Obviously I don't know your financial situation, but I believe that everyone can make it work. It just takes sacrifice. You will never get these days back, and you will never regret being there for your baby. Right now you are paying someone else to raise your child. That's not how it's supposed to be! I wish you all the best.

D.
36 year old mother of 5 with one more on the way

Adriana,

I use to go through the same exact schedule when I was working in NY full-time with all three of my kids. Everyone use to ask me how I did it. I just say that I don't think about it, I just go with the flow. I know what needs to be done. I left work in 2006 to stay home with the kiddies. Obviously, my scheudle started to catch up with me. I started having anxiety attacks and my heart wasn't acting right. You bascially have two full-time jobs. Just hang in there, things are bound to get easier.

I am going to suggest something radical. Stop giving him daily baths!! Babies dont need daily baths, all they need is their diaper area cleaned throughly every time they are changed and make sure his face and neck are washed if he spits up. It would be better to play with your son during that time and enjoying him. Also he could be eating cereal and formula, giving you more time by not pumping. Sometimes we have to prioritize by giving up one good thing for another. I think for everyone's well being you should give up breast milk and spend more time relaxing and enjoying your little family.
But also remember this wont last forever. Soon you will be having sleepless nights because he is out late in HIS car with his friends.

You are by no means alone in this!!! I am a mother of a wonderful 4 1/2 yr. old boy, I work full time, my husband works full time also, plus we have a cat and dog. I still can not figure out how to manage my time. I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of things that can wait!! Things like having the perfect, and always perfectly clean house, this just dosen't happen anymore. I would rather take the time to spend with my son and have a messy house. Laundry is sometimes done the night before, dinners are not what they use to be. Many a night it is sandwiches and soup. Once your child gets older it will get easier. Unfortunately, the tired part of being a parent, I do not think will ever go away. By the time Friday comes I am also completely exhausted. Something you do need to do, is find some me time. Even if it is an hour on the weekend to go for a walk, or to take an really long shower. Ask your husband or a babysitter or a grandparent to watch your child for this short period of time. This really will make a big difference at least in the way that you feel.

Wow, I am tired just reading this...I have a husband who is helpful, 3 kids (11, 2 and 1) and a dog that sheds constantly. I am fortunate enough to work only 3 days per week however I work long days to make up for the 2 days that i don't work. I drop the kids off at 7:00 am to be at work at 7:30. I never breast fed so I never had to pump however i do know what a pain it could be to have to wash bottles.
Ok, my response is long, but I think it will be helpful.

For starters, why not pack the the baby bag the night before, or better yet, leave a weeks worth of stuff, except bottles, at daycare. That way you can have everything you need there.

What time does hubby leave? Why not have him dress the baby? Or since he takes a bottle, can't your husband feed him sometimes?

Also, you should sit down at dinner time and eat with your husband. Even if the meal consists of nothing more than a cracker and a glass of water. The baby could sit there with you. He will enjoy watching and listenming to you both and it will be good practice for when family meal time is more common.

As for cooking for the week on Sunday, that sounds good but I can't imagine it being fun. Give yourself the "me" time you need on Sundays. you should use a crockpot as often as possible. You can prepare the meal the night before, throw it in the fridge overnight and turn it on before leaving work in the morning. It really is a huge time saver and there are alot of quick and easy (and healthy) crockpot recipes out there.

One more thing. You don't need to bathe every night. Every other night will do just fine. You could just as easily wash him down with soapy water and a cloth.

You can do it. I am sure of that. Sometimes I could be a little crazy and there maybe some dog hair floating around the house sometimes however I think I am pretty good at making sure the family is is fed, homework is done and the kids are in bed by 7:30 for the babies and 8:45 for the tween. i even have time for ME! Let me know if you need more advice.

J.

There have been some great responses given so far, but some of the ideas shared really helped me get through the first year of being back at work. I can promise you that it does get better. Breastmilk is one of the greatest gifts that you can give your child, but also one of the most exhausting. I pumped and worked for 9 months when I went back to work, and it was so draining (no pun intended!). Once my daughter was weaned life became much easier.

The first suggestion thatI totally agree with was to buy more bottles. It really does make a difference. Especially if you are able to put them in the dishwasher or sterilizer. It takes off some of the pressure. The second was to make the pumping time "your time." Sure you can't be running around, but read a magazine, watch a favorite show, call a good friend (they will understand!). Use that time to catch up on the you time you need.

Good luck-it is all worth it, and I promise it does get better!

Well I commend you for working so hard. Whew! It's got to be so much. I know I work full time and come home and work on my online business at night. However, this is my first pregnancy and I am only 10 weeks pregnant. But I hope I can help a little bit. My goal by the time my baby is born at the end of September, is to fully have my income supplemented. I know it's possible b/c I work w/ such an amazing company. It's been proven already. It's something O do at home and I certainly do not sell anything! I know I couldn't if I tried, I'm not a salesman. So if you would be interested in maybe a different career path so that you could spend time at home with your babies, give me a call or e-mail me! I'd love to help you get out of that stressful life.
E. Stewart
###-###-####
____@____.com
workathomeunited.com/erinstewart

Adriana-
i wish i had an answer for you, but i'm in the same boat. i work full time and i have a 3.5 yr old and a set of 2.5 yr old twins. one thing we do is to set out a check list and try to do everything at night--make and pack lunches, set up the coffee, set out the clothes for the kids for the next day etc etc. it helps a little. i have also started doing a load of laundry on most evenings. if i get the stuff in the washer in the mroning then i can throw them in the dryer when i get home. i have also sucked it up and hired maids to clean my house (this is not as expensive as most people think!) and i also use shoprite from home and pick up friday night so it frees up the weekend a bit. as far as the health issues, i have been taking cod liver oil, it is supposed to help your immune system. this is not the same as fish oil. fish oil is omega-3 and omega-6, cod liver oil is vitamin A and D. i take 2 pills 2 times a day so i get about 100% RDA of vitamin D. good luck and hang in there. FYI, i stayed home for about 1.5 years and it wasn't any better, i still had no time! the grass is always greener...

My goodness, reading your post alone makes me feel tired! I didn't read through all the other responses, but a few ideas came to mind. One thing, the baths...they say babies don't really get that dirty, and that it's better for their skin to not bathe everyday. So my son gets a shower once a week (he stopped liking baths early on--and honestly, showers are easier, because one of us just takes him in with us). If he gets dirty in between, we give him another shower, but baby wipes can do wonders for little clean ups here and there. Also, if you can afford it, I would get a cleaning person If not, maybe you can write up a rotating schedule--on Monday, clean the bathroom, Tuesday do the floors, etc. and your husband should help out with these things. Your house won't be spotless, but it should help to keep things under control a little bit. Another thing, maybe look into online grocery ordering. Depending on where you live, you may have several stores who offer this service. Shoprite has it, and I think it's $10, and then an extra $6 to have it delivered to your door. I tried it last week when my son was sick and I just couldn't get the shopping done--it was great and easy, and you get all the same discounts you would get if you were the one browsing the store aisles. Also, freeze any meals you can and it will save you a little extra cooking time on Sundays. Remember too that babies don't stay babies forever, and yours will get easier the older he gets. Starting solids takes some time, but it's not long before they can self-feed and this saves SO MUCH time! I think that is just around the corner for you. Good luck and hang in there!

Oh Honey, I feel your pain. I am always racing to be home on time, getting food on the table and keeping to a schedule that nevers quite seems to stick.
Your day sounds alot like mine. The day care is tough to work around. We have a Nanny who comes to our home, and I know how much that helps. My job can be unpredictable and I could not always pick my son up at a day care at 5:30 or 6, so we pay more and go slowly broke for convenience.
My son is now 18 months old. I have to tell you, it does get easier. I weaned him at 7 months after also exclusively pumping for the last 3 months. He only nursed until 4 months then he got his teeth and there was biting and blood. yuk. Anyhow, I am convinced from experience as well as reading/ research, that breastfeeding (one of the greatest things I ever did for my son!) was physically exhausting and draining. Not only was it all the extra time at the pump which was alot of time away from baby, it was forcing my body to make all that milk. I was so tired all the time. After I weaned not only did the schedule get easier, I slept better, lost another 5 pounds, finally could get interested in having sex with my husband again, and had more energy all around.
Hey--I am not telling you to wean. Some mothers are very militant about believeing any inconvenience to the mother is not worth giving up the benefit to the child. But my kid wouldn't nurse either, so I know what you are going through just to keep it going. and it is alot!! And I found that when the winter was over and I wasn't as worried about colds, he moved over to formula no problem and he did fine. It was really good for both of us. He was eating solids and the transition did not seem as drastic as still having him on 30-40 ounces a day with nothing else.
I am also pleased to say that I stopped pumping before it became an emotional burden for us both. Fortunately with number 2 due this august just after number 1's 2nd birthday I am looking forward to nursing again without memories of some of the bad times.
But it is not just the nursing. Things will get easier too just beacuse he will get older. No worries. The change will come sooner than you think. The diaper bag will get lighter and your freedoms will come back (a little!).
Good luck.

Please keep in mind that this is my advice which helped me & since I do not know where you live, it may not work for you. First of all, it gets easier the older they get, especially when they start eating solids.
I would consider stopping the pumping and going to whole organic milk which comes straight from the farm ("Ronnybrook"). It is a very personal choice, but think if it will make your lives easier. Also, it sounds like you are doing way too much on the weekends.
You work full time, so the weekends should be for your family to relax together. Can you do the food shopping from "Fresh Direct" or call in your order to your local market? Is there a farmer's market you can do light shopping from?..... it is so nice to be outdoors (even if it is freezing) for a bit with the family & visually stimulating for the baby( all the colorful fruits, veggies, & flowers). Pick one night to order in & cuddle up on the sofa with your husband. Use paper plates so no one has to clean up.
Get someone to do the heavy cleaning of your home!!!!! This is one of the most important things that I did and it saved my sanity & my relationship with my husband. I always tried to do it all & you know what ..... no one can. My mantra is ,"a happy & relaxed mom, is a happy baby." Our little babies grow so quickly, so it is so important to try and find the time to spend the time watching & enjoying it all. Easier said than done, I know, but with these small changes, my life changed drastically and all for the better. my child is 19 months old & it has been a wonderful experience once I took a step back & slowed down. Good luck. Oh, and remember to be proud of all you do.

At the very least I think you should hire a cleaning lady! I give you a ton of credit. I used to work a schedule like that after my second quit and started my own business. It was scary but one thing lead to another and it all worked out. I work from home now and although it is crazy I do have flexibility. Pat yourself on the back bc you are working hard!!

Hey, Adriana,
Let me second the idea that you cut back on baths. We bathed our twin daughters only once a week, and they were fine! You clean their faces and hands at meal times (once solid feeding starts), and their diaper areas with every change, and other than that, they don't get very dirty.

Also, a couple people have suggested that you switch to formula, but I wanted to urge you to keep on pumping. Have you gotten one of those bustier-type things, so you can double-pump hands free? That means you can at least have a snack or read the paper or do other things while you're pumping. Message me privately if you don't have one and I'll give you a URL.

One main reason to contine with the breast milk is I think that it will keep your son healthier while he's at daycare, in contact with other kids and germs. Keep it up -- it is worth it!

We finally found someone to come in and clean -- around once a month, so we could afford it better -- and it makes a huge difference...

Good luck!
A.

Hi Adriana,
You sound so disciplined. It sounds to me like you need to find a job that you can do at home. I can help you with that. However, I know it is difficult to keep home-office hours when dishes and dinner and calling. You can do it. If I can help, please contact me.
L.

Bless you. You have received tons of great advice. I pack lunches and bags the night before as Im not a morning person and have no interest in extra work then. Baths everyday are not necessary and if you husband is home you can shower the baby in your arms, pass him off to hubby and finish your shower before the baby goes to bed. The day care owner had some great advice, ie, let them dress the baby, I would ask yours what other things they can take on. Also what is your husband's morning schedule? Since you are pumping can he feed the baby and help with drop off? As the baby gets older it will be easier as you can all eat dinner together. I applaud your effort to pump and suggest getting more bottles so you can have a couple of days worth and put the current days used ones in the dishwasher for an overnight cleaning instead of dealing with it everyday. PS. Get a cleaning person once every 2 weeks if you can swing it. Good luck!

Hi Adriana,

I know everyone has said it, but I wanted to be just one more voice to tell you that it does get better. It looks to me like you are optimising your schedule, so no advice there.
When my kids were young I worked only part-time and barely managed it, so I don't know how you do it full-time. Before they were born I was a mid-level exec in a pharma company. I thought by going part-time I had destroyed my career. Once they were in school I went back to work and now I am a senior-level exec in a pharma company, right where I want to be! So I am one example of being able to pick your career up after taking some time off to focus on family - the most precious effort in life.
Life has seasons. You are in a season of nurturing your child(ren, perhaps someday), your husband and hopefully yourself. This season will pass, please don't miss the joy for all the challenges. Don't be afraid to make some sacrifices temporarily to find that joy. Mine are 18 & 19 and I have recond with death in the form of cancer - I PROMISE you that you will regret making that sacrifice your family instead of your work. Life is so short and there are no guarantees for tomorrow. You do have to live your best life now, not just get through each day by breathing. Perhaps it is not possible for you to make any job changes. Only you know if you can make it on less, my husband is a teacher, so we did have to make some big sacrifices and wonder where money for even shoes was going to come from when the babies kept out-growing them, but it all worked out. Even still I spent a lot of time wishing my kids would hurry and grow-up so they could take care of themselves. I wish I hadn't done that. I hardly remember those years. Don't do that to yourself and if you do (which is perhaps unavoidable!) - journal so you will remember, even a minute or two a night. You will be glad you did. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up for anything (even occasionally going ballistic) - what a waste of energy that is! (Just be prepared to ask forgiveness!) We (us moms) want to be here for you. Let us know if you need anything!

Oh, if only.....I don't know how working moms manage it all. I know some that who strictly adhere to their routine and others that let lots of things slide (dirty dishes, dust bunnies, etc. As for me, I spent several years feeling guilty. At home I felt guilty about the house being messy, or not having the time to whip up that special organic recipe. At work I felt guilty about not having as much patience as I knew I could, or having to run out the door at 5:00 to get home on time for my husband to leave for work. We worked opposite hours which avoided childcare (cutting cost) and eliminated the need to organize baby in the a.m. I would have to be very quiet leaving in the morning in order for my husband to get any sleep. We kept this up with me feeling like I was that guy in the circus twirling all of these plates on sticks. We even had a second baby. It definitely stressed our marriage. But we survived and things have gotten much easier. In any case, it does not look like there is any better way to schedule your life. You could probably benefit from a break, though that may not be realistic. Things will change over time...when you stop pumping, some energy is bound to return and maybe a little time. But rest assured, whatever time you save somewhere, something else will come up! My advice would be to be open to career options that offer you or your husband any flexibility. Being able to scale back on work days, or being able to work from home part of the time can do alot to alleviate that rat race feeling. Also, don't waste any precious time criticizing yourself for not having it all together--no one does.

I haven't read all 25 posts so this might be a repeat. Is there any way that you can work at home? Some companies will allow it if you do office type work. Can you work four days instead of five? There are only 24 hours a day and you need to relax and rest too. I find that working a home-based business has been life-saving and I out-earned my husband in a pretty short time.

First of all it sounds like your doing an amazing job! It will get easier, I promise! Cut back on the amount of baths during the week, pack diaper bag and lunch bags at night when husband is cleaning up from dinner and definately hire someone to come in and help with laundry and cleaning 1x a month sould cost about 75-100 definately worth it if your desperate for some help. good luck

Hi Adriana,

You sound like a very busy lady! Working full time, taking care of the kids (whether it's one or more!) and running a household is extremely difficult. One way that might alleviate some of the pressure could possibly be hiring a live-in childcasre provider rather than wake up, pack up and drop off the baby at daycare. This will save time for you in the morning and evening.

An affordable live-in option is hosting an au pair. I don't know how much you are paying for daycare, but hosting an au pair averages only $320 per week, which breaks down to only $7 per hour.

Au Pairs cna work up to 45 hours per week taking care of the baby and any household responsibilities relating to the baby. That means the au pair can do all of the baby's laundry, clean his room, feed him, bathe him etc! This will certainly save you time every day! The hours that you are home, you can spend quality time playing with him and doing all the things you love, rather than the mundane things that need to be done!

If you would like more information, you can email me directly at ____@____.com or call me ###-###-#### or ###-###-####.

Good luck!
L.