How Do I Get Rid of the Stress/anxiety/etc...

I recommend prozac or another antidepressant. I am the same way, overreact to every little thing but with prozac or wellbutrin I don't have that problem. I don't feel any different taking the meds, I mean, there are no physical changes. But I can handle things. Without the meds, I freak out if we are out of ketchup! To me there is no shame in taking an antidepressant. If I were diabetic, I would take insulin so if I'm stressed I should take something to help with that.

I understand completely. My husband is acting like that now. I was at my worst when I had hormone fluctations. I went on Lexapro when my dad died in a house fire a few years ago and amazingly, it stopped all the weird stressed, angry tension I kept feeling too. I am still taking very low doses and doubt I will ever stop! I can't stand being aggitated and angry like I was before. Now if I can just get my hubby to go to the doctor for a prescription!

Patience is a choice, not something we automatically switch on or off inside of us. Each scenario you give in which your level of stress and/or anxiety is being tested is an opportunity for you to step back, remove yourself from the stressful agent in the situation and make a choice. I realize this is easier said than done. I am a mother of two teenagers and a pre-teen. Even if it means you walk out of the room, the house, get in your car, drive away (around the block or something), or just remove yourself to a quiet space so that you can release your stress. I personally have to go into my bathroom at times, lock the door, cry, wail, yell, question God, etc. I also try to spend time evaluating the situation retrospectively. I try to understand why my daughters, or son, or husband would have reacted the way they did in their speech, their actions or emotions. I try to look at the situation from their perspective and find out if I need to correct my behavior, speech, etc. toward them in the future. I have a great mentor of mine who is an author and she writes, "I choose to refuse to lose my joy." Patience is a choice we need to make each and every situation.

J.,

When I read your note, my first thought was... this girl is living life like a rubber band stretched as far as it can go. Any extra stress, and SNAP!

It sounds like you are taking care of a lot of things, but possibly not yourself? The advice of others here - find time to exercise - is a great one. Exercise is not only good for you, it releases endorphins that help take the edge off that rubber-band mood.

How are you eating and sleeping? You need to make sure your body has all the nutrients and sleep it needs to take on such a busy life.

And take time just for you - find a thing or two you love doing, whether it's bowling or long hot baths, and insist that someone else watch your daughter while you pamper yourself.

In otherwords, take care of YOU. You can't be a good caretaker for others unless you're in good shape yourself. Let some of the tension out of that rubber band! Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

This sounded like me at one point. I just seemed mad at the world and no one could do anything right. I could even look at the situations and realize that I was overreacting. I knew what I should do, but just couldn't do it. I finally went to the Dr. and he prescribed some antidepressants (which I was totally against!). I filled the prescription and they sat on my sink for a week before I started taking them. It took a couple of weeks, but I could definately feel the difference. After a month, I was finally able to relax and start enjoy being a wife and a mom again. I stayed on them for almost a year, then weaned off. There have been times throughout the past few years that I think I need to get back on them, but don't want to.
I've also found that taking a 20-30 minute walk each day really helps. It gives me time to clear my head and think through my day. I have to do this at 5:30 in the morning before my hubby goes to work, but once I do it, I feel so much better.

Hang in there. I would definately check with your Dr. and see if there is a medical reason for the way your feeling.

I'm not sure if you are religious, but Joyce Meyer's teaching has done the trick for me. I wasn't even religious or going to church before.....I was a good person.....she put it all into perspective for me. She even has a book called Battlefield of the Mind. If you do not understand the powers of the mind - it will get the best of you. She has many downloadable teachings on her website www.JoyceMeyer.org. Life is all about perspective. Have a GOOD one!

Hi J.,
You should check your diet, make sure you're getting plenty of rest yourself, make some time for you to just relax. Yeah..I know...what is that..haha! There is also a remarkable product out there that Arbonne carries...it's a natural balancing hormone cream called Prolief! It is truly amazing and has helped out a lot of my clients with this issue. They have two formulas, the Prolief is one that anybody can use and another, PhytoProlief, is geared towards older women nearing or going through menopause. Sounds like you could benefit greatly from using the Prolief! If you would like more info on this or wish to order, please let me know. You can check it out on my website at www.vickimartinez.myarbonne.com, shop online. I would be happy to show you how you can save 35%! I can also email you some info regarding these issues. Hope you find relief soon. V.

This is something I also struggle with. I don't think there's an easy pat answer. Sometimes it's because I'm not spending any time with the Lord. Other times it's because something is hindering my sleep. Sometimes I'm not spending any time or enough time slowing down and planning my day before it starts. Sometimes life is just too busy, too demanding and I need to slow down and read a book.

I could go on all day about things I do to help myself decompress. But the important thing is that you remember that you need to take care of you at least as much as you take care of everyone else. I think that spending too much time on us is too selfish and spending too little time on us is just as wrong. We need to strike a balance.

Sometimes I try and get a journal started but I usually forget to take the time to write in it all the time. But when I start to feel stressed I start again. I LOVE taking just a few minutes to look at pretty ocean scenes and listen to the waves. So picking up some relaxing tapes/dvd's is good. I even have some rain cd's that I can sit down and listen to through my headphones and close out the world for just a few minutes at a time. I bought really fantastic headphones that block out all noise. But I have to be very careful about doing it when the kids are sleeping or I have help.

You may want to reflect on things you can change. Are you saving money? Even if it's only a little bit, 5 dollars a week, not having any money in the bank can make a person crazy. Are you spending too much and pushing down guilt feelings? Is there something else you might be feeling guilty about? It doesn't matter if the guilty feelings are real or imagined. Figure out what could be eating at you and address it one way or the other.

I have fybromyalgia. There was a time when I was barely functional. I had to learn to deal with stress because I found out stress is the number one trigger. Since I'm doing better with stress I barely know I have it anymore. But if I start to feel bad I can always find several areas I'm falling short on.

Sometimes worry is just a habit and it comes out as displaced feelings and frustrations. GEEZ...I could talk forever. If you ever need someone to talk to please email me anytime.

Suzi

WORKOUT!! Even if you think you don't need it. It releases endorphines in the brain which is natures happy pills!!

i do a little bit of all that and more...exercise, try to eat a little better, pray (it's like talking to a really great shrink but cheaper and He loves you) and look into a medication. i'm not ashamed to say that i have been taking zoloft for nearly 6 years now and I feel the best I have ever felt, (even before kids). it really does help just keep me on that "even keel".

J.,

OHHHHH do I feel your pain. I am currently going through the exact same thing, as you are aware we have WAY too much on our plates and could definately use some ME time, however I am just here to say that I dont have any answers or advice, but everyone has some really great suggestions. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and best of luck to you. Let me know what you do, so that I may fit that into the schedule too :)

T.

Hi J.,

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Have you tried a natural balancing cream. It works wonders for me. I use to be very snappy with my husband and kids and it is totally different now. If you are on the pill they don't seem to work as well, but if your not I would be happy to send you more info. Just email me ____@____.com

J.,

WOW!! Sounds like what I went through. I have an 8 year old daughter, she does the same thing. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!! It must be the age. I wish I could give you advice on that, but I am working through it also.

As for the patience and everything that follows...for a while, I got on anti-depressions. I never thought I would but I did. Our family went through some rough times. I thought I could handle it but the stress was too much. I lost my temper, I worried so much that my blood pressure shot up, etc. I did Cymbalta (spelling?) and then Zoloft. Zoloft was better. I was only on it for a few months until I could get myself better. It helped. Something to try. Also, I did yoga at the same time. It helped to relax me and get me back to my normal self. Good luck to you on your daughter. You will find a way to improve everything. Like my husband says "patience is the key and don't let her get to you", easier said than done though!

Best of Luck!

L.

I think we all do this sometimes. I know that I do it more often when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes when I take a little bit of time (even a few moments can help, if that's what I have) and look at how good my life really is it helps me to have more perspective. Because no matter what is happening at the moment (vomit, arguments, electric bills), I know you wouldn't trade your daughter for anything in the world.

Hi J.,
Here's a thought. You give to your husband, your child and your classes at school. What do you do for you, to relieve stress. We all get it, but if you just deplete and don't fill up, you can get stressed out. How about getting up about 20-30 min. earlier,(Yuccchh!) I know it's hard with a full load, but if you can try it for a month and exercise, walk or tv exercise program or something that fits with your lifestyle, maybe it will help you. There are a lot of good exercise tapes out there. I think the mall opens at 6:30(may want to check on that) if you wish to walk inside. You could listen to great music as you walk to really set the tone of your day. You begin each day by doing something good for yourself that is a great stress release and taking in positive energy as well as doing something that will empower you. Doesn't have to be super strenuous. Or just get up and meditate, pray, do a bible study or whatever suits you. Some quiet time before the rush of the day is really great. It is hard to get used to getting up any earlier, but if you hang it there for a bit, it will really help you I think. At the end of the day is hard, cause you're tired and stressed sometimes. Maybe you can get a friend to go walking with you. The other thing I heard about is a book Oprah recommended: Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. There is a gratitude journal that goes with it. It is really great. All about changing the focus in your life to being a really positive person and focusing on positive things in your life. Gives you tools to change the outlook in your life. Good luck
If none of these things sound like your thing, try a good therapist. A few visits may give you some positive tools to help you. You don't have to live stressed out and with anxiety. There is a lot of help out there.

P.

Hi J. - I'm not sure I have any advise for you but I wanted to say, you're not alone. I am a 30 yr old mom to a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and I work full time and I understand being impatient and stressed about the same things you mentioned above. My daughter takes her time with EVERYTHING too and since I'm always in a hurry, I have a hard time not losing my patience with her sometimes and that makes me feel like a terrible mom. Have you asked your OB GYN about it possibly being related to a horomone imbalance? I 99% sure that's what my problem is most of the time and my doctor confirmed that was the case based on how I was feeling and acting. Unfortunately, due to another health condition I have, I can't do horomone replacement therapy like some people are able to. I did find a "balancing cream" from Arbonne - I noticed a few other ladies who've responded use it too. I highly recommend it and I use it daily and it's all natural and seems to help a lot. Good luck!

Hi J., I know it is hard being a mom and can relate to your problem, I have 2 girls and they also test my patitence sometimes, what I do is try to take some time to take a big deep breath and maybe go into the bedroom or bathroom and get some quiet time even for 5 minutes to calm down then I bought a lot of pampering products (from bath and body works) and I take alot of hot bubble baths when my husband is home and simply relax and think of the good in my life. it has helped alot to take time to myself. and you may want to find a sitter to go out with your friends or husband once in a while too. I read several books- like chicken soup for the soul or positive stories to make me feel blessed to have what I do have and if I find I am feeling a little uptight I head for the bath. children are the best blessing and you will get through each day if you appreciate them and take the time to see the postive because there is always positive if you look hard and don't forget to breathe.
oh, yoga class at the ymca also helps me.
hope this helps

J.,

Get up and move around, even if it is a walk around the block. Working out even a little helps lower stress and anxiety. Also, when you feel stressed take a deep breath and think about what you really want to happen in the situation. If the issue is not worth the frustration let it go on purpose. We take on so much responsibility even when it is not necessary it is no wonder mom's wig out sometimes.

J.

Ooooooooooohhhhh! You sound just like me after I turned 42. I completely lost patience with my kids and my husband. I wanted to leave the whole lot every other month. I have also really bitten the heads off some unsuspecting clerks at Reasors grocery store because of their indifference to the customer they were serving. I have no tolerance for bad service, bad performances or just plain apathy. I didn't used to be like that. For me it is a pre-menopausal stage.
Just last year I decided to go away and hide out for a few months. It took me months to plan out where to go and figure out the money deal. By the time I got the details ironed out, the mood had passed. Your husband is right.
For me, I have to make sure my nutrition is balanced and I need to take a lot of B complex vitamins and magnesium. Fish oil also does wonders for smoothing out the rough edges and getting the hormones back in balance. Make sure you get your supplements at a health food store, not Sams or a grocery store.

Are you only having this problem around the time of your menstral cycle or are you having any other physical changes? You know I think all women, and alot of men, go through this kind of thing occasionally, especially when you're in such a high stress time--at least I'm assuming you've got stress based on the fact that you're a full-time student. And it was recently the holidays. But even without those things, just in life in general, I know I get like that too. My daughter is 3 and she also takes her time at everything--she walks right in front of me really slowly, eats slow, potties slow, dresses slow, and asks me to repeat myself alot. And my husband doesn't listen to me the first couple times I say something either--or he'll respond like he heard me and then I'll find out he wasn't even listening. And that's all very frustrating. But I think realizing you're low on patience is the first step and just finding a way to deal with it in your own way is the next step. I like to count, take a deep breath and sometimes walk away. Good luck.

I have found out that life is too short to get upset over every little thing. Believe me I know as I have to take depression meds. Let your child be a kid, she'll have to deal with too many stressful items in her life, the lessons they now assign, bullies at school and on the internet, etc. Ask yourself if it will really matter if the clothes are picked up, etc. It's not life threatening. If your child is misbehaving, have her either sit(if this will tend to make her go to sleep, have her stand in the corner). This was the worst punishment you could give her, to make her stand still. I too have the problem with clerks, etc. If something takes too long, I leave. I'm not going to get myself in an uproar. Enjoy your child and husband while you can.....situations can change in a second. - This is K.'s mother so I have had the experience. Bless you. -

TAKE A BREAK! You need a break, sometimes you get to a point in your life where you can't be a good anything. Not a good mom, not a good student, not a good wife, daughter etc... It's not because your a bad person or have some sort of flaw, it just means you are burnt out. You need time to recharge. Also let some things roll of your back. If you won't remember what it is tomorrow then don't worry about it today. As far as your 7 year old, if she thinks you want her to move quicker she will just move slower and slower. They rebel like this. I have a 9 year old and he does the same thing. I found when I quit trying to make him speed up he just did it. Let go of some of the little things, take a break and recharge and hopefully you'll feel better soon.

J. you are not alone you need to start taking some time for yourself and take care of you. IF you are not complete you will not be able to get through the stress. Remember breath in and out I say this to myself all the time. Life is crazy! I can recommend Stress Relief complex from Shaklee and a good Vita Lea vitamin with Iron and maybe you need a soy shake to balance your blood sugars out too. I have been in the medical field for 21 years and have recommended these to many people including myself and it has helped. You can go to my website and look it up www.shaklee.net/onyourside and if you want the special you can call me and get the 15% off. Remember one day at a time and you will get there I know I have these problems and you are not alone.

Kathy

J.,
I understand where you are coming from. I have two boys one with ADHD and one with ADD. I use to feel the way you do. Then I would get even more upset, at myself, because I was getting upset so easy! I didn't want to be around myself sometimes. I talked to my doctor and he put me on 50mg Zolft. I was only on it a couple months but it was what I needed to chill out for a couple months. Then I was able to quit taking the pills and be back to myself. There may even be some 'mood adjusting' meds that you can get over the counter, but I do not know this for sure. It would be worth just talking to your doctor. It made a world of difference in my life, and the life's of my family members! :)
Good luck!!

It sounds like we could have been sisters. I have a very quick temper and easily get frustrated when I have to repeat myself. I have 4 kids and am also a full time student. My husband is rarely home to help in the evening. I used to take antidepressants, but did not want to medicate myself for mood swings if I could help myself. I exercise and
it does help relieve the stress, but it did not change my behavior. At the end of the workout, and day, I am still that same cranky person whose fuse could ignite at any moment.

I know this my sound corny and pushy, but I got into a great Bible study at my church. I know it is one more thing added to your already long list of things to do, but it has helped me so much. I know it has, because my husband actually mentioned a couple days ago how nice it was to have a calm house and a calm wife. Going to the Bible study has made me think about the type of person I am, and about the type of person I want to be for myself and my family. I stop and think about my reaction to different situations and ask myself if that is the person I want to be, the person I want my kids to see, and the person I am learning to be.

I started going to Bible study this fall and can not wait for the new class to start next week. Just simply going to church on Sunday was not enough to help me make the
change, but going to Bible study once a week and doing a 15 minute lesson or reading
everyday has made a world of difference in the lives of everyone in my house and
my life.
Good luck and God Bless,

I found the book "The Anxiety Cure For Kids" a great resource to deal with my daughter's anxiety. As I read it, I saw where she got it from-me. They have an adult version as well.

My 6 year old doesn't listen much either. Lately I have worked on getting her attention, especially having her look at me, giving her the instruction and having her repeat it back. Beware: this still does not always work. But it's been better.

It sounds like you are working very hard and need a bit of a break. Grab a friend and go out for ice cream. Good luck.

S.

J. do I understand where you are coming from. I have a full time job, a eight year old daughter whom I have to repeat things to all the time. I agree I went to my doctor and explain the same issue you are having. She put me on an antidepression that works good with me because I seem to be that more irrated during the prime of my period and the week before. Since I have started taking this medications I feel balanced. I also pray for guidance and understanding. But do you feel, I tell you there were times I would hated to be the lady behind the counter. But you do what best and in the long wrong hopefully soon you will look back and laugh or pray for the next person. Best of luck sweetie. God can I relate.....

Hi J.;

First of all I applaud your willingness to even ASK for input from others! You said you are 28 but you didn't say how long this had been an issue for you - obviously you are sensitive enough to want to smooth out the 'sparky' and make your reactions a little more predictable for you and those around you.

Have you talked to your personal physician? Thyroid, hormones, and other physiological causes could be explored - then of course don't forget your head a good solid MMPI or other mental health questionaire could help you catch any potential chemical imbalances that would cause your mental health to be 'sparky'. I personally have a diagnosis of major depression and though it is a lifetime diagnosis it has in NO way hampered my ability to have a good solid life. I am a full time student in a phd program a mother of three and a grandmother to six - work full time in the mental health field and yada yada yada so on so on but my point being that if I did not have my diagnosis clearly managed I would be a totally immoveable wreck - mood swings included!

I am also 51 and post menopausal so you know basically what I mean all the elements are there for me to become the next horror flick star :) I am just saying I admire a woman who will take an honest look at her self and say "Hey this is not what I want what is causing me to be this way?" It may be stress and scheduling,but if it is a hidden chemical imbalance, or something I would become a detective and find out the sooner you know the sooner you can do something about it - which by your posting it is very obvious that you would

good luck!

J.

you are trying to do to much. take time for your self. so you don't make yourself sick. and go talk to someone. it's ok really, it does not mean you are crazy.

Hi J.,

I sounded just like you about 5 years ago. I know that a lot of people have success with antidepressants for anxiety, but when I tried them (Prozac and Zoloft),they made me feel numb. I wanted to feel alive - like I used to, not "just getting by". I am now 42, married, and I have two children 8 and 13. If anything, my life is more complicated and busier than ever but I feel more at peace. I fill "alive" again!
I think each person must find what makes them "tick" but there have been two things that have changed my life. I feel happier than I have ever felt. The first thing is that I exercise everyday! I have found that my mood is 100% better if I move my body everyday. This was a hard step for me because I went from not doing anything to slowly walking and now I take yoga three times a week, walk/run, and lift weights. It took me about a year to make exercise a real priority but it is worth it!
The second thing that really changed my attitude about life, is reading a book I heard about from Oprah called, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. When you can live in the present moment, NOW, it doesn't matter that your daughter takes her time; it doesn't matter so much that you have 10 loads of laundry waiting for you, an important meeting to prepare for, or whatever is weighing you down.... your attention is focused on what is happening now - that's it. I have found that I get much more accomplished and I have more patience with my family and myself by turning my attention to what is happening now and consciously enjoying the moment instead of worrying about what I need to do next.
I hope that helps and I wish you well!

K.

Hey J.. It does sound like you need some stress relief. Honestly, I wear several caps as well and sometimes I get pretty stressed out too. I know you can't take a mini vacation from your family but it sounds like to me you need to set aside some time for YOU. You sound like me busy always taking care of everyone else and putting yourself last. But you can't do that. God created you special but we have to take care of ourselves. You need to make a little time for you everyday. And another good stress buster, is exercise. I was pretty stressed lastnight and climbed on my stationary bike and by the time I reached that 2nd mile, I was relaxed and focused and clear. Hope it helps hon.

L.

Hi J.--I just got home from the library with an armfull of books trying to find the answer to the very question you asked. I've tried anti-depressants and they make me feel numb and blah as well. My husband dosen't understand what the big deal is so he's no help. I just posted a question to mom's about what to do with pre-teens and teenagers since that is the majority of the kid problems I have no clue how to deal with. I do have a 9 yr.old stepdaughter 13 yr.old stepson who do the exact same thing- my five year old is faster and less snotty about getting things done. I do belive though that exercise and sleep and the occasional--be lazy and do something for yourself route helps too sometimes. I know this works but keeping up on it is EXTREMELY HARD. So I guess I'm not much help but just wanted to let you know I know what you are going through. Hang in there.:)
M. (crazy mom of 6 kids--19,15,14,13,9,5)

Pray, pray, pray. And when you get finished praying, read, read, read the Bible. Start with 1Corinthians 13...the entire LOVE chapter! God bless.

J.,
The first thing I want to tell you is that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Not letting the little things get to you is probably the biggest challenge all of us moms deal with. I have the same issue. Additionally, you are trying to pursue schooling full-time which takes a lot of energy and attention. Whether it is schooling, working, managing a home, there are always many things that distract us from the energy we need to exert in raising our kids. With that being said, I would encourage you and your husband to sit down and make sure you have a plan for how you are going to manage your time together with managing your house, spending time together as a couple, spending time with your daughter, and allowing for adequate time to focus on being a student and working. Depending on your husband, you may end up carrying more of the load with regard to balancing all of these areas of your life. Generally, what kids want and need from their parents is time and attention. Having a child that "lolligags" can be very frustrating, I have a daughter like that myself. What seems to work for us, is that she has some room time each day where she just spends time playing and doing what she wants in her own way and in her own TIME, while I get what I need to get done in my task oriented manner.

And then, I also want to recommend a book that helped me immensely: "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It is written from a
Christian perspective, but the principles can be applied to anyone from any faith base.

The other thing I would check to see if there are any underlying issues that are causing stress for you. I know that when I have had difficult