Help with Screaming Toddler

What worked for us...not conventional but it worked. Whenever behavior falls apart to the point of screaming I have walked away from the screaming child(no attention paid to negative attention) gone to another room, like MY bedroom or MY laundry room and layed down on the bed or on the floor and just started screaming and kicking(so it can be heard) at the top of my lungs. My child would stop their behavior and come and watch me...then we would say aren't we both silly and that would be the end of it. Due to not paying HER any attention or making HER know it was HER behavior by removing myself from the room she didn't associate it as attention. It ended in about a week.

Another option is right in front of her get out one of her toys and sit down on the floor and start playing with it. If she comes over and says she wants to play, just tell her no she is too busy screaming so go ahead and scream and I'll just play quietly unless she wants to get out a toy too and play. This limits the attention to the poor behavior and gives her an out and some positive attention.

Katie,

Try to encourage Abby to be a big girl - use her words, be Mommy's helper, etc. and then fuss over HER when she does the right thing. Have Daddy join in the act too. When he comes home, let him greet her first. Then tell him how GREAT she was - how she helped and things she did to act like a big girl.

When the baby does nap, make sure that you tell Abby that this is BIG GIRL time. SHE gets to pick a game or activity. Even if you need help doing something simple like emptying the dishwasher or sorting laundry engage her and tell her what a great job she is doing.

Make sure she understands that BIG GIRLS get big girl privileges like PICKING her drink, her snack and her games to play. BABIES don't. Babies who fuss and need Mommy's help only get to eat, sleep, poop and nap.

This helped our Big Girl to understand that helping Mommy and acting like a big girl has some great benefits. It especially helped that Daddy made such a big deal out of how proud he was that someone was at home to "help Mommy" get diapers, binkies, etc.

You are absolutely right that her crying and screaming is an attention seeking behavior. However, this is a very hard adjustment for her to make and she may not yet understand what she is feeling or how to react. Try to stay composed and remind her that she needs to "use her words" and a nice voice or you will not talk with her. If she screams or becomes angry, I would sit her down and tell her "when you are done having your 'moment' you can come talk with me." It's not so much a "timeout" as in punishment, but a cooling down time for her to get composed and then she's free to get up to come talk with you. (I still do this with both of my girls when they are tired, cranky or just not using nice words.)

Finally, someone suggested to me something invaluable...take a moment every so often to tell the BABY, "Baby, you're going to have to wait. Abby and I are doing something right now." Of course, the baby doesn't get it, but ABBY DOES! She sees that you are not always rushing to help the baby. You are telling the baby to wait her turn. You are making Abby feel important. That way, when you have to ask Abby to "wait her turn", she will begin to understand that it's a TURN, not constant attention on the baby.

My final word of advice, does Abby have a newborn baby doll of her own? We got one when I was pregnant to "teach" our older daughter how to be nice to the baby. I would suggest one that is ALL HARD PLASTIC - that way it can go in the tub, get lotion put on it, get diapered, etc. just like Baby sister. My daughter loved playing "Mommy" to "Lula". She mimicked everything I did, down to lifting up her shirt to nurse Lula. It was too cute.

Best of luck - let us know how it goes.

Sara

hi-
i have a 2.5 yr old son and 5 weeks ago, my second son was born, and i wouls say my sone responded the same way.... alot more crying over things that didn't usually affect him in that way. we just responded with alot more patience (hard) and made sure he was getting some alone/QT with each of us. we worked through it relatively quickly. we also made sure never to use needing to give his baby brother attention as an excuse as to why we couldnt do something for him, so he didnt see this baby as someone who has come in and turned his world upside down. this too, shall pass! good luck, and congrats!

Wow ! Way to go Sara who previously posted, she mentioned everything spot on, so I just wanted to commend her for those tips to you, it is great advice.

Best of luck to you, it worked for me with my 2 girls who are 15 months apart !

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that you need a lot of patience. It's hard not to get upset but the more severe your reaction the worse it's gonna get. Try to stay calm, maybe try to get something that she likes even if it's candy that you won't usually give her or a favourite tv program but get something otherwise you'll be crazy in no time.

We had a baby with acid reflux that screamed non-stop for up to 11 hours and we had to do something and it was easier (if I look back) to take whatever you decide to give gradually away than to deal with the tantrums right away.

Our baby is 4 1/2 months old at this stage and it does stop, I can't tell you when but eventually it does but while you in this it feels like forever!

Good luck, I wish I could pass some patience but I still need all of my own and that's not enough sometimes!

Obviously your toddler is having a hard time with the division of attention. Mentally what is going on is that she sees that when the baby cries the baby get's what it wants, and all of M.'s attention as well.

One thing you could try to help her adjust more quickly is to set aside special time with her after the baby is sleeping. Make sure you make a big deal out of it being big girl time, if she starts screaming during that time, make it part of a "game" where you both take turns pretending to be the baby and take care of each other. That way if she screams when you are with the baby, you can tell her it is the baby's turn to be the baby right now, and ask her to do one of the grown up tasks like folding the cloth diapers, or singing a lullaby for the baby.

When the negative behavior is designated as "pretending" to be a baby you automatically define your daughter's roll as one of the "big kids", and she will more easily be able to define her roll in the future. Do not belittle her, or tease her, as this can damage self-esteem and serves no purpose in helping her redefine her roll.

For more baby tips and tricks check out my blog: http://ow.ly/7VPA

You have enough advice....This too shall pass - all too quickly.

I applaud you for choosing the name Clara. Love it!!

Have you tried having her involved with new baby things. Example would be when you are changing new babies diaper ask if she would like to help. Another example would be to ask her to pick out new babies outfit for the day. Remind her that she is the big sister and will need to show her sister how to do things and screaming is just teaching the baby to scream.
You could make a reward chart like the show on that show "Super Nanny". fill the reward chart and big sister would get a reward like choosing a special dinner item or maybe you could make up a sticker box and she would get to choose a sticker out of the box, etc.
Timeouts are good in certain cases but giving a timeout because she wants your attention is not a good idea in my book, I would choose a different route.

Just my option.
S.

I think that many children go through things like that when new sibling comes along. I know I was horrible.

With mine I found that if I include them in caring for the baby by asking them to get me diapers, creme, wipes, clothes, pacifiers, and so on they tend to like the baby and the situation better. They will always be a little jealous because they aren't the baby anymore, but I think it helps if you include them in doing things for the baby even if it takes them a long time or they are messy doing it.

I let mine try to feed the new baby and even help me change diapers and give a bath. They love it.