I am a nanny, I spend a lot of time with this boy and take my job and the years I've been with him very seriously, but I am in uncharted territory now. This boy has it in him to be very sweet and he is exceptionally bright, but in the last year he has been lying frequently, often daily or many times daily, he cries (tantrums) at the least little disappointment, and he sneaks food and games at inappropriate times and when specifically told not to. He has accidents at school and during after school activities a couple times a month and even when I ask him why he went he says he didn't. I think this has become a major problem, dad agrees and is aggravated, especially by the constant crying, but just walks away, and mom is way more tolerant of her little guy. How do I address this issue with a protective and sensitive mom??
Thank you Jessica! I have worked with this family for 5 years and they are always ready and more than willing to set aside time to work with me regarding normal developmental progress (potty time, night time potty training, setting children up with chores, working on table manners etc.) and I always come to the table prepared with a clear list of ideas to discuss, but this one thing seems to be in their blind spot and its getting worse as he gets older, not better. I've tried to discuss this with her before, she is just not receptive. Just let it go? I don't want this to ruin my relationship that I have with them.
I also agree that he has some emotional issues, which I have tried to bring to their attention as well recently (in the last 7-8 months) and have been shut down too. It's hard for me to a. know he is struggling so much and not having the resources to help him the right way and b. deal with all the bad behavior on a regular basis.
Sounds like this child is under a lot of stress, honestly. As you say, he spends a lot of time with you. Maybe he's seeking much needed attention from his parents? For a boy that age to cry, have tantrums, and accidents...well, that's probably all something emotional. I think his parents need to address it...just share your concerns with them, and be totally honest.
... I don't know the parents like you do... but they don't seem really 'with' their child. Distant. Meaning, they disregard him? Don't really know him or per his age? Emotions not being met by them? Nor taught to him about how to express himself or his feelings?
He seems, real pent-up/stressed etc.
His needs are not met.
He is a child.
Not an adult.
Maybe they don't know how... to handle a young child?
Or maybe not.
Things like this are either age-related, due to circumstances/home life, parenting, stress.
But regardless, often times, these things are a CULMINATION of things/years.
Unless, at this juncture, his home life has changed. Or the parents relationship.
Try Google searching "6 year old emotional development."
But really, the parents NEEDS to address it and even if that means, taking parenting classes. If they are not understanding their child.
My saving grace is YokaReeder.com
best,k
I have to agree with Mrslavallie :)
If that was happening to my child and I had a nanny I would like for my nanny to come and speak with me about her perspective. But in a nondefensive manner and without using defensive words. Us as parents become very defensive when it comes to our children because they are our babies. We don't want to here that there is a problem but it is a lot easier to hear when you feel like the person explaining this to you is on your side. I would plan a time to speak with both parent about the situation and also add some solutions because as parents we do not always have the answer and sometimes need guidance or feedback. Also, let them know why you think this behavior is happening. Come together as a team for the little boy and offer a lot of attention and encouragement. Maybe this is for attention or if something is going on inthe house maybe this is because of that. Just brainstorm with the parents and let them know how much you take your job seriously and admire working with their son like he is your own. Good luck!
