Help !!!!!! My Son Is About to Be Kicked Out of Daycare !

Hey D.,
I would start by taking him to a different doctor to see if all seven meds are really necessary. They might can drop some, lower some doses, or change types and this might completely go away. i would start with the doctors. Good luck!

D.,

I feel that you need to investigate the medicine he is on. All children react differently to medications. He could be having reverse affects from it. We will keep you in our prayers! God Bless!

I don't know if this will help or not, but my son had an allergy to all red medicines. Turned him from sweet kid to very mean and angry. It's worth a try to remove any with the red dyes and have Dr. replace with something else similar.

I haven't heard of anyone having behavioral issues from taking antibiotics, but the interactions in the 7 different medications could be throwing off certain chemicals that do allow him to know right from wrong (as far as a 3 year old thinks. Maybe the daycare taking him out of the 2 year old class and putting him in the 3 year old class was one too many changes for him. What should have happened on the school's end is they should have told you that he was about to change classes. Then you take him to "meet" the teacher and the students. Children understand more than we give them credit for. Maybe you should try explaining to him what all is going on as far as the changing classes. I hesitate to say anything on the subject of death as a lot of people's personal beliefs on the subject differ from mine.
However, what was your reaction to him when he was sent home from daycare? Was he punished...how? A lot of parents tend to shelter their "babies". I am not one to condone extremes, but IO am a firm believer of discipline.

That is quite intersting. I am really concern about the amount of medicine he is on. I say that because it may be a cause in his off balance far as behavior. Also, when he acts up at home, how do you dicipline him? Have you talked to your doctor about the behavior?

I am no doctor, but I would take him to a specialist like a child behaviorlist or something. Call you ped. and see if he can give you any referrals. My first several hunches of what can be wrong are 1. ADHD 2. a slight touch of autism or could be 3. allergic reaction to antibiotics that may be making him irritable and act out. I have heard of meds doing that to kids if it is a severe enough type of allergic reaction. Different of course then the norm which would be skin irritation, throwing up or what ever else can happen. I would definatly have him tested. His behavior isn't normal for his age. I would think something is bothering him whether it is physical or mental. Keep us updated. I knew a little girl who was kicked out of daycare for the same issues. Her problem was that she had a slight learning disability and she was being swapped back and forth from mom in California to dad who lives in Alabama. She had no sense of security. That being said kids act out for all different reasons. I wouldn't let it slide, I would take him to be looked at.

My number one question is why did they move him out of the two year old roon when he isn't three yet? I don't think they are aloud to do that (i may be wrong) by state law. I would call and check about the rules to someone in the state department about that for one. Then seven different meds. I would talk to your ped. about the side effects i would say that would deff. have something to do with it. I have a two year old as well and i don't think that what he has been through would have that drastic of an effect on a two year old.

First of all, let me say BLESS YOUR HEART! I know totally how you feel. My son is 3 1/2 and anytime he's been on any kind of medication he reacts by being violent. I would cry myself to sleep thinking I was a horrible mother because he was so mean. He's just in mother's day out, but his teacher last year was to the point where she'd had enough. Me, being a dance teacher to kids, has never been one to blame the teacher. But, this year he has had an amazing teacher who knew how to handle him because she's been through the same stuff. I think that's one of the first steps to helping a child who's reacting-finding a caregiver that understands and knows how to deal with it.
I'm sure you've discussed all of this with your doctor, but be persistant. If you know your child is acting out of character them keep pushing them to find out why. If they won't keep trying-find someone who will. Also, maybe try talking to him and reasoning with him. Even if doesn't seem to understand, something will sink in and if not-you'll feel better for trying. Another thing I've done is bought "Ask Supernanny-Everything Every Parent Wants to Know". That book has been a God-send for me. I started applying some of her tactics and our house has been so much more peaceful. I'm a book mom though and have just about every parenting book imaginable! I'm a real believer in there's got to be something to help us moms.
Just keep breathing and if he does get kicked out-then there's probably a better place that can handle him anyway and deal with him in a much better and positive way. I know there are days when you seem at your wits end, but he will get better. Just be persistant with your doctor is about the best advice I can offer.
I wish you all the best!!!

Wow! It sounds like a lot has been going on. I would talk to his dr. about all the medications he is on and explain his behavior problems. In certainly could be a side effect of the meds (at least in part). I would also think about moving him back to the 2 year old class. Most daycares/preschools I know of don't move a child up when he has a bday in the middle of the year. He may not be quite ready for the big kids yet. He may be frustrated that he can't do everything as well as the big kids yet. Good luck!

D.,
Counseling may be a really good option for your son. We took our son to a counselor for about two years when he was having a very difficult time adjusting to visits with his father over in SC. He too expressed much of his frustration and anger over the situation through anger. There are therapist, called Play Therapists who are trained to work with young children. Our son did SO well, he learned constructive ways to express himself and we learned lots and lots of helpful tips to help him cope when he was feeling like things were out of his control. Going through that counseling was one of the best things we could ever do for out son. I would highly recommend it.
L.

Taking that many medicines, even for an adult, can have some bad reactions. I would look online for the side effects of the medications and then talk to your doctor about other holistic alternatives if possible. Sometimes that is the best bet. Once you have done that and his behaviour is still bad, then think about counselling or other types of therapy. Or just find some way to make you feel better, have a pedicure. But the less stressed you are the less he will be. He has suffered from a lot of losses, you as well, and to many changes on a child his age can be traumatising. reward his good behaviour and continually verbally praise his good actions. By constantly being praised for good behaviour he can start seeing that is where he is getting attention. Don't ignore the bad behaviour, but don't put so much emphasis on it, put him in time out, don't yell at him and give him lots of attention. negative attention is still attention to him. I hope this helps.

I agree with the previous person...have the meds checked (esp if they are steriods) because the same thing happened to my child with the medicines. I feel so bad for him because something has to make him act this way and it's not his age or a phase. Also you might want to look up the medicines online and see if you can find anymore information on them that maybe can help you with this situation. Esp if there are 7 different ones. Good Luck and I hope you get this solved SOON!!

D., It sounds like you both have been through alot lately. May I suggest that if you can stay home for a little while with him. There may be something going on in the day care but I mostly feel that your little Graham needs you for comfort right now. I have 4 boys and one on the way and tried doing both working and giving my little menthe support they need and nothing works bestb than being home with them until they are school aged. He is at a crucial stage in his life. This is where he developes his personality and learns his surroundings. He may feel abandoned because of his Gi Gi and then you leaving him in a new invironment with the 3 year olds. Stability in stress is a wonderful thing for little ones. I'm not an expert I just love children greatly and constantly strive to undrstand there needs. I have had many battles myself with my little ones lives so it has helped me learn alot about them and other children. Take Care and I that things will smooth out. If there is no other solution and you have to work. Reward him with a mommy and Graham evening when he does well and when he acts up you take the most important item away from him until he improves. That has always helped with mine. Your Caring Friend

D.,

First let me send you a big HUG! I feel for you, all the frustration and upheaval in your life, everything you've been through, and your worry and concern over trying to do the best for your son. I doubt your situation will have any instant fix because there are so many serious things going on at once --

1. The constant medical problems, and the number of medications he is on, would be hard for anybody, even for an adult who could understand what was happening. Has your pediatrician advised you about possible side effects of these medications?

2. Losing his grandma. This has got to be so hard for YOU too!

3. Being moved from the 2 yr room to the 3 yr room at day care. This was a terrible time for your day care to move him because he has to get used to new teachers and new kids. Since his behavior problems started getting worse after the change, he *could* be having a problem with some of the kids in his class. Or, he might not have a good relationship with his teacher. From talking to his teachers, do you get the sense that they are caring, competent, and patient? If not, being "kicked out" of daycare might not be the worst thing that could happen - your son might be better off somewhere else.

4. Is he sleeping well at night? Is he napping regularly during the day? If he's not getting at least 12 hours of sleep a day, he could be short-tempered due to exhaustion. If he doesn't nap well at school, put him to bed earlier at night so he can make us the sleep. The sinus problems, ear infections, medicines, and life changes may be interfering with a good night's sleep. Your pediatrician may be able to give you some advice here.

Counseling would probably be a great idea. First start with his pediatrician, maybe she/he can help you sort through which of these factors are causing the problem. Try to be patient - I have no doubt that he's a great kid. Just because he's hitting folks doesn't mean he's a bad boy or you're a bad mom (no matter what the day care folks try to tell you). He's been through so much, and at his age he really isn't able to vocalize his emotions so frustration easily leads to hitting. Of course you want to figure out the underlying problem and fix it, but I have no doubt that you can get him through this rocky period and have your perfect child back again!

Does everthing seem to stem from the time he started taking all the medications? If is does and from what you say, it sounds like it, call your doctor immediately. If he is on 7 different meds, and there are any steroids in there then that is the problem. My daughter had croupe a lot when she was that age. She was put on 5 different meds including liquid steroids. Boy did she have a personality change!!! She became violent and disruptive when normally she is the happiest child you could have. When someone is on so many drugs at one time, it can interact badly with thier system and he may not be tolerating the combination well. I would get back to the doctor and talk to him NOW. Don't wait. His metabolism is all messed up from these meds. There can be other alternatives, plus a lot of times, doctors put children on medications without thinking of what the combination can do to a child. If you did discuss this with the doc already and he said don't worry, that is when I would worry. You don't know what a child's system can handle until it breaks down. Call your doctor immediately.

E.

Have you talked to your pediatrician? Could he be having an adverse reaction to some of his medication? Or could he have an allergy? Is he being provoked by another kid and then lose his temper? Have you talked about your Mom's death with him? I wish you had taken him to the funeral. He wouldn't have understood but at the same time he wouldn't wonder what the heck happened to someone he loved, why did she leave? Have you talked to him about why he gets so angry, is he getting frustrated? Can he explain why? Have you asked the day care if they've noticed any triggers to his behavior? Does his behavior deteriorate before lunch or before his nap time? Would he be better in a daycare with more individual attention? By being moved from the 2 yr old group to the 3 yr old group did he lose a favorite teacher?

I agree with most of what has been posted. Just remember that although your son probably can't process the finality of your mom's passing, he still picks up on your emotional ups and downs. It's amazing how quickly my normally happy child can turn crabby when I'm having a bad day myself. I'm not trying to say shelter a child from everything, but too much can be difficult for a young child to process.

My step-mom died just over a year ago on Christmas Eve. My daughter was almost 3 at the time, and it didn't make a big impact on her. It's sad for adults to realize, but unless a child spends hours on end with a person, something like that sometimes just goes over their heads at that age.

Sorry for the rambling. Just my 2 cents worth.
J.

PS- I'd definitely get the dr. involved ASAP, especially if the meds were prescribed by different docs.

hi D. you say your son is on 7 different kinds of medicines.
you might need to get a second opinion with another doctor. do you have a regular routine at home withhim? w/b

D.. I am not a professional and this my sound odd to say but I really feel it is too much change for a child that age. First, not taking him to the funeral was the right decision in my mind. Counseling is very difficult at that young of an age. I don't know your pediatrician, but I would suggest talking to him. I know that my pediatrician has given amazing advice to help me as a mother and they are trained in this area. We mothers all have our own ideas, but asking a professional is the best step. If you need a good one, I can recommend mine.
As an aside, my girls are in Montessori instead of a typical pre-school. It costs a little more but the results have been absolutely amazing!! Montessori teaches independence, confidence, and takes each child at their current level. There are three teachers per every 11 children. My youngest entered very insecure and clingy. The last 6 months I have seen an amazing person evolve from this experience. Both just turned 5 in December they are beginning readers, which adds to confidence. You may want to check out this option. I cannot say enough good about it. They attend Montessori Academy.
I don't know if this helped or not, but I would definitely recommend asking your pediatrician about the behavior issues. Best wishes