Homework and Family

S.,
I am a husband and a father and I help with homework every night. It is not incredulous to ask your husband to participate though I do have a recommendation. We men are doers and fixers and being that way means we want to see a job well done (emphasis on the done part); so when a project's end date is indeffinite we can easily lose interest. The key is motivation; I would try to get your hubby to get involved again and then don't stop praising him for his help (helps to find different ways to praise him as well) and show him the results of his labor; like you he will soon tire of the effort and showing him that it isn't fruitless (i.e. thanks to your help our kids are getting A's and B's). If this doesn't help then maybe a tutor isn't such a bad idea ;-).

You shouldn't have to "do homework." Your kids should do their own homework independently, especially now as you say they are getting older. If they are struggling that much to do it on their own, I think you need to be in touch with the teacher. It's hard to say if a tutor is necessary, it may be that you need to step back a little and let them show the teacher what they can or cannot do on their own.

I'm a SAHM and I pretty much manage all the school stuff too. I know when the kids tests are, where their grades stand, and when their homework is due. Not that all families work the same, but I feel it is my job to be in charge of overseeing all of that. DH works full time, and he comes to conferences and as many school events as possible, but certainly can only realistically make a few of them. There are times my kids do need evening homework help from my husband. And when they do, I assign him a specific task. I say, "please give younger DD a spelling quiz practice tonight while I'm going out to Office Max with other DD to get a certain school supply item." He doesn't have the time to keep up with the big picture of what is happening with the school schedule and lessons, but he is good if I just tell him specifically what I need every once in awhile on those nights when one parent just can't do it all. It wouldn't work to just say "ok, you're in charge of all the school stuff in the evenings" Things would be falling through the cracks like crazy.

A few things. Yes, your husband should take more of an interest in their school work and activities. However, if he truly isn't motivated to help with homework pushing him to do really isn't going to work. He won't do a good job and you'll still be frustrated.

How old are your children? It gets easier as they get older. Usually by 5th grade they really don't need much homework help on a regular basis. Just an occassional question and help with projects. If they are older than grade 4, and you find yourself spending a lot of time doing homework then maybe you should have a conference with the teacher and think about a tutor.

It's a known fact that children who have parents who are involved, do much better in school. However, remember that volunteering, field trips, classroom help, etc. is your choice not theirs. You should do a few of these things, but you don't have to be supermom and do them all. So if need be, cut back on some of the volunteering and spend more one on one with them.

It depends on everyones work load. In some work places, everyone rotates and kicks in, but is that most efficient? There are several different views on this. My feeling is, use your best man at his best work.

If your husband works long hours and just isn't going to do a good job at the homework checking and monitoring, then send him out to pick up after the dogs and mow the lawn. If he is just being a couch lump, while you run circles around him, then maybe you should set some hours geared toward homework and dinner prep.

Funny, I just said to my husband the coach lump, "You know next year this time we won't be able to have these weekday movie marathons". Of course he said, "Huh?". She is four and homework is suggested, but not mandatory.

Are you a SAHM? I am. And I do all the homework stuff too. And the after school activities, etc. BUT, my husband has a really whacked work schedule, and just isn't available for most of these things. He goes to awards ceremonies and things at school, if he is able. Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't. When he is on vacation, he will take the kids to their karate classes instead of me having to do it. And on the nights he is home before the kids go to bed, he will ask them about if they had any homework and is it done, that sort of thing. But, I still am the one who is primarily the one involved with it. Even if he is here, he doesn't usually "stand guard" to be sure the work is done. If I have a problem with our son (who can get moody and frustrated sometimes), and we aren't getting anywhere, hubby will step in, if he is home and awake.

If your husband is home every night for dinner, etc... then yes, he should be more involved in the homework followup stuff. But I think, in general, moms are the ones who sign the homework folders, pack the lunches, read/sign the permission slips, know when school pictures will be taken, get the fundraiser forms filled out properly and turned in, etc. I think it is part of the job description, really. I mean that in all sincerity. Men are programmed to be providers; women are programmed to be nurturers. It's what we do. :)
And that's why we usually are the ones who do it best.

It's sometimes easier for one parent to keep up with deadlines and some things, you know the whole, "I thought you knew about it, well I thought you knew about it... ", but when it comes to helping with actual homework and tutoring, then both parents need to step in. If it is too much for you to explain (like for me, I could never help with much of the math), then maybe the kids need a tutor.

Overall, your children may be old enough to keep up with a lot of the deadlines themselves.

One thing my family did, was every Sunday or Monday night, we all sat down with our calenders as a family and wrote all of our schedules and deadlines down. It can help with communication and with your husband being able to arrange to make it to some activities. It's so important for both parents to show support and an interest in kid's education. I agree with Momof2girls, you can cut back on some of the school volunteering if you need.

Is he working long hours or more than one job and he is tired? Or does he not no the homework? Maybe he wasn't a good student or didn't get help from his parents. This is a situation with my cousin and her hubby. He is not "book smart" and she is and you can tell he avoids the kitchen during homework time...always find another thing to do like the lawn, car, laundry, cook, etc.
If that's the case ask him to help with other chores. You might want to throw in that at the end of the night you are always too tired to do anything else..wink wink lol!!! It worked for my cousin.

I work at at Jr high and they have study sessions for math 2x a week and many teachers (English/Science) will team up before tests to do review. Please make sure you are using all of the schools offerings so your kids don't get behind.

Please make sure you are setting your children up to be self sufficient as well. It looks to me like you don't get a lot of support, and the kids have picked up on that...find a better way to organize that. Give each kid a calendar to put in their own room and they know when their field trips/tests etc are. Including accountability.

Hello, I am a parent and a teacher and from the teacher's persepective, I have learned through workshops and reading that when parents participate in their child's education, the children learn to value education and do better in school because they see the value and they are motivated. Maybe you can compromise with your husband and he can help with homework once per week and eventually twice per week as you ease him into it. It is not just lifting some time from you, but it is bonding time with his children and they see that their Dad values what they are learning as well - there are so many benefits. Maybe there is also another issue here - they should be able to do the homework by themselves at home because homework should be an extension of what they learned in the classroom. If they cannot do it at home, then you should talk to their teacher(s) and find out why homework is a struggle and perhaps have it modified. When the whole family is frustrated, the children begin to feel negative about homework. I don't know if you should get a tutor because I don't know the circumstances....are they really behind? You should probably ask the teacher about that because the teacher knows their level and their work habits and can shed some light on that. You are wonderful for helping out so much with school......your children will benefit from your efforts! Hang in there!

how old are your kids? it sounds like they're old enough to be responsible for their own homework, just to come to you if they have questions.

Sure he should help if he is patient with the kids in helping them with homework. If he doesn't feel comfortable with the subject, because it is over his head, then get a tutor.