How Can I Get My 3-Year-old to Sit down and Let Me Teach Her?

Updated on August 15, 2009
C.F. asks from Marietta, SC
21 answers

My daughter is turning 3 very soon. I can't afford to put her in school because we don't meet he income requirements (we make a little too much for her to get in free). Well I want to sit her down and show her things like ABC's and how to write. She counts really well and she's very smart.. but she won't sit down. She's always on the go. But when I can get her to sit down she wants to do her own thing she won't EVER let me show her something. For example, if I try to read to her she'll say "no mommy!" and she'll point out all the pictures in the book and kind of "read" it to me that way. I love her independence, but it gets frustrating when I want to show her how to write. I draw some letters or numbers, but she won't trace them, instead she'll draw circles (about the only thing she's really got down besides the scribbling). She's so smart and she learns a lot from me, her daddy and I have to admit.. dora! lol, but really, any suggestions on how to sit her down and get her to let me teach her?

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone, I really appreciate all the feed back. I read a lot of good ideas. I have never tried to push her to do anything, this is why I was curious has how to get her interested in sitting down and liking it, how to make a sit down more interesting. My child is just so intelligent that she makes me thinks she's older than what she really is, sometimes. Well thank you all so much for all the good tips and advice. Now I have more ideas to help my daughter grown and learn.

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C.M.

answers from Macon on

If she's not interested, don't force her, she'll just end up disliking it. Try flash cards, my three year old loves them and you can get all kinds. He just thinks we are playing. We have ABC's, insects, states, landmarks, numbers, etc.. He also learned a great deal from Super Why on PBS. Be patient and let her learn when she's ready. We've already raised one child who loved school and one child who hated it, all that comes soon enough. Let them be little. Best wishes!

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M.P.

answers from Columbia on

At this age, you don't want to sit her down to teach her. You want to make learning about fun. Try to add learning into everyday play activities....books, games, etc. Even some educational television is helpful.

With ABC's, my son learned those through the Leap Frog refrigerator phonics. It comes with all 26 uppercase letters and you can also buy the lowercase letters as well. We have both. My son knew all of his letters before he was 2. That toy also teaches them letter sounds, and at 3, my son knows all of his letter sounds and is starting to read small words. I swear by this toy.

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L.M.

answers from Spartanburg on

She's not yet 3, she doesn't need to "sit down" and learn. Play moving games with her to teach her the ABCs, numbers, colors, etc. Make big cards with letters,numbers, colors, etc. on them and have your run the the ___ card (A, 3, red, etc.) then run to the ___card. Get a box of sand and have your right a letter in the sand. You can find all sorts of ideas on line. Don't make her sit to learn at this point, it is likely to turn her off learning and I know you dont' want to do that. Find games that she will like that will teach her things without her realizing it.

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J.H.

answers from Atlanta on

Good for you in being aware of establishing a good foundation with your children!!! Most learning at this age, even in the best pre-schools, is play based. So while you are running around the park, grocery store, home etc talk to her about colors, shapes (geometry) textures, smell. Ask questions like what happens next? in any given situation. Play rhyming "tag": volley back and forth rhyming a word like cat, hat, bat, etc. They do not have to be real words! Wat. It is silly and we usually end up on th floor laughing- which is good. I also can not say enough good things about Leap Frogs "The Letter Factory". Learning the phonics of the alphabet is key to early reading- and this video makes it fun! To this day I will sing the videos key re- frain
" the ___ says ____" and it is a great retrevial clue for my kids. Regarding writing. Kids want to do whatever it is Mommy is doing.....so grab some play dough and roll out letters. Or a white board with a dry eraser and see if this entices her. Also Cd's that teach through song are excellent. Concepts put to music are easy to remember & fun to sing- So check out the reviews on Amazon and find a good one. Lastly, having your children watch you enjoying reading is key to them thinking reading must be fun. When my kids get a bit too rilled up I call out 'time for books.' We gather on one of the beds and I read a book to them. Then I pop up and sit in the chair with my own book to read, while they look at the pictures/read the books they have chosen. Good luck to you and good job for being very aware!

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S.S.

answers from Atlanta on

Enjoy your little one's energy and enthusiasm! At three, she's not developmentally ready to learn to write letters and understand their meaning. Coloring pictures of Dora will develop her fine motor skills and she will be ready to actually "write" at an appropriate age. How awesome that she wants to read to you . . . she sounds like she's exactly where she should be developmentally. I am a teacher and I can assure you that two/three year olds don't go to good preschools and sit and write. They play and develop their imaginations. You are teaching her so much by letting her learn in her own unique way while she is still young.

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A.L.

answers from Atlanta on

I'm not an expert, but I wouldn't worry about getting her to learn academic things like writing yet. She's still really young, and kids her age learn by doing, not by sitting and listening. It could particularly become a problem if you are trying to make her sit still to learn those skills because she might start to hate them because she is made to do something she doesn't want to do. She'll learn to write soon enough--I am sure I didn't know how to write when I started kindergarten and it didn't hurt my progress in school (I now teach college). You could make it into a game or turn-taking activity--she draws something, then you get a turn, you copy what she wrote and then encourage her to do the same. If she isn't interested, however, don't push it. Good luck with it!

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D.H.

answers from Atlanta on

I really wouldn't worry about formal seat work for a 3yo at all. She is learning all the time without you making her sit down. Making her do this will eventually make her dislike learning. You want her to have a love of learning. She's just a baby...well, you know what I mean. She's got plenty of time to learn how to write. I know we all want our children to be the smartest, brightest, earliest writing and reading child, BUT we have to be realistic too. Don't force her...she'll be asking you in no time what this and that is, etc., and then you'll be the one struggling to give her all the information she is wanting.

My 4th child is 3.5yo..she's a girl too...she came to me a while back asking me questions left and right...she wanted to know. Oh, one thing I did with my 2 oldest boys (10 and 11) when they were younger was do musical chairs with paper plates and written on those paper plates were the letters of the alphabet...except I had them tell me the sounds they made...that was about 4yo. It wasn't a normal musical chairs game of course, but they had loads of fun. Another great thing is getting a salt box.....a box that is fairly low..maybe a shoe box...and teaching her how to write her letters in that with her finger. Those things are fun for most kids. I would just let her be 3yo.

My oldest when he was 3.5yo went through a Kindergarten math book in about 5 months. Then he moved on to a 1st grade book, etc. He was learning his sounds and writing at 4yo. His brother (just a year younger) was NOT ready for that until 6yo. He wasn't ready to write, to sound out any letters, etc. He did however begin math early similar to his brother...about 4yo, and not that quick. My 4th child, our girl loves to learn, asks us to read to her all the time, asks this and that, and this and that. Our 5th child is only an infant...another boy...we'll see how this goes with him. Each child is different. My .02 worth.

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A.C.

answers from Atlanta on

hi there my name is A. i work for babycrazy and i saw ur posting i also work at a daycare/academy and i teach two/three year olds all day the best way i have found for them to learn to write is by having a dryerase board they love the diferrence from paper and yes they scribble too but most of them actually use it write on it out letters at the top like her name and say things like "mommy would be so happy if u could write ur name show mommy u can do it." but its very good for her to learn thru play when u make ur gro ies list ask her to help u write it u kinda of have to "trick" them into learning with babycrazy we have lots of game to help with that as well check out my website and feel free to contact me if u have anyquestions www.iambabycrazy.com/amc just a few helpful tips ive learned from over 10 yrs of working with children hope they help.

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A.H.

answers from Savannah on

Hi C.! I think that it is great that you want to teach your child. However, I think that she is still too young to do seatwork. She is still 2 years old. If she doesn't want to sit down and be taught, that means that she is not ready for it yet. Leap Frog makes some great DVD's...Letter Factory and Word Factory...she might like those. There is also a cool website called "letteroftheweek.com". It has a lot of great resources for young children. They have a free curriculum where you focus on one letter each week....there are suggested childrens books to read, crafts, activities, etc. This might be a good idea. I think that moms these days place too much of an emphasis pushing education at preschoolers. Our kids learn so much through playtime. Make education fun and your child will really learn. Reading to your children is the best thing that you can do. Get them involved in library storytime and the other free programs that they offer.

Good Luck!

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B.F.

answers from Atlanta on

I sub at a prek and this is how it really is...teaching at a 3 yr old level consist of learning if fun and easy ways of teaching. Involving music to many things really makes a difference we sing the days of the week and it's to the beat of the little indians song, the kids really like it and it's easy. For the alphabet we say it but as we say it we use items that start with that letter. It's really hard to sit a 3 yr old down and just go over information, she will never be able to sit that long. Make an agenda like a prek start out with circle time it's about 12 mins...we start the song with the days of the week, we talk about what today is, then we look out the window and talk about if it looks like sun or rain, cloudy etc..

The day moves on to something like centers, make 4 different centers,,,an area with things that feel a bowl of dried beans, sand, pasta..talk out what they feel like then maybe glue them onto something. Another center building blocks, build towers and let them fall. Another center can be pots and pans let her use her imagination on what she would cook. Last drawling or paints, or coloring or markers. each center about 15 mins. After that move on to hand washing and getting ready for snacks. Move on to music time get some cd's for kids and sing,dance. You can also since you are home do some fun things in the kitchen like make cookies. Just keep everything fun and short periods of time....attention at her age is short periods and moving onto different things. Short books for reading to her. It works they learn and move then what you might think. She won't be able to sit and learn until she's about in 1st grade. Check out kindergarten the also still use short periods of time, attention span is short at young ages.

There are some great books at the library for you and I also suggest to look up some home school websites. Many churches have moms that get together and home school they share ideas and some materials. May I also suggest checking into some prek's at churches yes I know they cost however if you sub you can have them put it towards your childs monthly payment...also maybe get on a churches list to become a teacher then both kids could go and you'd no have to pay plus you'd bring home some money. That's what it did I was and still am a sub my son went to school (prek) and I most of the time only paid a small portions or none at all.

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K.B.

answers from Spartanburg on

I think teaching them to follow instruction and sit for short periods of time is important....but on the other had I think it is important so learn how each particular child learns and see when they are ready. I have homeschooled(or am) all 11 of my children and they all learn differently and at a different rate. I have a 7 year old boy doing third grade and fourth grade work and a 9 year old girl who lags behind on her level. Don't stress, push them a little, but mostly enjoy them and watch them learn from an environment of loving to learn and good quality toys, games, books, etc.. If you have any specific questions for me feel free to ask. I feel my children have done very well with this approach and the two that have gone did very well.

Blessings!

K. B

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J.M.

answers from Atlanta on

At 3 they don't need to sit down to learn! Our school which is private teaches that all learning should be fun to be engaging. My daughter started there at 3 and is now 4 and now can read and I don't think they sat down ever in class. Learning was exploring. Letters and sounds can be taught while being out and about and in conversation. These primary years should be filled with fun and exploration...you will have plenty of time for academics in the future.

I will say if you ever let her have TV time...get the leap frog videos...Letter Factory and Learn to Read...they are great and your kids will learn from them

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D.T.

answers from Atlanta on

At three she doesn't need to be sitting down and writing letters. I understand your frustration with her not letting you read to her, don't push it though, that will just make it worse. Talk about the picture if that is what she wants, and let her read it to you and you read as much as she will let you. Eventually she will let you read the story, even if it is just a page at a time. Perhaps while you are looking at a picture you could say something like "wow what are they doing in this picture, let's read and find out". Writing and recognizing numbers and letters is not developmentally appropriate for her age. Her brain is simply not ready and it won't help her do any better when it is time to go to school. Right now what is important is to give her the opportunity to learn about things she is interested in. You can also help her develop her problem solving skills, creativity, and critical thinking. All that is much more important for academic success and is difficult to teach in a classroom. She will learn her numbers and letters when she is ready. Don't underestimate the value of coloring and other play. That helps her develop the skills she needs to be ready to learn when she gets older and helps her muscles get stronger which is necessary before she will even be able to write. My daughter is now 6 and was recently tested for gifted. She is in first grade but does the second grade math homework. She excels in every area yet we never sat her down and forced her to learn anything. We gave her the time and materials necessary to explore her interests, answered all her questions, and played lots of games so learning was fun rather than tedious. Now she loves learning.

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B.E.

answers from Atlanta on

I would be flexible about the sitting down aspect. You can sit and begin looking at letters, numbers, etc and act as if you are doing it for fun by yourself. She may become curious and want to participate. If not, let it go and don't let this become a "power struggle" issue. Stay emotionally neutral (showing her that it doesn't matter to you whether she does it or not). Then it becomes HER choice to participate it the learning activity that you are doing. We used a phonics program called "Sing, Spell, Read and Write." It uses music (songs) and fun activities to teach phonics to little ones.

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D.C.

answers from Savannah on

I have to agree with the others please dont make her sit down and learn, even if she went to a preschool the sitting down and learnign time owuld be very short and for an almost 3 yr old not much at all. There are so many fun ways to help her learn just play agames and read and sing to her. Wait for opportunities in life when you give her say an apple wold you like this yummy red apple, ect, she will learn but if you have to force her to sit and learn she will hate it and that could stick with her for a long time. As for writing just let her scribble and color, her fine
motor skills are not sharp enough yet to make letters my 4 yr old is just getting there now. And even if you get her to write her letters so what? What will she learn in prek? There is nothing stating she will be ahead of every1 else when she gets older. Give her this time to play and imagine work on building her creativity. At this age children learn best thru play. Please DONT make her sit down and do workbooks, I know you are excited I was too but she will be doing that for the rest of her life this time is so precious now. Good luck!

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S.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I highly recommend you read some wonderful books that will show you where she is and why she cannot do waht you are asking. Better Late Than Early and other titles by the Ed. Dr.'s that wrote it examine the aptitudes of children at various ages -- they studied all the studies that our tax dollars fund -- and concluded that if parents would know what things are they ready for -- they would not frustrate their children, encourage a love of learning and avoid eye problems (a big focus -very surprising to me). I have gone by their teachings and successfully taught 2 of mine through high school to college now, and one more -- he's 11. Two are dyslexic and If I were to have forced learning on them at 3 (I made some of the same mistsakes you are doing with my first child) I would have lost them right then. Please read and learn that she is not capable of tracing now, that her fine motor skills and eyesight are not ready . Pushing her now will hurt her later. Let her develop at her own pace. You may also like to see the resouces at therelaxedhomeschooler.com. Personal friend and docotorate studies how children learn best without pushing for little Einsteins. When you see how wonderful she is doing, you will be so excited. Also look at Sonlight Pre-K for wonderful books you can read with both of them now. Use the catalog (free) sonlight.com as a book guide and it will help you for the next 20 years as they grow up learning to love great books. There is so much information out there on the homeschool side even if you have no intention of homeschooling . . . to help you teach them through play. good luck! sigh, have to wait for grandchildren so I can do it all again . . .

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D.W.

answers from Charleston on

Good rec's here already. But I wanted to add you should check out the Montessori Method. There are lots of easy and fairly inexpensive things you can do for that age level.

For ideas:

http://www.montessoriforeveryone.com/Free-Downloads_ep_35...

http://www.enchantedlearning.com/Home.html Enchanted Learning is well worth the subscription for their workbook pages.

in the kitchen: http://www.dailymontessori.com/montessori-activities/todd...

More: http://www.dailymontessori.com/montessori-age-24-36-months/

http://montessorimom.com/toddler-scope-and-sequence-lesso...

There is *so* much you can do without sitting down for traditional school time.

Enjoy, it can be soooo much fun!!

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F.N.

answers from Savannah on

It's a gradual thing. You can do it all at once. Introduce what you can when you can. My 4 year old granddaughter was read to and thought things at an early age. We had a book called "Barney Animal Farm" or something like that. It was a picture book of Barney and different animals and the sounds they made. "The cow goes moo-oo." She loved that book and by age 1 she 1 she could finish the sentence with the animal sound. I bought her flash cards. We started with the letters of her name and moved from there. Now she knows all her letters, can count to 100 (with assistance). Can count in spanish (thank you Dora). Knows all her colors, and much more. Her preschool teacher said that she was ready for Kindergarten but here in Georgia, they go to pre-k first. I'm afraid she is going to be so board. Maybe she'll get moved up early. Any way, just start with one letter or numnber at a time and don't expect to hold her attention long because they do have short attention spans.

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B.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Why not try a Mothers Morning out program that will take her maybe 2 days a week. Programs like that usually only run less tan $100 a month some even less. That would give her that oppotunity to learn from someone else - I know with my kids, it is sometimes easier for them to hear it from someone else and then we can reenforce it at home.

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R.R.

answers from Charleston on

Great advice here. I would just add that my soon-to-be 3 year old son has a super-short attention span and is hyperactive. I have begun to teach him shapes, letters and numbers by drawing them on the driveway with sidewalk chalk and playing a game of jumping on them. It works! Good luck and best wishes to you and yoru family.

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E.B.

answers from Macon on

I suggest teaching her during "teachable moments" rather than a structured session. For example, while you're out grocery shopping you can point out words and numbers throughout the store. You can also play games like "The letter B makes a "Buh" sound...can you say that? Now can you find a letter B in this book?" My almost 3 year old loves her art easel and will draw/scribble on the chalk board side. She does it on her own accord (as she's whizzing by) and sometimes if I sit on the floor with her she'll draw along with me. Try not to pressure her too much but certainly keep books and reading a big part of her life--like a library visit, nighttime reading, looking for letters while driving around town...
Best of luck!

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