How Do I Decipline a 19 Month Old.

Hi J.,

I just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of "be consistent". I have a 25 month old daughter and when she pushes or shoves one of her friends, she has a time-out away from the action and when the time-out is over, she has to come back and tell her friend "I'm sorry for pushing you". We've been using time-out since she began having play-dates at 18 months and it took awhile for her to really "get it" but she does get it now and she rarely exhibits negative behaviors anymore. (I think her last time out was over three weeks ago.)

I don't agree with the idea of swatting/spanking/tapping/patting children to teach them that hitting is wrong... I believe that if they get hit, they will be more likely to hit.

Good luck.

N.

Hi Jasmine-
I have to chime in since I'm in a similar situation. I am the mother of a 19 month old and nanny to a 21 month old. They have been together for the past year. First off, it takes adjustment. From the first day the girls met, Zoe (the one I nanny for) shoved and hit my daughter. She was jealous that Scarlett (my daughter) was in her space with her things. Then they were barely one, and I would talk gently to her, have her give Scarlett a gentle touch to make sure she's okay, and separate them if necessary.
Now when this happens, I feel they know what they're doing. They almost get this look in their eye before they are going to hit or push. First I pay attention to the one that is hurt. Calming them and demonstrating compassion, telling the other that that hurt and asking her to give a gentle touch and maybe a hug. If it continues, I separate them. I don't call it a timeout. I move the offender to the other side of the room to play, "If you can't play safely with ***, then you're going to need to play by yourself." We also used this in the preschool I taught at. As a last resort, I will have her sit somewhere away from the toys (especially if they are being used as weapons), saying the same thing, and ignoring her for a minute. She usually returns to play and all is fine.
I would avoid timeouts in the crib... you don't want her to associate her bedtime place with a place of punishment, that could lead to more issues down the road. Praise her when she is being gentle and sharing. And definately give a little time for this adjustment. This invader is coming in and playing with her toys and sharing her attention. It took my girls about a month before they were over that part, and on to being aggressive with each other for other reasons. :)

She's too little for time out or to understand right from wrong. She's still really just a baby and this is a natural reaction. Don't think of her as "spoiled," it's GOOD to "spoil" a child (give them tons of attention), up to a certain age. I would not really worry about a child being "spoiled" until they are at least 3. Your mother will just need to say "no!" and separate her from the other girl. Do you have a playpen you can put her in when she does this? That's what I would do.

I would avoid doing time-out in her crib if you expect her to sleep there for naps and bedtime. If you do, you will run into problems with her thinking nap and bed are punishments. If you want to do time outs (she's still a little young to get that) pick a corner or someplace she wouldn't normally be.
She's young enough just to redirect or say "hitting hurts. and remove her from the other girl."

HTH

Well, I think the first thing to understand is that children this age really do not understand right from wrong. You can certainly tell them, but intellectually they don't get it. They NEED to be self-centered at this age, because if they weren't, there would be a chance that their caregiver might forget to feed them, keep them warm, etc, and they'd die. So they are genetically programmed to be completely self-centered at this age.

That being said, I know you can't sit by and watch her maul this other little girl. I like Page W's suggestion that you put her in a playpen for a short while whenever she acts out -preferably the playpen should be out of eyesight of where your mother and the other baby are. Your daughter is jealous, and your goal should be to keep the behavior from escalating into biting or anything more violent. Putting her in the playpen gives her a little time and space for her to get a grip on herself. You can try a simple "We don't hit" when you put her in the playpen, but there's not much point in getting really mad at her. She is not going to feel sorry for her behavior because she CAN'T feel sorry for it at this age. So the playpen is not a punishment, it's merely a place for her to calm down.

Don't worry, she'll grow out of this behavior soon enough! Good luck.

Hi J.,

Patience and consistency is the key. It will take some time for them to get adjusted to each other. Stay clear with what you would like to do for discipline. Such as time outs or firm "no". As long as you and your mom are on the same page, she will eventually understand.

Good luck!

Molly

J.,

I am the mother of five children, yes they are old enough to know right from wrong. They understand alot more than people give them credit for at this age. Time out will work if it is consistent, but DON'T use her bed. Use a stool in the corner, you don't need nap time/bed time headaches. Sometimes no doesn't work and sometimes time out doesn't work, you need to be very consistent. Maybe a light tap on the bum is all she needs to let her be aware that she is being watched and what she did wasn't okay. Good luck all kids are different and not all kids react the same to punishment!

Hi - i have a 4 year old a 2 year old and a 2 week old. I've found that what works is CONSISTANCY. You'll hear everyone's advice on what will work: spanking, time outs, looks, squeezes, whatever, but the main thing is that you pick ONE thing and be consistant with it. Don't be lazy. Do whatever discipline you've picked and do it the first time, every time. Your daughter will get the idea pretty quick if YOU are the parent. Don't waffle or be sad at her sorrow. Her sorrow will pass and she'll learn obedience. If you are a lazy parent, then your sorrow will increase as she continues to be disobedient. Do it now, because the older they get the harder it is to reshape them. God bless you in your work as a momma!

My daughter is 16 months old and I've noticed the best way of disciplining her is showing her (lightly) how it feels. ya' know the if a dog bites than bite it back saying? My daughter has come to the conclusion that it is better to lay on the floor with a tantrum than hit somebody's face (although it does happen) she is quickly realizing that it hurts mommy and daddy's feelings.

Hi J.,
I recommend a book called Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson to all of my clients and I have used it with my own children. I like it because it is so positive and children feel that they are making their own choices. Lots of love and support goes a long way. Your little one is most likely acting up because she is feeling a loss.

I have a 23 month old.. and she is definately old enough to know right from wrong.. she has been for 11 mos.. you discipline them when their infants and they "bite" or pull hair.. if you let them get away with things now they will continue to do so. And time out works, even at that age. keep it short. the norm is 1 min for the age they are. and then explain why they were in time out. nip it in the bud now before it gets worse.

I agree, with her age it's just going to take patience and consistency. Pick a method of discipline and stick to it and use it EVERY time. Good luck!

her attention span isn't long enough to deal with discipline, try giving her something else to do, she is most likely very smart and a little jealous,