Helping with Child's Homework

First of all, your hovering is probably driving you both crazy. That's a lose/lose. Whatever "good" comes out of well done homework is offset by the nightly battle. There's more than one way to measure success - a happy homelife should not fall to second place. So I guess that's my way of suggesting that you back off a little.

Secondly, this does sound like too much homework for a 4th grader. I suggest that you talk to the teacher and try to form a collaborative relationship. Explain the struggles that you and your son are having, and see what (s)he suggests. I am reasonably confident that your son's teacher a) doesn't want YOU spending hours and hours doing 4th grade homework and b) doesn't want your son feeling miserable about the school experience either.

Best of luck.

OK all good advice. I also suggest you request a meeting with the teacher to let her know what you are observing. See how much help SHE thinks you should be giving..

Also ask what she is observing in class..Maybe she is seeing something or observing something that you have not noticed.. I realized I needed glasses in 4th grade.. It changed my life!

If I recall correctly, in 4th grade it is a bump in homework, lots more writing and the kids are supposed to be proficient in multiplication. They also allow class time to at least start the homework.. This allows the kids to ask for assistance if they do not understand what the work is..

At our daughters elementary school, I also recall the teachers saying, it should only take 20 to 30 minutes per subject at the most for a student to complete their homework.. except projects.

They asked that the student to stop once they had worked on the homework for 30 minutes.This is based on actual work.. not potty breaks and other distractions... . They also asked that the parents not correct the homework so that the teacher could see where the student was missing the concepts. And be able to see the students REAL work.

If your son does not learn at this age to do his own homework,, this could continue through middle school and you will go bonkers.. He needs to know he comes home, starts his homework so that he does not have to work on it at night. If he has trouble with a concept or a problem, then HE needs to let you know so you can guide him through the directions or see where the confusion is coming from..

Let him earn his grades. Be there to support him, but let him know he is responsible for his own work.

Let him do his homework. Just go and check up on him and be there to help if he needs it. It seems like too much homework is being sent home, and not enough actual 'teaching' in the classroom sometimes. Some concepts are hard to grasp... if he isn't getting some of the foundational concepts, he will struggle with a lot of the work as the year goes on. Talk to his teacher and let him/her know the areas your son is struggling. Maybe get him a tutor to help him so that he can understand some of the principles. If he is having a very hard time grasping and reading all the assignments, there could be a possibility of dyslexia.

L.,

I think is OK that you help him with homework....but just help him if he doesn't understand the question or what he should be doing. It is a good idea that both of you review his homework together and see if there is something wrong or mistakes, etc. and ask him to read and check again and find the mistake. Celebrate together and laugh when he is D.!
Now, it is not a good idea to be with him all the time while doing his homework. Kids get used to the idea that mom should be there to help always and that doesn't allow them to think by themselves.
One thing I did with my older kid is teaching him "how to do his homework", yeah, it sounds silly, however nobody teaches a kid how to do it and how to start.:
First, teach your kid to have every day the same place and time to do his homework.
Second, have him to put on the table or desk the things that need to be D.. Get material or books or notes handy and start to review the homework.
Third, have him to read twice the instructions, most of the times a kid will not understand and start to feel bored and frustrated. Then, start with what he remembers and masters and then end with what is more challenging for him.
Teach him to be neat and organized and show him ways how to do it.
Let him take accountability, being responsible for his things; give him the start, and then let him do what he is supposed to do.
One more thing, I think that 3 hours for homework is to much time, it shouldn't be. Let the teacher know about the time he is spending on homework. Probably the total material that the teacher should cover is not actually covered in class, and just partially explained. I had experience with that long time ago, and that is why many moms have battles with their kids at home work time.
Good Luck!

I would definitely talk to some other parents in his class first and find out their thoughts on the amount of work given. It doesn't seem like it should be taking you guys that long.
I would also keep in mind that all kids are different...maybe he *is* a C student and you are putting pressure on him to acheive beyond what he is capable of right now. It so, he may be extremely stressed out-especially when you sit with him while he does his work. I have found that the schools teach to the middle and so it could have been that your son has done well because the information had been spoon fed to him for memorization up until now. This could be why he has always done A/B work in the past.

Do not compare him to yourself-this is grossly unfair to your son. First of all-I don't know ANY fourth grade boys who are perfectionists. And make sure that you are not expecting an "adult" level of work out of a little kid. I found I was doing this with my son last year on his book reports so had to step back.

One more thing-you should talk to his teacher.

First stop hovering. It is their homework, if they turn it in with mistakes it give the teacher a good gage of how they are doing and what they need to work on.
second, make him do it as soon as he gets home.
If my daughter waits until later it can take FOREVER.

Lastly your kids are not you. They may not have the same gifts as you do.

You need to determine if he can't concentrate or focus to do the work or if he doesn't understand it. I started to have to do the same thing when my youngest son was in 4th grade. He needed to be told each step of what to do (do your math, do your science, etc) It was extremely painful if he had a project to do. He couldn't remember from project to project how to proceed. This carried over into 5th grade and a teacher actually saw what I was seeing. Before, since he had straight As, teachers thought he was just bored. We would sit and do HW for hours, when it should have taken 30 minutes for everything.

Well, he was diagnosed with ADHD - subattentive type - meaning he can't focus on what he's doing. He didn't have any hyperactivity so he didn't have typical ADHD flags. He started taking medication in 5th grade and it made all the difference in the world for him. I found out alot of boys don't start showing focus problems until middle school age. If you think its a focus problem I would have him evaluated. If its an understanding the work issue, its probably not ADD unless he isn't paying attention in class at all.

By middle school kids should be able to do their homework independently - or ask you for help to understand a question or quiz for a test. Its not normal for you to have to sit with him for 3 hours. If it gives you any hope my son is now in 8th grade and is taking 3 high school classes. He ended 7th grade with a 3.9 gpa. I have not had to help him with homework or check that he knows what his assignments are since 6th grade.

It shouldn't be taking more than an hour to do homework (not including the 15 to 20 minutes of reading each night).

I always made myself available to help with homework, answer questions, offer explanations, and only when necessary actually sit down next to them and make sure it was done correctly. I found it best to have them do the homework, and then I would look it over and make them correct it if need be. Keep in mind, part of learning is making mistakes.

You may want to have a conference with his teacher regarding the areas that he is struggling with, and see about getting him some additional help/tutoring. Some times kids work better with someone other than mom.

Good luck.

I homeschool my fourth grade son and second grade daughter, so I know what it is to want to sit there so they get it the first time, because if they have to do it over then it just (dare I say wastes) more time.

However, after bashing my head against the wall the first few weeks of our school year, I have found that I teach the lesson, i go over directions and expectations, including things he should already know but struggles with like complete sentences and spelling and that I have to be able to read his work, or that he has to number his answers ect. Then I set a timer and walk away. they get 30 minutes per lesson to work on the assignment, then we go over it, they can ask questions and I'm available for anything reasonable, however I don't answer questions they should be able to answer, like today my son asked how to spell make, he know this and was just being lazy.

His work has really improved, and I'm less stressed. i've also been working on teaching him how to find his own answers, there's a lot I don't know, but I know where to look to find the answers, that's normal, so if he needs help with a word there are times I make him grab the dictionary, it's just a small thing, but it means he's more independent with his work.

Well the rule is 10 minutes of homework per grade leavel in school. So that should be 4o minutes of homework but not more than an hour. It does seem a little over the top. I do know that some kids take longer than others. I think you should make an appointment with the teacher after talking with a couple of other parents in your son's classroom. If other parents are not finding the same situation, then talk with the teacher about what seems to be your son's difficulty. I do remember with my oldest that 4th grade was a tougher grade though. Now with my oldest (the straight A 97% average student), I did not have to sit as much. With my youngest, I am finding that I too need to sit and go over page by page. Just a different kid. So I hope this helps at least a little.

I am a homework helper as well. 2 to 3 hours a night seems like it would overwhelm me, never mind a 4th grader. I would talk to his teacher and see what the expectations are for her class. She really needs to know that this much time goes into his work every night. You maybe able to work up a plan with her. If not limit it to 1 hour max per night, on 2nd thought try waking up early and doing it before school, maybe his brain is fried at the end of the day. I also help my son every night, but he sits at the kitchen table and I am on the other side of the island cooking dinner, so I am right there to help him stay focused, but not right over his shoulder. I will make him redo something if the handwriting is terrible or he misread the instructions. Have him read the assignment out load to you and make him explain it, then let him try it himself once you know he understands. Good Luck!

Yes I still oversee my 6th grader. He wants to get everything done quickly so I have to watch over him. It has been tougher this year since he tries to get everything done at school. But I watch his grades and am talking to his teachers to see if he is understanding. It is hard for a mother to understand how boys think. They are not like us at all. They are not driven by pleasing anyone. They are results oriented. there is a great book that talks about boys and the difficulties they have in school. It is called Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. My youngest I have had to work with the most. I have explained to him that I want him to get his homework done right after school so he can do fun things. I think that is why he gets it done at school. I would also have a meeting with his teacher to find out how he is in school and any concerns they have. I am a perfectionism too. You need to be careful with how you are handling your son. He may be feeling your anxiety and it makes it hard for him to focus and concentrate. I would give him a space for doing his homework. Maybe a desk. Give him the tools but let him do the work. After he is done then review it. Reward him for doing it alone. And remember he is his own person and may learn differently than you. So try to figure out what he needs to succeeed without being stressed out. I have 3 boys and I wish I would have done this with my kids earlier because they rebeled against me. Put his needs before your needs. Good luck to you.

Yes, I help my daughter who is in 3rd grade. But I don't do it for her.
I am "around" if she has questions... and need clarification etc.

Help your child, per your child's needs.
Discuss it with the Teacher about homework expectations and quantity.

Often from 4th grade, there IS a jump in homework quantity and complexity.
Make sure he knows the basics NOW... ie: addition, subtraction, reading comprehension, multiplication, etc. Otherwise, as he progresses in grade level, it will get harder... and he will get more frustrated.... This is what a Teacher told me. A child NEEDS to know the BASICS by 4th grade and have it under their belt... otherwise, from 4th grade and up... they will struggle... and it will be frustrating for the child....

Or get him a Tutor. Kids often learn better from someone else. And especially if he needs extra practice....

Do not compare yourself with him.
My Mom, was a Valedictorian and a whiz and perfectionist in school.... and she was ALWAYS frustrated, with me... doing homework. I then, HATED even doing it with her or even showing her my homework. It was TOO much pressure..... and TOO frustrating. I was NOT her.

You can 'help' your son with his homework, but do not do it for him nor correct it for him always. His Teacher, NEEDS to KNOW... where he is struggling or not....
As his Mom, like myself, I help with my child's homework, but I do NOT make her do it like how "I" would do it... she needs to do it like they learn it in class... but her Teacher, does expect the parents to help with correcting spelling words and reading etc.

all the best,
Susan

ONe suggestion is to have him sit down at your husband's office and start his homework.. My kids are required to at least start their homework after taking a break and having a snack when they get home from school. If they have a lot, they can do some, take a break and then finish. If they do not understand something, then they put that to the side and get something else done. Spelling work is always easy--sentences or writing the words so many times each--and can get done first. This would take some of the work off the plate for later in the evening. Dad couuld just do a quick check on him to make sure he is starting his work. It can be hard to enforce this rule when the kids prefer to play but you have to keep pushing that this is how it needs to be done. My kids are now in 6th grade and while I don't have to stand over them, I am there if there is a problem and have them correct something. Like you, doing homework late really cuts the day down since I don't get home until after 6 pm and there is still cleaning and cooking to be done.

I was told about 10 min of homework per grade is "normal", gibe r take a few minutes either way.
This seems like a looooong time for homework every night.
I'm amazed he makes it through 2.5 let alone 4 hours!
My son is 7 and in 2nd grade. I review the instructions with him, let him do it while I cook, unload dishwasher, etc then look it over for skipped things, blatant errors, etc. He might ask me to spell a word or two when he's doing his writing.
I think you should talk to his teacher. I really doubt she is expecting those kids to spend 2-4 hrs per night on homework!
Does your district have a parent academy or anything that has seminars about helping with homework?

just curious at this point. does your child go to school in piqua ohio? private or public?

My 8 year old has ADHD and Asperger's so homework can be a struggle at times, too. My 5 year old (full day kindergartener) had homework once or twice a week and she does it very quickly - she likes it!

Anyways... remember that it's HIS homework, not yours. He gets the consequence of choosing to not do it - if he cares about grades, he'll start doing it after he gets a few failing grades. If he doesn't care about grades, have another consequence he does care about.

My son knows he has to have his homework done before dinner (around 5:30). No homework is allowed after dinner - period. The only exception is if it's a weird day with afternoon doc appointment or soemthing like that but those days are rare. If it's not done by dinner, he can finish it after getting ready for school in the morning or just not complete it. After dinner is family time for board games, card games, playing outside, or whatever. He can't play my iPod (he loves some of the games on there) until his homework is done. If he doesn't finish his homework, he gets no screen time (tv, computer, video games, etc) the next day (except for the iPod - he needs some motivation to get it done the next day!). After going 2 weeks of being kicked out of the family room everytime his sisters were watching TV, he 'got it' and started doing his homework without as much fuss. Eventually he'll care about grades (I'm told by friends with older kids this usually doesn't happen until middle school) and getting F's and incompletes will be motivation enough but until then, it has to be a consequence he cares about.

I don't sit with him to do it. After he's home for 20 minutes, I tell him he should start it. He does it at the kitchen table and I'm nearby to help when he needs it, but I refuse to sit with him the whole time. It's not social hour (he'll start talking about everything but homework).

I don't understand it, either... I was a straight-A kid and hated getting anything A's. I liked homework and the thought of not doing it never entered my mind as a child. My kindergartener will pull out a workbook we have at home to work on when she doesn't have homework -- complete opposite!