Holding Child Back a Year from Kindergarten

Responding to holding him back,my child is 21 years old now, he did very well academically in school. I am glad he was an oct birthday so he was automatically older than the others. He was ready for first grade socially and academically.

My oldest boy, now 12 was like that but we sent him and it really helped him with his shyness, he is still somewhat shy now but I think letting him go to school really was a benefit.

My son's birthday is in August and we send him to a public school Pre-K program. However, at the end of the program he was not ready academically, socially or emotionally. This year we sent him to private Catholic school Pre-K and he's done so much better. Because we sent him to two different schools, nobody knew he repeated Pre-K. He is definitely more prepared to start Kindergarten later this year. I feel like it was one of the best decisions we made. Hope this helps.

I haven't read all the responses but I have four year old twin boys who will turn 5 June 16th. We have made the decision to hold back and start in 2011. As a teacher myself (semi-retired to raise my kiddos), I have seen the havoc a child not mature enough for school can have on an entire classroom and I would hate it if one of my boys were making a teacher's year harder than it needed to be. My daughter started 8 days after turning 5 (she's 11 now) and in retropspect, I wish we had had the knowlege back then that we have now. She's the youngest in her class (6th grade) and although it's fine academically, I'm not sure she's quite ready for all the craziness that middle school brings....I wish she were handling all of this as a 12 year old instead of 11. So, we just registered the boys for another year of preschool to give them time to be free of the responsibility of school for another year. There's no hurry in my opinion to kick them out of the proverbial nest so soon :-)

We held back our son who turned 6 this past July. It has been a great decision so far. He would have been fine going to kinder last year as far as academics go, but our son has a hard time listneing & following directions. I strongly feel like he has had a good kinder experience because can focus on his problem areas while the academic part has been fairly easy for him to master. I think it helps build self confidence too. Our son is big for his age, so that has been one drawback. I think you should do whatever your heart says.

My son's birthday is at the end of August. He sounds a lot like your son - he was shy & socially immature at that age. We held him back the extra year & have always been glad that we did. I worried because he was an intelligent child & I didn't want him to start school & be ahead of the other children because I feared it would cause behavioral problems from boredom. We've never had this problem. He does great in school & by the year he started kindergarten, he was SO much more prepared emotionally! My brother was the same way but my mom let him start school the first year he could - she said she always regretted it because he was always the most immature in his class. He was always friends with the kids in lower grades & she contributed that to the fact that he could relate better to them. You know, boys are just known to emotionally mature slower than girls. Personally, we found that we were very happy with our decision to hold him back until that 2nd year. Best of luck with your decision!

Our son's birthday is May 23rd. We started him in montessori school on time and had him repeat K when we started public school. He is in 2nd grade now and THRIVING! We made the best decision holding him a year and his best friends are the same age.

Hi L.,

Both of my sons were summer babies (July and August) and we had the same issue. They were both very smart and doing great academically in preschool but a little shy and not quite ready emotionally. We enrolled each of them in Private Kindergarten and Children's Courtyard so that they could get a full Kindergarten curriculum and give us an extra year to decide what grade to send them on to in public school. In both cases, we decided to give them the best possible advantage and send them to public Kinder instead of 1st grade. So they essentially repeated Kindergarten but none of their Kinder friends would know it unless they chose to tell them. It was a perfect solution for them! They both started public school knowing how to read, add, subtract, etc. so they had the confidence boost of being a leader in the classroom. It took care of most, if not all, their shyness issues!

Especially with boys, it is better to be the oldest, smartest kid in the class instead of the youngest, possibly most struggling because it will really become evident in 3rd grade when things start to get a little harder. If they are held back in 3rd grade, EVERYONE knows it!

Also, in High School, I want my son to be the driver, not the passenger when all the kids start to learn how to drive. I'm sure his future girlfriends would like that too!

Anyway, that's what worked for us. Good luck with your decision!

M.

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in earning a 6 figure income with full insurance benefits for their family over the next 2-5 years. Do you know anyone who is ready for change?

Personally, I think you have several options. I would advocate enrolling him in Kindergarten and if it is traumatic, you could withdraw him and start over next year. OR, if he doesn't mature as much as you hope, he could repeat Kindergarten next year. I would be afraid that another year at home would only make him so much more shy. Have you thought about a half day Kindergarten program? Or, if he is not in something right now, a PreK program.

My son's birthday is the last weekend in May, so essentially the same age as yours in terms of starting school. He started when he was 5 and has done great (he is now in 1st grade). But, my son is not shy at all, so I can't really relate to that aspect of your question.

Oh, I should add that my son is gigantic. So, I wouldn't really want to hold him back in that he would be just THAT much bigger than the other kids. You may want to factor in the size of your child as well.

Good luck with whateveryou decide!
L.

As a former teacher, I would recommend holding your son back another year. If you do, he will be ahead of his peers which will help boost his self confidence and may help him overcome some of his shyness. I saw many boys who ended up with behavior issues because they were just too young and immature. If you know going in that he's immature, why risk the possibility of retention after a year?

It was recommended that I hold my son back because of his immaturity. His birthday is in July. Academically he was fine. So my husband and I put him in private school where the environment was a little smaller. It has truly worked out great! My son is in 2nd grade honor roll and he is the same age as the girls in his class but he's the younger boy because so many people take that advice to hold them back! I pray the God will lead you to do what is best for your son!

When we were making that decision for our youngest son, I talked to the counselor at our middle school (older brother's school). She recommended holding him back. She said that by starting boys young you are setting them up to be a follower instead of a leader. We have never regretted following her advice.

When his older brother was in Pre-school, his teacher suggested that he might need to wait a year. His birthday was in early Feb. so we had not even considered it. She couldn't give concrete reasons so we went ahead and sent him to K. - he was definately ready academically. What she couldn't pinpoint was the emotional maturity. He always had a hard time with the fall semester and then would "catch up" by spring. I always regretted not holding him back so he would have been even and then ahead. It all depends on your child. Good luck with your decision!

I held my son back who is a June birthday. He will start K this fall right after he turns 6. I have no regrets with my decision and have not looked back so far. Good luck with your decision.

Most school districts have a "Kindergarten Round-Up" where the teachers take them thru basic testing for about 10 minutes. They could then help you with your decision. I have a neighbor whose son was only 5 in July and started kindergarten, and she worried about it, but it has been the best for him socially and academically.
On the other side, I have seen kids held back only because of their birthdays and some are way ahead, so could be placed in a grade ahead. And physically some look awkwardly larger than their classmates.
Kindergarten teachers are the best breed of teachers to handle all sorts of emotional kids.

I held my third. She would have started at 4 years old and not turned 5 until the end of Oct.
By the time she went to kindergarten she could read, write, add numbers under 10. She is still ahead of her peers and is doing fine. I'm glad I held her.

I was in the same boat and came to the conclusion that I've met people who were disappointed they pushed their child forward but I never met someone that was disappointed they held their child back. Good luck!

I planned on holding my young kindergartner back, but a talk from a teacher and principal from our older son's school convinced us otherwise. They explained that children learn things at kindergarten that they won't learn at pre-school and that school has a kindergarten 2 class made up of those children that are not quite ready for 1st grade. Students in that class repeat the second half of kindergarten and then spend the second semester studying 1st grade objectives. This soudned reasonable to me.

At the end of kindergarten, they told me that our son needed to enter 1st grade rather than kindergarten 2 because he was at the top of his class academically. He is in high school now and is still at the top of the class academically but is much less mature than his peers physically and emotionally.

There seems to be no perfect answer. I am a teacher and studies have shown that kids get along better with children who are intellectually compatible and need academic stimulation. When I talk to him, he is happy that we didn't hold him back. More often, he wishes he was with older students because he can relate to them batter.

So, I suppose that *most* children are better of when you hold them back, but those does not hold true for all children.

PS. Teachers wanted for me to skip 2 grades when I was in 2nd grade. My parents refused. I was bored and rebellious. I ended up dropping out of high school. This is not unusual. Gifted kids drop out even more often than struggling students. Each students needs their individual needs met.

Dear L.,

It is a smart move to keep your son from entering kindergarten. The standards and skills needed to accomplish is not the same as when we were in grade school. Especially is if your son is very shy and sensitive, it would be great for him to spend another year in preschool to help him adjust to school setting and allow him time to mature. You know your child the best. I know some parents who have to deal with lots of clinging and crying even when they're in 6 or 7 years old. You want your child to succeed and be the cream of the crop at his grade level in the future. Good luck on your decision.

A.

We questioned the same thing for the same reason. I spoke with all three kindergarten teachers at the school he was to attend and all three said "it is your choice, but if you are questioning it at all hold him back." One of the teachers held her son back for the same reason.

Our son too was advanced academically....so where are we now? By the time he started kindergarten he was tested at a 6th grade reading level. (He started reading on his own the summer before he began kindergarten. Please understand I did not "teach" him other than reading to him every night.) He was placed part time in a multi-age first grade classroom. He basically spent half his time with them for the academic learning and half his time with the kindergarten for the learning school rules, social aspect. Second grade found us in the same multi-age first grade class, however he spent half his time with the multi- age second and third grade class. (For those of you who don't have these types of classes they consist of kids that are really advanced and kids that need extra attention. The advanced kids really help to bring the others up to speed. It also really gives the teachers some extra time to spend with those that need the extra help. They also are geared more to letting the kids learn at their own pace.) Part of our holding our son back was because he couldn't relate to kids his own age. He has always related better to older children and this set up worked well for him.

We moved at the end of first grade and started a new school system. Since he had never been tested as gifted they basically wanted to see for themselves (i.e. they didn't really believe us just how advanced he was) and placed him in a regular second grade class. Thankfully we met his teacher a few days before school and were able to explain the whole story to her. I recieved a call from her on day 3 stating that she was setting up a meeting with the principal because he did not need to be in second grade and was basically bored out of his skull. He was in grade 3 by the second week of school. (with the option that if we felt it wasn't working that we could put him back in the lower grade) He excelled, had straight A's all year and actually was getting off of the bus happy. He is now in fourth grade and again is a straight A student. So technically he is now where he should be age wise. It was a different journy to get here but do I regret any of those choices? No, for him it was the right descission and we were lucky to have school systems that would work with us.

This is long I know but one other veiw point I thought I would share....With boys especially the earlier birthdays present these difficulties. Boys are slower to mature physically as well so if your son decides to play sports it may be better to hold him back so he has an extra year to grow. And when he gets to high school he will be able to drive/date ect earlier as apposed to being the last of his friends to do so. He would also be entering college at barely 18, something else to think about. (The physical aspect doesn't really apply to us he is tall for his age and we already wear the same size shoe.) I do worry about the driving/dating college aspect now especially since he has a sept. birthday. But I guess we will cross those paths when we get there. Holding him back was best for us. Hope this helps!

Hi L.,

My son has an August birthday. His pre-school teacher told me he was ready. He was ready socially and academically, I just had that Mother voice telling me to hold him back. I really struggled too. My husband & I talked and he was all for holding him back. We decided to do Kindergarten at his pre-school and Kindergarten at our public school. It was a great confidence booster. He is a passionate learner.

You know what is best for your son. Hope you find the answer you are looking for.

I held my daughter who has a July birthday back because the preschool recommended it. She was academically on target but not socially. I am so glad I did. She has the personality that if something doesn't come easily to her she gets very frustrated. She is 10 now and in fourth grade. She has made straight A's in school and has never had any behavior issues. She enjoys school and is well-liked by her classmates. I am very happy with our decision to hold her back. I really feel that if we put her in Kindergarten when she was 5, she may have struggled more with the concepts which may have affected her love of school.

My son has an August birthday and I plan on holding him back. The expectations in school for children to be still and quiet for long periods of time seem, at times, unreasonable. I feel that an older child will have more of the self-control that is expected of them.

As a former Elementary Teacher and a mom I would hold him back. Give him the best opportunity to be at the top of the class and for a young man this will be a huge help for his confidence.
R.
____@____.com

L., have you been part of a moms group or is your son in a preschool setting now? Perhaps a little more socializing would help him come out of his shell. Our boys are in a weekly playgroup and at church every sunday for three hours, and they are comfortable in just about any social situation. They are August babies and we plan on enrolling them in kindergarten right after they turn 5.

My son had a June birthday and I did not hold him back. And I do not regret it all. He was ready academically as well and has done great! If your son is sensitive and shy at 5 -He's probably still going to be that way at 10. Maturity happens through experiences....So unless your child has behavior problems and doesn't have respect for authority then I would hold him back. He won't be the only shy child in K. :-)

Julie Blair wrote a really good article about this subject specific to the North DFW 'burbs. It is called academic redshirting: http://www.burbmom.net/academic-redshirting/

I held my June birthday second son out of Kindergarten last year thinking we would put him in Kindergarten this year. When he tested at school they encouraged me to put him in first grade instead. I went against my heart and did it. I have regretted it completely. You have to follow your gut instinct on this. Do not get talked into something that you aren't 100% sure of for your child. If you have a question about putting him in Kindergarten this year, then my suggestion is to wait.

tough one! I have an Aug 2 son who went through 2 years of preschool starting when he was 3..so the third year I was in your same dilemma. I did not want him to do another year of preschool doing exactly the same things as two years prior. We considered Pre K then looked into our local Public montessori school where they are encouraged to pace themselves and have guided learning through hands on approach. We felt since he was so young and a boy, it would allow him to flourish at his own pace in a less traditional public school setting. His montessori class only has 10 children for 1 teacher. Nice ratio. It was hard at first but now is exceling. So glad we sent him...still debating if he will repeat kindergarden next year or move on to first grade. His teacher will sit down with us in Feb. Good luck.

Absolutely wait, especially since you have a boy. I am a teacher. It will benefit him GREATLY. Good luck!

My daughter started K this school year. She turned 5 Right before the cut off. I talked with teachers and her DR, both of whom said she should go. When she was tested, the person who tested her said she was ready. So far she has done excellent in school. Just recently I talked with the school counselor who said that she thought my daughter is doing just fine. You should not just base this on how you are feeling, talk to the child's DR, talk to teacher and counselor at the school where the child would go. In the end, you must do what you think is right for your child. Do not forget, there are many shy kids in kindergarten, chances are your child is would not be the only one.

We didn't hold my now 3rd grader with a June birthday back, and I often question whether we should have. She maintains a B average, but she struggles with new concepts and usually has more homework than her classmates, because it takes her longer to finish.

I don't think I"ve ever met anyone who's regretted making the decision to wait a year before starting kindergarten, but I've met other moms like me who've questioned whether sending them when they were 5 was the right decision.

Also, because so many people hold their kids back, some with birthdays as much as 6 months before the school year begins, my daughter has classmates who will turn 10 in April of this year, while she'll be turning 9 in June.

I agree with the other posts. My son is now 17 and a Junior in HS. No regrets here and he is big for sports. One other point is that I have found many of the social things kids learn is often by grade level, so we have enjoyed that he is a little more mature and can process things very well as opposed to being the youngest at his grade. Even in HS the temptations are more serious and we are glad that he had that one extra year of physical brain development and emotional development. He is a joy and making great decisions.

I also have twins and had to think a lot about their placement - together, separate sigh. We have just looked at out kids and tried to respect who they are, where they are in their life and meet them at that point.

It will work out. Trust your instincts and don't worry about holding him back.

My son is Aug 1st and I sent him. Now he's in 3rd grade and struggling a little. I'm not sure why because he was always an A-B student for first and second grade. They say third grade is a hard transition anyway, but I am now wondering if he would be struggling had I held him back a year. I never questioned my decision to send him because he could write his name and knew many K skills already, plus I had 3 more at home and desperately needed a bit of a break. My twins are a Feb bday so they started when they were 5 1/2. My girl does great, her twin brother struggles in reading. My last boy is a Sept bday and missed the deadline by 19 days so I had no choice but to hold him back. Maturity wise for him, it is a good thing he missed the deadline. So, in hind sight, I think it would have been better to hold him back now that I see the third grade troubles. When in doubt, always err on the side of caution.

i would hold him back, instead of being the youngest and always struggling it wil give him that extra time to mature.

L.-
2 of our sons have summer birthdays (July and August) and we chose to allow them another year at home to mature a bit. Most of the children are 5 and turn 6 in kindergarten. My sons were 6 when they started kindergarten and we do not regret the decision at all! They are now in grades 3rd and 6th are are doing great. They do not struggle with anything- academically or socially. I believe that we shouldn't rush them out the door when they are so young- we only have them for a little while!
Hope this helps-
K. M. (Mother of 5)

I also have a June birthday son (he was due July) and we held him back. Without trying to sound arrogant, he's incredibly smart (esp math - tests at 99%) but socially has a LONG way to go. We held him back & he's right where he belongs. To keep him academically challenged he's in the GATE 10 program & his regular ed teacher also gives him "projects" that he can do if & when he finishes up early. But socially he is right where he belongs and it would have been disastrous had we started him when he technically should have. I think it really depends on your child's personality if he appears to be academically ahead - who does he play best with - older or younger kids? Where is he most comfortable?

Good luck!!!

I held my Aug. birthday daughter back 28 years ago! Never regretted it for one minute. My good friend held back her May & July boys back too. I feel that it is important to give your child the extra time for maturity. My other daughter is a transitional teacher for kindergarten at a local church. Amazing what that extra years gives a child. It will really show up in 2nd & 3rd grade and from then on. Good luck in your very important decision! Just don't ever say to him that you are holding him back...only that you are waiting to give him every advantage for a successful school experience!

You've received a lot of responses, so I may be duplicating another mom's response. Our son has a January birthday, so he is not on the younger side, but during his kindergarten year at his preschool his teacher felt he wasn't quite ready to go on to first grade. Instead, he repeated kindergarten at the public school in our neighborhood, and that was the best thing we could have done. He is in fifth grade now and doing quite well.

His older sister has a June birthday, but we didn't have her repeat kindergarten after preschool kinder because she seemed ready to go on to first grade, and the public school only offered half day kinder. So we sent her on to first grade. At the time that was fine, and I am really happy about the group of kids in her grade, but I can definitely see where it may have been to her benefit to repeat kindergarten.

I've never heard anyone say they were sorry they held a child back, but I have heard them say they wish they had. There's no stigma in repeating kinder or first grade, but beyond that it can be really hard on a child's ego. Good luck with your decision!

Hi L.!

When we put my son in school, I never even thought about when his birthday was or how it would affect him. I wish someone had talked to me about it. He has always been super shy, and we have struggled with the emotional level aspect of it. On an academic level, I think he is on target, and actually could be an honor student, but is too shy to ask questions and ask for help. His birthday is in June. He is in sixth grade now and oh how I wish we had waited. I think that one year of maturity would have made a huge difference. I know he will probably always be shy, but I still think holding him back that one year would have given him a little more confidence. It sounds like you already know in your heart what you want to do, but definitely don't let others "force" you into doing what you don't think is right. It's alot different than when we were in school. Good luck with everything and cherish that little boy while you can! They grow up so quick!

We held our daughter (late July b-day) back to give her another year to gain confidence. She always seemed "young" to me compared to her preschool peers (well, because she was young!). I had one educator really question why on earth we'd hold her back because "she was doing fine, was focused, could sit still, and was ready for kinder in all things they look at, etc......" We went with our gut, held her back and could not be happier. Our daughter is now in 6th grade and she fits right in. On a side note, one thing that factored into our decision was in talking to a former college counselor who commented that college is a time when you once again notice a difference in the "young" freshmen. That is not to say that all young freshmen struggle, but just something else to consider...... We like the added bonus that our daughter will have an extra year of maturity and time at home before heading off to college one day! No one knows your son as well as you do, so gather all the info you can from teachers etc and then trust your instincts, whichever way they lead. Good luck! Oh, I do remember that we did register for kinder the year she could have gone and we also registered her for the older pre-k. That kept both options open incase we changed our mind during the summer. If you are uncertain and want to "buy time" go ahead an preregister for for Pre-K. It'll secure his spot, give you time to keep considering his readiness, and the most you'll be out is the registration fee. Just a thought.

We made the decision to hold my daughter (8/19 birthday) back, sending her to Preschool an extra year. There was a great deal of opposition on the part of educators in my family because she was very bright and articulate. She sailed through elementary school, but starting in 5th grade, she struggled in math and was very slow in getting her work done, resulting in lots more homework than her classmates. We were SO glad she was not a year ahead of where she was. We NEVER regretted the decision, and neither did she!
Another aspect of our decision was that I have a late August birthday and was always the youngest in my class. I had no problems academically or socially; however, when I entered college, another year of maturity would have helped me. I was not prepared to make lifelong career decisions at that age! This is also something to think about for parents whose high school students are contemplating early graduation. Don't listen to well-meaning friends and family who second-guess your decision, whatever you decide.

I have heard that the best decision is to hold him back. I can't count how man times I have heard a friend say that they wish they had held their child back or another saying they regret having jumped their child ahead. No matter how bright a child is, the set back from not being emotionally ready to be with older children seems to be very painful. That is what every single one of my adult friends that jumped ahead in elementary school tell me. My daughter's kindergarten starting dates made her one of the oldest in her class. I can't say how grateful I am that she had that emotional advantage. There seems to be much less pressure on her.