my brother in-law was deployed to afghanistan. he arrived today. my sister is so sad. we are very close so this hurts me so much to see her that way. i spent two days with her last week but i am 41/2 hours away and with family and work it's hard to get away. she has her two 19 yr old boys that live nearby and they check on her once in a while but they just moved out and are busy with their new lives. they called and told me she wasn't eatng or interested in anything just wanted to sleep al the time so I took her to her doctor and got her on happy pills and she is to go to counseling a few days a week but i'm afraind she wont go. the happy pills don't reach a therapeutic level for at least 2 weeks and i'm concerned about her. she will be coming to my house this weekend but i know that we cant keep coming and going all the time. i just don't know what to do. i wish she was here and that we could cuccle and i coud hold her and that i could make things better. she was really happy when i was at her house. i got her a new supply of yarns , as she has been crocheting A LOT. she has stuff all over her furniture and her dogs have multiple sweaters. we went for walks and just cuddled on the couch and talked. she gave me a pedicure and stuff like that. i just wish there was asomething else i could do. she is usually very active, she is regional director at the YMCA and teaches aerobics and manages the sliver sneakers program. I'm just afraid that she will go back to bed and give up all that stuff. help
i am still getting a lot of responses! thanks to all of you who care. just another update on my sister. she has had to quit working because she cant drive anymore. she started getting panic attacks while driving. she sometimes does volunteer work if someon can come pick her up. its just so sad to have her go through all this. she says she is taking her happy pills but she is still so sad all the time. my son got married on saturday. the week before she hosted a wedding shower for them and that is the happiest i have seen her. for weeks she would call me daily to update on what she had bought or the plans for the party. she was wonderufl hostess and everyone had so much fun. she hasnt really been taking care of herslef and has gained quite a bit of weight. she was going to wear shorts to the wedding because she coudlnt find anything to fit. i pulled an all nighter and made her a pretty dress and mad matching dressess for her little dogs. they were the hit of the wedding. al three looked beautiful and everyone was thrilled to see the matching dressess on the dogs. she seems a little happier now. on april 8th a local tv station aired her husband saying hi from afghanistan. she wat pretty tore up after that. today she asked me to see it agin and then i called her and told her that at least it looks like he's eating well and that made her laugh. he is oming home for 2 weeks on memorial day and we are going to surprise her. we are planning a trip to apache lake and i am telling her that she needs to go up the day before and set up camp . i will bring her husband the next morning. it seems as if we give her little tasks to complete, she thirves on doing a good job and it gets her mind off things. the military base and the army medical plan has not been much help but we are paying for her to see someone that is not affiliated with the military and she seems to do better with this new doctor. he doesnt tell her to just get over it and be tough like the other military wives. again, thanks for all your responses.
My husband is in the Air Force and I have a hard time when he has to go anywhere. The best thing you can do is just call her everyday and get together as often as you can. She's probably lonely and bored on top of being worried sick about him. Just knowing you're there for her probably helps a lot.
Patience lots of it. My wife is about to leave for Ft. Sam Houston for 16wks. From there she comes home for about a month then leaves for Iraq for 18months. She hasn't even left yet and I am about to do the same as your sister. This is a major change for us. I understand the long drive for you and the difficuties with getting there and stopping all that you have going on. You may try to get her into the family prepardness group through the base that she is near. They have counciling and group meetings and ways to help keep her busy with the community. They will also help with anything that she may need while he is gone. You and your sister and brother in law have my payers.
A little about me.
I am a father of 5. 3 of which live with me. I work for the local tax office and do tattoo and repair cars. I am mostly a stay at home dad. My wife works in the medical field. She is in the Army National Guard as a medic. this week we reside in southern AZ and next week we will be in Queen Creek Az.
Hi-
Maybe your sister could focus some of her time on crocheting some blankets for the soldiers that have just been deployed or have her get involved with other families that have loved ones stationed over seas! My daughter is 4 and goes to school at Noah Webster and her pre-k class just wrote letters and colored pictures for some troops in Iraq. It gives a sense of being able to support them even though we are so far away. My best friend's brother also was just sent to Afghanistan as well, and I know her family is now looking to see what they can do as well to help out. Soldiers love to get letters and packages and your sister could get some of her friends to help out and make packages and send them to her husband. Hope some of this helps!
Hi Josie,
Sounds like you've been a great foundation for your family when they need you. My nephew is stationed in Hawaii in the ARMY and is getting married in June. He's going to be deployed come November back to Iraq. He's already been there for a little over a year, and now he's got to go back. I'm scared to death. All I can say is just keep being there for your sister and keep checking on her as much as you can. Hopefully she'll hear from her husband often to help ease the pain. You might try GOOGLE and see if there is a support group for people who's families are out there in Iraq. I wish you all the best. G.
Josie
I have a son in Iraq and I totally know how your sister is feeling. As a mother it's very hard to know that you have to let go of things you have no control of, and I'm sure as a wife it's somewhat the same. I used to cry all the time and then I got happy pills as well, just to let me cope with everyday life. The good thing is that is does have her sons and isn't completly alone, it's very hard to shake the fear of the unknown, I found if I just keep myself busy it helps make time go by. Does your sister have any hobbies? When you are in this situation you feel totally alone and it seems like no one understands how you feel, but just listen and be there for her and remind her to keep her faith in GOD and ask him to protect her husband and keep him in his care. Believe me this does help.If your sister needs someone to talk to, I'd be more than happy to listen. Please be patient with her and help find the motovation to continue it won't help her husband out there to be worried about her here, he needs to stay focused so he can get his job done and come back home to her and the boys.
where is your sister?
As a wife who has been through a deployment my advise is that your sister needs to keep herself as busy as she can. It also helps for her to have visitors and for her to visit people also. She needs to stay in contact with a couple of the wives whose husbands are also deployed. That way she'll have someone to talk to who knows what she's feeling and if they hear from their husbands and her husband wasn't able to call she'll know whats going on and they can pass messages on for her or her husband. She is going to be sad and feel very lonely, but if she can stay busy, positive and in touch with some of the wives as well it should help.
There are groups that have other women or familly memebers of deployed troups. It might help her if the two of you could find one and she attend it. Then she might be able to make some friends with people who are going through the same thing.
I would jump online and try to find out if there is a support group for these spouses with deployed husbands and wives. Maybe you can find one locally for her. Try getting in touch with his local base they may also know of one. Talking and getting together with others experiencing they same thing could really help.
A.
The best thing you can do for your sister by offering her support and calling her, e-mailing her and doing other creative stuff that you can do long distance. She should go to the family support center at her base and talk to someone about what is happening. All of our husbands get sent somewhere eventuallly and the people that suffer the most are actually our husbands because they are alone out there not being able to get alot of hygiene done and eating MREs all the time. The wives who stay at home are the strongest people because we have to stay with the kids and suffer the loneliness. We will always be lonely until they come home but until then, the best thing to do is to keep busy. My husband goes to Korea for 2 years in April. We have been married for only 5 years and he has been gone every single year for 4 and 6 months. This is the longest that he will be away from me. Again, I think that I am the stronger person for dealing with this type of pain. Your sister is so strong, even though it doesn't seem like it at this time. Just be with her is the only advice I can give.
