Help with Husband and Father in Law

Well to be able to help aliitle more I have some question's!
#1) First you said that both parents went to the wedding and then you stated that his father doesn't know..does he know or not?
#2) What is the reason that he does not know (if he doesn't)?
#3) Did you get married because you had his baby?
Well what ever the reasons where and if he (his father) knew or not you are of age right? If you married him because you could not live without him and you truely love him than it should not matter what anyone says!
But....I don't think I would do this on Christmas eve.
Maybe..New years eve!
But I would not live a lie either, and if he loves you enough to marry you than he should be the one to tell his father and everyone else for that matter.
If it was me, I would tell him by new years eve or else!
You need to be the most important thing in his life not his family!
Couple more days girl...just hold on..
Merry Christmas to you and good luck!
L.

WOW I don't really know what I would do!!! B/C I really have never heard of someone getting married and not telling anyone. How long do you think your husband is getting to let this go on.I mean he is going to tell them at some point??? It has been almost a year, now and he hasn't told them, so how long will he let it go on. If I were you, I would tell my husband, that he isn't just my husband when no one is around, that he is my husband till death to us part, not till we go over to the father in laws. IF he willn't tell the family, then I wouldn't hang around and pretend, I WOULD LEAVE HIM. if he wants to act single then I would let him be single. GOOD LUCK><

Hi R.:
First I want to congratulate you for your wedding and also congratulations for your little boy.
I think that you should talk to your husband and tell him that if his dad doesn't want you two to tell his family that you are married then both of you shouldn't go and spend Christmas with them. Christmas is a time to spend with family. Tell your husband that when he married you his "family" became You and your child. He needs to put his "family" first. If his dad doesn't accept that, then just give him time. There will be other Christmas to spend together.
M.

Yes, why are you having to hide the marriage, and why would they have freaked out?

I think it is time to stop the hiding. It makes me wonder WHY his father is acting this way. I would come clean with it to everyone. It's not like you are little kids. You have a child together, why not be "married". If his family cannot accept that then it is their problem, not yours. This should be a joyous time, not stressful. Secrets only come back with more problems. Your husband should be proud to call you his WIFE and he should support you in your decision to tell everyone. Those that love and accept you will understand, the others-well that is their problem, not yours. I wish you luck!

Hi R.,

I would also like to know why it needs to be such a secret. It seems to me that it isn't ANYONE elses business if yourself and your husband chose to marry, and you should both be standing tall, showing your wedding rings off and screaming out how much you love each other! Good Luck, and revel in sharing the first of what i hope is many Christmasses together in marriage! B.

If your baby is HIS baby...there's no reason to HIDE your marriage from ANYONE...especially Grandpa!

I'm not sure why "everyone freaked out" when you told them you were engaged. This may have a major bearing on your situation.

You are obviously welcome in their home...otherwise you wouldn't be going there so often...or for Christmas.

By the way, Adults have a way of figuring things out. You're probably not "hiding" it as well as you think you are.

Just talk to hubby and tell him you're tired of being his "Legal Mistress" and that it's time to come clean. He's only lying to himself.

Good Luck!!

you said you are not sure if you want to be married anymore... my advice is to either make your husband stand up like a man to his family - or hurry up and get it annuled because he probably never will (stand up to them) and it will always cause a rift in your marriage!

You guys are both consenting adults--what you decide to do is YOUR business. You seem to be accepted into his family, so just tell the truth. You mentioned you are having the formal wedding later? Well that's when the rest of his family will be attending. If this is the case, then they have no reason to be upset--they'll be participating soon.

I agree with the other ladies, why do you have to hide it? So what if they freak out, you are both over the age of 18 which means you are adults and can make your own decisions, be them right or wrong in the eyes of family on either side. The only thing my hubby and I kept from his family was our engaugement because he was still in the middle of his divorce from his ex wife. We didn't want to hear the whole you're rushing into things blah, blah, blah. But I still wore my ring around them, we just never said anything. And rushing into things well, we got together in Dec 03 (Christmas time), got engauged Feb 04 (day after Valentine's Day), I moved from IN to SC w/my DD tail end of March 04, his divorce was finial end of Aug 04 and we got married Nov 04!! But we knew eachother back in highschool so it's not like we were complete strangers.

Hang on, hang on, let's throw this car in reverse.... If I'm not being too nosey - why do you have to hide your marriage from his family in the first place?

Well dear, if you love your husband like you say you do and aren't afraid to express those feelings, I'm sorry but I'd be harsh and wear that ring proud! I would NOT hide the fact you married the father of your child! EFF THAT! And if your husband loves you then he should understand and support you in your decision to stand your ground. Life is the longest thing we do in this world but it is still too short to play games with the ones we claim to love!!

I can't say I've had a similar experience however it seems unfair for either of them to ask you to pretend you are not married. I would confront them both and explain how it makes you feel and that you refuse to pretend to be less than what you are. Your husband being a grown man should understand and its time he get over his fear of his father and anyone else that has an objection. He chose you as his wife and he should be proud to show you off to the world.