Help with Anger Issues

Hi W. -

There are many ways to approach anger issues - holistically. They include:

Flower Essence Therapy
Aromatherapy
Hypnotherapy
Life Coaching
Cranial Sacral Bodywork

I can help with all but the cranial sacral because I am not a bodyworker. If that is what you are interested in, I can direct you to a qualified practitioner.

Blessings,
M. M. Ernsberger
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner

Without knowing the age, I will make several suggestions. Hypnotherapy can be very effective in bringing relaxation and allievating anger.

Polarity also brings relaxation and whatever lies behind the anger could be brought forth and eliminated. Although not a well known healing modality, it has been around a long while, is very non-invasive and can be very effective.

There are also herbs that assist the nervous system to relax. Chamomile and oats are two common ones that come to my mind.

Lavendar essential oil can also be very effective. Can put this on a cotton ball near the bed at night or rub a little on the soles of the feet. Rescue Remedy from Bach is also a good choice. Taseteless, can be added to water or put directly in mouth.

EFT is simple and effective, too.

Diet is also important. Eliminating dyes, sugar and possible allergens can be very effective, too. Read Doris Rapp's book, "Is This Your Child?"

W.,

Not knowing anything about this child...age, home circumstances, any learning challenges, etc. It would be difficult to make any clear cut suggestions. But obviously you have noticed something going on internally in this kiddo and I think it's great you want to help find a solution for him.
I personally dont' know of any art therapist..but I know that art therapy can work wonders. Sometimes what we can't express verbally comes out on paper - Art is a container for our feelings.
How close are you with this child? Sometimes kids will start talking when the pressure isn't there to talk...like during a walk, or sharing a pizza or bowl of ice cream or something casual. Usually it involves ALOT of undivided unconditional unjudgemental unfixing listening from the heart and belly. We dont' listen to our youth enough. They have alot to say about thier feelings, their life, thier views. We just need to stop talking and start listening - really listening.
What are the triggers for the "drama" or any other angry outbursts? Even though we need to listen to our kids, we can also guide them in creating a calm and safe world by helping them build resiliance and focus on solutions and not their problems. I tend to believe that many things can be approached without meds through support, healthy eating, exercise, multi sensory processes, natural remedies, and lots of love...but I am not a Dr. or Naturapath, or Psychologist....and if everything "alternative" has been tried, it could be worth getting a medical point of view as well. Just be very very cautious if anyone prescribes Ritalin at the bat of any eye!
If you are interested I have some really great articles I can share with you about helping children cope with various stressors.

Much good energy to you and the child you are helping. He/She is very fortunate to have you care enough.

A.
Birth and Parenting Mentor

hi, consisitency worked for me. I have a 11 yr old boy that has had anger issues since birth. and he has grown out of the most of it, but it is not without help from schools and myself. It is the comunication that is why they r frustrated. and i found that i can't yell because it sends his blood through the roof. calm and consistent is my advice, alot of patience,advil, and a good bottle of wine. hahaha you have to have a sense of humor. I just had another child because the last ten years have been very rough. He is still a handful but i believe he has a good heart and just doesn't think things through before he makes choices. i went to years of couseling and he as well, consistency is my best advice. ROutine is what they need to adapt, it took years just to not get a fight to brush his teeth and make his bed, but at 11 he wakes up and has his room spotless before he leaves for the day. Trust me when i say, i have patched holes and replaced alot of things, a temper is hard but he has gotten better. good luck, we did play thearpy when he was young to find the root and could not find anything, communication was the final result. he did not know how to express his feelings. Boy are sensitive in their own ways, i have two and grew up with 3 sisters. Way diff. anger is a form of communication, i will tell you now at 11 i put him on adhd med this year. i was quick not to when he was little, it is over done, but i had to before he got into junior high, talking to someone is the best option. Even if it is at the school, my son still has regular meetings with the counselor, just to talk about friends, girls, and schoolwork. communication is the key. find out how to relate and he will open up. Boys get nervous, be easy on him. a wound up boy is like walking on eggshells. haha

Is the youth in public school? They have some resources and maybe even referral abilities. They do not want kids blowing up or even simmering needlessly at school.
That this youth is willing to show this side to you is a good sign of trust. We dump on the people we are closest to. It is better than him/her trusting no one.
Which brings me to...how many quality relationships or connections does he/she have?...oh, and peers count less than adults, as many peers are far too judgmental and even self-absorbed to be of much use for support. Adults who have "been there done that" are a lot more patient and understanding and less likely to trigger stress in someone already so angry.
Does this person know they have a problem? Are they alright with doing anything about it? If you are not their guardian and they are under 18, you will need their cooperation and probably that of their guardian(s).

Hello,

Talking is a good idea if they will open up to you or someone. I had a friend video tape the child when they were having an angry fit and played it back to the child. When they see what they look like then they realize what they were doing. Usually there is something bothering the child. Asking questions might bring it out. Good luck

Hi W.,

I think the first thing in dealing with anger is to find the source of the anger and then find ways to safely vent or deal with the anger. Internalizing the anger is dangerous and unhealthy and can lead to depression, anxiety and a whole host of medical or psychological problems. Depending on the age of the person, you might try role playing or art and a way to open up a conversation. If you are talking about a teenager, they need talk with someone who can listen with out passing judgement and they need to feel safe about what they are saying. I am not a professional, these are just my opinions of what has worked for me in dealing with similar issues. Best of luck to you and the person you are trying to help.

I have had to deal with anger issues on many levels. Not just me personally learning to deal with what makes me feel anger, but living with a husband and sons who have had issues as well. I appreciate that you don't want to seek any medication - I believe that pharmaceutical drugs are poison and that the FDA is using the people of the United States as lab rats and attempting to brainwash us by allowing so many toxic products to be advertised and prescribed in the mainstream. I have always believed that natural remedies are best because they were created in harmony with the earth, as we were, by God. I have had some success in just talking - and listening - to my family when they are angry or feel like they can't deal with something - and often all someone needs is a person who cares to listen to them - but the most helpful thing I have found are herbs that naturally balance the body's systems - like the nervous system. The products I have found are not only guaranteed to be the pure and potent herbs that the company claims, but have also been specifically studied and formulated to address issues like stress and depression by giving the body the nutrition it lacks to competently deal with these issues. When humans are under any degree of stress ("fight or flight" feelings) they burn the trace minerals in their systems at a rate higher than they can be replenished by the average diet of any person. When a body is deficient in these minerals many symptoms appear because they body knows it isn't "right" and is desperately trying to find something to make it so. The society we live in today creates stress on so many levels and on such a regular basis that most people don't even realize they are dealing with it all the time, but they have health issues and since the television tells them to ask their doctor for a drug they do. I don't want to push anything at you so if you are interested in learning more about what these herbs are and how the different formulas address specific issues feel free to contact me. Good luck.

Hi W.,

I'm sure many have already stated that counseling, or a mentor group such as big brothers and sisters would be most effective in letting the youth talk/vent the anger out. Frustration over not being in control over one's life is the main culprit in teenager's/kid's lives... as when situations are stressful they are not in a position to change anything, only to depend on others. Talking to another person - even one of their peers is a non-biased, non-judgmental way of letting go of some of the destructive anger. I know it helped me when I was a teen.

Also, depending on their maturity level, you could suggest they read a book by the Dalai Lama, "The Art of Happiness" because it has good pointers on how to let go anger and realize it is not going to do anyone any good... it is not a book on religion.

Good Luck!

i agree with others who've responded: there is something really upsetting this child. whatever you can do to facilitate some trust and open a conversation about it is your first best step. you can't deal with something unless you know what it is. good luck!!

V.

I would direct them to a counselor. Counselors are unable to prescribe medications. Also, a group like http://www.celebraterecovery.com/ may help. It's for more than addictions, but also for anger issues. There is also a group in Maricopa, AZ, but they don't list it on their website.

Hi, W. ~

I was reading through some of your responses and caught the one from Christy D. I can attest to the fact that Celebrate Recovery is a safe and productive place to work on the "hurts, habits or hangups". :) I noticed you live in Queen Creek and wanted to let you know about this one in particular. I used to attend a CR group at Superstition Springs Community Church in Gilbert/Higley, on Elliot just west of Power. It's an awesome group of people and I got a lot accomplished there, before we moved to the "west side". I hope you have gotten lots of great solutions and things go well for this young man or woman you care so much about.

~ R.