Hi M.,
I'm in Cincinnati, but we have family in Archbold! :)
Warmest congratulations on expecting your first baby! Such an exciting time, sooo much information out there that it can be hard to wade through it all, and so many different opinions (because life isn't one-size-fits-all). I'm only sharing what I've stumbled across during my mere 41 months (that's just under 3.5 years) as a mother.
Bottles & Breastpumps
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I just wanted to throw in my 2 cents because I see that a lot of the moms who replied here did not have success breastfeeding, and I definitely had struggles too. That's REALLY common, so don't be surprised, and even better, start building up your support system and local breastfeeding resources NOW, before life gets crazy with your newborn's arrival. After my first baby was born, I took my maternity leave (6 weeks) and then some Family Leave (a few more weeks) before going back to work. I will say that those first 8 weeks after my daughters birth were TOUGH, and I had some issues w/ breastfeeding that took a TON of effort, good support and encouragement (from my parents and my husband), accurate information from a good lactation consultant and from a breastfeeding moms support group (there is soooo much bad information out there about breastfeeding, even from well-meaning pediatricians unfortunately, so find people who specialize in breastfeeding if you need help). And oh yeah, scrape together all of your personal determination to breastfeed, because that certainly helped me get through those times when it was SO tempting to give up or want to try a bottle so many different times! But I am soooo glad I didn't give up (thanks to the support system to help carry me through - did I mention SUPPORT is key?).
So... with the right support, info, and determination, the odds ARE IN YOUR FAVOR that you can breastfeed. If you can commit to giving breastfeeding at least 6-8 weeks to really get established, it it could be really hard work for those weeks, you will very likely succeed (less than 10% of women are physically, medically unable to breastfeed - the rest is lack of support, lack of accurate information, etc. - NOT faulting other moms or guilting - our culture just isn't very good at supporting moms through breastfeeding right now, even though everyone says "breast is best" our culture doesn't do anything to really encourage breastfeeding/pumping or make it easier to do in public or at work).
I found that after 6-8 weeks, breastfeeding started to feel truly natural and easy and effortless, and I only then started to really relax and enjoy and understand the glorious convenience of breastfeeding, the excellent health benefits to both mother and child, and the simple sweetness and unique bond that comes from a mom nourishing and nurturing her baby at her breast.
So yes, I did go back to work 45+ hours a week, and I did pump every day, 3xday at first, then 2x, then eventually 1x a day (your body & milk supply adjusts if you do this gradually). I *definitely* agree with other moms who replied that you need a GOOD, QUALITY double electric pump if you're returning to work! And I'd get the pump *before* the birth, too. Even if it runs you $300, you'll EASILY save that much in just a few weeks by not having to buy formula (uh, formula is super expensive, and if you have to switch from cow's milk formula to soy formula to hypoallergenic formula because your baby has colic or an allergy to dairy & soy? well, you'll be shelling out TONS of cash for the special formula).
I don't know if you've read the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation that babies be fed breastmilk exclusively for the first 6 months, and then a gradual introduction of solids w/ the majority of nutrition still being breastmilk from age 6months-12 months. If you both want to nurse beyond 12 months that's fine, too - the World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding to 6 months and then solids + nursing until *at least* the age of 2. So let's say you nurse for 8 months or 1 year, you'll save $$$ literally thousands of dollars by not having to buy formula. Trust me when I say a good breast pump is worth it's weight in gold! I love my Medela Pump In Style backpack (it's black, does NOT look like a pump), and it was under $300 new, and I'm even using it now with my 2nd baby who was born this past January (he's already 6 months old, and we again had a difficult first 6 weeks to establish breastfeeding that took a lot of work and determination and good help from a lactation consultant, but things smoothed out and now it's effortless, very 2nd nature to nurse).
My top picks for looking up reliable, accurate information on breastfeeding - very thorough, really well done:
KellyMom
http://www.kellymom.com
Dr. Jack Newman's Visual Guide to Breastfeeding (online videos!)
http://www.drjacknewman.com/index.php?option=com_content&...
Two great forums where you can ask questions about breastfeeding in general, breastfeeding challenges, etc., from other moms who've successfully breastfed (some who have had no problems at all, it was easy, and some who have overcome MAJOR obstacles to breastfeed their babies - a good range of experiences):
Mothering.com's Breastfeeding Forums
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=23
La Leche Leagues Online Forums
http://lalecheleague.org/vbulletin/
For in-person support, and I think it's REALLY helpful (or it has been for me at least) to have face-to-face time with other moms who have successfully breastfed since we rarely see this in our society anymore, I highly recommend going to the monthly mother-to-mother breastfeeding support meetings. And *start while you're pregnant* so that you can establish a good support system BEFORE the baby arrives/just in case any possible nursing issues do come up after you're home with your newborn. Your local group meets:
--> 1st Monday of each month at 10 a.m.
--> call the group leaders with any questions
--> Chris ###-###-#### ____@____.com
--> Natalie ###-###-####
http://www.lllusa.org/web/ToledoOH.html
Strollers & Carseats
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OK, I went around and around about this trying to decide with each of my kids - infant seat or convertible seat? A lot of people rave about the infant seat + stroller travel systems. They can certainly be nice. But the babies grow out of them quickly, and you're out that $$ for the infant seat. Why not put that $$$ towards a longer lasting alternative? There are convertible carseats that go from 5-65 pounds (birth to 4, 5, 6 yrs old?) and these are by far your most economical choices. With my first, I did just the convertible car seat, and it went from 5-40 lbs - she just outgrew it in height and is almost at the weight limit, and she's almost 3.5 yrs old. For my second baby, since he was a January/winter baby, I decided to go with a travel system because I thought the infant car seat would keep him warmer, etc. I got a Britax Companion seat + Preview stroller system. Ha! He outgrew the seat within 5 months and we're still using the stroller now and then. But WHOA, those infant seats w/ the handles are HEAVY just by themselves (even the light ones), and then add your baby -- even heavier! Plus, I see some babies who just LIVE in those infant seats. They're barely picked up - mom puts baby in car seat, clicks that into the base in the car, drives to destination, takes out carseat and puts into stroller, then pushes stroller around. For lunch, baby remains in infant seat, perhaps up on table or maybe still in stroller. Mom bottlefeeds baby in infant seat. It makes me want to say, "What about holding, cradling, snuggling your baby once every 20 minutes or so?" OBVIOUSLY, there are moms recovering from childbirth and c-sections who are trying not to carry too much, so I know there are extenuating circumstances sometimes and strollers can be indispensable then. But often there aren't any special medical issues, and even so, to even haul those infant seats in and out of car to stroller to car again... hmm. That's WAY heaver than just carrying your baby around, so if you're recovering from c-section, you definitely should NOT be lifting the travel system thing! Seems simpler and more cuddly to just take baby out of seat, pop them into a nice cloth baby carrier and be on your way together without having to lug a carseat out and back into the car, a stroller out of and back into the car, etc. So - I recommend a good baby carrier, but NOT the BabyBjorn carrier...
A good baby carrier supports the seat & thighs of your baby, allows parent to safely carry baby hands-free (so you can get more done!), may even enable discreet nursing in the carrier, and is a wonderful way to help sooth your baby (especially during that super-fussy age of 6-8 weeks old!). Babies who are "worn" in a carrier cry significantly less because they hear your heartbeat, are able to see the world from a safe place, and the mom/dad usually knows very quickly what her baby needs since the baby is so close. So yes, skip the Baby Bjorn carrier - instead, put your $89-100 bucks towards a really versatile, comfortable carrier that will last you and your baby for years - sling, wrap, mei tai, ergo carrier, etc. Here are 4 places to look at for more good info on baby carriers and baby wearing:
http://www.theportablebaby.com
http://www.peppermint.com
http://www.wearyourbaby.org/
http://www.tummy2tummy.com/
Please note: I have, and DO USE regularly, my 2 strollers! I sometimes want to let my sleeping infant stretch out while we're out and about, or sometimes I need to corral my 3 yr old in the stroller and I wear my little 6 month old. I repeat: strollers and infant seats are not evil! And I'm certainly not advocating that you wear your baby ALL the time or never put them down. It's all about balance, and I just think it's really easy to form a habit of leaving a baby in a infant seat all the time, but that's not necessarily the best place for them developmentally. There are TONS of benefits of babywearing that just can't be duplicated by long periods of awake time in the infant carseat carrier:
http://www.instinctiveparenting.com/flex/43_reasons_to_ca...
So my summary of carseats/strollers:
To save money, get a convertible carseat that will take you from 5-65 lbs w/ a 5 point harness. The Britax Boulevard has excellent side impact protection, a great knob that allows easy adjusting of the harness and side impact head wings without having to disassemble and rethread the harness straps, and has fantastic safety ratings. The harness straps don't tangle, they're easily buckled and threaded. You can get a Boulevard for $239 on sale (online, free shipping), and that should last you for at least FOUR YEARS (likely more) - so, you'd be paying LESS than 16 CENTS a day to have a really solid, top-rated-in-safety car seat. IMO, that's money well spent. Skip the fancy crib or expensive linens or cutesy lamps and carpets, and go for the safest carseat. If you travel a lot through airports, treat yourself to a GoGoKidz Travelmate which converts the carseat into a stroller: http://theportablebaby.com/gogokidz.html
And even with Britax + GoGoKidz you'd still be getting a good deal if you consider how long it'll last you. Otherwise, you buy the travel system, then they grow out of the infant seat and you buy the next seat up which may go to 40 lbs, so they outgrow that, and then you need a booster seat... And that all adds up over time.
For strollers, we got our Graco MetroLite for a very reasonable price, LOVE that it folds easily w/ 1 hand and stands up on it's end, is lightweight with a few nice features such as fully reclining seat, side snapping snack tray, and a generous sun canopy and underneath basket. It has been a great stroller from birth to toddler for us. The Britax Preview stroller is ok, but there are other better slightly souped-up umbrella strollers out there (MacLaren, Inglesina, Chicco, Peg Perego). If you're planning on having more than one baby and they'll be less than 3 yrs apart, check out Phil & Ted's E3 buggy - seems really pricey upfront, but it's VERY versatile and is even EXPANDABLE w/ a toddler seat to become a DOUBLE STROLLER! I wish I'd known about this stroller when my daughter was born - I don't own an E3 because I have 3 strollers already and just can't justify another stroller especially at that price, but the truth is that the E3 could replace ALL 3 of my strollers because it is so flexible. Hmm, maybe I should sell my 3... ;)
Cribs & Nursery Furniture
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You said, "I would prefer to get one of those transitional cribs. I don't think I want to do co-sleeping with the baby in the room."
I don't know if you are firmly decided against having your newborn share the room with you, but studies show that this is THE SAFEST place for a baby to be. The rate of SIDS goes down drastically when a baby sleeps in the same room as the parents, and the SIDS rate drops even MORE when mom breastfeeds her baby. The bottom line is that many parents swear they'll never have the baby in their room, but then the baby comes and the parents find that EVERYONE sleeps better when the baby is in the room (either in a co-sleeper or sidecar arrangement, or in bed w/ the parents). Just as you need to make sure your crib or co-sleeper is safely assembled, not being recalled by the manufacturer, etc., you would also need to make sure you were practicing safe bedsharing!:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/idealsleep.shtml
Once your baby is born, you and he/she will soon be able to tell what arrangement works best for all of you. Some babies sleep better in close proximity to mom, others thrash around a lot and need their space in their own crib, and some are even such loud sleepers that they need their own room, and there are some babies that won't sleep unless they're touching mom or dad. The key is being open to your baby's personality and needs as well as your own. If something isn't working, change it - don't be restricted by "person A says baby should sleep with us" or "person B says baby needs his own room." A lot of new moms get into this cycle of "I *should* be doing this" - trust your mama instincts and trust your baby to let you know what he/she needs.
You also said, "I'm afraid that the baby will become TOO attached and when older, will not sleep in his / her own bed." This is a common cultural myth that babies can get TOO attached, will never sleep in his/her own bed. Our family is living proof that babies who sleep in their parents' room and/or bed can and do peacefully transition into their own room and their own "big girl/boy bed" - ours did at age 2 because we were preparing for the arrival of another baby, and it was pleasant and painless. The truth is that when a child feels very securely attached, they act MORE independently because they're operating from a strong foundation of feeling secure, safe, attached, and loved. Yes, children need boundaries! It is undeniably important for us to create safe boundaries and help our children learn these boundaries. But our infants? You certainly CANNOT spoil an infant, so please don't fret about "spoiling" your baby for those first 6-12 months by keeping them sleeping close to you. Think about every other mammal on the face of this planet - ALL breastfeeding mammals keep their young CLOSE to them, sleep very near them, carry them around, nurse them, are securely attached. We are just mammals, too, albeit very high functioning humans, but our babies come into this world and expect to be BABIED - carried close, nursed, slept near. It's best for their development, both physical and emotional. Again, once your baby is here, you'll have a better sense of just what type of personality your baby has, what they're telling you they need (different cries mean different things, different babies want different levels of touch, etc.), AND what your mama instincts tell you is the best thing to do for your baby.
As for transitional beds, an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper or a Pack 'n Play are great - our cosleeper is upstairs in our bedroom and the pack 'n play w/ changing table is downstairs in the living room. Crib is in big sister's room. He sleeps in all 3 depending on time of day - at night, he's in our room because we're breastfeeding and this allows all of us to get the maximum sleep possible. Plus, those teeny babies are *so* soft and warm and sweet to cuddle in the middle of the night as you both drift off to sleep whild nursing! Other options? Some moms really love Moses Baskets. And a crib can easily be placed in mom & dad's room OR in a nursery... I like the idea of a crib that converts to a toddler bed (our crib is a hand-me-down that doesn't convert).
As for diaper genies, etc. Many moms love them, but I personally think they're a big waste of money. People want you to believe that you need tons of STUFF to have a baby. Babies just don't care about stuff - they only want a warm, loving body from which they get food, love, and security. They don't care about diapers, diaper genies, cute little nursery gadgets (aside from an interesting mobile). I just kept a small garbage can w/ a bunch of plastic grocery bags as liners and emptied the garbage often. Who really wants a big pail of diapers stewing in the room for a week a la diaper genie? Plus, if you breastfeed, on average breastmilk poop is a lot LESS smelly than formula poop. Of course, once your baby starts solids, any poop is SUPER smelly... so I recommend just learning your baby's poop habits and recognizing their "poop face" (red face, grunting, farting, bearing down) and offering the potty. I thought that was crazy when I first learned about it, but I was a convert after I saw it happen in person. Babies are usually pretty predictable poopers after those first 4-6 weeks, like first thing in the morning, and then again after a good meal of breastmilk or solids in the mid-afternoon. And babies *love* going on the potty (this is gentle, loving, not at all pressuring - most of the world does it this way), and the clean-up is SO much easier than scraping poop off of a wiggly baby butt with 3 or 4 or 5 wipes. Plus you save on diapers. You can read more about this here:
http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/PottyingPositions.htm
http://www.diaperfreebaby.org/Articles/GettingStartedBobr...
And in the long run, you baby will potty train easier and sooner. I can't tell you how many 3 yr olds I know who only want to poop in their diapers and they and their parents are so stressed out about this. I could have easily been in this same position because as a culture, we teach our kids to go in the diaper every day for years and then at age 2 or 3 we change the rules ("no, we use the potty now"), and parents wonder why potty training can be challenging? It doesn't have to be. It's all avoidable. Pottying your baby is way more fun for both baby and parents than cleaning up newborn poop blowouts and solid-food toddler poops! Again, I know that sounds crazy, but truly, it's how the majority of the babies on this earth are potty trained - and how ALL babies were potty trained before the age of disposable diapers and cloth diapers where each home has personal washers and driers or a close-by laundromat. Alright, shutting up about that now. ;)
I'll end this incredibly LOOONG reply with some random recommendations:
* loved the wipes warmer!
* agree that a birth and/or postpartum DOULA can be *fantastic*
* a soft, not-too-bright night light was really helpful in all bedrooms, too - enough to see, not enough to wake the baby
* LOVED our mobile that has a sweet song AND rotates the mobile characters around in a circle (interesting for baby) AND that has characters that your baby can see when he/she is on the back, looking up (a lot of mobiles have characters hanging in such a way that baby only sees the belly, not the face of the character - how boring!)
* a good, solid nursing pillow can be really helpful - forget the boppy!!! Instead, go for a firm pillow, and if you really want a pillow specifically designed for nursing, check out these brands first - My Breast Friend, LittleBeam, Boston Billows, Nurse-EZ, Nursing Nest, or Pollywog.
* bottles - tried Avent, Playtex Disposable Nurser w/ Natural Latch slow-flow nipple, Playtex VentAir. For some reason, both my kids ONLY wanted the Playtex Disposable Nurser w/ Natural Latch nipple, but I'm sure this varies greatly from baby to baby - I've heard good things about Dr. Brown's and the Adiri BreastBottle
* microwave steam sterilizer for bottles & breastpump parts (Medela offers microwavable bags that are super portable, Avent has a plastic system for at home) - these save you LOTS of time, especially if you're pumping at work and using bottles and parts on a very regular basis
Favorite books for pregnancy, birth, parenting:
* Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth (by Henci Goer)
* The Birth Book (by Bill & Martha Sears)
* Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way (by Susan McCutcheon)
* Maternal Fitness (by Julie Tupler)
http://www.bookcloseouts.com/default.asp?R=0684802953B
* The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers (by Jack Newman, MD)
* Breastfeeding Your Baby (by Sheila Kitzinger) - has *great* pictures!
* Diaper Free! (by Ingrid Bauer) and Infant Potty Training (by Laurie Boucke)
* Good Nights (by Dr. Jay Gordon)
* Parenting From The Heart (by Jan Hunt) http://www.naturalchild.org/book
Overall, my biggest recommendation to moms-to-be is to BE AN INFORMED CONSUMER - whether that's as a pregnant mother deciding how she'd like to give birth (research the pros and cons of all of the possible interventions FAR before you're in labor, and don't rely on your OB to tell you everything - look up the studies and statistics yourself!), or as a parent taking your baby into the pediatrician (again, understand that most pediatricians don't know much about breastfeeding or sleeping arrangements, but they'll give you their opinion anyway, even if it doesn't match up with current medical studies!). It's *so* important to do your own research and not just blindly leave it up to your doctor. Doctors are wonderful AND they are human. They make mistakes, they have personal biases, they are not always up-to-date on the latest, most accurate studies. Its up to us, the mothers, to figure out what are our choices and hire the doctors to work with us as a team to get the healthiest outcome.
If you've made it this far, I'm amazed. You may think me nuts, and that's ok! Why? Because if you would have told me 4 years ago that my future held having 2 babies, each without medication (one at hospital, one at home in a birthing pool!), and that I would breastfeed them into toddlerhood, carry/wear them around often in a sling or sutemi/ergo carrier, take them to the potty regularly before 12 months of age, sleep in the same room and/or bed with them, etc., I would have laughed and laughed!
But here I am - and it's because Childbirth & Parenting are such an unbelievable journey, the most extraordinary education I've ever received (and I'm only 3 yrs into it!). There's so much out there that no one tells you about, that doesn't come up in "What To Expect When You're Expecting" or during those quickie prenatal visits with your OB or at the 2-hr weekend hospital childbirth class. I am so grateful to all of those mothers who dared share these less common parenting approaches with me when I had no idea these options existed.
So, please treat my reply as a buffet - take what looks good, and leave the rest. Best wishes for a fantastic pregnancy, a beautiful and peaceful and powerful birth, and a magnificent babymoon! And now I am REALLY going to stop typing. -M