Help Please - Bedtime for Three Girls Really Stresses Me Out!!!

Ok, well here's what I do if I am stuck putting my two to bed alone. Stagger the bedtimes. The nine year old and four year old should be ok without help for 20 mins to half an hour. Take care of the baby first--get her down by 7 or 7:15. Maybe the four year old could be looking at books quietly while you are doing this and the 9 year old could be doing her own thing since she is older. Then take a few mins, see where 9 year old in the process, get her in gear if she is stalling and get to work on the 4 year old and try to have her go down right after you are done with the baby. The nine year old can go to bed last. I am not sure about the hairbrushing but we don't do it before bedtime. They have terrible bed head first thing in the morning no matter what it looks like at night. Could you try cutting that out of the process? If it is getting them riled up and takes so long, I'd consider leaving it out for a night or two and see if this helps. Obviously this may not be an option if they have long, curly hair and it really must be brushed before bed. Anyway, just some ideas. Putting 3 kids to bed yourself is not a small task. Good luck!

The playing outside after dinner until 7:00 is too late.... because, kids need to "wind-down" before bed. Winding down can take 1 hour to 1/2 hour.
After dinner... I would NOT do anything that gets them keyed up and hyper. ie: playing outside after dinner. This will only prolong the ENTIRE going to bed routine... and exacerbating the whole wind-down process, impeding it.
Then, you end up RUSHING everything just to get them down by their bed time. Which inevitably will be too late... because everything (ie: the winding-down portion of the routine), is started too late.

Can't chores & playing outside be done BEFORE dinner? Not after.

I would, have them then do the story time and bed/brush teeth routines... BEFORE 7:30. 7:30 is too late. Plus, just brushing their hair takes 1/2 hour for you... and them. That is too long. This then prolongs EVERYTHING... just because of brushing their hair. Next, except for the 2 year old... can't they brush their own hair? And if knots/tangles are a problem and therefore prolonging how long it takes to brush their hair, use a leave-in detangler or conditioner. That is what I do with my Daughter. I use the TIGI brand- "after party" - which really gets out tangles and make brushing hair MUCH easier and faster. Or anything by Garnier Fructis. They have good hair products and hair cremes for de-tangling.
OR... just cut their hair so brushing it is not such a torture and then when they are old enough to care for their own hair... they can have longer hair if they want.
That is what my friend does with her girl. And for my daughter, because her hair is so fine and tangles easily... i do NOT let her grow her hair past her shoulders.

You NEED to get the evening routines done earlier.
AND... keep in mind, that any active play/horsing around/keyed up physical activity... will only PREVENT a child from being able to wind-down and to calm down... and to fall asleep, calmly. If a kid is hyper/keyed up before bed... they will not be able to just fall asleep.
My Husband, used to have a habit of playing with/horsing around with the kids before bed. (after I had wound them down)... then they would get all hyper again and NOT be able to go to bed, much less on time... and it just screwed everything up and their cuing and routine for bed. THEN my Hubby would say "how come the kids go to bed so late and are so hyper?! They need to get to bed earlier....!" Um, DUH, Dude! So I explained to him that I HAD the kids on schedule for bed and calmed down... but him playing with them right before bed only SABOTAGED it all and then I had to start ALL OVER from scratch, to then wind-them-down. AGAIN.

Activity before bed.... only backfires... and then the kids cannot segue for bedtime, calmly nor restfully.

The whole thing also of how long it takes just to brush their hair is a real problem. If they hate getting their hair brushed... then don't. Put it in a pony tail... and that's it. When my girl does not want to brush her hair after shower and before bed, I tell her put it in a pony tail. The next day, her hair is not tangled.

Next, you need to (and I know its not easy), but you NEED to have the girls fall into place. They NEED to be a part of the routine... you sit them down, tell them you are on your own, you NEED them to ALL BE A PART OF THE TEAM.. you are FAMILY... and they have to help. INSTILL that in them. If they give you a bad time... then they need to get reprimanded.
Make tally marks for each one. Then, you can show your Husband... who did or did not cooperate etc. It is a visual aide.

I really know this is not easy... but you need to bump up the entire routines to an earlier time, and quit the playing outside after dinner. After dinner should be a calm time... to then segue to bedtime....

all the best,
Susan

Maybe it's time to consider short hair cuts until they can help care for them better? Or at least shorter? Moms sanity is definitely more important then a pretty ponytail. :)

If you decide to keep it long - johnson & johnson makes a wonderful leave in cream detangler. After bathtime, add the leave in detangler, brush and braid their hair before bed (if its long enough.) A comb through with the detangler should be much easier.

What about having your girls do chores before dinner? Or at least before outside play?

Sorry you're having it so rough.

bath/shower at night will help to calm them down a little and get things going on the road to bed time. you can also get them to all lay down in the room with you and tell stories. this could also help relax them and set them up for a very pleasant dream. you can start the story and pass the "mic" over to your 9yo who will keep the story going with her own twist, and so on and so on. the rules would be that everyone has to stay laying down and no jumping around. i think its just hard right now because the 2 yo is still probably learning how to calm herself down for sleep and the others are just following her lead. you can also maybe do each others hair while you watch a movie in the bedroom. brushing my daughters hair always relaxes her and gets her feeling pretty tired. good luck

Start early--I find that if I start the winding down around 6:30pm (meaning, saying at this point, "OK, time to put your pjs on and go pick a book for me to read") it goes better than when she's starting to get really tired. It can still be a struggle, but I have a better chance that it'll go well this way. She eats her bedtime snack while she's read to, then we brush teeth, and cuddle on her bed for a bit. Lately she wants to read to her "class" before cuddle time, so I give her a few minutes to do that. I also find that if I remind myself to smile and use a loving voice, even if I'm pooped and have to force it a bit at first, she's calmer and I feel more loving and patient too. Good luck, hope this helped in some way. I know that one child is very, very different than three, but I know how you feel about ending on a bad note. This can be a tough time of day.

Hey Mommy,

It might help get some better responses if you describe what your typical nighttime routine is. My hubby is also never around at bed time, and it used to be my absolute LEAST favorite part of every day when I had to put the baby and 3 year old to bed. I've finally gotten it to become a soothing ending to the day, but it did take a long time and consistency in the routine.

It doesn't sound like you have enough time built in for the routine you want. We were having similar issues, until I realized that it never goes perfectly, so we start our bedtime routine a lot earlier now. I have only two girls, 23 months and 6.5 years. We start getting into the bath by 6:35, the youngest goes, the oldest needs to be in by 6:50. Then It takes my 6 year old about 20 minutes to change into pjs, brush teeth, brush hair, and locate/choose a book. Then 20 minutes to read, then another 5 to get into bed and tucked in, so for us, that is a 45 minute routine, after bathtime. Sometimes everything goes well and she is ready 15 minutes early, in which case she has a few extra minutes to play or read by herself. I would just start earlier on school nights when it is important not to be late to bed.
As for the hair, that's why my oldest daughter is now sporting a stylish and cute chin length bob. We couldn't handle it, she hated having to have long hair brushed more often, with more tangles, it caused fights, and appearances are not worth it. She loves her cute short hair, and has had friends copying the cut, and our bedtime and morning routines lost a good 6 minutes. :)

I have two boys & it can be hectic but I would suggest that you start a routine. Sounds easy but its actually tough because you have to be consistent & they will soon learn what they have to do. Even your two yr old. Make a chart & follow it. Our routine for bedtime starts at 5:30p.m They have dinner,shower, brush teeth, we read then at 7pm my 3 yr old is tucked in bed & at 7:30 my 6yr old is tucked in. Once I tuck them in they are not allowed to get out of bed or talk. I sometimes put them so soothing music but they know they are done. I works for us but you have to find what works for you! Hang in there & stay calm so they know YOU are in charge!

You poor baby, three kids to get off to bed is a challenge. One suggestion on the hair situation, I like long hair but if it's causing conflict - cut it short. No reason to take 30 minutes to do the hair especially on young girls. If it's short, a few strokes and its done. Besides if they want long hair they have to maintain it and be responsible for it. If they don't take care of it just have it cut. It will always go back. Make your life easier.

Secondly, yes they can push buttons, they know how to manipulate you. Don't feel guilty cause Dad's not there to help. Be consistent and patient.
If they can't get away with anything it will eventually stop. Best wishes and enjoy while they are young.........

I think your routine is right on track. I would add that you could try leave in conditioner on their hair. Tell them you are going to brush it 20 times and then have them count with you. If all else fails, don't brush it...it's not like the world will end if it's not brushed. Once it's dry in the morning, then brush it. Try that for a few nights and see if that makes a difference in getting everyone settled!

Ohh, I feel for you. I've been in essentially the same position since my husband started up a side business to compensate for my lost income after we had children. Here are a couple of things that have helped me:

#1: No surgary snacks after 4 pm. Maybe it's my imagination but, I've noticed that everytime I give my kids cookies as a after school snack or my husband gives them ice cream for dessert, it takes a lot longer for us to get them into bed and stay there.

#2: I put a book light on each of their beds which we turn off after I read stories and give them good night kisses. The purpose of the book light is to allow them to stay up a bit longer to look at books in bed after I've said my final goodnight and until they are ready to nod off. This only works if they don't desperately want my attention.

#3: Honestly, I bribe them. If they go to sleep and stay in bed without calling me all the time, they can have a special treat for breakfast in the morning. This is usually a last resort, since I'm totally against sugary breakfast cereals, but sometimes you have to bring in the big guns.

Your 9-year old should be as difficult as your 2 and 4-year olds to put to sleep right now. If I were you, I would probably read stories at the same time you are reading stories now but let her hang out in her room a bit more without sleeping, as long as she's quiet, until about 9:30 at the latest. I don't think 9-year olds need quite as much sleep at 2 and 4-year olds.

As for your 2 and 4-year olds, they are more needy and should go to bed by 7:30 or 8 a.m. at the latest (that's my personal opinon at least) but it may be hard for you to get them to agree to that because they are both very needy and desirous of your attention at this stage, so it may take more work and conniving on your part to get them to disassociate themselves from you at the end of the day.

I wish I could offer you better advise but hope this helps nonetheless.

It does sound like quite a bit to get done in one evening! I agree that maybe your oldest should do her chores either before dinner or at least before going outside to play.

My other suggestion, although I must admit may cause more stress, is that maybe you shouldn't bathe the two little ones on the same schedule...maybe you could still do every other night, but put them on different nights?? Like I said, I don't know if I would do it as it might be more work for you, but the 9 year old should be self sufficient and able to shower and dress herself fairly quickly while you bath the little one and get them dressed. Maybe the 9 year old could help with the one not getting a bath and help with putting on jammies and brushing teeth.

As far as hair brushing, I have no real suggestion there, but have you tried all of that detangler stuff? I'm sure you probably have but my niece who has very curly hair and has a hard time getting her hair brushed (and it's short!) uses detangler spray and a pick instead of a brush. The pick is easier to get through her hair and it does a good job.

Also, you could make a chart that the kids have to check off before bed each night. Maybe just seeing something in print and being able to put a check or an X in the box after each task would motivate them. It doesn't realy matter if the 4 and 2 year old can't read, you can read it to them and they'll want to be part of the crowd. Plus, that's another thing your 9 year old can help you with...she can always look at the chart to see who needs what to be done and can help you out. Have your kids help you decide what should go on the chart and they can each have their own. You could use dry erase boards or even write one out (or on the computer) and laminate it and use dry erase markers on it.

I think you have a good start with an early dinner. My suggestion would be to change the chore time to be out of the bedtime routine. I know playing outside is important, but I would try to take that out of the bedtime routine also. The less you have to get through, the easier it will be. So now you're left with early dinner, showers and baths, brush teeth, story and bed. The later the routine goes on , the longer it will take for the kids to go to sleep. Your 9 year-old can hang-out in her "space" and read while you read to the little girls. Your littlest ones need about 10 to 12 hours of sleep each night, so bedtime should be earlier. I think your 9 year-old should be ready to sleep by 8:30pm at the latest.
This is the routine I use, and I have 9, 7 and 4 old daughters and a 6 month old baby girl. I put the kids to bed while my husband does dishes. Hope this helps.
R.

I would suggest a couple of things. The first is to have the chores done before dinner. school is usually out by what about 3? get the homework done first thing. then get the chores done. and then play time. or have dinner and then straight to chores cause hey they had playtime already. bedtime sounds stressful. is their hair long because they want it long or because you and hubby want it long? either way if its because they want it long they need to stop whining and suck up the tangles and take care of it or you need to suck it up and stop whining about the care of it lol. sorry that sounds harsh. But I love long hair on children but the care of it needs to fall on the person wanting the long hair. (my daughter loved her long hair but would chew on the ends and fight when it was brushed we told her if she chewed it again or fought about the brushing we were cutting it short. and I followed thru on it. Got it cut in a pixie she never chewed it or fought the brushing stuff again.) Story is good way to wind down the day but at their ages can be used as a privilege. Get done and get in bed you get a story. mess around you don't. also separate note. your girls are pretty different aged. can't you do the 2 yr old while the others are doing stuff and get her to bed first? then the 4 yr old the 9 yr old should be doing a lot of her stuff on her own now.

Play before dinner, most chores before dinner, then other chores (like clearing the table/dishes...) after dinner, even if this means starting the dinner closer to 6 so the playing gets out of their systems. The night time playing is riling them up and will make the bedtime process difficult since the focus should be on winding down.

As for brushing the hair, I'm a stylist and this can help. Spray detangler in the hair, and put it in sections. Hold the top of the section firmly, and start to comb the hair from the bottom of the ends to the top. It works out any tangles better without putting pressure on the head and actually creates less breakage too. So remember, comb the hair from the ends, then gradually work your way up to the top of the head.

Also, put the 2 year and 4 year old to bed first, The 9 year old can mostly get ready herself and then you can go and tuck her in after the other two are down.

It's tough, but things will get better, hang in there!

My only girl is still a bald little baby with no hair, but I remember how much it used to hurt when my mom brushed my hair. So she cut it off, and I was glad. My sister felt the pain and sitting still was worth it, so she got to have long hair. The bottom line is, if they won't tolerate caring for it, cut it off.

As for the routine, it seems a little off to me that any of them are doing chores AFTER dinner AND playing. You don't say what the chores are, but could she do them before dinner? That would save some time later. Or at least after dinner but before playing. So, without brushing a bunch of long hair and trying to fit chores in, you should have much better evenings! Good luck.

A few ideas for the hair brushing: my daughter will let me brush and style her hair only if she's distracted. Her weakness is Mickey Mouse, so I put on a show and comb away. As long as I don't push it past 5 minutes, I can do just about anything- pony tails, braids, etc.

With 3 girls, you might try a hair train (think massage train). Sit in a row youngest to oldest with one behind the other. Mama combs the 9-year-old's hair, 9 combs 4, 4 combs 2. The 2 year old could brush a doll's hair. Being a comber may distract the combee enough to get the job done. You'll probably have to double check the job later, but it might be a fun bonding time for all of you and condense the time a little.

I know girls with long hair are pretty, but if they don't like their hair brushed - it has to go. I had the same issue w/ my 6 yr old... I told her she needed to start helping w/ her hair or it was going to have to go. She is now attempting to brush it on her own & leaves it in a braid to sleep in so that it doesn't tangle as much for the morning brushing.

Our routine is a little different then yours, we eat a little later... dinner is around 6:30, meds before leaving the table, then bath time - 15 min each (timer is set on the store for all 3 of them), we don't do bedtime stories (we read through out the day), kisses & hugs are around 8 - 8:15 then lights out for the boys. My daughter & I then sit down to do her homework for about 30 min or so, but she is in bed by 9:00. Some nights he kids do cause troubles, but for the most part it works out ok.

Next year things will be a little different... there will be a new baby in July, I'll have 2 kids w/ homework & mommy will be going back to school the end of August from 5-10 in the evenings. So, we will have to readjust our routine to fit all the new things going on. Homework will most likely get done before I go to school, daddy will have to do the dinner thing for the most part and get the kids to bed... I'm hoping they will have a day class available before August or a more on-line type schooling, but so far there isn't one.

With kids - routine can be hard to keep all the time. Try not to let it bother you as much. Believe me I know it can be hard... even more so at the end of the day when patient are already thin, but if you stay calm - it will help them to stay calm also & help things run a little smoother.

the 2 younger girls need to be in bed by 7:30 so start at 7 with them while the older one starts her stuff.......let the girls brush their own hair (who cares).....put them to bed & help the older daughter.......if your older daughter cant manage the animals then perhaps they need to go til she can

i have 3 kids (2 girls) i typically have to get to bed on my own (3, 4, 6) & i need them to be in bed at 7:30 for my sanity

I agree with Kate...can you provide a little more information: bathe every night, dinner time, hygiene routine, ect??

The time frame sound pretty good. Seems like it is the hair brushing...that can throw most the evening into a kink?? My mother in laws daughter's hate this part too! my mom got some kind of oil they use after the bath in their hair that makes their hair tangle free...think it helps for a couple of days too.So you would give them the bath first then brush hair. Also braiding hair during the morning makes brushing much easy at night. See if you can locate other triggers...there is always something to help.If they love story time tell them you won't be able to read to them any later than bedtime. Give them a little responsibility in the evening schedule. And sometimes the schedule will just simply not work that night and we as mom's have to learn to roll with it. Read to them at bath time, have dinner outside (finger foods) and play outside. Good Luck!