My son turned 2 last month and since then he has started pushing. At home we put him in a 2 minute time out and tell him that it is not ok to push, that it hurts, etc. But I don't know what else to do. I do not believe in spanking so I am at a loss for what to do to redirect his behavior. I am going back to work and have to put him in childcare and worry about his behavior. People say it is normal two year old behavior, but my older child never did this so I do not know what to do. Please help...
Hi H.,
You are already teaching him pushing is wrong. When he goes to daycare another kid will push back harder. The daycare teacher will probably put them both on time outs and it will stop.
Blessings....
Sometimes children don't truly understand how unkind their behavior is until it happens to them. The next time he pushes someone, I would gently push him all the way to his bedroom all the while telling him this is how other people feel when you push them and then I would insist on the two minute time out. If he pushes again, the next time he would go to his room with the door closed for five full minutes. He has to learn that people do not have to tolerate being treated like that and that you will not tolerate him treating people in that manner and until he can treat people properly, he will have to stay away from people which means stay in his room. Put a gate across his bedroom door and call it a day! Kids need to learn how their behavior affects other people and, most importantly that people don't have to put up with it! We have to quit making our children believe they are the center of the universe; they need to know that they are but a small part of the world and they have to fit into the world because the world will not fit around them!
My sister says to her two year old, I'm not going to let you hit me, as she stops him from doing so. This seems to take the power out of his hands and into hers, since he appears unable to control it himself yet. I think it's helped and at least he knows someone will control his behavior until he has the power to do so himself. Good luck, I know it's hard! C.
My son started hitting at age 4 (never had before). We tried everything. Time Outs didn't work. I tried teaching him things he COULD do with his hands when was frustrated. I showed him how to run over to the couch and pound on the pillows. This helped a little. We also bought the book "Hands are not for hitting" and he likes to talk about all those lessons that he learned and that helped some too. If either of these milder solutions doesn't work for you, here's my last-ditch advice.
When my son repeated pushed/hit his tiny 1 and 1/2 year old sister, (and I got worried about her safety), I took drastic action. I talked to a friend with an older kid who had had the same problem. She said the only thing that worked was threatening to take away -- and throw away -- his favorite thing. So I sat him down and explained that if he ever hit his little sister again, I would take his Batman costume and march it out to the garbage can, throw it away and the garbage men would take it away to the dump. Boy did that upset him! But honestly, it worked. I don't know if he just outgrew the hitting phase or if the book had gotten through to him or if it was the threat of throwing away his costume, but the behavior stopped.
Good luck!
Talk with the childcare teachers about it when you put him in, so they will be aware that you are working on it, and can be helping you with it. My guess is that in childcare one of his friends will soon tire of it and push him back and that will give the teachers an excellent opportunity to help him learn why his behavior isn't acceptable. It may sound harsh, but sometimes a dose of their own "medicine" from a friend can work wonders.
My daughter, who is 2 1/2, went through a little pushing phase. It is normal, because they still are learning to socialize appropriately. We bought her the book, "Hands are not for Hitting", and that really helped her to understand. Also, before your child goes to daycare each day, just remind him about what is appropriate behavior, and praise him for good days, keep reinforcing the rules with him when he has a bad day.
Hi, H.,
I am just reiterating what the other moms have said...it is totally normal. Just keep reminding your son that it is not okay. It takes many, many times of hearing it for them to learn...just have patience. good luck!
So normal, H., so normal!
I would say that a two year old is full of frustrations that they can't verbalize, and pushing/hitting/biting is a very satisfying and effective way for a little person to be heard! Unfortunately no-one else seems to like it much....
Keep going with the verbal directions, and keep it consistent. I also think it is wise to watch for the danger signs, and once you become familiar with them you can intercept the outcome before it gets that far. To be honest, at daycare he certainly won't be the only one with his own little habits of saying 'no' or 'go away' with this behavior or something equally undesirable. Trust me!
As many moms have said, this is normal behavior for his age. Keep reminding him that this is not nice and make sure to encourage him to use his words. Most 2yo children push because they are frustrated about something. Let him know after the time out that you understand that he is upset about...but that he needs to use his words. Tell him what words will help him when he is frustrated.
Don't worry about his pushing behavior at daycare. Daycare providers are used to dealing with pushing, biting, hitting and hair pulling behaviors. Doing a 2 minute timeout at daycare will probably be a little more effective than home since he will be missing out on fun with the other children.
Keep at it...it takes a lot of patience and repitition to teach our children to be good people. Good luck! :0)
