How Can I Explain to My Son Where He Came From? Help!!!!

Updated on March 27, 2011
J.Z. asks from Agoura Hills, CA
20 answers

Help!!
My son is extremely interested in where he comes from. He is 6/y old. And I told him before he came from mommy’s belly, and don’t know why he brings this question up again now. I had a caesarean birth so I can’t tell him that the doctor cut my belly and dragged him out, I think it sounds horrible to a 5/y. he’s even imagined that I spit him out as if I ate too much food. How can I tell him? Please help me!!!

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P.M.

answers from Tampa on

I told my daughter she grew in my uterus, which when it gets bigger, it fills up inside my tummy area. I also said babies usually come from the Mommy's vagina, but she got stuck, so the Dr had to cut open my body and take her out. Then I showed her the scar.

I'm having a homebirth VBAC in July and my daughter will be there to watch it.

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S.W.

answers from San Diego on

My 3 year old asked me where he came from and I told him that the doctor made a "kind of zipper" in my tummy, opened it up, and out he came. I have showed him where the "zipper" was and that it's all gone now. He now tells everyone the "story" of his birth. He's such a gift :)

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M.T.

answers from New York on

Let him know that he grew in your uterus, and you had an operation for him to be born, and that this isn't how most babies are born but sometimes there are complications that makes this the safest way for a baby to be born. This is an age appropriate explanation. I never referred to babies as coming from a "belly" - that's where food goes. When I was pregnant with my younger kid, people would comment to my then 4 year old, "So you mommy has a baby in her belly?" and she'd look at them as if they were strange and respond, "No, she has a baby in her uterus." Using proper terminology is appropriate no matter what the child's age :)

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Y.C.

answers from New York on

First be sure what he is asking, sometimes we buried our self into so much deeper talks that what is need, lol.
You can tell him that the doctor made a special door for him to enter this word?
If he ask if it hurt you say no, a)doctors have special medicine so you don't feel it and b) you were just so exited to met him you don't even put attention to nothing else.

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J.G.

answers from Springfield on

My kids were born via c=section. They know they grew in my belly. When my son asked (arond age 3) how he got out, I told him the doctor gave me special medicine so that it wouldn't hurt. Then she cut my tummy and took him out. It took some time for me to heal, just like with his boo boo's, but Mommy is fine now.

These types of questions sometimes make adults nervous, but most kids are just curious about the world. That's going to include their birth.

Try not to make a big deal about it. Give simple, short answers. If he wants to know more, he'll ask.

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi J., I always told my kids that Baby's are a gift from God for mommy's and daddy's who love each other. I don't believe in ever lying to children, and this was as close to the truth with out tramatizing them. J.

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K.S.

answers from Columbus on

He's 6, he doesn't need graphic details. My kids are 8 & 4. They used to think that babies came out through the belly button. I can't have my kids believing a lie, so I give them only enough information to satisfy. They know they came from a birth canal in the vagina & that not all babies come out that way. They know that a c-section is a surgery that removes babies from Mommy's belly. When they asked about how the baby got in there, I've told them small bits of truth. I did also tell them that they didn't need the major details, but that men & women have sex & sometimes a baby is made. Keep it simple & age appropriate. Answer only enough to satisfy his questions. I don't believe in hiding things from my kids & if I do, it will only serve to make them find the possible wrong answers somewhere else. I want to be that source of information.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

Tell him. My son was also a c-section and we have a funny story about it that we tell. We didn't know the sex of our kids, so when he was born the doctor said at one point "it has red hair." We were all excited and everyone in the operating rooms, hospital personel included replied: "What sex?" and the doctor said: "I haven't delivered that part yet."

Kind of a weird image in my head, but funny. We knew he had red hair, before we knew if he was a boy or girl. :-) He knows this story, and is fine with it.

Just wait until your daughter starts asking you about how babies are made and is looking for details about the differences in anatomy -- those are the tough questions.

Kid can handle this stuff.

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N.M.

answers from Cleveland on

Please don't make up a story about a stork! If he's curious enough to keep asking, then he's old enough to know the truth. But be very vague. A six year old boy isn't ready for details yet!

And I don't think c-section births sound horrible. All my kids were born via c-section and I've showed them my scar. I told them that they just wouldn't come out so the doctor had to go in and get them! They didn't seem horrified.

A nice way to explain it to little ones is to say that "Daddy planted a seed in my belly and you grew there just like a plant!" Kids see and understand plants, so it's something they can understand. By the way, my kids never asked "How did Daddy plant a seed in your belly?" But if yours asks, you may want to go get a book that explains this, but one designed specifically for younger kids.

After I have "a talk" with any of my kids, I remind them that this isn't something to talk about with their friends, only mom and dad. At least for now.
http://keystosimpleliving.com/kids.php

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S.H.

answers from San Diego on

I think you can honestly answer this question. Let him know that some Mommies have to have a c-section and that means that you had surgery by a Dr. If he wants to know more about what surgery is, just explain it's when a Dr. gives you medicine so you feel no pain and then cuts you open. You can even tell him there are different types of surgery - some to help babies come into the world, some to help someone who is sick or hurt. You never know when this information may be useful in the future - God forbid, he or anyone close to him needs to have surgery, he will be armed with knowledge that may help him understand that it's not so scary because that's how Mommy gave birth to him.

I have a 3 year old and I just randomly talk about it - when we see a picture of me when I was pregnant for example, or when my best friend was pregnant. I talk about there being a baby in the belly and how he had to come out of my belly to born. Sometimes he asks follow-up questions and other times he doesn't.

I've always read that if they're asking...they're ready to hear the answer (just remember to keep it at their level).

-S

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

My four year old daughter asked the same thing...I kept it brief but told her about what was going to happen since she new mommy was having a baby...I told her about the C-section and what would take place and that was it. She dropped it whew! Keep it brief and tell him. That should answer his question and curiosity for now.

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S.C.

answers from Milwaukee on

I tell my kiddo God made her. She's never asked specifically how I got her. And this is even watching my sister in law growing a baby. She knew the baby was in there, but never asked about getting out. She just knows God made her.

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

Best book ever for that age: "Where Did I Come From" ... great cartoons and accurate facts!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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S.S.

answers from Daytona Beach on

that's funny. my daughter and my son both were c-section babies. they both know that the dr. cut me open and took them out of my belly. they both also know of the "natural" way of giving birth. they have watched tlc a baby story. i'm more stumped on how to explain sex to my 6yo because she keeps asking how she got in my belly to begin with!

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K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

When I was little, younger than your son, we had the kids book Where Did I Come From? and that pretty much answered everything.
Some kids ask more detailed questions than others and think things through more so you end up providing more details for some than others.
I'm in the camp of don't lie, answer every question and age appropriately without every little detail.
You got some great advice on explaining the c-section!

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I imagine he is more interested in how he got into your belly than how he got out.
It's time to start teaching him about sex. No need for a Masters & Johnson lecture series, just the basics.
If he does ask how he got out, just tell him that when he was ready to be born, the doctor made a cut in your belly and gently lifted him out, then sewed up the cut.

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T.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

My first was c-section, my second was vbac. I've explained to them both about how they came into the world. I told my oldest that she came out the "escape hatch" in my belly because she was backwards (breech) and I told my little one that I had to push her out of my privates. They were both fascinated and felt special because they were each delivered in their own unique way.

As in all things, the truth is always best. Good luck!

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

All 3 of my children were born by c-section. It's an alternative way to give birth when a vaginal birth is not possible. You say you can't tell him you were cut open, why, because it sounds horrible? What's so horrible about the way he was born? He wasn't dragged out. He was pulled out just like he would have been pulled out had you had a vaginal birth. One of my babies needed to be vacuumed out of my belly. Same thing could have happened if she had been pulled out of my vagina. It's best to be honest. My childrens ages are 11, 8, and 4 and I"m pregnant with my 4th, due in 5 weeks. All of my children know that they were born by c-section and I've allowed them to watch The Baby Story aired daily on TLC so that each child would be prepared for when the next baby was born. Even my 4 year old knows that the doctor will cut my tummy and pull his new baby sister out. That is not horrible. It's beautiful! It's life being born. He's imagining you spitting him out of your mouth because you are not being honest with him therefore he is allowing his imagination to run wild. Tell him that some mommies have to have their tummy's cut open, that it's called a cesarean section and that is how he was born. My children know the proper names of their body parts, they know that most women deliver babies from their vagina's but some women need surgery to have a baby. They've seen my scar. You could show your son your scar and explain that is where he was born from.

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