Help, Our Baby Is Destroying Us!

I feel bad for you!! I wish there were baby tranquilizer guns ;) How late do you let him nap in the day? If it is later on dont let him, keep him awake and put him to bed earlier if he is that tired, way before 1am lol.. Also I know he is 6 months old, are you breastfeeding him still? If you are examine what you are eating.. if not never mind :) SO back to the sleeping topic, what tim e does he get up in the morning?? I know having a miserable few days is better than on going day after day, interrupt his schedule.. wake him up early, keep him up later on in the day, maybe the routine will kick in after a few days like that??
best of luck!!!

I am so sorry this is happening to you're family. I am an Infant Sleep consultant. Please feel free tho contact me for help. I will not charge you for a consult.

I am concerned for your family. The manner in which you wrote this and keep referring to your child as "this kid" is upsetting. Is there anyone that can help you or stay with you for awhile? Can you hire a nanny or put your son in daycare? They at least will be able to establish a routine of some sort for him. You and your husband can take shifts. One person can take a shift from 8pm to 2am while the other person sleeps. Then switch places from 2am-8am. Adjust accordingly if this doesn't meet your scheduling preferences. At least you and your husband will be getting a six hour block of uninterrupted sleep. If a third person (friend or relative) can come help then you can break the shifts up even more to get more sleep. That should help a great deal. Everything seems over-amplified and hopeless when you are sleep deprived. I would go to your doctor and inquire about post-partum depression too. Please get some help somewhere so you don't end up harming your baby. Good luck and God Bless.
A.

Without reading your other posts, I'm going to give you some quick advice that you have probably NEVER read in a parenting book.

1. Binky babies are happy babies. If your son doesn't use a pacifier, get him one. Get him ten if you need to until you find one he likes, then buy ten more of that exact same kind. Put two of three of them in the same spot in his crib every night (one in each corner next to his head, for example) so he always knows where to find them when he wakes up. The night that he grabs the binky and pops it in his mouth without waking you up will be one of the most important milestones of his life, lol.

2. Putting babies down with bottles will NOT rot their teeth out of their head. In fact, it's a fantastic way to get babies to go down and stay down. The sucking is soothing for them, of course, but the full tummy makes it that much sweeter. If you nurse exclusively, consider supplementing. Don't be a human pacifier when you should be SLEEPING. If you're worried about the miniscule amount of sugar in formala sitting on baby's one or two teeth at night, get over it. It doesn't sit there all night anyway...he'll drink the bottle and then he's done. You can switch to water when he's older if you'd like. Is it habit forming? Absolutely. And someday (as with pacifiers) you will have to go through the excruciating process of breaking the habit and tossing the bottles/binkies. But that is a problem for another day, my friend, and it will be worth the trouble for the many months of peaceful nights you get in exchange.

3. Cribs are optional. My son splept in a vibrating bouncy-chair for the first six months of his life (until he outgrew it). My daughter slept in a powered baby swing. Babies like motion, so give it to them. Find a swing or chair or even a vibrating crib mattress (yes they do make them) that works and use the hell out of it. Do not feel bad about giving your baby what he needs simply because it's unconventional. Sleeping semi-upright has been PROVEN to help with digestion and prevent reflux as well as flat spots on the head, so throw that out there if you get any funny looks from "well-meaning" family/friends. Find ways to create white noise, even if other people insist that will make him a light sleeper. It's utter bull. Babies are always light sleepers. Get a box fan or a noise machine or even a radio set to a fuzzy station. Run it loudly and constantly when he's sleeping.

What I'm basically trying to tell you here is to start thinking outside of the box a bit and follow your own instincts instead of some ridiculous books. I call it "whatever works" parenting and it's helped me survive two babies so far. :-)

Hang in there and good luck!!

Hello again!!!

I am sooo sorry you are going through this...

I know last time I told you that NOTHING will work if you only try it for a few days...a routine is something that you do for AT LEAST two weeks to make it "routine".

if your household doesn't have a routine - then stop trying to force him into one that doesn't fit into your household. This might be why you are having so many problems...

I don't understand why you are waiting until 1AM to put your child to bed.

If you can afford it - and even if you can't - I would suggest you hire a nanny or doula to come in and help you out. A nanny will give you the time off you guys need as obviously you are both sooo upset that your baby is now become a hindrance to you instead of a joy...you both are becoming resentful of your child...and I'm SURE he is picking up on that..

Don't treat him with "kid gloves".
Don't yell at him.
Your child does NOT need to be held constantly.

YOU need to talk to your OB/GYN and get some meds. I know you were being facetious...(at least I hope you were!) but with all the stress you have been under - you need help. Your pediatrician isn't helping you either. I can understand when one is operating on little to no sleep.

You also need to hire a babysitter and get out of the house. Get away from your baby - you need a break. Plan a date night with your husband.

If you are as stressed as I think you are? Your baby is picking up on it and is feeling totally insecure and CANNOT relax. No, I'm not blaming you. I'm simply stating that kids pick up on our queues...if you don't try something for at least two weeks - it's not routine (yes, I'm repeating myself)...you have to do what works for your family...if you do not have "normal" 9-5 jobs...it's OKAY to have your child in a routine that works for your jobs...the more you force something that YOU don't even want - the harder and worse it gets...

Bottom line?
Take a deep breath...let it out slowly...
Reach out to your pediatrician for the name of a nanny or a doula.
Hire a babysitter and get out of the house. Even if it means that you and your hubby go to a hotel room and sleep.

If you have family nearby - ask your mom for help. ask HIS mom for help.

Good luck!!

Have you tried cosleeping? Sleeping with your baby might be the way to go if you haven't tried already. We slept with both of our kids, and both my husband and I got more sleep as a result of it. If your son isn't going to sleep on his own, maybe sleeping together at the same time in the same bed will help. When I wasn't home, my husband would rock the baby to sleep for naptime in our rocking chair. They always settled down better when they were held; you could also try a baby sling and wear him to give your arms a break. I don't know if any of this would help, but it's worth a shot if you haven't tried it already. I'm sorry you're having such trouble with your son. Good luck, and I hope you all get more sleep soon.

You are frustrated and upset and angry. No matter what you think, your baby feels this. This makes the problem worse. You cannot "try everything". That makes the problem worse. Sleep behavior needs a consistent approach, it may take weeks. You need some help to regain your perspective. This is a BABY not a grown person who knows better. This is not someone "being cruel" to you and your husband. If you continue to feel so upset this problem will not resolve. I would put a very stable schedule in place throughout the day and night. I would put the baby to bed around 7 pm. 8 latest. Start with a nice warm bath, then feed the baby, cuddle and rock them and put them into bed by 7 or 8. Talk to your ped but trust me the main point is your frustration is making this problem much worse...

Hi dear,
You don't say all that you've tried or how long you've held to each method before giving up in frustration. Your situation sounds like a very good reason to try co-sleeping. Have you tried this?? At this point, there's no fooling around. You all need sleep. You mention that as soon as you pick him up and hold him, he stops crying. He is craving your closeness and touch. I don't know your work schedule, but we began co-sleeping when I went back to work full-time and our child was around 6 months old. That nighttime bonding and physical touch (even though we were sleeping) was exactly what we needed. Sounds like you're also nursing, and co-sleeping is very beneficial for that, as well. As long as all physical problems have been ruled out, this would be my very next step. Like tonight! And you may want to discuss w/ your doctor an anti-depressant for yourself. Did wonders for me.

Please keep us updated on what is going on. I'm worried for you.

Try sleeping with him, or him sleeping with you. Its as natural as gravity and theres that old adage "if you cant beat em join em"

You're right! You can't allow your baby to destroy your household...because that is not possible. A baby has no control over his feeding habits, sleep habits...a baby doesn't even have control over his bowels...HOW can he control your household? Seriously, I get the exhaustion you're feeling, but you need a bit of perspective. If your work schedule is creating an unnatural environment in your home, YOU need to fix that. Your baby needs a consistancy that works for him...not to be handed off to be taken over where the other parent left off. He feels this frustration and is agitated by it. Sleeplessness is a symptom of something YOU need to fix and control for him. The schedule you've given him, doesn't work for him...or you. It seems from your post that you've figured out a lot of things that don't work for you. Now focus on the bigger picture. I'm sure by now you realize that this baby would gladly sleep if he could. The crying and screaming for 2 hrs before exhaustion takes over is a symptom of something else. Think big! Take some time off work to try to establish a routine. Changes at work can be hard, but seriously, this is your baby and your family you're talking about here. Make a change of schedule or employers if necessary...or see if you can work out a timeshare or even work from home on certain days. Go see you pediatrician if you haven't already. If you can't figure out how to make this work, then you need to express this to your doctor.

All of this aside, blaming your baby for the destruction of your family is a bit extreme, don't you think. You're the parents here, you are in control of what happens to your family. Be consistant, be understanding, be insightful, be pro-active and change what YOU'RE doing when it doesn't work for you're son. You're only six months in, this will NOT be you're biggest hurdle. This is the time to adjust your thinking and get into a supportive family mindframe. Your job is not to babysit until your husband takes over, it is to love and nurture this precious child and to develop patience you've never had to have before....this will do that for sure. Bottom line, it's not him, it's you in control.

(hugs)

It is 100% true that sleep deprivation is torture. Seriously.

I don't have a lot to offer, except another big (hug) because it sounds like you really need it.

Try co-sleeping, and try baby-wearing (get a sling or mei tai (I like the mai tei style better, because it offers more support). Get him checked out to make sure that he's not suffering from acid reflux (google "silent reflux") or ear infections (which can cause problems at night/pain when lying down, etc), & other issues.

Get family/friends/neighbors to take the baby for an hour or two, so you can nap. It's easier for them to deal with a crying baby for 1 hour and give you a break from it. If you don't have family/friends/neighbors that you can rely on, get a sitter on a regular basis so that you can get the nap--it's worth it.

We did not put either of our kids on schedules. I fed on demand. They napped when they were tired not b/c of the time on the clock. My kids are the easiest going, laid back kids, great students and involved in many activities. I have always thought the routine was for the parents not the babies - except for preemies/ill babies. I don't have a rigid routine, why would my baby? What I have noticed of babies that are on rigid feeding/napping schedules - they can't cope when things don't go exactly the way they are supposed too (this issue follows them to school as well - I am a teacher and can tell those that have rigid schedules at home). The schedule actually backfires on the parents but they do it anyway. You do what works for YOU, not what everyone else thinks you should do.

As far as your current problem, can you take time off to deal with this - about a week? I know it is not why you would want to take time off. But the more stressed you are, the less you will be able to deal with this. Plus, there is nothing wrong with the CIO method. Let him cry - don't take 2 hours to put him to bed. There is now a precedent set and you have to break the habit. Can a relative help out? My MIL would have been more than happy to come over and take the midnight reins. Good luck!

I didn't read the responses so I might be repeating something that was already said, but, if you haven't already tried this.... let him sleep in whatever he likes, the swing, bouncy seat ect. (As long as it's safe!) My 1st baby would only take naps if she was swinging (but she slept at night in her bed, I don't know why!) so that's what we did! It made a much happier baby and in turn a much happier momma! :o) Let imr swing all night if you need to as long as he sleeps!!!
Good luck!

Everyone here has given you great suggestions for the baby. YOU need to seek some help for post partum depression and/or anxiety. Having a high needs baby, whacked out hormones and no sleep is a terrible combination. I went through it too and I was a mess. Please talk to your OB or family doctor about some help for you.

Can either one of you take a short leave from work? FMLA? I'm assuming you had maternity leave and may not have any time left. But I'm wondering with all the stressors going on, if you or your husband could take some time off and focus totally on the baby and getting him to have a decent sleep schedule, that might help everyone.

And I would also suggest (as have several others) looking into food/dairy allergies and/or reflux.

It's so hard. I know. I really do. I had preemie twins that had reflux, colic, sleep issues, etc. so I get it. Please get help for you. A happy mommy means a happy baby.

First of all, you definitely need someone to come help you for a short while so you can catch up on your sleep and be in a better frame of mind to deal with this. Do you have family in the area? (I have family in your area - want to use them?)

Please make that your first priority - get some help. Today.

As for your son -
Sorry if you've already answered this, and I didn't see it........have you tried co-sleeping?

It sounds like he really needs to have your attention and he's getting it any way he can. He's only 7 months old, (I assume you just made a typo when you said 6) and even if he can say mommy and daddy, as you said, he still doesn't have any other way to communicate other than crying.

Who watches him during the day? Do both you and your husband work the same hours?

Whomever is with him, have they tried wearing him in a sling? Some babies really need to be close to their caregiver all the time. My daughter lived in her sling until she was 18 months old! I'm amazed she ever learned how to walk! : )

But she needed that. She would cry a lot when left on her own (my son always entertained himself well) and was a horrible sleeper unless she was sleeping with me. So, I wore her during the day, and co-slept at night. At 18 months, she was ready to leave the sling, and at 24 months, she slept in her own bed just fine.

I'm afraid that's the only suggestion I have. I wish your family the best, and hope you will let us know how it goes.

First, you need to catch up on your sleep. Call in a family member, friend, babysitter or kindly church lady and get some sleep.

Second, I always like to suggest sunlight therapy as a way to get someone to sleep better. Exposure to sunlight during the day (even under an open window if it is raining) helps regulate the body's sleep patterns and allows the body to sleep deeper when the lights are turned off and its dark.

gl and hth

Rock your baby to sleep--go into a dark, quiet room--rock him in the rocking chair, sing to him until he falls asleep. Give him naps throughout the day and make sure he isn't hungry, wet or cold before going to sleep. Have patience with him and hang in there! Things will get better.

M

When my boys were 6 months, I rocked them to sleep. Sometimes they fell asleep while nursing or bottle-feeding. Sometimes they needed more rocking time. Either way, I made sure the room was dark and cool and the noise level was low. And we just rocked and rocked and rocked until they fell asleep. I also waited until I was sure they were in a deep sleep.

Patience, consistency and a positive attitude (that's hard). Hang in there.

I read both of your posts and all of the responses and I have to say, it's hard to answer your questions because I'm really not sure what it is that you're trying. Maybe you could try being very specific about what you have tried.

I would post again and just be as specific as possible about things you have tried. Remember, many babies at that age go to bed between 7 pm and 8:30 pm, depending on their own internal clock and their family's lifestyle. That's why you've gotten several comments about putting him to bed at 1:00 am. It's just very difficult to fathom why 1:00 am would seem like an appropriate bedtime.

Yikes, I'm worried about you. I hope you can get some support for yourself-please do talk to your doctor about the way you are feeling. I went back and read your other post too, and in both of them, I am just worried about you, and also about your baby of course. When you talk about a baby "destroying a household" it makes me worried that you are suffering from post partum depression. It sounds like you are missing out on the joy that should go along with having a baby! I'm not judging-I know all too well about being sleep deprived. My 10 mo is still a terrible sleeper. But, from the outside looking in, it seems like there are things going on with you that need to be addressed to make sure that baby remains safe and happy. Please talk to your doctor about these feelings!

I was at my wit's end with my high-needs preemie. My husband was in school and had to sleep so the burden of night was on me (plus I was exclusively nursing). He had gotten to the point that he was easier to care for-no more monitor, he learned to nurse, way less doctor's visits but he didn't know how to sleep!

The biggest thing is *you* have to understand infant sleep to be able to teach your baby to sleep. Babies have to be taught to sleep. They don't automatically know how.

Here is what I did:

-I read Dr. Sears Baby Sleep Book, The Baby Whisperer and The No-Cry Sleep Solution. They are all pretty quick reads and I can't praise each of them enough. Taught me things I never knew!

-I used the *invaluable* tips, tricks and info to formulate a sleep plan that worked for my family with minimal tears (cause cry it out does NOT happen in my house!)
-You need to learn to read baby's cues so you can get to him before he gets over-tired (which is probably where he is now) and then gets wired.
-Then every single nap (and he should be napping twice a day) and at night time routines I literally did and said the same things. Like when it was time for nap I'd tell him "It's time for a little tiny nap.", we'd go into his room and start the nap routine. Bedtime was the same thing. He heard exactly the *same* thing every single time till he got it.
*I found once I got his naps going the nighttime fell into place* Don't let anyone tell you to keep this baby up during the day!!! Sleep begets you sleep. Keeping a baby up gets you what you've got now. An over-tired baby that doesn't know what to do!
-I started when my son was around 6 months old and I did and said the exact same things for 6 weeks straight and then it started to fall into place and my son was sleeping 10-13 hours a night. And napping twice a day.
-It's also VERY important that you learn to read his cues for tired before it gets too far. I think it's the Baby Whisperer that talks about how to look for the tired cues and get to baby quickly.

You have now got the task of breaking the cycle of baby (and you both) of being over tired. And no, it won't be easy and no it doesn't happen over night but if you want good sleep for baby (and you) and to set up good sleep habits commit to these next few weeks of learning about infant sleep and developing a sleep routine that you say and do the same things every time so baby can learn what to expect and what is expected. This literally saved my life!

Also, please know that infant sleep is never static due to growth spurts, milestones, etc but know that you can learn how to make it dramatically better.

Cut nap time, Cut nap time, Cut nap time. Do whatever you can to keep your baby up during the day. Then, he will sleep at night. My son has always wanted to nap all day long. I would love the quiet and let him sleep. Then, hes be up all night. So I scheduled his nap times. Hes 2.5 now and I still have to regulate his naps time. If he sleeps more than 15 minutes during the day, he will be up until midnight the same night. Thats my best suggestion for you too.. cut the naps. Your baby might not be sleeping until late just becauses he not tired. If you limit his naps, he'll sleep earlier. I would look up how much sleep a 6 month old should be getting. Then figure out apprx how much sleep he gets at night, then I would work the nap schedule around how much time you have left over. Good Luck.

Haven't read your other post or any answers on here but here is what helped us. Put them on their stomachs, if there is any chance he has reflux get it checked out because when they lay down (especially on their backs) it causes pain which in turn will cause them not to want to sleep, also if he is a paci baby and is losing them all the time you can get those things that hook to their clothes and then if the paci falls out of their mouth its still right there beside them.

Also, I understand the stress, anxiety and lack of sleep you're in right now as I had very premature twins (27 weekers) and was right there as well, but you need to know babies pick up on this and I'm sure the baby can sense this from you and your husband which only makes things much, much worse.

In this post you sound very resentful and angry towards the baby and you CAN'T do that. This is a baby, he doesn't know any better nor does he understand why he's doing this so you have to figure out how not to take this out on him. If it means seeking therapy and even some medication for you and your husband then do so. Your baby isn't destroying your life, you two are letting the situation destroy your life. People have difficult babies and numerous babies at once and they make it through the bad times, you two have to figure it out. You say your jobs don't allow for a routine, well that's not ok for the baby. All docs will tell you children thrive on routine and discipline and if you, as the parent, don't give that to them you will have a difficult road. Hope you can find an answer to this all soon for you two, but mainly for this baby.

1) Check for any medical issues he may have-take him in asap (reflux, milk allergies, etc.) This could change everything.

2) Keep him up as much as you can during the day! I know you are exhausted, but keeping him awake for the majority of the day will make him tired at night! Limit those naps.

3) Does he like car rides? When all else fails, try putting your baby in his car seat and drive him around until he falls asleep. I know, desperate, but you need some sleep.

4) You guys are busy, but at least try to keep the same routine at night. Bath-Books-Snuggles-Bed

5) Keep baby's room as dark as possible. Put curtains up or some blinds.

Good luck. I know you will get through this. This too shall pass.

Have you taken your child into the chiropractor for at least 3-4 visits? if not do it now. I bet you his body is not feeling good if you have tried everything else and nothing is working. And I stress at leaste 3-4 visits. You might be pleasently surprised.

As a mother of a child who didn't sleep well for a while (until we were told to bring him into the chirpractor) i urge you to seek help from friends, churches to get through this phase you cannot do it on your own, and you shouldn;t have to...if I lived close to you I would help and I know others would.

I am concerned for the well-being of your family. I believe you need to seek professional help for both your child (what you have described is NOT normal) and yourself (you seem over-stressed, exhausted, and possibly depressed).

Even if your job does not allow for a natural routine, your child still needs one. Your stress is probably feeding into the problems you are having w/ your child and making it worse. Babies can sense stress and hostility and this would definately contribute to his crying/screaming.

Do you have family or close friends (someone from church maybe) that you could ask to watch your baby for a day or so at least once a week? You all (baby included) needs to get some much needed rest.

Best of luck to you and yours.

There's a few moving parts here that you should try to separate. First realize that your stress can be picked up by your baby. When you're holding your child and you're frustrated, tired, tense, he feels the tenseness of your body and will cry all the more. Did you take childbirth classes? If so try the breathing and relaxation techniques you learned when you're holding your child. I recall having very tense times when my baby would just scream and when I made a conscious effort to relax my body I could feel her little body begin to relax. It won't be instantaneous - but he will feel the stress leave your body and he'll relax up against you.

I have two kids - now 15 and 12. My first child NEVER slept. This kid survived on two 20 minute naps a day and hardly any sleep at night. I went back to work when she was about 10 weeks old and I walked around like a zombie for years. I wish I could give you more encouraging words - but if someone has never had a baby who doesn't sleep they just don't understand it. I tired so many different methods to get her to go to sleep - none of them worked and everyone out there who has kids who sleep simply think you're not doing it right. WE tried with great consistency the crying out - wit h atimer, trying longer each night - but after 4 hours of screaming for a few nights in a row it clearly was not working. We watied a few weeks and then tried it again. Grrr. People who give pat answers dont' have the kind of child you and I have! ;o)

My son, on the other hand, always slept well from the beginning. He was sleeping through the night by 12 weeks old and took these enormously long naps. The crying-out thing worked like a charm for him - jsut the like books says. He slept so well that I used to go in the check to make sure he was still breathing.

(The funny thing is the one who never slept as a baby can really sleep now that she's a teen - and my son who was the long sleeper tends to be the early riser. Seems like my older one is making up for lost time... Who can tell?)

But as for your short term problem - give up on the crying it out thing, the music, or whatever. When she was still a baby my daughter often spent most nighttime hours in bed with us - I had to get some sleep and that was the only way to do it. I'm a pretty light sleeper so I never had to worry that I would roll over on her. Eventually I got rid of the crib (since she never slept in it) and I got her a regular bed. I put the box spring on the floor - I bought guardrails for the sides of the bed that tucked in under the matress and I would actually go to bed with her. We'd both fall asleep and I'd creep out of her bed and climb into my own. I put a gate on her bedroom door so she wouldn't explore the house on her own. Although she never even tried.

It wasn't the optimum way to get my baby to go to sleep - but I needed sleep and so did she. It was not worth ruining our health over. I decided to do this aftre falling asleep on her bedroom floor while she was still wide awake in her crib.

Also try ti figoure out how much sleep he's getting during the day. When my daughter got older I realized that her night-time sleep was being sabatoged by our babysittre who lieks to watch certain TV shows in the late afternoon and would hold my daughter perfectly still while she napped from 3 - 5. No wonder she wasn't tired until 1 in the morning! I only found out when I came home from work early one day and there was my babysitter watching Baywatch at 4:15 while my baby girl was fast asleep! YIKES!!!! I adored our babysitter, she loved my child but it stillaggravates me that she knew I was having a tough time getting her to sleep at night and she never bothered mentioning her late naps or even wanted to try to change it up!

Anyway - keep the faith mamma. The early years / months are really tough for the sleep-deprived. you will survive this but as others have said here, try to enlist the help of others - if someone offers to help let them! It's a gift you should accept. ;o)

I am almost positive there is either a medical issue [reflux, food issue, or some other ailment], or that he needs consistency and isn't getting it. Have the doctor check him out, and get a second opinion if you have to, and if he seems to be fine, stick to ONE way of putting him down from now on- Don't change it at all! My son had major sleep issues, and I realized I was doing WAY too much, and the inconsistency of not sticking to one way of bedtime was what caused a lot of issues.
This is what I started doing at two years old [when he was STILL not going to sleep at a good time or sleeping through the night]: Every night, I would warn him a couple of times that bedtime was coming soon. 7pm on the dot, we were going up to his room no matter what, and we did one more diaper, one more snack or drink, brushing teeth, reading and rocking, put him in bed, hug and kiss, and I said goodnight at 7:45. I let him cry if he had to. In fact, he did cry A TON the first few nights. I also shortened his nap in the daytime to an hour and a half. A 6 month old could probably use two naps. [Before, I was so tired from him not sleeping at night that I would try to make him take more naps during the day so that I could get those short naps, too! BAD IDEA.]
If you follow a strict bedtime routine, and don't go back in his room- I would say give him a maximum of 2 hours by himself crying- he will start sleeping! If he cries the full two hours, something more has to be going on with him- hungry, thirsty, or some medical issue.
The benefit of a routine is that it DOES work- but you have to be the one to make it work, and that means hard work and a huge struggle when you first start it. I think you are probably giving up too soon because it is so hard! Don't give up- it really will work, and if you do give up, you will have to start all over again to be successful.
After starting that routine, after a week, it was so easy to put my son to bed, and he starting sleeping through the night finally, and I was happier, and he was happier.

Try the pacifier if it helps soothe him, try swaddling him if it helps him to relax (I swaddled my second well into his 8th month with the Woombie swaddle because he needed it), try putting him in a baby swing and then when he dozes off...move him to the crib, try giving him a bottle to hold in his crib, run a fan. These are ideas that I didn't think I would resort to but did, and they worked. There also very well could be something that's causing him discomfort...if you don't like what your current ped. is offering for advice try a different one.

6 months is still young and I know how you feel. I remember crying on the phone when my husband would call from work, I was so overtired and exhausted. He's 18 mo. now and sleeps like an angel, it seems like forever ago. You really need a break, call an in-law/friend/hire a babysitter to help you watch the baby and yes, talk to your OB about what you're going through. You'll get through it!!!

If it takes you two hours to get him to sleep at 3 a.m., why are you waiting til 1 a.m. to put him down? Here's my suggestion - invest in a postpartum doula or a baby nurse to observe his schedule and give you some practical suggestions based on what is actually going on. Routines are fine and babies shouldn't be up til 1 am., but are you noticing what your son's cues are in terms of when he is hungry, tired, etc and building the routine around it?

have you had him checked for ear infections? My daughter was a dream sleeper until 6 months - at that point she pretty much cried on and off all night- ended up having back to back to back ear infections - she didn't start sleeping through the night again until we had tubes put in her ears. good luck - I also highly recommend an Amby baby hammock - both my kids had them and sleep like a DREAM until they outgrew them - they hold the baby in a fairly upright position. I have one I could sell you for fairly cheap since I know you are desperate - they retail for like $350 - but we've had ours for 8 years and no longer plan to have kiddos - let me know and we could work something out. good luck

I'm only writing because I feel bad that T.S. had to be so litteral and turn so nasty. I get what you are saying. You don't think you can go on anymore. Mine was never this bad, but I can tell you that there were times when I'd lay the baby down, and pray to God that she would sleep because I needed sleep so bad. I have to tell you, I think God listened. If you've tried everything else, why not try prayer. After all you are desperate and God cares. With my first I resorted to letting her sleep in her swing until 5 months of age. With my second I resorted to cosleeping. So sorry. Sleep depravation is pure hell. Can you get any family to come help at night to walk with the baby so you can sleep. I mean if it really is gettting that desperate, can you reach out to family?

You've gotten a lot of good ideas here so far. (although, personally, I would not begin co-sleeping.)
Wear him.
You baby, from your description is severely overly tired.
You have not mentioned naps. Does he nap?
If you're thinking that holding back on naps will cause him to sleep better at night--nothing could be further from the truth! Exhaustion causes fighting sleep, fitful sleep, etc.
He needs to be "WELL RESTED" and FULL before bedtime.
Do you work? If not--here's an idea--YOU get on his 3:00 a.m. bedtime schedule yesterday! Sleep in til 9 or whenever the baby wakes. What time does he get up when he goes to bed at 3:00 am?
Yes--babies need a routine--but sometimes the routine in not what you have in mind! The thing is that you & the baby be on the same routine. Forget the picture in your head of a "normal" day. Picture a day that works--for now.
This won't last forever. Routines change all the time. Be flexible.
So what if it's midnight & he's up? Do some laundry, let your husband sleep & YOU do the bedtime routine with the baby. a routine is what you make it.
I know what it's like to be a sleep-deprived mother (and definitely get someone to spell you to allow you to grab a few hours when you can) but here's the BIG secret: Sometimes it's the mom that needs to change HER routine. It won't be forever.
The important thing is that the baby sleeps, you sleep when he does and hubs gets a 'normal" night's sleep so his job is not in jeopardy. For now.
Personally, I got really familiar with what my neighborhood looked like at 1,2, 3 am, all of their morning routines, the newspaper delivery guy, etc. LOL
Good luck!

First I read both questions. He is a baby so he isn't doing this on purpose. You also need a break from him.
Second get him back to his doctor or a different one and double check that there isn't any medical issues going on.
Third I never saw a mention of using music. I'm not just talking classical music. For my boys when either was over tired,cranky or just plain orny I put in their favorite cd and let the music do the work for me. Odd as it sounds Bon Jovi was a life saver. Try a variety of music but don't try it all in one night. Try one group for a couple of nights at a time. I wouldn't worry over lyrics because he isn't going to notice those. Just worry about what works.
Also you mention you both work and that you don't have set schedules for your work...that could be a huge issue even though you are saying you have tried to set a schedule for the baby. You also have to consider you might just have a night owl on your hands when it comes to your baby. My youngest son is a night owl and was from a very young age despite my best efforts to get him not to be. He wasn't a crier just a player/giggler during the night. I can laugh now cause he is still that way and he is 10 now.
Another thing I want to suggest that is going to seem odd but change up his room. Move his crib to another spot in the room. Change up where you have the rest of the furniture. I know it sounds crazy but it might not feel right to him and that could be causing a little bit of the sleep issue. I noticed you said he can sleep fine int he middle of your bed. Look at how your room is set up and try to set his up the same way. My oldest son prefers his bed up against an inside wall,even at 15 yrs old. While my youngest prefers his bed against an outside wall. I know strange but I have noticed both sleep better if their beds are in places they prefer.

Is he taking a lot of naps during the day? If so, you need to cut those way back. When my kids were six months old, they took two 1-1.5 hour naps each day, then went to bed between 8-9 PM. My youngest has been my worse sleeper, and if I don't keep his naps very short, he won't go to bed until 11:00 pm or midnight. It seems like such a nice break to let them take a long nap in the afternoon, but you pay for it at night.
Unless your son is really tired at night, he's not going to go to bed no matter what techniques you use. Cut way down on his naps, make sure he plays a lot during the day and gets enough mental stimulation to tire himself out and avoid putting him in front of the TV in the evening because that's overstimulating at a time when you want him to settle down. Good luck!

I went back and read your other post. You've listed a lot of books that you've tried, but it doesn't sound like you've tried any of them for very long. Pick one and stick with it.
I couldn't read books with my son when he was that young either, but we still cuddled and rocked every night, we added books when he was a little older. He would be mostly asleep when I would put him down in the crib. He started to wake up when ever we would put him in the crib, so I bought a heartbeat bear. As soon as he heard the bear he would roll over and go back to sleep.

Look into sleepytime tea (it has a bear on the box). It is all natural and shouldn't hurt babies. Maybe he needs some. If he doesn't like it at first put some substitute sweetner in it to make it taste better.

I feel for you so much!! I haven't had a full night sleep in 4 years!! #4 didn't sleep all night until the age of 2. #5 will be 3 at the end of Aug. and hasn't slept a full night yet. Her ped has told me since she was a month old that my insomina cant be passed down... this is the first thing that I disagree with with her in 15 years!! My daughter even as a newborn didn't sleep more than two hours at a time and would be up for the next 5-6 hours. Now she is awake every 2 hours for atleast an hour after going to bed at 10-11 and gets up 6. My hubby keeps saying he cant believe how stupid he has become because his brain doesn't function right anymore from our lack of sleep!! I wish I could tell you some magic secret!! I would love to sleep all night... if she does ever start its not going to do me much good cause my 15yr old is starting to venture out longer and I know it will be later the older he gets, so I will be up worrying until he gets home.

Good luck!

Haven't read your other post or responses. My daughter had a similar problem - never really settling down until 3 or 4 am. This went on for 2 full years (good times!). I found out much later that she likely had a reflux problem. Not enough to make it obvious, but enough to keep her up at night. Thinking back, had I known this I would have fed her differently and maybe lifted up one side of her bed to let gravity help the situation. I actually had her pediatrician tell me it was my fault she was doing this because I coddled her - not! I found a new pediatrician after that visit. Best of luck and keep digging until you find an answer. I know how tired you are - it will get better.

When I was a teenager we baby sat a neighbors cat for a few weeks.
He liked to nap all day, then literally walk all over us all night.
SO - we started noticing when ever he wanted to nap during the day and then woke him up at every opportunity.
It took a few days, but he finally slept at night when we did.
My son went through a phase a little like this.
He wanted to doze all day and party all night - and the crying and sleep deprivation were REALLY getting to us.
SO - we did what we could to keep him awake as much as possible during the day - everybody was cranky.
He had naps, but I kept them very short, and being very tired he was not a happy baby.
Eventually we got through - night time is the time for the major sleeping.
Oh he still woke up at night from time to time, but it wasn't like he wanted to be up all night like he use to.
Hang in there!

Yeah, sounds like you might be trying too many different things?

Be consistent. I did CIO with mine at 6 months (but not before), and it worked after 3 days with all of them. But I had to be willing to let them cry for up to 2 hours. But like you, I was done.

Make sure he doesn't nap much during the day and be consistent. Good luck.

My children were not the best sleepers when they were babies. I was exhausted. You case sounds VeRy extreme. I can only imagine how trying it is for you. Normally, I am not one for gimmicks or outside help. But desperate times call for desperate measures. Have you considered having a sleep trainer come in and work with you and your child? I have never used one and I don't know of anyone who has, but when mama is talking tranquilizers it's time for a completely new approach. A quick google search and I found this one. http://www.dreamteambaby.com/index.html Obviously you'll need to research it, but if you feel like you have exhausted all other means, maybe try this avenue. GL!

I know how you feel, I also had a baby that didn't want to sleep. We tried it all, and eventually I gave in and let him sleep with me just to survive.
In our case the real problem turned out to be severe separation anxiety. I eventually found a daycare that was willing to work with my problem and enrolled him a couple mornings a week. It took 6 weeks, but he **finally** learned to accept being away from me sometimes. It was at that point that the bed time problems magically disappeared.

I haven't read your previous post. Does he sleep decently (at least, relatively) during the day?
At 6 months old, that does kind of shock me. My first instinct is to seek out a new doctor to thoroughly check for any physical explanations.

My babies have never had much of a routine. That caused its own problems when we were faced with occasional days that needed real structure, but it wasn't a particularly big deal. If it's not working, screw it!

If you were to put him in a playpen at night with some toys, would he play himself to sleep, or just scream until 3am?

I will speak from experience. Our son was a horrible sleeper until he was 13 or 14 mths old. Our twins were just typical babies times 2. The lack of sleep and stress was very hard on my marriage. I get what you are feeling.
First, relax! Your tension and anxiety will make it worse.
Second, pick one approach and give it a try for at least a couple weeks.
Third, everyone says to have a routine. Do you have him on a consistent schedule, during the day and at night? It is extremely important. He needs a nap at the same time in the morning and a nap at the same time in the afternoon (NOT past 4:00 in the afternoon). If you can't make that happen, if you can't provide a routine for him, consider putting him in a daycare or a home care situation. I only say that because it sounds like your work schedules are all over the place. A home-care/daycare situation would provide the consistent schedule that he needs.

With the twins our bedtime routine was a bath, read books, turned on quiet music and rocked, put in bed, rubbed backs and then lights out. (I did the same thing with our son but rocked him to sleep. Big mistake!!)
I wish you the best. Don't blame him. Don't let your frustration cause resentment. Just do whatever it takes to fix this. It WILL get better.

Yours is a little extreme (3AM gosh!) but I went through similar issues when my son was that age too. There would be days he absolutely didn't want to sleep.We would rock him for hours to get him to sleep. Now at 15 months , we have realized that when he doesn't want to sleep it means that he is not sleepy at all. If he is tired and sleepy he doesn't fight us. At 6 months, they cry for everything, so it's difficult to understand if something is bothering him or not.I remember my son slept in the swing a LOT. We have the Fisher price cradle swing which we love. It's almost flat and my son was very comfortable in it. The one we have can be plugged in , so no need to spend on batteries again. Try this , it has really nice music as well.I don't know what we would do without this baby swing.
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Fisher-Price-Starlight-Papasan-...
Also one more thing is don't let your baby take a nap very close to bedtime. Then they are not very sleepy.Maybe try skipping the afternoon nap for today or not let him sleep for long. He might go to bed early for you then. A bath right before bed helps too.
And all the talk about routine for babies, I worried a lot about it as well. My son didn't have one. But as long as you try to get him to sleep around the same time everyday, they tend to develop that routine after few days. It's the same with adults too right. If you start taking a nap every afternoon when you are on a break, you will feel sleepy at around that time even when you are at work. Don't worry too much about routine for now. Just do what works for your family. As your baby starts crawling/walking they tend to get very tired with all the physical activity and play and will sleep better. Hope this helps.

I haven't seen your other posts so I may be repeating what someone else has said.
1) Start putting baby to bed earlier. He sounds like he is overtired , Believe it or not an overtired baby will not sleep they will just cry and cry and be cranky.
2) Is baby teething? give motrin or tylenol if baby is teething.
3) is baby hot, or cold ?
4) does baby have refulx or bad gas? lay him on his back , take his legs and bend them at the knees, and firmly and carefully push his knees up into his tummy rotating his hips in a rolling motion roll his hips massaging his tummy with his knees. if he lets out a massive toot , you know the cause of the problem.
5) does he need to eat? does he need a pacifier ? does he need to be swaddled?
6) does he want to sleep on his back or on his tummy? both of mine were tummy sleepers.

Have you tried taking him to the doctor to see if he has any reflux issues? Gastro Pediatrician not just regular pediatrician? Sounds like that may be the issue. There is something called silent reflux that doesn't look like reflux.

This sounds crazy, but have you tried bouncing him to sleep? For the first 4 months of my son's life, he would only fall asleep in the rainforest bouncer. I would turn it on vibrate an bounce him asleep.

If it is a waiting game...how about earplugs for your husband and he sleeps (so doesn't lose his job) and you hire a part time sitter (so you can catch up on sleep during the day).

Good luck hun!

Have you considered the possibility that the baby my have colic? My second son was totally different than the first, who was an absolute dream. Our first son slept through the night when he was two weeks old and he slept soundly for 10 hours at a time. My husband and I would actually change his diaper in the middle of the night just so that he would not wet through his clothes as he slept. Then, five years later, we had son number two. He was an affable child during the day and grew as he should. Both boys were 8 1/2 pounds at birth. Around bedtime, he would pull a Jekyll and Hyde act. No one understood (least of all me!) what was going on. He cried, actually screamed, at the top of his lungs, pulled at his clothes, literally writhed in pain. I was told it was just "growing pains" and it would go away with some maturity. At around three months, I told the pediatrician that there was something wrong because he was not sleeping and neither were my husband or I. He grudgingly prescribed Levsin with my son's last feeding of the day. The first night, after the very first dose, he drifted peacefully off to sleep. I was unsure whether our newfound quiet was "real" or if it would "last" through the night. To our delight, it was real and it did last through the night. We continued to give him Levsin, only at night, until he was around one year old. It was at that time that the doctor finally admitted that my son did, in fact, have colic. That was many years ago. There are over-the-counter rememdies now that you can give your child to see if colic is the problem. It's worth a try. What have you got to lose?

Jayden does the same thing she screams all the time i just to her straight her bed and spaces her crying out to see if it get loud or soft and if get i loud wait 10 minutes and she slow tires her self and i use most of super nanny tips she very good with this kinda of problems

Melatonin - I haven't read all the responses due to time constraints, but I wanted to tell you about melatonin. I have 4 kids. I never had a problem with the kids sleeping until my 4th child. One day another mom suggested melatonin and it was the biggest relief! Her pediatrician had suggested it for her child. It comes in a dissolveable form. I buy it at Whole Foods. Just buy the 1mg and either put it in his mouth to dissovle or disolve it in water and give it in a suringe. Start with 1/2mg by breaking the tablet in half. Increase the dose if necessary. Now, my son is 3 years old and doesn't require any to fall asleep. I would give it about 30 minutes prior to his bedtime. You may find after a while, you need to give it 45-60 minutes prior to bed time. Some people may say this shouldn't be done, while others will say it's prefectly safe. My thinking is that children don't develop properly unless the entire family gets rest. You MUST get on a routine and get him eating, napping, and going to bed at the same time each day. That will set him up for a lifetime of good sleeping habits. Once he is established you can stop the melatonin. Good luck.

Are you sure there are no medical issues?? Poor thing, can't be any fun for him either.

My son was a horrible sleeper. Just horrible. First he had colic, then acid reflux, and his sleep patterns were all over the place. I finally was at my breaking point. One night, I told hubby that it was up to him. I couldn't take another sleepless night. I was literally sleepwalking through my days. At one point, I must have been sleeping while I was standing up, because I found myself standing in my closet and I had no idea how I had gotten there!

Anyway, hubby got some advice from out pediatrician and he recommended pediacare infant drops for our son. Our son also had allergies and constantly had a runny/stuffy nose. So, the doc said that maybe this was keeping him up at night. Lo and behold....it worked like a charm!!! He finally slept!

Putting my daughter on the baby whisperer's EASY schedule was the best thing we ever did. I recommend her book if you haven't read it already. I know a lot of people hate the idea of schedules, but babies love routine. Try charting for a couple of days when your baby eats and sleeps so you get an idea of what his routine is now, then it will be easier to try to change it. You can pick up the baby whisperer's book at the library and skim it to get the gist of putting him on a schedule, if he isn't already, and she has great tips for changing his schedule to one that works best for you. Because people who tell you that you should do whatever the baby wants but that's obviously not best for the whole family. Good luck, mama.

Didn't read your responses, but want to let you know I'm in a similar position with my 9 month old. She will ONLY sleep on me - I'm her comfort item. So we've come up with a plan to help her sleep on her own:

1. We're adding a blankie. Everytime she nurses or falls asleep with me, I'm holding a special blankie and encouraging her to rub it with her hands while she's nursing and falling asleep. The thought is that hopefully the blanket will become as much a part of her comfort as I.

2. Bedtime routine. This is only 20 minutes long and will teach her that bedtime is coming. First a bath, then jammies, 2 special books, a nursing session and a song. Again, the hope is that the routine will become so ingrained that her body will automatically get ready for bed during the process. Life happens, but a 20 min routine should be doable most every day.

3. We are currently co-sleeping, but will transition her to her crib when she's a year. The plan is for us to keep the routine the same, but when we're done to lay her in her crib with her blankie, say night-night and sit on a chair beside her until she falls asleep. That way I'm *there*, but she's not ON me.

I know she'll cry, but what's the real difference between her crying in my arms and learning nothing, and her crying 8 inches away from me but learning how to fall asleep on her own? Just that the latter option allows me to keep my sanity!!

It's kind of a combination of a bunch of stuff I've read; something that's gradual, reassuring and that *I'm* comfortable doing.

Best of luck to you!!