Help with Dishonesty

I haven't had this problem but I wonder if not making as big a deal of it might be something to try. He's still only 9. Just tell him you know he's lying when he does, and tell him that approach won't work, and then go on with life. I am very big on not making kids feel BAD about things they do wrong. A person's behavior may need changing, but that does not make him a bad person.

People usually feel the need to defend themselves and NOT change when you make them feel too bad about themselves.

Hi Carrie,

You are not alone. My granddaughter is 7 and she is falling into the dishonesty. I feel they are looking for attention and will go any length to get it. I sat down with Ariana and told her that people will not like her or want to spend time with her if she lies. I also advised her she will get into more trouble by lieing then telling the truth.

When he does something well start to praise him so he will want to please you more.

Hope this helps.

N. Marie
www.nikken.com/ninamarie

This time instead of taking things away pile on a bunch of chores that he doesn't like doing and write a story on why not to lie anfd how important telling the truth is.

Dear Carrie,

I think a reasonable consequence is to make a list of chores around the house and yard, put a price on each chore and have your son work on the list until your $10.00 is repaid. This would be for telling the lie, not for having a good time at a park.

Teaching your children to be truthful is important. I have a concern for any parent who feels that being a good liar is an attribute--it isn't.

In your specific case I have this comment, your son was going on a field trip to a park. Sounds like you are a shopper who would tend to buy souviners rather then food, games or rides?? When I go to an amusement park, I like to eat my way through the day....hot dogs, fries, strawberry short cake, lemonade, etc...(I call it fair food) and I don't like to buy what you refer to as "treasures". When my son was 9, he was into the rides and games and food was last on the list.

This was suppose to be a field trip for you son and not you. He sounds like the kind of boy who would share with his friends and that's a good thing unless he's buying friends attention with money. I wouldn't put my preferences on him when he's on a FUN trip. So maybe the next time he's going to an amusement park, you could have him earn his OWN money and he can spend it the way he likes...(within reason).

I think Gma A hit on an important point about siblings. You had a baby just over a year ago, you have another one on the way, and you are in school. It sounds to me like your son is looking for your attention. Perhaps you could make a special day where it is all about him, you give him 100% of your attention all day. And make triple sure he knows that when the new baby comes that you will love him just as much.

You have so many responses, I feel hesitant to add.
But I feel that this is important.
One thing to remember when dealing with kids this old and about to get older is:

punishment usually does NOT encourage greater honesty,
it usually makes the person hide their actions more

( and as they enter teenage years-this is something you REALLY want to avoid)

That said, explanation of CONSEQUENCES ( as opposed to punitive action on your part)
is very important. You should have a conversation with your son and explain to him that you cannot stop him from lying BUT when he does, and you will find out that he is lying,
and the natural consequence of lying is: he loses your trust. Thats the truth.
And you could even tell him how sad you are when you can't trust your own son.
Then together come up with a solution. And ask him how he is feeling, and maybe, maybe he has some reasons for using the money how he did. Ask him about it, try to see it from his point of view,(did he really want something sweet? maybe together you guys could talk about when is appropriate time for him to have sweets- or maybe he can get natural soda instead of coke, etc.)

not to say it was okay what he did- but to understand and have compassion for what he might be going through, AND still let him know how it has affected YOU.
Turn this into a really great learning experience in getting to know your son better, and teaching him to get to know himself better and to understand YOU better.
good luck.

I can recommend a parenting resource for you, Love and Logic. I have attended local classes and ordered books and CDs on topics I need help with. What I truly appreciate about the program is that there are natural consequences to choices. I get to treat my children with respect and empathy, yet let them learn really important life lessons. I am also a teacher and have used it in my classroom. Here is the website: http://www.loveandlogic.com

-A.

Carrie,

Your son is 9 years old, so I agree with your desire to help him understand right from wrong. It's important. He's old enough to just ask him for an explanation, as you've done, and he's also old enough for you to doubt him if what he tells you is far fetched. He needs to know this! On the other hand, what has he done with the money? Are there any bully kids in his class pressuring him to give it to him? This might explain missing money and his lies, as he's possibly been threatened by them not to tell. Also, maybe he is searching for some of your attention, given you have a baby and another one on the way. Make sure he gets some quality time. Keep up your efforts, even in discussion with a professional or trusted doctor, and make him aware honesty is an important quality.

well, I think the restraints you put on him were unfair. You told him no candy or treats and not to spend it on his friends, only to use it for a special treasure. What if there wasn't anything he wanted to buy besides cotton candy? If you gave it TO HIM TO USE FOR HIS OWN FUN, he should be free and clear to make good and bad decisions about it and be able to express how he felt about spending it afterwards, for both good or bad decisions, with you guiding him and his choices and explaining your opinion afterwards. I think you put conditions on money you gave him "for himself" to get some pleasure out of a day of fun, and he got just that out of it. But because of the constraints you chose to place on that money, he cannot share that with you. If you give him money, and then earmarked it for specifics, he doesn't want you to think he is not being responsible so he tells you what you want to hear. The more you push him, the more he will deny he did anything wrong because he truly fears disappointing you and knows you are checking him because you already don't trust him, so he will continue a pattern of lying unless you fix how you approach him.

Maybe what you need to do is establish an allowance for him as a reward for "telling the truth and doing chores on time and general good behavior." Set it for a reasonable amount so that he can actually buy things that make him (or his friends) happy. The only constraint I would put on that system would be to have him pick a charity to donate 10% a month to, and 10% to save. The rest can be spent on treats when you go to the movies or for extra spending money with his friends. You can also teach him about saving and using his math skills by setting up a bank account and teaching him how to use it online.

I think $10-20 a month is a reasonable amount for a 7-12 year old.

Are you being realistic about the amount of time you actually are able to spend with your son? From what you say, you work full time, you are studying for your BA, have a 14-month-old.
Your 9-year-old may feel like he is getting the short end of your time. You know the old saying "If you can't get attention by being good, you can get it by being bad." Also, he was an only child for over seven years and suddenly has been displaced by a younger sibling with a second on the way. Many children have difficulty adjusting to the new situation, especially if the younger child receives most of the parental attention. Your son needs to know he is loved as much as his little brother and the baby to come. Include him in activities with his little brother; let him help; praise him; tell him you trust he will not lie to you or your husband in the future; tell him you will always love him no matter what. Pay close attention to his behavior and what he says. Make sure you are HEARING what he is saying. Sometimes you have to read between the lines. Ask questions. Best of luck to you and yours.

I feel your pain, as my oldest daughter lied when she was a child and made up stories. She crafted lieing like an art form. It got to the point I could not believe her about anything she said. I tried everything and she was grounded alot..when grounded she was a model child, but as soon as she would get all privilages back, she would lie again and the process whould start all over. I found out later on that she was very jealous of her younger sibling and also was jealous of time I spent with my husband. She found that misbehaving she got the attention from me that she craved, even though it was negative attention. I would like to tell you that she grew out of it and things were great, but when she became a teenager, she went down the wrong road, drugs, alchohol and quiting school...she is now in recovery, and is 43 years old and still continues to try to come between me and her younger sister. She is addicted to drama, and she still embellishes the truth as she sees it. I pray that whatever is causing your boy to lie, that you will find out what it is so he can stop it. He is getting some kind of payoff for doing this, the key is to find out what that payoff is. I wish you and your husband the best of luck.

I think the thing to talk to him about the most is peer pressure. I am sure that he probably just bought the things that the other kids were buying and at this age he will have trouble doing "the responsible thing," which in this case was waiting until the end of the day to buy his special present. It was probably hard for him to make the correct choice. I would try to give him more choices which would be buy a healthy snack or a prize which ever he prefers. But most of all let him know that even if he does the wrong thing, you will not punish him if he is honest with you. Once you build the trust foundation it will help your relationship and carry you through the years ahead, the pre-teens. It is very important that he know that you trust him and give him opportunities to gain your trust and in the long run, it will help him make better decisions.

Hi Carrie.
It's never -easy- to stop the lying. But, what I have works best for me and my sons is back tracking. What makes a person want/need to lie? Your son already told you. This is actually great news! You have a strong enough relationship he is communicating and trusting you with the information. (Versus shuffling his feet and remaining silent because he is afraid it'll get worse if he fesses up completely and reveals he knows what he did was wrong, or the usual 'I don't know'...)
You may have already done it and just not mentioned it here; but, I'm thinking you need to thank your son for thinking of you and buying the postcard. This should have been Step 1 - acknowledgement of his thoughtfulness. This is thoughtful behavior you want to encourage and not have the thought get lost in the quest for discipline/punishment.
Step 2: Acknowledge his willingness to share with others, if that's where the money was spent. Again, encouraging the thoughtful behavior. And, at 9 it's a good way to get positive reinforcement from his friends -- very, very typical.
Step 3: Remind him he must have self-discipline about his money or you will not be able to trust him with that amount again.
Moving forward, you may want to give him less spending money. Explain to him you will only give him a little bit more than he needs each time. When he shows he can save his money or return it as instructed, you will begin giving him more of it. Until then, you may want to encourage him to tell you the truth (with the understanding lying will give him greater punishment than the wrongdoing he was lying about). After making this the rule, and with the complete understanding this is what will happen the next time (so it's fair to him, and he has repeated back to you so there's no misunderstanding).
The main thing to keep in mind is we want to encourage the good behavior at the same time as curb the non-desired behavior. Once he sees you appreciate his other actions, and that the truth will help get him out of additional punishment, he is more likely to give it a whirl.
Good luck! AND, you're right. It's better to fix it now than deal with bigger stuff later. :)
K.

I have a 7 year old daughter doing the exact same thing. She lies about the simplest things and we are at our wits end trying to come up with ways for her to start being honest. I look forward to hearing the responses you get.

I've had problems with my kids lying on occasion too, especially around food and candy. I don't think there's a magic answer, and for me correcting it has been a process. One of the most important things I can give my kids is my respect, and I've made it clear to them that they need to earn it. One of the ways I've tried to work with them is by reminding them, when I don't quite trust them on something, that the reason I don't trust them is that they've lied to me in the past. Then we talk about how they can earn back my trust. When they show me honesty, I compliment them on it, and tell them that even if there are consequences for whatever they're being honest about, they've gone a long way toward regaining my trust. Trust = freedom and privileges. It's a balancing act. Good luck!

I was having the same issues with my daughter 5. I was worried it was becoming a habit that need to be broke. She new that she would be in more trouble if she lied, but it continue. One weekend she was invited to a birthday party, and I hadit with the lieing (no matter how big or small) so I told her if she lied again this weekend she would miss the party and have to go and give the present to the little boy and tell them why she couldn't come. Well guess what she lied again and had the tell everyone at the party why she couldn't stay. She ask if she could just say she got in trouble, by response was she needed to tell the that she lied. She need to face the facts.

She has not lied since and talks about why lieing is bad. I don't think she will ever for get this. I also had tried everything else to get her to stop, but this little one needs drastic measure for things to get through.

I hope this helps.

Carrie
I don't even tell my kids that I have 4 and one your age for field trips I give them the money and tell them to have fun they want to spend it on candy soda let them right now he is scared and doesn't want to tell you that he bought candy and ate it and sheared with his friends I tell my kids that it's there money and they have use there judgment

HI Carrie: here is a link to this interesting article about lying that I read a few months ago. My baby is 3 months, so I don't have much experience to share, but I thought the article might be helpful. One thing, though - i agree that lying is bad, but if you gave him the money, why couldn't he spend it on what he wanted? maybe not candy and soda, but why couldn't he get to decide - give him some power.

good luck!

http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/

I think that sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles. You gave your son money to go have fun with on his field trip and what did he do? He bought you a post card! What a thoughtful child you have! Does it really matter how the money was spent? And speaking of lying, look at the whopping tale you spun just to get the truth out of your son!

Have you tried talking to your son to find out if there is something else going on then just the lying? Is there something going on at school or at home?

My 9 year old is the same! We just had an incident where we had to punish for not telling the truth about what he did, even when we would have had really light consequences for the initial "offense". So we had him start a journal and asked him to give at least 4 reasons why he should tell the truth and 4 reasons why he should obey mom and dad (since this related to the original behavior). I talked to him and gave some hints when he got stuck on 3. Then the next day, we assigned him to 4 hours of "community service", meaning things that are outside of his regular chores (in this case cleaning the garage). We broke it up into 15 minute intervals, until he decided that 30 minute intervals were better. He was not allowed to play with friends, computer, watch movies, or play Wii until the 4 hours was done. He did 2 hours one day and 2 hours the next day. We were very clear that the consequences would not have been so bad if he had not lied, and we discussed the lack of trust issue and how it could affect his future life if people could not trust his word. I managed to catch him telling the truth a couple of times since, and rewarded a high number of points (he had lost points, too). We use a system with our two oldest like the Hogwarts points system. They receive points or lose points and every whoever wins gets to pick a movie for movie night. Works better with two kids, obviously. But you could have a points rewards system for one where you earn a certain number of points to receive certain privileges.

In this type of situation, do not give money the next time and explain why. He is definately old enough to understand. Any time he abuses a priviledge, take it away, even if it means taking movies, video games, etc away and (unknown to him) lock it in the truck of your car. Reward him for telling the truth (only in situations that you can verify the truth).

Obviously, he feels that telling the truth may send you 'off the deep end'. Show him that that's not true. I tell my daughters that I won't get mad if they tell me the truth and although I may not like the truth (whatever it may be) I know I'm getting the truth.

Hi Carrie:

I know you probably won't believe this, but he will most likely turn out ok. Kids at this age do lie, to protect themselves and do what they want. You are stressing to him to be an honest person and as he matures he will be one because that is the way he is being brought up. It helps to punish him if you have to and of course to watch the company he keeps.

This might sound odd but also be aware of what he watches on TV. Just as an example you know that a lot of sitcomes, for instance The Simpsons show a lot of dysfunctional families with kids doing crazy things. Older and more mature audiences see it as amusing entertainment but young kids are impressionable and might try to live the craziness they see. So be aware if he might be influenced by these shows. It couldn't hurt. Good luck.

Carrie, Look on the bright side. A child who 'lies' is a real survivor. They will be able to talk themselves out of situations and can see how they can save their skin.

I agree that it is important to show kids about being truthful. Does he lie only about money, or is it about other things too. If its just about money, I would consider it in terns of power and control. He is growing up, not a little child anymore, and growing up in a consumer age at that. Does he have his own allowance each week that he is free to spend/save however he wants? Ig f he doesn't maybe it might be time he did so that he can experience (in small doses) what its like to have money and to experience that save/spend. I do that with my daughter and let her do anything she wanted with her allowance, and about sending it on toys every week for 2 years (no strings attached, and no comment from parents) she has found the benefits of saving, and doesn't spend a thing now. She learned how to have the power of using money, and it worked for her.

I agree that is important to know when he is lying. My approach is to gently ask questions about the situation in question, and then let him know - eventually when yo know the truth - quietly that you know what really happened. The consequences need not always be what you impose upon him, he needs to suffer the natural consequences of his actions. He needs to feel inside him the disappointment of his lying, and not just through his parent's stern disapproval. He has to feel it for himself - letting his friends down and the consequences of that. Give him some slack to feel the consequences HE has set for himself, and do keep a watchful eye on his daily life as you have been doing. Hope that makes sense. Best of luck!

Wow, this is a really hard one and you've gotten a lot of responses. Let me start out by saying that my daughter told her children that as long as they told they truth, they wouldn't get into trouble. In my eyes that's backfired because they started thinking they could do anything and as long as they fessed up, there would be no punishment. That's definitely NOT what you want your son to learn. What he needs to learn is that the consequences are more severe if he lies, but even if he doesn't there will be consequences for bad behavior. I agree with adding on chores especially if you've tried the taking away thing and it doesn't work. It doesn't work for my granddaughter either - she will forego whatever it is but doesn't change her behavior. What works for her is "boot camp." She is assigned one chore after another - kept busy working all day (and we're talking about a 6 year old.) I also confined her to her room for an entire weekend, coming out ONLY to use the restroom. meals were served in the room with 15 minutes to eat and then I went in and took all food out. I made sure she had a full glass of water at all times so there was no thirst problem and I also made sure each time she left her room to go to the bathroom, that she actually had to go. It was a long quiet weekend but she has not repeated the behavior that got her in there again. There are a lot of chores that a nine year old can do. I would get him started and not let up for several days. also, tell him that if he can't be trusted to tell you the truth about things that happen when he's away from you, then he won't be able to go anywhere and confine him to the yard once he is let out of his room. You also need to let him know what the punishment would have been if he had told the truth or told a lie so that he knows there would have been a different punishment. It sounds like this may have started around the time you had your second child. It may have been his way of getting your attention, but as far as I'm concerned his reasons for doing it are not important. he cannot be allowed to use his unhappiness at having to share his mommy as an excuse to misbehave. don't fall into that. No matter why he's doing it, it's wrong and he should be punished and he needs to know that "reasons" cannot be used as excuses!

I agree 100% that a natural consequence of lying is the loss of trust. There are probably a number of things you allow your son to do on his own, that he enjoys the freedom of. Well, take them away for a period of time. Try to make your son understand that trust is easy to lose, and very difficult to regain. As a previous poster pointed out, consequences for lying should be much more severe than for the offense that they lied about.

One other point I'd like to make that I consider to be very important is that in the long run, having your child be willing to talk to you about *anything* is really important. I think it is the best way to help them through their teenage years, where there are so many bad choices available.
Good luck!
L.

Not sure if I have any real useful advice, but I do commend you on trying to nip the problem in the bud! Too many times parents just think it is a phase or something that isn't a big deal, but you taking the time and realizing that if you don't do something now it could get worse shows what a caring loving parent you are!!! Too many parents seem to look past the not so good things thier kids do and have major problems in the future. Myabe you can check and see if there is a Neightborhood alternative center or something similar that might have a child phycologist(not saying anything is wrong wiht him!!) or someone you can talk to who can give you some advice on what would be the best way for you to deal with your son. You might want to even talk to your pediaatricin, maybe there are parent meetings or classes that help give ideas how to deal with certain behaviors. I believe as parents it is always harder with our first child because we have never done this before. By 9 years old he knows right from wrong and that being dishonest is wrong. Could he be doing it for attention? (Grasping at straws here, when I say attention I mean like one one one with you or with you and your husband??) Like I said not sure what to say, hopefully some of my ideas will help and can you let us know what you do please???? That way those of us who haven't gone down that road yet (and I am sure we will all have a turn, no kidsis born an angel!) can learn from you!! THANKS and the best of lluck to you!

Dear Carrie,
This is a tough situation and one you need to get a grip on. You are right to be concerned about how this may carry through with your son later in life.
I always told my kids, from the time they were very, very little, it was always best just to tell the truth. All people make mistakes, accidents happen, things get broken...it's best just to tell the truth. They still may be in trouble, depending on the situation, but they would be in far less trouble for telling the truth than if I had to find out they lied to me on top of it.
The biggest and most serious consequence of not being honest is that people don't have to believe or trust you anymore. They can think once a liar, always a liar. Trust is the most important and valuable thing we can have with other people. Once trust is broken, it's very difficult, if not impossible, to ever earn it back. At 9 years old, your son is definitely old enough to understand that concept. You need to make sure he realizes that this is not about the $10. That's just money. The point is that he blatantly disobeyed you and then blatantly lied to try to cover it up. (Not even a good lie for heaven's sake. You KNEW there's no way he paid $9 for a postcard).
I would just really make sure he understands that he is going to have to earn back your trust. First of all, since you can't trust him with money, no more money. Certainly not for treats. Pick an amount of time and stick with it. If they have another field trip and you want him to be covered in case he really needed something, IN FRONT of your son, give the money to the daycare teacher/provider and explain the rules to them, since your son is having trouble following rules. (I would call them in advance and let them know so they can be on the same page with you about it, wink wink).
It sounds like your family is really growing. Congratulations on that! But your son needs to know that you will never be too busy to check and confirm that what he tells you is true, every single time! And there needs to be a punishment if you catch him being dishonest again. The only way for him to regain your trust and his privileges is to be able to demonstrate that he understands the importance of honesty. If he has a TV in his room, take it out. If he has video games, put them in the attic. If it was me, I would say he is allowed to do chores, (and make a darn good list of them), or he can read. Two weeks. That's it. Period. After dinner, he can help with the dishes, take care of pets if you have them, take out the garbage, take a bath then to his room to read until bedtime. He goes to daycare so it's not like he can't play and do things there, but at home, put his little hiney on restriction. And do NOT back down. If he gets mad or doesn't like it, talk to him, calmly, about why he is being punished and let him know that the punishment will be doubled if he lies again. You still love him, you don't need to yell and preach at him all day, but he needs to feel the sting of it and know it's all a direct result of his own actions and choices.
I have friends who have this problem with their son. They call my son to verify what did or didn't happen in class, on the playground, at so-and-so's house, etc, because they don't trust their own kid. They know my son won't lie to them. Their son continues to lie and they know he does, but they always cave in and he never has to "pay" for it. They are both well educated and professional people, but have trouble following through with discipline. I love them dearly, but they are not doing their kid any favors.

Again, make sure your son is reassured that you will NEVER have your hands too full to find out one way or the other if he is telling the truth or not. And you will check every time because you love him and want nothing more than to be able to trust him again.

Blessings to you and your family.

Wow. What a difficult situation. I can understand why you are seeking wisdom. No, it's not the end of the world, but I understand your heart in this. Lying is serious business. However small the lie or regardless of the motive of the lie, when someone lies, it breaks trust.
I too am a young mother, so my experience comes not so much from dealing with my own (just 2 1/2 and one on the way), but from what my parents did with me and my 2 brothers.
When we were asked a question about something that happened, we were expected to tell the truth. If we told the truth--even about something that they may not like--they always responded favorably. There would sometimes still be a consequence or two BUT NOTHING LIKE THE CONSEQUENCES THAT CAME WHEN WE LIED! When we lied about anything (i.e. who ate the last piece of chocolate cake, did you hit your brother, etc.), we were sorely punished. Depending on our age and the things we valued, we would receive a spanking, washing our mouth out with soap, removal of a favorite toy, or losing a privilege to go to a special event--whatever was most appropriate and useful to teach us. It was just understood that our family does not lie. Of course, my parents modeled that behavior to us as well. There was no such thing as a "white lie". All lies were wrong, and we witnessed my parents regularly telling the truth, even when it was difficult. Today my brothers and I tell the truth and highly value honesty. Because of this, we know we can trust one another. If that is what you are trying to achieve in your son, I hope that these examples help you.

Hang in there and be consistent.

S. J.

Give him as many opportunities as possible to be honest and do the right thing and then tell him how proud of him you are. I have found that sometimes kids just need a little bit of positive reinforcement, especially with repeat behavior issues. Kids are generally eager to please their parents but sometimes they get discouraged and stop trying when the majority of feedback is negative.

Two really important things here. First, that you help him understand the importance of telling the truth...AND...secondly, why he felt the need to lie. If he is smart he is crying out for attention. It is your job to figure out what he needs from you and provide it the best way possible. My oldest and middle child are 10 years apart. It is so easy to let the older childs needs slide cause the crying baby seems to be more pressing than what ever the older one might want from you. Keep the communication open!!! Lots of moms I talk to think that as their kids get older they need them less but really they just need different things. Paying the money back is a great idea. Always make sure they can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The best consiquence for not telling the truth seemed to be not being allowed to do the things that require trust. Give him small things to earn trust back and quickly. For a kid to see the light at the end of a short tunnel...it's much more likely that you will see success.
Hang in there!

Is this the first time your child has lied? If it is, the consequences might be different than if this is a pattern.

If it is a pattern you need to look at several areas. Who is he modeling his behaviour after? Is he being pressured from other children? Is he having difficulties socially and trying to buy friends? etc.

If it was the first time, my guess is you expected him to have too much responsibility. $10 may not seem like a lot of money, but it is a lot for a third grader. Also, I've been to a lot of those gift shops that they have at places where children go on field trips, and the treasures are usually quite expensive. He probably saw the other items as getting more for his money.

Make sure whatever the consequence, it is clear that he understands what the consequence is for. I think repaying $9 of the $10 with chores for not following the initial instructions is reasonable. Then a seperate consequence for the initial lie and then continuing to lie when you called the store. Maybe having him apologize to the store representative you spoke with when you were thinking the store took and advantage of your son.

I know one memory that sticks in my head is one when I was around five of having to return something to a store clerk that I took without paying for.

Good luck, and remember no matter what you are doing and to whom you are speaking, you are your child's most important teacher.

Have you thought about a connection between the birth of your youngest child and this behavior-- the timing seems about right.
That said, try a family meeting-- sit down with just your son and husband, and explain that you, as a family, have a problem. Explain that it's crucial that you be able to trust him, but you can't when he lies, and ask what he'd do about it. Write down all of his and your suggestions, then pick one that satisfies everyone. Try to get details as to what constitutes 'lying'-- is just joking around, when everyone *knows* he's lying OK?-- and what will happen if he gets caught again.
Good luck!

I have had this problem with my 13 yr old step-son and we have disclipined him numerous times and what we found to be working is that we had him to clean house which he hates it. We had to clean the walls in the hallway, dining room, kitchen, and the living room. Each room is one per day and it continues and it makes him feel the drag and wish he hadn't lied about over stupid little things. It is hard for us to watch him but it works and he hated it. He sure not to lie again. There has been times where he would get caught lying to me or his dad, he would do the kitchen for the whole week or 2 which he hates doing it and I enjoyed being off from cleaning the kitchen. So try one of these cleaning to do for your 9 yr old. I would start off by small wall since he is young or have him do the kitchen, or do some cleaning like vacuum the floor every day. Just be on his butt constantly so that maybe next time he won't lie again so he doesn't do the cleaning that he hates doing. Try that and see if it works.
Good luck!