Does anyone have any insight on helpful and informative parenting audio books or DVds? My husband and daughter (almost 4) have a very trying relationship. Constant push and pull tug of war moments. They fight each other for control. Both very passionate, emotional, controlling and stubborn. It is tough on our marriage b/c I sympathize more with my child given she is only 3! He's open at times to learn new ways of handling this issue, but I think it would be best if the advice didn't come from me. Getting him to read a book or speak to a therapist has been nearly impossible. So I just thought an audio book or DVD would work. Any ideas?
I just read Parenting with Love and Logic and loved it. It just makes so much sense! Since my husband isn't into reading the parenting books, I rented the book on CD from the library and sent it with him to work (for his commute). He comes home with all sorts of ideas and new methods to try ~ and it's working! We have three - daughter age 5, son age 3, daughter age 2.
I would highly recommend it!
I recommend the Love and Logic series for the whole family. Like with any parenting it works best with consistency.
loveandlogic.com
Not knowing your full situation makes it somewhat difficult to make suggestions, but here goes...
First, unless your husband is being totally unreasonable (and you have to look at it honestly, not emotionally) then your daughter NEEDS you and your husband to have a united front. Right now she sees that she can play you against each other and that you will be on "her side".
Most children around this age get really trying because they are entering into a new developmental stage - one where they are realizing that they are NOT the exact center of the universe. This is very unsettling to them because it changes the very foundations of what they had believed in.
She is also is testing the boundries of how much SHE can affect her world. She is learning that she can change things by her actions. This can make for one stubborn little girl!
I don't know of any DVD's but two books I found enormously helpful were: "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp and "The Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers" by Vicki Iovine.
You and your husband need to sit down together and agree on some new boundries for your daughter. I'd recommend that you read those books (yes, it would be your responsibility to read them) and highlight a FEW things you want your husband to read. (No more than 5 or 6 total per book.) Then ask for his help.
A good way to approach this with the hubby is: "(name) is in a new developmental stage and she needs new rules. Can you help me come up with some new guide-lines for her so that we are both on the same page and present a united front to her?" Let him make the first few suggestions.
When dealing with these new rules you MUST be consistant! If you waver or don't enforce them _A_L_L_ the time, she will keep testing and "poking" at that "hole" in the rules.
Another option is to check with your local community center. Many times they have speakers/classes on parenting that difficult transition from "baby" to "toddler".
Good Luck!
K.
Mom to a VERY strong willed daughter.
I think I know where your coming from. It's really tough to watch your husband struggle with their relationship with your children. We are with the kids all day and have a different way of doing things. My husband being a deputy sheriff sometimes struggles coming home from a job that people are expected to listen to you and respect you and finding the patience to work with little ones and big ones that don't listen the first or second time and want to do things their way. It has been diffucult finding our way through this parenting job together. My husband has become more open over the years to my advice . It's tricky. I always try to thank him when he's handled things well. I'll say something like
" Honey ,your such a good dad. You said just what James needed". But when sparks are flying in the heat of the moment I can't stay out. I play mediator. But my kids are having to learn that mom and dad are two different people with different buttons. We are human. There is no perfect way. We try not to disagree in front of the kids but it happens.I think you have to be careful when there is only one child so that your husband dosn't feel on the outside. So all that being said just to let you know your not alone. The books that really helped us are the love and logic series. They are on tape or cd so my husband could listen to them going to work. We really gained alot from it together. I presented it to him by saying I am having troubles in such and such an area with our child and hoped that we could both read,listen to this together to learn how to better deal with these developmental issues. I'll share with my husband some of the challenges I feel so he knows he's not the only one. This isn't done in a complaining way. Well best wishes to you. I am sure you'll get lots of great advice from the mama source mama's.
I have found the Positive Discipline books, lessons, etc very helpful and supportive (they have a website). My daughter who we originally labeled "strong willed, defiant, difficult" is growing up to what we now see as "independent, creative, very smart and helpful." I felt it helped to see them as well, people... just like you and me. We're there to guide them and love them.
So there's an option to try if you'd like and best wishes to you.
(Oh and 4 years old is a tough one, isn't it!!!! We always joked the terrible 2's... what terrible 2's?!?! It's more horrible 4's!)
Hi Nicole… read your request and couldn't help but respond. You and your husband absolutely need to be on the same page about discipline techniques and not letting your emotions (or his) rule the way you discipline. I have a spirited five year old (spirited: a nicer pc way to say stubborn, independent and intensely emotional) and if my husband and I didn't finally get on the same page with consistency on discipline techniques our house would be in a constant state of emotional distress, hurting our beautiful, unique child even more in the process.
My husband isn't much of a reader when it comes to parenting or child development, but as goofy as it sounds, we actually began watching SuperNanny together on ABC. It's now on on Friday nights. Jo Jo, Supernanny as it were, is actually very good and after consulting various child psychologist/therapists about techniques, most of hers are right in synch with what my psychologist recommended. Every child is different and unique but parents (takes one to know one) talk way too much at their children instead of remaining firm but calm and reinforcing "doing" what we say were going to do but in a healthy respectful way.
Anyway, just a thought as a stepping stone for your husband to watch what other parents go through and the kinds of techniques that work for other parents and families.
If you go to abc.com, you can download or watch past episodes on your computer.
I highly recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Jim Fay OR "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years". I know it is available in DVD form but not sure where - the book is available on Amazon. Great resource!!!
Hi Nicole,
I know you've already received some great suggestions, but I wanted to add one more. This is a little more obscure. Nothing you'd find in a regular book store, but we found these extremely helpful with our girls. These resources do more than just tell you how to handle situations with your kids, but helps you to really think about why you react the way you do and how to change/fix those reactions. Our entire family is healthier/happier now, and my relationship with my hubby is much stronger which helps our girls feel more secure. Here is a link to the website
http://ctw.coastlands.org/store/home.php?cat=252
I think the three titles in the middle row are the best to get started with. We're on to the Parenting Teens CD in our house, but that's been alot easier since we began with the good foundation the other titles gave our family.
You might try Love and Logic. They have a website where you can listen to audio pods of some of their shows and they sell parenting materials. Just google Love and Logic and you'll get there. They are very entertaining so your husband may actually enjoy listening to them while driving.
Anything by Dr. Kevin Lehman is really good. I especially like the series "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours".
Hi Nicole,
you may want to try going away for the weekend there is always a church function going on for woman to go for the weekend it will help your husband and your daughter it will give them just enough time to get to know each other and then before you know it she be a DADDY'S girl they just need time together
Good Luck Danielle
Mother of 2 boys and 2 girls
I couldn't get my husband to watch it, but I liked the 1,2,3 Magic DVD. The presenter has an entertaining way of getting his points across. While you might not want to adopt the counting method for discipline, the reasoning behind the method is based on parents asserting control without getting stuck in the often pointless and frustrating trap of trying to reason with a young child. Central to the "method" is for the grown up to keep his or her emotional control and thus not feed the fire, as it were.
There are several GREAT parenting books I would recommend, but they don't come with an audio component! I sympathize with you, because I know what kind of relationship you must be in. Here is a good book with an audio:
http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Skinned-Knee-Teachings-Sel...
good luck. You may try to approach him about this subject when he is in a good mood and more open to ideas from you. That is how I do it. Suggest that what is important is that she does what he wants her to do, NOT that he wins the situation. It means being more clever than your child and tricking her into thinking she WANTS to do what he is trying to get her to do, not forcing her to do it against her will. It really does take imagination and patience on the part of the parent to trick your child into thinking they want to do something. I hope it works!
Dear Nicole,
Unless your husband is physically or verbally abusive to you and/or your daughter, I suspect she has learned to play you like a Stradivarius! (Mommy will always side with me.) A 4 year old is NOT to be in control of her parents. If she is in control at 4, and the behavior is allowed to continue, you will have an out of control teenager, not to mention the wonderful years in between, and could find yourself raising her alone.
I’m troubled that you feel the need to hand your husband a book or DVD rather then have open communication between the two of you. If this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, teach your child that mom and dad stand together and she can’t play one against the other. This will not only strengthen your marriage, it will help balance your daughter. Talk to your husband, teach your children.
Blessings…….
I REALLY like, "How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk" Its by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. VERY GOOD.
Hi, Nicole,
I heard the famous pareting book "1-2-3 magic" has a DVD or CD version with the same name and I heard it is great. Hope it helps.
My husband has responded really well to Love and Logics approach on parenting. The website below has DVDs, audio books, and books for every age level. I decided that I have to enjoy my kids and my day with them. I don't like all of my 3 year olds choices, but I try very hard to be mindful of how I respond to them.
